Listen carefully.
If ur story is true..then it's easy to find ur mum.
U said ur dad paid bride price and hitherto returned it.
Some pple in ur clan or kindred must hv been aware of that and may hv likely wt him gone to pay/return the bride price. So they know ur mum's town or village and will likely kn her surname.
So... Go to ur father's village, go to the Catholic parish nearest to ur father's house. Meet the parish priest, calmly explain everything to him. The priest already knows who to call and ask abt that. They can never refuse to tell the priest abt that if he asks them. The priest will even get u some helpful info. Those in the village might be afraid of ur dad....but someone must open up to the priest...the priest already knows who can open up to him.
Remember, it doesn't matter wether u are a Catholic or not. Good luck, if this story is true.

Godlovesyou28:
I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

What does your birth certificate say?

I later went back to see your earlier reply... it has your step mom's name on it...

I think suing your dad will make things worse. Besides, there's no crime (legal) in not informing a child of her mother, and I can't imagine a judge sentencing him if your father simply says: "I don't recall her name"...

You need to go on being delicate about it. Stay strong, and keep probing gently.

Godlovesyou28:


Thanks for taking the time to read. It doesn't make any difference if am isolated or not by my family because I have thrived without them.
My decision to be single is personal; marriage is not for everyone.

But hope you will have children in future. You have a good heart and you need someone to carry this burden along with. Most of times woman find solace in the arms of their husband. Especially when you start having kids, you will find more happiness in your new family.

If i were you.. I will loose it entirely, so they can take me seriously. I will make the house a living hell for everyone that knows the truth and decides hide it from me.
If that man is truly your dad.. Give him an ultimatum to make up his mind to show you who your mum is or you'll do the unthinkable.

What sorta prank? .. I don't like what I hate

I don't know how much freedom you have, but if you are completely self dependent, then you can make everything to look okay to them while you engaged a private investigator discreetly. If I were you I wouldn't trust anyone around me on that because your immediate family will be watching all your moves now.

If you can, make them feel yuur absence as much as possible, you may think your dad don't care because is a strong man, it's not true except he's an irresponsible man, trust me on this, he will feel it deeply than you can imagine.
Also, like some said earlier, dont loose your mind, be strong and everything will be alright.

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

If you're truly independent, use the Poice...that's what I'll do.

Godlovesyou28:


I can't even hold my tears back, my heart is bursting out. I don't even know why I feel this amount of pain. My birth certificate says I was born in a private hospital that don't exist(I have gone there and its an office complex) and mother's name, occupation and signature is that of my mum(now step mum).

I feel your pain. Only God knew what transpired between your mum and others that led to so much secrecy. We have 3 lovely children like this in my family and it's really painful to me these days when I think of what could possibly be going on in their minds. They belong to my mum's big brother who was sick and died sometimes in early 2000s, now his wife ( mother of these children) had gone away to nowhere when the man was critically ill. Unfortunately, we were all village people, I was young then, nobody knew her family or her home till date ( they met in Lagos, started making babies). Now my concerns ( as I still thought about it yesterday) has been is the woman still alive? I believe if she's alive she should have looked for her children, because she had visited our village 2-3 times in the early days of their marriage. They're now grown up like 29, 26,23. Raising them was tough on my mummy, but we wobbled through and we're not doing badly altogether.

However , it's a nagging pain on my heart anytime I think about it. I pray God help you to get answers to your questions. It shall be well with you.

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

He won't... The fearful training he gave you is what is still holding you back.

If you go public, he will become the defendant.

I really pity your condition. Stop disturbing your father. Look for someone that can be close to the person that gave you the first information. Let the person spoil his/her with gift and money, I believe within 2 to 3 weeks. He or she will open up to that person. I wish you good luck in the process of meeting your mother.

Godlovesyou28:

Abuja

Contact me via email yaksdeshi@gmail.com

I feel your pains..Kindly take to God in prayers...HE will surely reveal to you what happened.. Or where to locate ur Mum...God is the revealer of secrets.

Jullima:

Still your birth certificate was forged, if your dad and step mum can go through the trouble of forging your birth certificate means they are trying very hard for you not to know your bio mum. That means you have to search for her yourself.

Maybe that was your dad’s way of placating your step mum for having a child outside.

There's no trouble in forging birth certificates in Nigeria oo.

Go Shomolu, 10 minutes max, you will get original fake.

aalangel:


If you're truly independent, use the Poice...that's what I'll do.

Please, in as much as op is passing through this trying period, don't advise her to involve the police as she truly stated herein, that she looks like her father. It is a family issue and we have to respect her wish because she knows the background of her family.

