keep being persistent he will give in, either him or someone in the family will tell you, it may take time but you will find out. but something tells me that there may be a sad story behind all this, your dad cant just be this adamant for no reason he may be keeping it a way from you so that you don't get hurt the more. well it should be sooner than later, and prepare yourself for whatever the revelation may turn out to be...

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Try asking your elder siblings since you have them. Atleast, one that you're very close to. They will know,. Bet me. But I will advice you relax small. Your dad will tell you sooner or later.

Things are happening for real

Godlovesyou28:
I just told my dad I was going to kill myself if he fails to tell me who my mum is and he told me not to mention his name on my death note and Hung up

Ever thought he is trying to protect u
Like u won't like wat u findor wat u find out abt ur real mother might even brk u more than u ever thought...

Hw ready re u,emotional,mentally nd physically...

Wat if ur mother was worst dan ur step mum,wat if ur mother tried killing u,wat if she dumped u in d front step nd left,wat if discovering ur real mother even led to u knowing ur father whom u re convinced is ur biological father isnt ur father atall

If ur mum wants u nd think u would b safe wit her ,she would look for u wit her last breath..

There are things left unsaid...rather than worrying reflect on ur past nd find a way to more on

If you are very serious about it. Then i can help you. Add me up on facebook. Prince Adejoro Adewale (Narrowlee)

phemmyfour:
Please don't stop until you find her. She's probably trying to get in touch with you too judging by your father's reaction

Which reaction?!
Theres no mother here, she was bought from a baby factory.
simple.

Godlovesyou28:
I just told my dad I was going to kill myself if he fails to tell me who my mum is and he told me not to mention his name on my death note and Hung up

You don't need this desperation; it's unnecessary.

Since you say you can fend for yourself, cut off all ties you have with them.

If your dad really cares about you, he will have a change of heart some day.

That man is mean though

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Cause a petition to the office of the Inspector General police they will be coerced to reveal who your parents are. You may contact me for assistance if you live in Abuja.

This is something that can be solved with the right monetary incentive... Look for someone who has information on the issue and is also in need of money... Invite the person to a meeting and display the cash and tell the person that he/she can go with the money if they can provide the information you seek. If they do, give them the money and go reunite with your mom.

You can also do this via a third party... The person helps you contact those who has information on the issue, invites them to a live meeting and offers cash reward.

Potential candidates are those who are not too close to your dad and so won't care ratting him out.

The money you will likely lose if you continue being distressed and unfocused on your business can be used to solve this problem.

Please take it easy. My heart and prayers are with you.

You can send me a message so we can talk and see if it's possible for me to help you carry out the investigation subject to distance.

Cc: Godlovesyou28

For you to be a middle child shows your dad maybe had you out of wedlock then your mum accepted you as her own. For that your dad would not you to accept another as your mum after your mum's sacrifice. Its such a hard matter but you have to show more love to your mom and show her you are not trying to replace her.

She can then talk to your father.

The mistake we all make is that we all believe it is greener on the other side. (Fact is If my mom beats me to a stupor it wont pain me like if my stepmom would. )

My point here is never underestimate the sacrifice of your mum who took care of you from childhood and when you ask for your new mom ask gently.

Godlovesyou28:


I have been to my village twice (my grandpa's burial and sisters traditional wedding)since I was born and we never spent up to 48hours on both visit. We were also lucked up in my dads house (especially me), we only come out supervised and closely watched since my dad say everyone there is a witch or wizard. Come to think about it; I should trace that village. Please are you private investigator? If yes please may I know how you can assist and the financial implications.

If you are Igbo and from core Igbo states eg Anambra State, I am suspecting, I may be wrong though that your mother may be non-Igbo and the cultural crisis led to separation and your step mum returning and your mother became a secret story that should not be told.

Now, to how you can locate your mother.

First of all, be sure that she is not dead.

If she is alive, try private investigators to gather info about her whereabout

Go and file a statement at the Police HQ in your state and DSS office about the case as we are not sure why your father won't tell you who your mother is. Reason being that, we are may have a criminal case possibly unreported murder on the table. So if your father plan to kill you, police and DSS will swing into action.

If the efforts of the private investigators and that of that relative yield no result. SUE your father and be ready for the battle.

You deserve the dignity of knowing your mother.
You deserve to experience the love and warm embrace of your mother.

Even if she is no more, you can then honor her through remembrance.

Be careful with that family, they are not your family. Never you trust them for anything, including your father. They can kill you without regretting it.

Thank you

uruba23:
I am sure your are Yoruba they are fun of this kind of distortions . Maybe your mum is a northerner . My advice just live your life and ensure you have a DNA certify birth certificate for your kids.Birth Certificate can be gotten in Lagos for 2k,so it aren't no big deal.

