Hmmm!
I'm crying already
OP why don't you just pretend you've agreed with your dad
Then go back to that your informant, make her trust you without leaking her ID or secret to anyone, then you both can try to search for your mother together
Since she said ur mum's dowry was paid, she's supposed to know something about your maternal family. Then, you guys can start your search for a new there. I really wish you good luck dear. My heart's with you

ifko:
This your step mum power strong ooo. Ur cousin/ brother was deposed to seminary as a priest (no marriage) and u hated marriage with no intention to love. Do u think all these are natural. Madam while doing your search for your mum find a nearest MFM for your spiritual growth. That thing u called step mum is a wicked woman that has deprived you of many things from your biological father. Even from your comments u haven't cone to realized how wicked she is because I don't know the relationship between judging someone that fed u crumb have with being good hearted even to an extent of sending your siblings abroad and u fending for yourself at early age. Something is wrong somewhere.
Ur step mum and dad deserve to be flogg in an open makt square.

Subtly advertising your church so they can get their own cut of the money.. Swear they will pray for her for free

KingRollins01:
You sound like one sick pathetic slowpoke. Perhaps you need to check your own legitimacy. You might be a product from a trash pick.

Aswear... The guy wants to sound tribalistic but obviously bad at using the wrong Situation for that.. Dude is sick mentally

Obrigardo:


how can you be this insensitive?

Very insensitive I must say, Ishilove could be a fake online personality afterall

Godlovesyou28:


Thank you. I have been begging her her since morning (I told her I'll kill myself if she doesn't tell me), I also send her cash occasionally to water the ground too... She just told me something that has left me in shock; she said my cousin that my dad adopted after both his parents died is actually my brother from same mother (my cousin has lived in a seminary all his life and will soon be ordained a priest). she said he is the only person with the right to get answers from my dad. I am loosing my mind literally what do I do?

Oh my God! This is painfully sad!

Godfullsam:


It may not be a fake story..

Women are known to always contradict themselves. That is why it is often said that most women don't know what they want..

I believe her story 100%..imagine the emotions flowing in this her story, it reeks of an energy expended venture, a troll can't keep up with this unless the troll is psychotic of which such a troll would be drowsed somewhere in a lonely hospital with no access to phone

timagentms:


Oga take your time to read the story very well,

oga read the comments before u write ur own

bobbina:
Here is what I have to tell you,
1. Calm down and give this thought a break.

2. Pray over this issue and step you re about to take now.

3. Use the Police force to detain the person that revealed this half secret to you, and make sure no bailing until she reveals the whole secret to you, she knows where your mother is.

Talk about biting the fingers that fed you.
This will ultimately complicate the situation for her and portray her in a bad light.The result will be that everyone who can potentially be of help will ignore her plea for an intervention.

Obrigardo:


how can you be this insensitive?

Hold on...









....

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

If you still fear such a worthless father who saw you dehumanized then maybe you deserve where you are. I thought you said you are independent? You better go and sue his ass to court for forging a birth certificate for you, and you will be stupid if you are still greeting that slave master you call step mum

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Dear OP,speak to a shrink.The benefits are often underemphasized in this part of the world.The surge of emotions you may be feeling will be channelled correctly when you see things through the insight therapy might bring.
You need to have peace within you so that regardless of the outcome,this discovery won't traumatize you for life.
All the best.

Op wisdom wisdom is what you required and need to pray for. With it hope and and pray hard about it that more revelations will will come out without you over stressing yourself. Think about how you know the truth without you struggling for it, that's how revelation about who's ur real mum will come. See, do those social media stuffs with ur childhood pics, dad and step. Now confide in that person that reveal it to you before to tell you who ur real mum is. You will now use the social media post as ur source for getting the information incase questions from ur dad and family start to pop up. So that the person will continue to remain anonymous. Apply wisdom now.

I suggest you don't push too much as this matter is a very sensitive one for the sake of your life.
Allow time to pass, that means being patient, and pray that your step mother or Dad never develop a wicked heart against you, thank God you're alive and intelligent. It will be better handled when you must have left the family to your own, maybe after marriage, this is because of the kind of Dad your father is. How are you sure that he is your biological Dad.
Don't let the pain you feel about this matter which is understandable control your life.

Maobichek:
. Hi, this is my second comment on this thread, I have followed the first and the second page carefully, by this grace of God, I stay in Abj, I'm a counselor by profession and there are somethings i'm not permitted to say here (Nairaland is a public forum) but would be more open to you if I talk to you one-on-one. It will be at your personal discretion. We may not meet physically, maybe call or chat ok. I have seen wonderful advise from ppl here but the first thing and most important is that you should calm down and do away with suicide thought, thank you.

