Fizzywah:


On the flip side too, men have stories to tell. My candid advice is as married couples whatever differences you have back home, please and please settle them thoroughly before coming here.
A few words:

1. For the men, start getting used to doing domestic chores. No maid / house help here. I bathe my kids, get them ready for school when madam has to go to work early in the morning. She picks them up alternatively. Ego will ruin you ( both man and woman). Leave it behind.

2. Women will quickly learn a lot of laws were made here to defend them. Alternatively those same laws easily tear down marriages and it's not just African ones, a lot of Immigrants see their marriages hitting the rocks soon after coming here.

3. Some Ladies and NOT all please, usually love the idea of the benefits of living here in Canada, but hate the responsibilities that come with it.
They still prefer the largess of living in Naija and not having to contribute towards getting things done financially. Why you may ask? Everyone is treated equally here. There is no problem in adopting our African values here if you and your spouse agree. But if the man cleans, cooks, etc then the lady should also contribute in her own way. While this isn't a standard, it might be seen as the sensible thing to do. This is often a slippery topic to discuss but trust me, settle yourselves, and have a written upon and agreed-upon code of conduct before you arrive.

4. Do not have arguments in front of your kids. My 5-year-old possesses a vocabulary to what I could muster at that age as over here they are taught to think independently and express themselves very well.

5. Do not punish yourselves when you have arguments. The police here will help you on the fast track of regrets. Of course, if there is a fear of harm, then please walk away.

6. Just how folks get marriage counseling before marriage, coming to Canada deserves its own session for families coming here. It baffles me when they just show up without any plan on how to Navigate this country.

7. I am still learning and have had to learn some of these lessons the hard way. Mostly by the experience of others and a few times personally.

8. This last one is hard for me to say. Most ladies come here on revenge missions and sadly it's due to some sort of perceived abuse from back home. You see, over here anyone is free to do as they want and if you're the controlling type you'll be in for a big surprise.


Overall sha, use your tongue and count your teeth. Have a solid plan. Repair your marriage. Ask how things are over here. Assume very little.

I think it's only fair that new immigrant couples with severe or serial issues of domestic violence reported be deported outrightly. They should go back to their home country and continue their forever after the way they want.

ednut1:
used air bnb address, they rejected some that used it tho. I just tried my luck and it worked

Dude, did you travel to Canada recently? When?

ednut1:
finally home. Lagos to Lome to Addis Ababa to Dublin to Canada.

Found it. Congrats

legionISproteus:
Dude, did you travel to Canada recently? When?

last month. Dont ask me how as people have been traveling to canada. Info has been shared here too like 3 or 4 pages back.

ednut1:
my airbnb host works with the family court. Said many of the cases with them are Nigerians and Indians. Asked me to be careful who i date or marry. Said even tho some Nigerian men get am for body no one deserves the kind of things some women put them through here. Some men are paying spouse support, child support and yet cant see the kids as they please. She advice me not to see marriage as we see it in Nigeria. Say no be by force. Coming from a married woman o

Well what if he refuses to pay? Won't the woman be obligated to work and foot those bills (assuming the woman wasn't working)?

einsteino:


I am a realist, so I understand your fears. I still feel it depends on who you married and how well you think you know her. For those yet to marry, I usually say get a prenup if you can and then hope you never use it. As for the career, I would take a look.

......

. All it takes for police to get involved here is a quarell(no violence), inshort the lady needn't call. If the neighbours can hear loud voices, then y'all might just find the police at your door while at it. .......


Nobody dey beg couples to stay together here, if una wan fight, police dey more than happy to arrest. If una dey form una no wan do again, lawyers no go school just because of passion, dem wan chop. So use your head, protect your homes because the system is set up to help you do otherwise . ....

Honestly, this is what I tell my friends about domestic troubles outside Nigeria, especially the women because they think they are exploiting the system, whereas in reality, they are damaging their homes.

nitrogen:


It's called wickedness. Taking advantage of the system to inflict pain on men. I know a couple of Naija men running around trying to fix their lives after losing what they worked for to women they called wives. Same women will come online and be saying something different.

If you are not married yet, lucky you. Better think and look well before you leap.

You don't even need to be a Nigerian man to suffer this. Will Smith and wife are trending today because of the affair his wife openly admitted to. The system is ready to take everything away from him (and her, though at a much later date) if he dares react. I saw that red table video and homeboy was in pains.

ednut1:
last month. Dont ask me how as people have been traveling to canada. Info has been shared here too like 3 or 4 pages back.