I doubt she's Yoruba... recall she made a post where she said she was told her father paid her birth mother's dowry when he was separated from the stepmum but later collected it back...collecting and returning dowry is not really a popular tradition in Yoruba land

Godlovesyou28, if this story is true, then I believe they are just trying to prevent you from knowing some ugly things at your age. I believe they will tell you someday. Even I have the feelings that if you approach your step mum, she'll tell you the story.

Godlovesyou28:


The person referred me back to my dad to get the identity of my real mum.

Hmmmm!
I am thinking negatively right now & I pray it's not the case. But what if ur mum is closer to him by blood hence the need for sooooo much secrecy. I will advice u approach him from this angle & it will definitely make him to spill the truth. Use ur initiative to get ur answers. All the best ma'am.

Godlovesyou28:


I have been to my village twice (my grandpa's burial and sisters traditional wedding)since I was born and we never spent up to 48hours on both visit. We were also lucked up in my dads house (especially me), we only come out supervised and closely watched since my dad say everyone there is a witch or wizard. Come to think about it; I should trace that village. Please are you private investigator? If yes please may I know how you can assist and the financial implications.

contact 08032797203

Make an arrangement for a family, friends and pastors meeting. During the meeting, in formal and clear terms, politely provides your dad with any of these 3 unavoidable options:

1. That he tells you privately or right there in the meeting so everything will go smoothly.
2. That you go public and eventually expose family privacy in public.
3. That you may sue him for the court to mandate him. If you eventually chose did option before you sue him, go with a lawyer privately to manipulate him of the legal implications of what he faces.

Best of luck!!!

Godlovesyou28:


I am not asking for her "whereabout" but "Identity". Is that too much to ask for?
I don't depend on any human for love; who has "man" helped. I relay on God completely and he has not failed. Am not during for money or properties but for the Identity of the womb that birthed me, and I believe that its fair enough. Thanks for your contribution.

Babe let me tell you the truth of the whole matter!! Most likely your mum is no more, so just find love or better still get pregnant for someone without letting that person know and have a child that will cover for the void your mum created in your heart...
Some guys here are even looking for love as well

The only time it will be difficult for unto find your mum is if he actually killed her and cover the track. Otherwise it won't be long for you to see ur real mum again. Your dad has people even in his village ...get closer one of them will tell u the truth. One lady was having same issue as yours. One after so many years of confronting the father , she got the truth. Her mum became mad after giving birth to her and the child was taking away from her. She died in the metal home . The father assumed both parents responsibility . Anyways find a way to get closure

Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.

Exactly

How old r u and where did u come from?I dont want to say ur story is fabricated cos u should av included ur name,state of origin,gender and age,who knows ur mum or her relative may b a nairalander.Anyway u should forget about suing them,to me its not an option.it will make u look like an ingrate,a bastard and turn some elders in d extended family against u.According to u that woman did not treat u badly or separate u from other members of d family,except d chore which is now ur gain,4get about letting other watch movies y u run errand 4 them.some ppl passed through worse from their real mum.some women would av insulted u to d extend of telling u how ur mum dropped u and took a cover. She can even called ur mum some bad names that will hurt u. I feel ur pain and understand ur plight.pls thread carefully. U need to find out from anybody,if u don't know where ur family resides when u were born. If u get that u can meet one or two landlords in that area,narrate ur story to them and ask them for help. There is a big secret behind ur mum disappearance and ur dad might av made a vow with that woman b4 she agreed to raise u with her children. Until u unravelled d story behind ur mum disappearance pls remain focus on ur edu or whatever u r doing. Killing urself will hurt nobody but ur mum who is waiting some where to hug u.

if your dad is not at home or anyone go and search where he put his documents and pics, you might see someone that carry you in baby or those u snapped with there then use that to trace your mother

Find out your dad's old acquitances (friends, foes, neighbors, work mates, ) you can easily know all the women he dated not to talk of one that he impregnated, if you are the busy type then hire a private investigator, it's so cheap

I hope the OP @Godlovesyou is fine? She hasn't commented since...

Watching paternity show, made me realise they is a void and yearning for those with missing parents or children to find them.

My little advice:

1. Go back to the woman who gave you the initial information, make sure you make her know how much peace & turmoil that information has caused you, and how you need a little more info, so you find lasting peace.

Ask her to tell you the village/town/place your mum hails from. Ask for your mum's name. You can easily pick a trail from there.

