Eze2000:


She's his illegitimate child. How do I know that?

Answer: The circumstance of her birth is not something her own people wish to discuss. They shy away from the topic in FEAR....

I always call the truth where I see it.

If you read the story, you will notice the distant relative that exposed things only said her mom was someone else not the father. So her paternity was not in question

Godlovesyou28:


My step mum is not wicked, she only gave me crumbs... Honestly, she even tried because some women would have done worse. I just wonder about many things.

she gave you crumbs and you are appreciating her... mtcheeew. you never see anything

by

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

I know this would sound harsh.... But the easiest way to know is to threaten the person that told u with soldiers.... Let the person complete the story and give you the details ..because it seems that you are already consumed with the search, getting depressed with a one track mind.......

Ohizman73:
well you have been told the simple truth.Going to court would complicate issues inview of the circumstances involved.sueing your biological father and stepmother would end in disastrous consequences for you in the end and the trauma you would face for life will leave you in a psychological mess.You father can claim he doesn't know your mothers whereabouts and what ever.theres nothing the court can do, the case can drag for a decade. Would your dad leave for ever.or the person who told you.your dad would have all sympathy, in as your mum whether she has a story to tell.for her not to have cdeserted you all this while in the first place, no matter the circumstances.your step mum that raised another woman's child , is it she would want to now sue. You have been adviced to find love. The money you would waste on a court case that would not yield results. Use it to raise a child and be a mother your mum wAs not to you. Use it on that child to seek reconciliation with your soul.you sound stubborn and full of hate and is falling victim to wrong advice from friends to sue your people would end in a disaster these people would desert you.ave to you to embark on a more organised research. Only you can help yourself to get at some clue on your mum.

Best advice.. She's too emotional to even handle this in the first place.. Things like this are handled with intelligence and not emotions.. This is Nigeria and her father is even wealthy, the case will last till eternity

Godlovesyou28

Your dad does not feel it is necessary you find your birth mum. He feels he has done all he should as a parent, that you had it all. That's selfish.

Your stepmum will be dead set against it. She wants to claim that she's the mother who raised you and therefore all should give her that glory including you.

You deserve to know! Has anything derogatory been said about your birth mum? That she was a bad woman like prostitute, negligent, hot tempered and cantankerous and so on. If not, that may simply mean your dad lorded it over her to keep you. Some men will never allow their children out of their grip. Never! I have a friend who separated from his wife and took his 4 kids with him. He now remarried and has 4 additional kids. He left the wife because she committed adultery and refused to change despite repeated warnings.

If nothing evil was ever said about her, then there's very good reason to find her. Not all reunions with real parents are successful.

You can approach a lawyer and ask what can be done that you want to find your birth mother. They may know what to do.

I might also suggest you meet a police officer and enquire if they can help you locate your birth mother. A detective may help you out. It has to be a pro ate arrangement. Drop some money upfront and the balance after they successfully locate her. Make sure she is your mum o!

That's my 2 cents. Yours is a strange case. Most times, it children looking for their fathers. Yours is your mother. Let's all praise Jehovah to whom every family in heaven and on earth owes its name.

The following programs may interest you:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bJePg6rgLc&t=11s


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvFTqWCktFM


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itLqr5Pnjqg

Godlovesyou28:



I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care..,

Op, my thoughts for you during this trying period in ur life. Remember that ONLY you can accept to get healed as much advises both positive and negative, has been given to u herein in order for u to handle ur health situation in place first, than hurting urself. Be strong. It's a face u must pass by one day.

Godlovesyou28:
[/U are using emotions instead of your head and emotions don't solve problems. Also, bear in mind that u may not like what u will see at the end of the tunnel though]

A friend told me that maybe the person I am looking for doesn't want to be found?
You won't understand how I feel if your not in my shoes. I just need closure.

If I sue my dad and step mum, and demand DNA tests since they both claim my step mum is my real mum; the court will compel them to submit themselves to DNA testing.
When the results come out negative everyone will start talking.

I think its the best option for me now.

Make arrest and claimed they kidnapped u when u were young. The police will then demand for DNA test to confirm if your parents are truly yours . If the test turns out negative, your Papa and mum will talk. No one wants to be accuses of kidnapping

please my dear were are you living?

Victornezzar:
Wow

OP just go back to the person who revealed this to you.... Tell her to trust you and do not leak the identity of the person to your Father

I don't trust women when you talk about keeping secrets.

Godlovesyou28:


Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind.

.Babe! WHY don't you calm down a bit. now that you know. my dear its gonna take time. who knows whether your real mother was the one trying to poison your father that can make your father to be so mean to let u not talk about her anylonger.

Godlovesyou28:


Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind.

you are too distraught to find out by yourself and you might probably not get answers owing to how emotional you are

a private investigator will help you out, I know some couple of them but it's a little bit expensive.

check eagle eye accessor, it's owned by a lady. can't remember her name anymore.

