Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met - Family (19)

Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met - Family (19) - Nairaland

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by murphyibiam15(m): 5:52pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

Check the emboldened undecided

.. Eze2000 learn to read before concluding, be a smart dude

2 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by murphyibiam15(m): 6:02pm On Jul 19, 2020

Lawsaite:
Done. Good evening

The number on the profile, does it belong to you?

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nairaboi(m): 6:23pm On Jul 19, 2020

Jullima:
Don’t conclude that your mother dropped you off and never bothered about you. Some men take a child from the mother and cut all contacts, since your father is so feared even by your family members, that’s a possibility. Also, he doesn’t even want to tell you who your mother is.

Do you have access to your birth certificate? You can start from the hospital you were born, they might have a record of your birth.

Not disputing you. But all you have said here is STORY

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Lawsaite: 6:27pm On Jul 19, 2020

murphyibiam15:
The number on the profile, does it belong to you?

Yes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by v2: 6:40pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

For him to ask that he discussed it with your Stepmom mean the decisions about you from the onset was a joint one.

If after discussing with her your Dad became uncooperative when you bring up the subject, could mean your Stepmom has something on your dad.

I think both your dad and stepmom are connected to your mom in a way (a maid or someone that worked or lived with them) and something happened that led to your birth and it is their collective decision to keep things as they are.

4 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by prophetfire: 6:42pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

if you are grown up, independent and earning your own money sue your dad.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by xeros20(m): 6:49pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind.

Relax, this is an easy thing. Just calm down everything truth will be unravel. You will get the answer yourself but don't be too hasty. Go to the village and friend a lady close to you. They will help you. Don't be too desperate, and don't mention it to your father. I can guide you if you are willing.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by coldFLARES1(m): 7:07pm On Jul 19, 2020

Sunrise258:
You are very lucky. My case is a very pathetic one. I finished secondary school in 2002, gained admission in 2009 all to drop out at 400 level (final year). I figured everything was wrong with me but I was alone in the struggle cause by then, I've become an orphan. So I went to one C&S church and dumped myself there for 5 years. The entire church would pray for me and myself too would pray for myself althrough the 5 years until the unexpected was revealed. My uncle's wife, (my dad's immediate elder brother's wife) had collected my glory when I was a baby of 2 years!!! I got it back through the mercy of God a day to my 32nd birthday. Meaning she was with my glory for 30 good years! The 30 formative years of my life!! I've gotten it back now but no job, no degree, no money to do trade or go back to school. I am in my late 30s and useless.

I belong to the school of thought that believes spiritual wickedness exists, but your story is pathetic. Kai!

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Chessg(m): 7:15pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
My father will kill if I go that public.

I think you are not ready to known when you are ready bleep me I would tell you what to do. but for now make sure archive all the necessary things you need to archive in life with your standard

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Analysiscorner: 7:37pm On Jul 19, 2020

Like many have hinted, I suspect that your birth might have to do with incest, hence the heaviness the whole family members of your dad feel in telling you.

2 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Analysiscorner: 7:39pm On Jul 19, 2020

v2:
For him to ask that he discussed it with your Stepmom mean the decisions about you from the onset was a joint one.

If after discussing with her your Dad became uncooperative when you bring up the subject, could mean your Stepmom has something on your dad.

I think both your dad and stepmom are connected to your mom in a way (a maid or someone that worked or lived with them) and something happened that led to your birth and it is their collective decision to keep things as they are.

That's another possibility. Thanks for the insight.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by dontgiveup: 7:40pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
All my siblings have ganged up against me; they say am trying to break our family up . How is that even possible when I have never even existed.
I just need one person... My own mother
My own mother, if you know how this sounds in my heart.
I'll hug her when I want.
Buy her gifts that she would accept.
Show her off to my friends
Bring her to live with me if she
I don't care if she is blind, lame, deaf, dumb or even mad (no offence to people who are); I just want to love her.

If you want investigator, I am a social researcher. You can call or Whatsapp me on this number. 07031849613. I will need some information from you if you really want to know everything concerning your mother.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by ridgeman: 7:46pm On Jul 19, 2020

Someone told you that she wasn't your mum, and since your father won't divulge then you might want to go back to that person for more information....tread carefully sometimes that which you wish to know will not bring you happiness nor closure

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by usj(m): 7:50pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
The person referred me back to my dad to get the identity of my real mum.