Why that tone?

legionISproteus:
Well what if he refuses to pay? Won't the woman be obligated to work and foot those bills (assuming the woman wasn't working)?

they have your bank details and work details na they would. If you are able to escape all recovery mechanisms you would be arrested fined or jailed.

blazer90707:

Why that tone?

lol because i'm tired of explaining. As everyone usually says how manage or its a lie. People are going to through togo and cotonou too. No time

legionISproteus:


I think it's only fair that new immigrant couples with severe or serial issues of domestic violence reported be deported outrightly. They should go back to their home country and continue their forever after the way they want.

If you are married you'd know that this is not as easy as you make it sound. When you get I to Canada you'll understand. I wouldn't have been able so share this insight from Naija.

But from my wealth of experience I'll repeat again. If you're a good Man/Woman be careful who you come with, notice I didn't say 'bring' down here to Canada.

What happens is this is a totally different environment and within a month reality sets in to the demands of the Canadian Society.

These demands don't go down to well with new Immigrants who struggle to cope. A word is enough for the wise. Have a plan work things out, agree on how to settle your differences. Most importantly if religion is your solace too, don't take it for granted.

Once more guys here's my YouTube channel. Please let me know what you'd like to see me create videos of and I'll work to make it happen.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL5VzFCFdPs

Instagram: @mycanadawaka

Cheers.

legionISproteus:
Well what if he refuses to pay? Won't the woman be obligated to work and foot those bills (assuming the woman wasn't working)?

Just putting this out there: don’t go against court order/ judgment. It never ends well. To the question-if he refuses to pay. In ON, the Family Responsibility Office is in charge of enforcing child support payment. When you default, they can take it from your bank account, report to credit bureau, place a lien on your property and if all fails, they are allowed to seize and sell personal properties. Then there are also fines and potential jail time associated with it. Running away to naija doesn’t make the payment go away either because your Canadian passport WILL be suspended and you might not be allowed into the country till you have a payment plan in place.

Unrelated, but while on this matter- the responsibility of paying child support in ON is not determined by gender. Its usually determined by child custody. And if it’s equal custody, the person with the higher income pays.

Source: I work very closely with social services. Also-https://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/en/mcss/programs/familyResponsibility/Enforcement/index.aspx

legionISproteus:
Well what if he refuses to pay? Won't the woman be obligated to work and foot those bills (assuming the woman wasn't working)?

You must think Canada is Nigeria where anything goes, for you to ask what if he refuses.. I laugh

I'm ex-iuo. Send me a message for the transcript contact

bekayy:
Congrats on your landing. Trust you are well. Please I want to find out how you got your transcript from Igbinedion. I hear its 25k but is there an extra cost for sending it?.My sis wants to send hers to IQAS for evaluation. Thank you.

Good day House, I've been a silent reader of this great platform. please house, what course can I possibly do here in Canada that will give me a good career. I have met and spoken to some people that said I shouldn't go to Uni to do a master's program, that it's a waste of money. some are of the opinion that a professional certificate course is better. I'm just confused now. I recently applied for my PR. I hope to get till before the end of the year so I can start a master's degree course as a home student next year, but my dilemma now is I don't even know what degree course to study or the next line of action to take in my career. I work as a security guard but I'm never happy, I should be doing better. I'm grateful for where I am now though but I read of people doing good jobs and doing great in this country. Please any advice is welcome. Thank you

SunshineD1:


She means when they were in Nigeria, the wife had to be cajoled to be patient and tolerate the husband since he is the PA, so he won't yank her from the application. Now they are in Canada, she prays he doesn't misbehave again or the wife might just flip her lid and the man own go kpafuka

Phew! Someone understood. At some point, I had to re-read my post to make sure that I used the right tenses, and I did.

Fizzywah:


8. This last one is hard for me to say. Most ladies come here on revenge missions and sadly it's due to some sort of perceived abuse from back home. You see, over here anyone is free to do as they want and if you're the controlling type you'll be in for a big surprise.

.

Abuse is not perceived. It's either abuse or it's not.

Influential101:
You must think Canada is Nigeria where anything goes, for you to ask what if he refuses.. I laugh

I co-laugh.

Praia:


Abuse is not perceived. It's either abuse or it's not.

Okay.

Oh! I see.
Well, it is woman's world here.
It is a man's world in Nigeria
So that is a major culture shock for our men.

SunshineD1:


She means when they were in Nigeria, the wife had to be cajoled to be patient and tolerate the husband since he is the PA, so he won't yank her from the application. Now they are in Canada, she prays he doesn't misbehave again or the wife might just flip her lid and the man own go kpafuka

I couldn't have stated it better. High 5
I find that this little things have to be spoken about

SixSigma1:


The topic that @yokus brought up here is very important and I will like to add a few items.