Sunrise258:



You are very lucky. My case is a very pathetic one. I finished secondary school in 2002, gained admission in 2009 all to drop out at 400 level (final year). I figured everything was wrong with me but I was alone in the struggle cause by then, I've become an orphan. So I went to one C&S church and dumped myself there for 5 years. The entire church would pray for me and myself too would pray for myself althrough the 5 years until the unexpected was revealed. My uncle's wife, (my dad's immediate elder brother's wife) had collected my glory when I was a baby of 2 years!!! I got it back through the mercy of God a day to my 32nd birthday. Meaning she was with my glory for 30 good years! The 30 formative years of my life!! I've gotten it back now but no job, no degree, no money to do trade or go back to school. I am in my late 30s and useless.

You have collected your glory back huh?
So why didnt your glory make you useful and successful.
My dear I would advice your to emancipate yourself from mental slavery that has been further exacerbated by religion.
Where ever you are right now reading this my post "Stand the frigging up for Christsakes".Hit ur head and say these words" I am a human being created in the image of a great God.Enough of the lies I have been telling myself.I was created to fulfill a divine purpose.Right now I take charge of my life.I will receive wisdom and help to change my life.From now on I will experience good luck and favour in Jesus name Amen."
Thereafter leave that CS church. DONT TELL ANYONE.Just leave the village.Go to the nearest park and hustle.Sell pure water or do conductor work.Save money and do something with your life okay.Let me know when you do this.God bless you

Did u lost ur kidney when I asked them to like if they are speechless the way I was? Why did u choose to create an argument when there isn’t ?

osothermal:
Then you would have atleast show some empathy instead of asking people to press likes and shares, thanks

I really feel bad for you, I feel your pain. I don't have to repeat what has been said already.

May God help you to unravel the mystery behind your mother's identity and where about.

My dear,I sincerely understand what you currently passing through and this was exactly how my mum helped a student teacher posted to her school for TP.
NOW,this lady had same experience with you and her Dad promised himself never for the child to see her real mum,this girl was taken away from her mom while she was 1week old and both parents are same community. Fast forward to the story.
This lady was in 300level at University when she was posted to the school which my mum head as TP student, after spending two weeks with my mom,she decided to open up to my mom on her she has tried locating her real mum,to my mom greatest surprise this lady both parents are from same community with us and a popular family at that,my mom got the shock of her life after discovering this ,she was tired � and wondering what might happen for her father to do such. The next day my mom took up the case upon herself and started making out findings about d lady,her mom and dad. After 3days,my mom arranged a meeting between this lady and her mom in her school but do you know that her mother can't recognize her daughter again? Both d girl,her dad and mom were filled with joy after lots of apologize � from the parents to the lady

So my dear, just be calm and prayerful. Just like what some persons have said, you are really emotional.
God will surely help you

Godlovesyou28:



I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?

Hey, can you take a break?
Can you think of how you got your profile name?
Do really believe in your profile name?
If everything has failed including you failing yourself, did you believe that your profile name can fail?
All I can say for now is to cast that burden on Him, be at peace with yourself, continue to pray to Him, He will surely see to how you will get connected to your mother or know the fate that has befallen on her in shortest period of time.
Just believe, trust Him and be at Peace. He can do ALL things.

Abeg OP no forget to dey update us on dis matter,I wanna know how it will all end....I pray u are unite with ur mom...

Godlovesyou28:


I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

Hi Godlovesyou28, I read your story and I'm touched. From all indication, I suspect you are a product of incest. You dad might had slept with one of his siblings, first cousins or nieces that resulted to your birth. Don't disgrace yourself n family by going to court; it won't end well. I have two options to help you find out who your mother really is. You will not pay a dime. Option one: I will give you one idea. Option two, I will speak with you in private to tell you. If you are a woman, keep it secret so your husband won't flee as it clearly shows abnormality surrounds your mom's identity.Nigerian Family is full of secrecy

Godlovesyou28:


I have been to my village twice (my grandpa's burial and sisters traditional wedding)since I was born and we never spent up to 48hours on both visit. We were also lucked up in my dads house (especially me), we only come out supervised and closely watched since my dad say everyone there is a witch or wizard. Come to think about it; I should trace that village. Please are you private investigator? If yes please may I know how you can assist and the financial implications.

Be careful and take things easy, not to fall into wrong hands.

dalass:


Your parents are probably shielding you from a bigger horror... If your mum is truly different and alive, why did she not come back or even bothered to look for you?..

All you said your step mom did to you was training you to be the person you are today! did she beat or disfigure you in any way?.

You went to school and appear sound plus independent... Abeg thank God... Let that woman find you.... Treat your step mom as your real mom... She never called you bastard or reject you. She called you her daughter, take it like that since she even has her name and signature on your birth certificate!

Stop looking for trouble and let sleeping dogs lie... If she truly wants you, She'll find you. Simple!