Ogbeni give her your advice her or still hold it to yourself.. That's an old trick u pulled so she can contact you

Op I prayed God Almighty guide ur path.
You can't do this alone. Pray and seek God guidance

Go to Google and ask,type "who is my mother and where can i find her?" Google is your friend

I will advise that u let it be for now.
Be independent, even marry( then they will see you as no threat) then advertise it on Facebook or Twitter.

U are using emotions instead of your head and emotions don't solve problems. Also, bear in mind that u may not like what u will see at the end of the tunnel though.
That's why I said u have to be emotionally attached to someone first.
It will be even better if u have a kid before embarking on such journey.

A very sensible advice!

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

U got the best advise. Perhaps he's not your real father. No real father would treat his baby as such and deprived her of her most beloved. Sue him and the court would compel them to tell the whole truth. You'll be amazed there's still alot being hidden

You got this information from someone and nothing happened to him or you. So pressurize him or other extended family members, with assurance of not exposing your informant. If you keep persisting he will surely tell you, if he has the confidence that you will not betray him. Try harder

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Don't sue anyone. Be smart. Allow me go spiritual, the bible says in Mark 9:29 that So He said to them, “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” In this your case, it means you need to use proper sense to get what you want. Smile with dad, laugh with dad and step mum. Don't do gra gra with them, you will find out what you seek with patience, prayers and perseverance. You may come across some documents some day (fat chance) but your key may be speaking with relatives. They know, not anyone is scared of him. Confide in one of them, pray before you commence discussion, win their trust, help them, one of them will open up. And when they do, protect that individual, do not make noise or raise dust about your biological mum and what your dad did or did not do. Just carry on with your life jejely and build a relationship with her. All the best. Be calm, don't sue anyone...

by the way, what of your birth certificate?

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Tread with caution.

Has it even occurred to you that they can eliminate you?

Let the matter die down for now and think with a clear head.

Don't sue your father. You will regret it.

You survived all these years without your mother, you will survive a few more months.

Apply the greatest wisdom in handling this issue and if possible relocate to a place no one knows for now. After some weeks quietly start making your investigations.

This is a simple case. As simple as ABCD. If bride price was paid and returned, that makes it all easier to find out and resolve. A private Investigator only needs to live in( or pay a Corper residing there or someone who lives in and speaks the local dialect) your Dads village incognito for less than 2-3 months.

The more difficult part about these things is the emotional and after effect part. What if she was used for rituals or assassinated by your Dad, what if she was demented, what if she took to prostitution, what if a lot of possibilities. The final answer when you do get it may have the possibility of driving you insane as it may be very terrible to bear. Get the services of a Professional and good Shrink/Therapist/ Counsellor first. Keep off spreading your deep secrets on social media with reckless abandon, forget the court aporoach for now. Discontinue escalation of the matter and feign that you have forgotten and dumped the matter to enable your family relax their hard stand and soften up. What if your Dad decides to silence/do away with you to bring all this noise to an end? Stoop to conquer and possibly get the answers drop into your hand effortlessly.

Please don't put your informant in trouble, keep away from him/her for now, what if your dad has already paid a private investigator to find out how you found out.

Try and procreate, find love if you can, even if you are gay/lesbian/ whatever. Saying you have decided not to marry for reasons best known to you is surprising, someone brought you into the world, try and bring another into the world, make their life happier than yours as much as you can.

Wow! I just woke up from my "pill-induced" sleep to see this. Out pouring of concern
What can I say?

For all your sincere love and concern am so grateful and overwhelmingly encouraged

for those who find it hard to believe me, it doesn't matter if you believe me or not.

For the those who have suggested that I go back to my original source, trust me when I say that "I have squeezed out every drop of juice from that orange". I can't push further and will never use undue force when I should show gratitude, but your pragmatic approach only shows how willing you are to help solve my problem.

For those who want me to approach it spiritually (I have been told many things, especially that my real mum is alive but will not dare contact me), I have been praying though sometimes my faith challenges me but I am growing by Gods Grace. Thanks

I am also weighing my legal options but not yet exhausted my other options.

And No, my older siblings will not help.