Apart from domestic violence, there are several other actions that some of us that migrated here (not born or raised here) did not know were criminal acts because we see them as nothing where we came from (Nigeria or any other place). Some examples of criminal actions I have seen new immigrants (even some long-time immigrants) do out of ignorance are:
1. Not leaving your information on a parked car in a situation where you mistakenly hit the parked car.
2. Running away from the scene of a car accident and not reporting it to the police.

The above are just some examples but there are very many more actions like this (not only related to driving) that are criminal in nature that we need to watch out for.

The fact is that here in Canada there are consequences for committing crime irrespective of the size or nature of the crime committed and ignorance is not an excuse. So, we all need to educate ourselves about what are considered here in Canada to be criminal activities.

Finally, while @yokus already mentioned the possibility of being deported as an immigrant (who is yet to become a Canadian Citizen) if you commit a crime, I will also like to mention that for those of us that are already Canadian Citizens while we can not be deported, your life can be permanently destroyed if you are found guilty of any type criminal offence. You will get a criminal record which will prevent you from being able to get a job (especially professional jobs) and also prevent you from being able to travel to the USA and some other countries..

Now I get it.
Hmmm
I hope they sort things out

Praia:


A colleagues sister recently landed with her family. According to my colleague, the sister's husband had been giving the wife a tough time and it's been going on for years. Several times the wife would want to react but my colleague kept calming her down because the man was the principal applicant and any outburst/reaction from her could make him take her out, which is not worth it after all the years of patience.

They all hope he changes now that they're in Canada. However, I would not be surprised if one day the wife involves the authorities or decides to call it quits after all the years of suppression.

Burials costs a fortune here, I cant imagine anyone thinking of that cost on top of the loss of a loved one. Getting a life insurance should be a priority. Its usually cheaper than auto insurance, so if I can pay monthly bills for auto insurance, why not protect my family with life insurance

obiem:



You are correct. Thing is, most people do not realise the importance of life insurance until death of a breadwinner or caregiver occurs and income is lost and cannot be replaced, dependants are left stranded with an uncertain future which like you said, is way more important than auto insurance.

[quote author=legionISproteus post=91609380]

I think it's only fair that new immigrant couples with severe or serial issues of domestic violence reported be deported outrightly. They should go back to their home country and continue their forever after the way they want.[/quo

A friend of a friend slapped his wife during an argument and his wife called the cops on him. Unknown to him, the cops already entered his information on the database. He recently decided to apply for a job on Ubereats and since they carry out background check, he was told he can’t get the job. After trying to find out what happened, he found out he failed the criminal check because of what happened with his wife. I doubt he would be able to get a good job in a long time. They just landed and have not really settled. I hope people who are abusive will learn from this.

[quote author=NaijaCanadian28 post=91652973][/quote]

Imagine the damage to his records.

Boss13:


[s]Clearly I can see you just open your mouth WAAAAAAAH thinking you are making sense. It is idiots like this that continue to create problems for the Nigerian community. You have no clue about the justice system but type confidently about it.[/s]

My advise - If you are currently experiencing issues in your marital home. Go for counseling IMMEDIATELY. [s]Seeking out elders within your Nigerian Community[/s]. [s]Do not involve the Police, I repeat do not involve the Police[/s]. Every marriage is different and we cannot speculate just like this entity writing above. Seek counseling to sort your differences out. The Police are enforcers of the law and not like what we have back home. They will charge the case to court immediately regardless of the severity of the case. There is ZERO TOLERANCE for domestic disputes. Both spouses will not be allowed to see or speak with each other. This situation can put enormous stress on marriages as well as the kids.[s] I also do not want to highlight the statistics of single mothers and how badly their kids turn out to be, and how many are automatically converted as SIDE CHICKS by men[/s]. Divorce too also comes with a price and an expensive venture. [s]Don't get carried away by Hollywood situations[/s]. Sort your differences as Adults.

@Boss13

When will people like you learn to be civil and pass your own different views about a topic without any insults? If you disagree with my position, why can’t you just say yours and move on without any insults?

As for the part in bold, where are the speculations in my write-up? Did you not see where I asked what she meant by “he is giving her tough time”? Did you not see where I asked if what is happening is that they are just having disagreement that they need to sort out between themselves?

So, you mentioned that she should not involve the police if she is being abused and the abuse is physical, right (the key word here is “IF”). She should wait until she is killed if the abuse is physical, right? I hear you.

Anyway, I stand by my position and I will not further dignify you with a response no matter what you say or call me. Hence, this is my first and last response to you.