You are saying this probably or MAYBE that is the way you are treating someone else child. This is not a case of letting the sleeping dogs lie because the op is not a STRANGER in that household she was brought up. She is the daughter of the man who owns the house and as such she deserves to be treated right with love and fatherly care.

In fact even if she was a stranger, she doesn't deserve to be treated that way,because she is a human too. And you are saying she should treat her step mom as her real mom. Did the step mom treat her like a REAL daughter?

I will implore you to desist from discouraging her to discover who her biological mother is because it might be one of the ways or even the step-in stone that will heal the op of her emotional trauma and many other things she has passed through. Shalom

Goalnaldo:
Honestly I don't think I would be desperate to look for a mother that abandoned me all my life. As far as your step mum never maltreated you as you claim, treat her like your mum. Leaving her to look for your imaginary mum is like robbing Peter to pay Paul. There's more to been a mother than birthing someone.

Honestly you took it from me. This is one problem with children raised by single parents, because at the end of the day, they go looking for someone who never cared about them and wasn't really there for them when they needed him/ her.

Foodqueen:
That relative that called u might be ur mother.

Abi ooo.. Sense no go kee u

following

What's wrong with this nairaland's mods, a thread opened on 20 may you are bringing on front page now, what if she has settled the matter and found her mom? So we should start advising on a settled matter

Godlovesyou28:


I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

Sorry to hear about your struggles.
Do you know your village or home town? Do you know a few neighbours there or one or two old people from there? They will likely know about your mum, since you said you dad paid dowry for her. Can you locate any of them and ask them or can you send someone to your village to investigate for you?

The truth can't be hidden forever

Bonjovi13:


You have collected your glory back huh?
So why didnt your glory make you useful and successful.
My dear I would advice your to emancipate yourself from mental slavery that has been further exacerbated by religion.
Where ever you are right now reading this my post "Stand the frigging up for Christsakes".Hit ur head and say these words" I am a human being created in the image of a great God.Enough of the lies I have been telling myself.I was created to fulfill a divine purpose.Right now I take charge of my life.I will receive wisdom and help to change my life.From now on I will experience good luck and favour in Jesus name Amen."
Thereafter leave that CS church. DONT TELL ANYONE.Just leave the village.Go to the nearest park and hustle.Sell pure water or do conductor work.Save money and do something with your life okay.Let me know when you do this.God bless you

Thank you so much for your contribution/advice, I appreciate. To start with, I'm not even in the village. My family is a fam of 7 and right now as I speak, we remain just two. It is easy to advise someone in distress but I bet you can't survive just one of the numerous attacks I've overcame. And as for all you wrote I should do to better my life, I've done past that. And what you even responded to is just 20% of the hell I've seen in life. My paternal line are so wicked they could ruin Nigeria. My other cousins die like fowl there. I'm currently in fugitive for more than a decade.

BigTableShaker:

Which reaction?!
Theres no mother here, she was bought from a baby factory.
simple.

Where are your facts.... Shallow thinker

Lawsaite:
OP you just narrated my story. Thing is I wouldn't really go deep into mine.
My step mum drastically changed when she found out that I knew she wasn't my mum, few years back.
Long story short, she played a major role in seeing that my own father kicked me out of his house just last December. He's a Nairalander so I wont talk much.
Ever since then, believe me life hasn't been funny. I almost drank insecticide believe me you. He still threatens to disown me whenever I tell him that I need money.
It was like I was brought out in the rain naked. I turned to a begger here on Nairaland, I chop insults wella ehh, fear Nairaland people. I was always insulted, I always changer monikers due to my profile being filled with begging. God where do I start in relating my story. I believe God isn't finished with me tho. He has brought me this far. Am in tears typing this like, I never knew someone could face something similar to mine. I almost became an atheist. People promised and broke my trust. People failed me woefully. I am traumatised even up till now. I haven't really seen someone to open up to.
I am still leaning on God. Pray for me

Send me a pm

Godlovesyou28:


He knows he is adopted after his parents died, that's all I know. His father is my dad's late brother and he is a photocopy of my dad just like me.

If his dad is your dad's late brother, it means your dad married his late brother's wife . If that is true, then no dowry was needed for that. How come your dad paid your mum's dowry ? Could this be a fiction or that your so called source if lying !

keep calm, live your normal life as usual and get a private investigator. another option is to access your father's relatives, pick out the one you can easily persuade & be showing care & shower dat person with gifts, then gradually squeeze information out, don't go direct by asking who's my mother bla bla. lastly, if you have an uncle that is a drunkard, take him out & spoil him with drinks, you know the rest.

dalass:


If you read the story, you will notice the distant relative that exposed things only said her mom was someone else not the father. So her paternity was not in question

I know. It's her mother she is searching for.

The term you find offensive in my comment is Illegitmae child. Below is the meaning according to goggle.


An illegitimate child is born to parents who are not married to each other at the time of the child's birth.

You are after my head for no reason at all. Unless you attended the wedding of her dad and real mom before she was born