Yes lease I forget I cannot say too much anymore for fear that I am being monitored but I will like you to know that I feel surrounded by a family and will carry you along in a manageable fashion. Thank you for your kind words, tears and loving embrace. God bless you all.

judecares1:
My dear,I sincerely understand what you currently passing through and this was exactly how my mum helped a student teacher posted to her school for TP.
NOW,this lady had same experience with you and her Dad promised himself never for the child to see her real mum,this girl was taken away from her mom while she was 1week old and both parents are same community. Fast forward to the story.
This lady was in 300level at University when she was posted to the school which my mum head as TP student, after spending two weeks with my mom,she decided to open up to my mom on her she has tried locating her real mum,to my mom greatest surprise this lady both parents are from same community with us and a popular family at that,my mom got the shock of her life after discovering this ,she was tired � and wondering what might happen for her father to do such. The next day my mom took up the case upon herself and started making out findings about d lady,her mom and dad. After 3days,my mom arranged a meeting between this lady and her mom in her school but do you know that her mother can't recognize her daughter again? Both d girl,her dad and mom were filled with joy after lots of apologize � from the parents to the lady

So my dear, just be calm and prayerful. Just like what some persons have said, you are really emotional.
God will surely help you

This your story is touching

@Godlovesyou28:

Your story is quite saddening if true.

But it beggars more questions than answers cos you didn't reveal much details.

What if your parents former housemaid is your biological mother?


What if your mum is a sister to your step mum?

What if there's a conspiracy way back that your parents/family are trying to hide and exposing such could bring your family/father into disrepute and more pains to you?

And what if your real mother doesn't want to be found?

These are possibilities that your search may lead to, a kinda dark hole that you may not be prepared for psychologically, emotional except you are truly prepared for any eventuality.

However it's your right to know your real mum but from the story it seems your dad would rather die with the secret than tell you. Who knows maybe he's trying to protect you or it could be your step mum engineering the whole thing as it's hard believing it's coincidence for you and your cousin being sent to the seminary.
The same cousin whom a family claimed is of the same mum with you?

Well I wouldn't want to judge but you have to calm your emotions if you want to find out the truth. It's all within your freewill as a human spirit if you so desire but there's more to life which is a gift from the creator.
So relax, take care of your health and apply wisdom in the situation.

Your answers lies in the village if you can find a reliable family member, friend to dig for it.

Moreover, our parents are vehicles for our earthly life/experiences which is just a step in creation and at a point we have to choose our paths as 'independet spirits' and there may be a silver lining on your own path.

I wish you all the strength in your 'journey of life

perryy:


If his dad is your dad's late brother, it means your dad married his late brother's wife . If that is true, then no dowry was needed for that. How come your dad paid your mum's dowry ? Could this be a fiction or that your so called source if lying !

Understand her well naw.. She's saying the seminarian's acclaimed brother is the uncle's son whereas the seminarian(now her brother) looks like their dad

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

He can't if you it go viral. You need to overcome that fear first.

Go to radio stations especially the one in your home State and your present state. Reveal your family history for help. With that you would have disarm him.

Please, look for that your cousin in the seminary ant talk things out with him . The Bible say that two are better than one . I know that GOD will help you out cause HE is the very present help in the time of trouble.

Eze2000:


I know. It's her mother she is searching for.

The term you find offensive in my comment is Illegitmae child. Below is the meaning according to goggle.


An illegitimate child is born to parents who are not married to each other at the time of the child's birth.

You are after my head for no reason at all. Unless you attended the wedding of her dad and real mom before she was born

Even with this definition you're wrong.. Remember a dowry was paid for the mom which signifies marriage in African setting, which was later returned.. So how can a child whose mother's dowry was paid for be illegitimate.. Or u just find the word illegitimate sexy to use?

midehi2:

This brought out tears in me.....my husband had similar case, he met/know his mum 2yrs ago, and she's so lovable and damn pretty, same issue with her husband, long story sha, we all cried the day she shared her story, just believe you will meet your mum.

Please share the story naw.. We're here to learn.. No one knows u.. Is really touching

musabayokanu:
Your case is different.
You designed yourself to be useless before you finally became useless.

You gave into the religious C&S scam and they used your five useful year's and when they are done they told you your destiny has been restored.

Now let me ask, when they restored your glory why are you still useless?
Instead to working and studying hard despite all the challenges you dropped out and now blamming a woman for your misfortune.

Your mumu never do....wanlahi you will soon clock 40 being useless, and you know a fool at forty??

Lol.. I thought when he mentioned he was freed he's gonna say he's more useful and prosperous.. Many lack the right approach to life

Eze2000:


No sir, she didn't mention this part of the story in her post.

Here it is again.

Read her follow up comments