I can imagine your pain, sorry.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by andyanders: 7:55pm On Jul 19, 2020*

Sunrise258:
Hi Godlovesyou28, I read your story and I'm touched. with one of his si,..., first c...s or ni...sFamil

Pls, in as much as ur input sound convincing, looking at the subject matter, could u pls pull it ur input down so that op don't hurt herself. She going crazy at the moment and the thought of this u've stated, could push her into depression. Do the needful. I'll pull it down from here too. Thnks

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by ymstar(m): 8:10pm On Jul 19, 2020

Plead with the person that told you the truth, and assure him or her that you will keep it a secret

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 8:10pm On Jul 19, 2020

I really don't know how much I can be of help, but if you need someone to talk to, please do find one. Cause you need all the support you can get especially emotionally.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by ymstar(m): 8:12pm On Jul 19, 2020

andyanders:
Pls, in as much as ur input sound convincing, looking at the subject matter, could u pls pull it ur input down so that op don't hurt herself. She going crazy at the moment and the thought of this u've stated, could push her into depression. Do the needful. I'll pull it down from here too. Thnks

Very true

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Shinor(m): 8:13pm On Jul 19, 2020

Sunrise258:
You are very lucky. My case is a very pathetic one. I finished secondary school in 2002, gained admission in 2009 all to drop out at 400 level (final year). I figured everything was wrong with me but I was alone in the struggle cause by then, I've become an orphan. So I went to one C&S church and dumped myself there for 5 years. The entire church would pray for me and myself too would pray for myself althrough the 5 years until the unexpected was revealed. My uncle's wife, (my dad's immediate elder brother's wife) had collected my glory when I was a baby of 2 years!!! I got it back through the mercy of God a day to my 32nd birthday. Meaning she was with my glory for 30 good years! The 30 formative years of my life!! I've gotten it back now but no job, no degree, no money to do trade or go back to school. I am in my late 30s and useless.

You are not useless. You are only yet to discover what you can do in your present state.

2 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Taal17: 8:35pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?

Speak with a therapist, a Psychologist. Try lanre olusola ( they are online)
You need to be in the right frame of mind for this. You need to fill your cup before it can overflow

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by middlebelter(m): 8:35pm On Jul 19, 2020*

The following strategies may help:

Take time to go through your father's pictures as bachelor and his diaries.You may stumble of helpful information or people who were once close to him but now far away.

Indirectly reach such close friends of his and find out your possible mother. Childhood friends, school mates and colleagues at work about the time you were born.

His church/mosque associates may help.
Secretly go through you father's phone especially his conversation with your step mums on WhatsApp if there any from the time you start the discussion with him. Indeed, since your father has been dishonest with you , you can use his phone to send a message to his close friend asking if he knows the current location the mother of my daughter(your name). Tell the man as if it is your father asking and say her daughter has been disturbing you. Once that is done delete the message . However, make sure he didn't get his phone back untill you get a reply on your mother's location and perhaps phone number. Once you have that, send to your phone and delete from his then secretly place the phone where he can see it , perhaps under his pillow.

Lastly, send a neutral person to investigate from the person that told you that your step mum isn't your mother. This person will discuss making friend with the woman, build trust and gradually introduce your discussion with a statement that ,' I suspect that woman is not (your name)mother. If she responds positively, let the investigator probe her further about the identity and location of your mother. Just an idea of her hometown or her friends will do the magic.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Esorhuno: 8:44pm On Jul 19, 2020

Go back to the person that revealed the secret to you, let her tell you your mother's name, maybe you can find her on any social media. But don't show her you are desperate.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Eze2000(m): 8:49pm On Jul 19, 2020

murphyibiam15:
Check the emboldened .. Eze2000 learn to read before concluding, be a smart dude

I only read what she posted originally, then quoted it in reply. I wasn't here to read comments, just help with advice to a problem. Since you realized overlooked some important detail why couldn't you point out my error without being insulting? This is one reason i prefer associating with whites rather than blacks. Insults are never far from you folks

dalass:
She mentioned it in a reply she gave someone else on the thread...

So I understand. Most OPs do not follow up on comments though and I wasn't here to read them. Thank you for calling my attention to it.