2. Assure her (be serious about it, most of you women talk too much & carelessly too.) that her identity remain top secret. On no account do you divulge it to any one who knows you. Just tell them an anonymous person text you with the information and the line is inaccessible. Stick with this story n build it into muscle memory, don't even tell your mum when you find her, so the good deed that woman did by informing you, doesn't turn into "bad thing" for her.

3. Prayers, Prayers & more prayers. Pray to God to help you find the foreclosure & peace of knowing your mum. Pray that every hardened heart be softened by God.

You may wish to fast as well. A Bible rooted church (too many fake ones parading the bible falsely) with the gift of prophecy may be of huge help to you.

4. Control your emotions, stop using suicide & any other threats. You may also talk to your step mum, and make her realise you appreciate all she did for you, that it helped you turn out fine. But since the anonymous tipped you with the info, you have had no rest.

Make her know it is a natural void and longing she too (step mum) would have if any of her kids were missing.

By God's grace you will find her. I hope you will tell come back here and tell us the full story when you find her very soon. I wish you God's favour in this search.[color=#000099][/color]

The truth is ugly

Godlovesyou28:



I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?

Had given you an earlier suggestion. Remember?


You are beginning to be affected by the weight of your troubling experiences in life. At this point I think you'll need some help to see this through and get back your life.

PM me if you are open to such.

....

First things first...
comfirm if your dad is your dad through a DNA test!!!
what tribe are you self?

Bonjovi13:
My dear I can feel the pain and confusion going through your mind and I pray that God will comfort you.
My advice is this...if you cannot change a situation(atleast at the moment) the only remedy is to change your reaction to the situation.
I understand that you need to know who your mother is...every child deserves to know their mother.

However your need or rather desperation to know your mother is interfering with your life.Your dreams, goals and personal aspirations have been negatively impacted by this need.Your mother would not like that

To put one's life in proper perspective all the time, one must place themselves in the shoes of those who one is more fortunate.

Put yourself in the shoes of someone who does not know their father or their mother ir an orphan who has lost both parents and is unloved by relatives.Most feel lost and unidentified.

You said you look like your Dad.So you have a heritage, a foundation and an Identitiy.Most dont.

You said you have a business and you employ people. Most dont.
You said your step mum did not maltreat you extremely, some orphans were maltreated so much they lost their lives.

You said you had a home and a roof over your head.Some are destitutes wandering aimlessly and begging for food and clothes

You wrote good English meaning you are educated.Some even with known parents are illiterate and would never have any form of formal education.

Summary...Be grateful to God for the life he has given you and find peace with the knowledge he has allowed you to gain.

All what you have are gifts that you don't deserve because you could have been born in circumstances that are far worse.

Be grateful.Thank and praise God.Ask him to forgive you for allowing the devil to take hold of your mind.

Take back your life and find contentment in the life that you have now.
After you have done that go spiritual...There is nothing God cannot do.The heart of kings are in the hands of God.
Fast and pray that God will not give your father rest until he reveals who your mother is.Watch God move.
My sister you don't nees to uproot your life.God's plan is to bless and prosper you and bring you to an expected end.It is well with you

Best post I've seen on this thread.

Many don't realise that some things are better hidden than exposed..... She doesn't even know if the distant relative just wanted to cause trouble and split a united family. Why now?

She turned out great. Many with two parents intact are not up to her standard... I guess too much comfort makes us seek other unimportant things to make us feel important.

OP, wake up and live your God given life!

Godlovesyou28:


I may not agree with you; my dad is a very disciplined man he is known to help people and never hurts people. My dad has a burden to tell me but anytime he is close to revealing I think my step mum mounts pressure on him and he stops.

My step mum does not love my dad enough to keep a secret like that if its to my fathers benefit and not hers.

She is also very materialistic and everything boils down to money with her; am not interested in any thing, all I need is to know my mum.

You are so ignorant about your mum and dad...They are adults with past. Just that single knowledge you are about to discover will tarnish whatever good you thought of them in the past ... Like i said earlier, whatever happened in the past between your Dad, step mum and real mum in the past will never make you feel better but I believe knowledge is better.. maybe a good way of cutting ties with both of them.

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

What exactly do u want Your dad this! Your dad that!! He's done u more harms than good. You ask for solution, u've been given countless solutions, u don't want to keep to any. Take the bull by the horn and stop this daddy thing. I hate what I don't like.

If u can go back to that family relative that gave u that info, and promise her that you'll never reveal it to ur dad or anyone else, seriously plead with her. In fact, when she finally tells u, don't return to ur dad or any other family member and inform them you've seen her. Just let it be btw u and that relative forever if possible.
Lastly, dont be surprised if ur mom doesn't welcome u with open arms. Whatever happens, you're born to make a difference. Be happy with yourself.