She loves her father, but the absence of her true mother and getting to know who she is, where she has been all this while is what has been her present predicament. She is here to seek opinion from this forum, because she is troubled and see we all as her own brothers and sisters, hence she is here.

We should offer our candid advise and prayers to make her come out stronger and see this life as we have all seen.

We hope and pray that one day. her true loving mother, will locate her or she will come to know her if she is still among the living. But if they end up not meeting in life, she should embrace life as she has seen it.

Most people were not privileged to even enjoy what she was able to get from her supposed step mother. What if devil had sowed an evil thought in her mind to have killed you when you were an infant? In fact OP, just thank God for your existence and who you are today.

My advise for op is this; if God can keep you alive, to have navigated this sinful world to this stage, do have hope in Him because, there is a purpose for your creation.

Look back to how you have struggled to get to where you are today, never think you are alone because God has been there to see you grow to who you are today. If you have died during your birth, you wouldn't have had this opportunity to be privileged to talk, interact with people and too, be educated by same people in question.

We are here on earth for a while as we are on transit, and when the time comes, we MUST go back to our creator.

Never take any negative decision against your life because you will one day account for any harm you may have inflicted on yourself as a result of the unknown. There are children, adults in different orphanage around the world, who never for once known there biological parents and they are still living and thanking God. There gave been babies aborted by their biological parents and they never experienced what it is to be alive. Why not thank God for what He has done for you.

Just be strong and look towards God, as He will be there always for you,and to see you overcome this trying period in you life.

Godlovesyou28:
Wow! I just woke up from my "pill-induced" sleep to see this. Out pouring of concern
What can I say?

For all your sincere love and concern am so grateful and overwhelmingly encouraged

for those who find it hard to believe me, it doesn't matter if you believe me or not.

For the those who have suggested that I go back to my original source, trust me when I say that "I have squeezed out every drop of juice from that orange". I can't push further and will never use undue force when I should show gratitude, but your pragmatic approach only shows how willing you are to help solve my problem.

For those who want me to approach it spiritually (I have been told many things, especially that my real mum is alive but will not dare contact me), I have been praying though sometimes my faith challenges me but I am growing by Gods Grace. Thanks

I am also weighing my legal options but not yet exhausted my other options.

And No, my older siblings will not help.

Yes lease I forget I cannot say too much anymore for fear that I am being monitored but I will like you to know that I feel surrounded by a family and will carry you along in a manageable fashion. Thank you for your kind words, tears and loving embrace. God bless you all.

I felt your pain as i read through your post. However, i will advise you to let sleeping dogs lie. The reason is that what you want to know will break you and make you more miserable. Are you sure you can handle the info? Apart from that, it will break your father's family, in fact, the whole family will be shaken. This is the reason why no one wants to talk about it. It is not palatable to the ears.

The woman who gave you this info has an agenda. It is either she wants to break your whole family or she has a genuine burden in her heart to let you know your true sef, the secret is heavy on her. I can sense she is mixing the right info with some half truths in order to confuse you. The reason is that she does not want to be the one to tell you exactly, who knows if there was an oath taken involved. However, she is given you some clues with the hope that you can find the missing link yourself.

I have an idea on what could likely have happened by connecting the dots in your post but saying it as it is may make you feel very terrible. That is why i am advising you to move on with your life. Some things are better left unknown.

murphyibiam15:

Lol... A typical block headed black like u is feeling funky.. You displayed the typical African mentality as it is said.. If you want want to hide anything from blacks write it in a book, because they know blacks like u can't read.. You're not here to read comment but to make unsubstantiated contributions in what u don't fully know about in the first place.. It only means u will make a terrible judge because you lack the capacity to read.. You should learn your mistakes and move on as it was pointed to u but here u are feeling proud for been Ignorant. Lol

I write the books the blacks! Started right here on Nairaland years back, now a legend in the literature section. Okadabooks 5th bestseller in 2016-17 was one of my books.

I new write the books for the whites.

Just keep ranting about what you don't know. In time you'll come to understand who 'typical blockhead' really is.

Good luck!!!

Being an emotionally driven human being, try to attach that your emotion to God, it really works. I'm a living testimony to that. go to him in prayer (I believe in personal night vigil ). Talk to your creator, weep wholeheartedly, ask for your mother's identity (if you can fast please do).

Who knows, you might have come across each other without knowing.
let pray you find her

Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.

If his birthday certs carries his step mom's info, then social media can't help him. It means he was stolen or taken from his mother as a toddler which is impossible for his biological mother to recognize him if his pics is put online.

