₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
@Manos:

Your wife is very dirty and unreachable.

The dirtiness is just a tip of the ice berg: the unreachable spirit is your major issue.

Please Do NOT apologize when next the issue comes up.

Do Not keep malice either.

Correct her and move on, acting like nothing happened.

If she wants to keep malice with you, don't let her drag you that path: you love her, her dirtiness disgusts you.

Even if she changes from malice to tantrums and tears in a bid to manipulate you, don't fall for it.

Your instance is simple: I love you, your dirtiness disgusts me.

Continue to correct her till she changes or you can afford to give her a personal space where she can do all sorts of disgusting things.

Also be generous with your praises and appreciation. She does anything well, hype and appreciate her.

If she says you nag, tell her you are her hype man:

If she does well, you will hype her.
If she does something you don't like, you will still hype her.

She is stuck with your hype either ways.

Goodluck.

ireneidiva:
Is it normal to 'try' living together before marriage?

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

xtratagem:
Nairalanders and Simp! simp! simp! simp! The word "simp" no dey taya you?

DaInferno:
ever since the will Smith Saga, you guys don't waste time in calling men who tend to be level headed and rational- simps. the op story does not warrant anybody calling him a simp. did it occur to you that this lady in question may have pretended before marriage? I can see the man is mannered enough to talk to her, she doesn't just listen! - as all ladies who are quick to anger. and u said marrying a Nigerian is deadly?,who do you this thing? no be every Nigerian woman deadly, abi ur sis deadly?calm down bros haba
To you Mr. op, have you tried sitting her down on a good day and telling her the koko about this hygiene stuff? if you have, u don't need to apologise next time she hisses and zooms of, cus she will know that you'd come back to apologise and she won't feel her wrongs

but it's gonna be hard though, it seems it has been going on for a long time
and nothings harder than stopping a habit u didn't stop when u first noticed it! try!

Juliusmomoh:
Divorce her.. Marriage no be by force.. But some simp will not understand..

manos:
I am a very calm person actually, shouting comes from frustration because the moment i try to correct her she gets angry and lashes back immediately raising her voice. So naturally i raise my voice to match her tone so that she hears me and so that i can make my point.

On the other hand, i apologize because, sometimes when i wait for the apology for too long and it is not coming, i decide that i cant continue living like that and look beyond my intention to correct so that we can have some peace and move forward, probably push give her more time to evaluate her actions, while we continue living in peace. I cant imagine living with anyone for a week in the same house and not be able to communicate with the person. I dont know how other people do that. I personally try to resolve issues quickly.

Kriss216:
Being a Simp and getting married to a Nigerian girl is deadlier than cancer.

manos:
Actually i dont take care of her responsibility, we share responsibilities financially and otherwise. but the problem does not come from who takes responsibility over what, the problem is all about willingness to change ingrained habits.

Jaapu:
You be better woman.

thesicilian:
I can bet my next 6 months salary that you're not married.

Shed2013:
I understand exactly what you're saying here because I'm in the same situation but I tell you the truth I bear it without sharing the stories with third party because of the vow I do . calm down oh , love cover all this for me I bear all , exactly what you write here I'm passing through for to past 4 years in marriage, I bath our daughter of 4 years do domestic works I don't even mind the so called wife , wife don't even appreciated it not all

sodiqapril:
Didn't you guys date or try living together before you married..I feel your pain, I might not be handsome or rich but you can never call me dirty or anything related to it and once I sense dirtiness in a woman. I flee..I'm not advising you to flee ooo. Lol..just finished reading, you guys don't have children yet, take a break from the house, if she's definitely in her mind she'll ask what she has done or report to someone and if she doesn't change.. marriage no b do or die affair....m judging from your words if I hear hers too .I might have to change my judgement

nedu666:
You are at fault for following reasons

1. Why apologise when you did nothing wrong.
2. You need to realise that you are the man of the house and you did her a favour by marrying her not the other way round
3. Threaten your wife that if she fails to stop her disgusting behaviour then its time to reassess the marriage

Lastly there is this saying among arabs " when the man ceases to be the man in a marriage and the woman ceases to be the woman in a marriage then that marriage is in trouble

Sicilyjoe:
Men's dey pass alots of things where women dey for marriage, my own friend dey complain say him wife dey shit for inside bedroom with custard paint, the worst part is that she won't go to toilet and flush it, she will just cover the custard paint and leave it in the room

xtratagem:
Nairalanders and Simp! simp! simp! simp! The word "simp" no dey taya you?

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

sodiqapril:
Didn't you guys date or try living together before you married..I feel your pain, I might not be handsome or rich but you can never call me dirty or anything related to it and once I sense dirtiness in a woman. I flee..I'm not advising you to flee ooo. Lol..just finished reading, you guys don't have children yet, take a break from the house, if she's definitely in her mind she'll ask what she has done or report to someone and if she doesn't change.. marriage no b do or die affair....m judging from your words if I hear hers too .I might have to change my judgement

2arenabetting:
LET'S WIN BIG!

Juliusmomoh:
Divorce her.. Marriage no be by force.. But some simp will not understand..

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

heendrix:
A certified simp spotted.....You seem to want to correct someone and after that still go and apologize after scolding her and you think she'll listen to you No man she'll disrespect you even more with the mind "He'll come back to Apologize"

and besides for ur wife to hiss at you in any slight provocation tells how weak you are. people would come ranting you want peace in ur home bla bla but Know something for life when ur Dealing with a Nigerian woman take it like ur dealing with a wild animal taking no nonsense

I can't even imagine my girlfriend hissing at me let alone my wife

Op my advice for u is to be a man. you've been a simp for way too long

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.