[quote author=NaijaCanadian28 post=91652973][/quote]

A friend of a friend slapped his wife during an argument and his wife called the cops on him. Unknown to him, the cops already entered his information on the database. He recently decided to apply for a job on Ubereats and since they carry out background check, he was told he can’t get the job. After trying to find out what happened, he found out he failed the criminal check because of what happened with his wife. I doubt he would be able to get a good job in a long time. They just landed and have not really settled. I hope people who are abusive will learn from this.

I hope this friend of yours has a lawyer now because he would have been charged to court. He should get a criminal lawyer. He will not be able to get a job or even travel to the United States because of the charge until he clears himself. Unfortunately, courts are not in session due to COVID-19 which further increases the stress.

I feel sad for this newly immigrated family because of the financial burden they would experience. However, he needs a very good lawyer who can devise a strategy to resolve this without any conviction so he can function properly in society. Please inform him this is not the time to hold any animosity towards the wife and the wife should not feel justified in calling the Police. They have both made a mess and need to be on the same team to get the situation resolved. After all, they got themselves into it in the first place.

Couples should seek alternative means to de-escalate issues. Screaming or shouting at each other is also abuse and when threats are involved it can be considered to be assault especially when the victim claims to be afraid. Also, neighbors are listening and may call the Police and when kids are involved, the Police will involve Child Protection Service who would interview both parties and the kids to consider if the home is safe for them and based on the response of the kids, they may be separated from the family too and placed in foster care.

Nobody wins in this, only the Government and their officials - who may get a promotion on your head/matter.

Boss13:


Your response/comment was irresponsible. To also stand by it further indicate your level of stupidity and ignorance. I had to insult you because you have no clue about the justice system yet provided advice that I consider to be TOXIC. God forbid someone who is naive as you decided to act on your stupid advice, only to find out she/he has destroyed her/his home. Let me also educate you because I know you don't know. 95% of domestic violence or disturbance reported to the Police are unwarranted, unnecessary, and often slight conflicts or concerns that can be handled or did not even exist. However, because of the Zero Tolerance observed by the Police, they are left with no choice but to charge the accused. This destroys the family and has long term repercussions. Depending on the severity of the violence or the perception of the Police, the kids would also be separated from the parents and placed under foster care. I hope you note clearly that just a simple phone call to the Police can result in long term trauma.

I hope you do know that you MUST not speak towards every concern especially when you do not have a good understanding of this concern and when the concern is about Marriage. If only you know or see couples involved in this or an innocent accused, I bet you will NEVER have made that comment.

Finally, I do not need any response from a highly irresponsible individual. I am addressing this to avoid unnecessary chaos the may occur from any individual who would have thought your ignorant advice was the best line of action.

If I find time from my busy schedule I may do a quick write up on the dangers and disadvantages of divorce in Canada. Every marriage comes with challenges. Please, please, and please, if both adults in the marriage cannot agree, get a third-party and also consider counseling - both of you. The third-party should NEVER be the Police and also ignore the comment of this.... I don't know what to call him.

Uncle, na wah for you o. You insult the person first time, im answer you without insult and you com insult am again.

I read your rejoinder and it would have been more meaningful without the added insult. Oga, please edit the insults. Thank you

Biko no insult me join o.

[quote author=NaijaCanadian28 post=91652973][/quote]

I'm pretty sure he has been slapping her from when they were in Nigeria and he kept doing it because no one held him responsible for his actions. I don't feel sorry for him.

Boss13:


Clearly I can see you just open your mouth WAAAAAAAH thinking you are making sense. It is idiots like this that continue to create problems for the Nigerian community. You have no clue about the justice system but type confidently about it.

My advise - If you are currently experiencing issues in your marital home. Go for counseling IMMEDIATELY. Seeking out elders within your Nigerian Community. Do not involve the Police, I repeat do not involve the Police. Every marriage is different and we cannot speculate just like this entity writing above. Seek counseling to sort your differences out. The Police are enforcers of the law and not like what we have back home. They will charge the case to court immediately regardless of the severity of the case. There is ZERO TOLERANCE for domestic disputes. Both spouses will not be allowed to see or speak with each other. This situation can put enormous stress on marriages as well as the kids. I also do not want to highlight the statistics of single mothers and how badly their kids turn out to be, and how many are automatically converted as SIDE CHICKS by men. Divorce too also comes with a price and an expensive venture. Don't get carried away by Hollywood situations. Sort your differences as Adults.

Clearly, you think it's okay to speak to someone in such a manner but it is not. You can pass your point without having to resort to abuses - it detracts from the value of your argument and makes you appear uncouth.

Anyway, anyone who thinks it's okay to abuse their spouse needs to have the police called on them. The abuser knows their actions inflict pains on their spouse and is not allowed by law, yet they continue because they count on the silent suffering of their spouse.

It is the duty of the abuser to seek counselling, not the abused who already has to put with so much.