Only his father can help him here... I doubt the man is his real father.

dontgiveup:
I am a social researcher or investigator if you want me to do the finding for you call me on this number (07031849613) or Whatsapp me for more information.

I just had to quote you so I can find you later.

cc. WuzzyTech l PrinceOgun. I must get you no matter how long it takes.

If this is real and you really wanna know your mom, you gotta get a gun and threaten him with it. Just ensure you shoot the ceiling for him to know its loaded. Wishing you Godspeed.

Godlovesyou28:
I just told my dad I was going to kill myself if he fails to tell me who my mum is and he told me not to mention his name on my death note and Hung up

Killing yourself is out of it because in this age and time, you will surely find your mom. The means are too many.

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

Don't go public on the issue. There are other ways you can find out without no one suspecting you are in the know. Reply my msg with a phone number that is not known as yours (like a new one you register with a fake name) to seal your identity from public domain. I will help you find out who your mother is and you will thank me later.

DrFunmisticGlow:
Dear ladies!! Single motherhood is optional, dump your kids for the man!! They will come and look for you when they grow up!!

Would you or have you dump your kids before?!?
How is this stupid advice related to this topic madam. Huh?

Hey pretty lady, just had to comment to cheer u up, i wanna say seems yr father wants to forget everything bout yr mum, hence he's behaving but i wanna add, how u were brought up although very hard must have prepared u for today so lady relax don't kill yrself, pray and thankl God for yr life what if your step mum had poisoned u or maimed u when u were little or don't u see that happening these days in nigeria.
I want u to reassure yr Dad that u love him and yr step mum but u just wanna know the full story that's all just reassure of yr love for dem or look for yr uncles, aunties tell him hwfar let them at least give u lowdown of wat happened.
Wish u luck in finding yr mum girl but just know u are wonderfully made and u'r beautiful and all uve passed through then till now has made u a strong and better person lastly forget the past and remove any form of hate, pray to God for revelation.
I wish u well.

I read every of your search about your mom.

Your answers is in the village because you said your father do lock you guys inside any time you visit the village... Listen your so call mum is from that same village go and be wise makes friends both male and female the once that were born and still stay in the village those people will give what you want good luck

X0012:


Would you or have you dump your kids before?!?
How is this stupid advice related to this topic madam. Huh?

Prevention is better than cure.

What if your father used your biological mum for ritual and made it a top secret known to only him and his wife (your step mum)?

andyanders:


Please, in as much as op is passing through this trying period, don't advise her to involve the police as she truly stated herein, that she looks like her father. It is a family issue and we have to respect her wish because she knows the background of her family.

She loves her father, but the absence of her true mother and getting to know who she is, where she has been all this while is what has been her present predicament. She is here to seek opinion from this forum, because she is troubled and see we all as her own brothers and sisters, hence she is here.

We should offer our candid advise and prayers to make her come out stronger and see this life as we have all seen.

We hope and pray that one day. her true loving mother, will locate her or she will come to know her if she is still among the living. But if they end up not meeting in life, she should embrace life as she has seen it.

Most people were not privileged to even enjoy what she was able to get from her supposed step mother. What if devil had sowed an evil thought in her mind to have killed you when you were an infant? In fact OP, just thank God for your existence and who you are today.

My advise for op is this; if God can keep you alive, to have navigated this sinful world to this stage, do have hope in Him because, there is a purpose for your creation.

Look back to how you have struggled to get to where you are today, never think you are alone because God has been there to see you grow to who you are today. If you have died during your birth, you wouldn't have had this opportunity to be privileged to talk, interact with people and too, be educated by same people in question.

We are here on earth for a while as we are on transit, and when the time comes, we MUST go back to our creator.

Never take any negative decision against your life because you will one day account for any harm you may have inflicted on yourself as a result of the unknown. There are children, adults in different orphanage around the world, who never for once known there biological parents and they are still living and thanking God. There gave been babies aborted by their biological parents and they never experienced what it is to be alive. Why not thank God for what He has done for you.

Just be strong and look towards God, as He will be there always for you,and to see you overcome this trying period in you life.

You should have quoted the OP directly with this long advice....moreover I said I'll involve the Police IF I WAS THE ONE!

aalangel:


You should have quoted the OP directly with this long advice....moreover I said I'll involve the Police IF I WAS THE ONE!

I am sorry if u find my input offensive. My advise for op not to get the police involved, is that it could destroy the entire family, including herself. Remember that this issue is very sensitive and she should approach it with caution.

If she can calm down and take private steps without expossing her inner feelings to her immidiate family members, while trying to gather information from the locals, that could help her get a breakthrough. By the time she gets closser to her informant and induce her with gifts, one day, she will or might end up openning up to her.