Thank you.

dalass:
Laughing at the bolded. Sorry if it seems so.. Illegitimate is wrong because the relative told her that the father got dowry on her birth mom returned, when the first wife came back ( she left earlier and they reconciled later)

So she was conceived legally and birthed legally via customary laws. Such traditional marriage is recognized by our laws

I hear you.

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by dontgiveup: 8:53pm On Jul 19, 2020

I am a social researcher or investigator if you want me to do the finding for you call me on this number (07031849613) or Whatsapp me for more information.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by coldFLARES1(m): 9:01pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
He is older than me by 2 or 3years.
He was adopted the same year I was born so I doubt he would remember his parents.

Thanks for understanding what this means to me; I mean having my own closure.

when I read your original story I advised you to simply let sleeping dogs lie, especially given the part where your dad seemed unfazed by your threat of suicide.

But, with this exposition of your adopted "cousin," a seminarian older by 3 years, a guy purported to be sired by your dad's brother, being your real brother (by your informant), you can now see how messy the circumstances surrounding your birth is, and how it is ill advised to have burdened yourself with this search that would deliver a more nightmarish and a graver traumatic experience for you.

Here's how gory the exposition is likely to be if you don't track back for your peace of mind: Your late uncle (your supposed cousin's father was likely impotent, and a non-consensual incest produced the both of you while your real mom stayed married to your uncle.

Perhaps, stepmom had to separate from your dad when the scandal broke, such that your kindred resolved to have your dad pay the dowry on your mom to confer legitimacy, while 'adopting' your 'cousin' to clean the slate.

Guess it got complicated when stepmom chose to return, possibly for her kids, after much pleas such that the dowry paid on your real mom had to be returned.

How your uncle and your real mom left the picture is what I am careful not to speculate on. So, you can now understand that asking to know your real mom is tantamount to exhuming a rather dark episode in your dad's life which he can never feel proud to talk about.

I would not ask you to stop the probe now, but the revelations are most likely to leave you broken.............more than you envisage.

2 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Plut01: 9:01pm On Jul 19, 2020

v2:
For him to ask that he discussed it with your Stepmom mean the decisions about you from the onset was a joint one.

If after discussing with her your Dad became uncooperative when you bring up the subject, could mean your Stepmom has something on your dad.

I think both your dad and stepmom are connected to your mom in a way and something happened that led to your birth and it is their collective decision to keep things as they are.

OP, your answer is here.

You went to your village but was only allowed to move protected on command of your dad while giving you the excuses of witches (Your Dad simply prevented you from getting any info about your Mom, He succeeded)

He is feared all around (your Dad has blood on his neck)

Alaye, go back to your Village and make enquiry. Your Dad nemesis right now is that Village.
Be brave, go! Go to your village and you will see everything fall right in front of you.
You see those people your Dad called witches huh? Those are the people that has the solution to your problem.

Go girl, make a way for yourself.

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by SirdimayG(m): 9:17pm On Jul 19, 2020

What's all this ranting self. The victim no dey online una just dey accumulate replies for her.

Can this be fake story?

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Plut01: 9:51pm On Jul 19, 2020

SirdimayG:
What's all this ranting self. The victim no dey online una just dey accumulate replies for her.

Can this be fake story?

I doubt it.
It happened to someone I know. She got to know her real mother at the age of 29.
That of OP should be a case of Incense. Her Dad's sister should probably be her mother. Reason why she needs to go to the village.
It's like a tradition not to talk much of Product of Incense from where I come from, in which all the OP talked about point at.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 9:59pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
All my siblings have ganged up against me; they say am trying to break our family up . How is that even possible when I have never even existed.
I just need one person... My own mother
My own mother, if you know how this sounds in my heart.
I'll hug her when I want.
Buy her gifts that she would accept.
Show her off to my friends
Bring her to live with me if she
I don't care if she is blind, lame, deaf, dumb or even mad (no offence to people who are); I just want to love her.

You have the right to know about your mum no matter how bad the situation is. From your story and replies so far, it shows that your dad is a very hard man and would be difficult to break, to the extent that not even your threat of killing yourself can make him tell you. That means if you take this matter lightly, you would die without knowing your mum. If he could conceal this from you for this long , it means he can also present another woman to you as your mum if the pressure becomes too much (anyway, thank God for DNA test). You have the right to sue your dad. Yeah, it could break your family but it doesn't matter as long as your dad does not also care if you live unhappily or die without knowing your mum.

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