manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Oga, divorce her or show her madness. Honestly I don't know how some men put up with a rude woman. I'm divorcing you straight if you disrespect me and you don't apologize. It's either you apologise or leave, there's no middle ground

Some ladies are pigs inside
They won't show you until you marry them

xtratagem:
Nairalanders and Simp! simp! simp! simp! The word "simp" no dey taya you?

I don't understand o. The way people use that word at every little opportunity on nairaland is alarming.

Kids that are still luring girls to their house with indomie and eggs are calling A MAN simp

Is there no way nairaland can register users with their birth certificate to certify their age and push them to a children section or related?

Even banned them from commenting in a particular thread or sections....how can kids their parents are still buying boxers be commenting on matured marital and polticial threads with their 2GB RAM 4inches android phone

For real, wetin beret no go see for Mercy Chinwo head?

Bros, u dey try. I trowey salute for you.

Well, its gonna be a gradual process. Apparently, she has a high threshold for stuff that would ordinarily disgust you. Might be her upbringing or just her person or she might be trying hard to multi task to meet up. Correct her, with love. Sometimes try modelling similar behaviour to show how disgusting it can be.

If I were you,I'd insist we brush together and not let her out of the room, without brushing. You don't have to be so blatant about it tho. Call it bonding time or whatever works for you. E go better

Which simp is OP? is the simpsons? simp is here in NL Talk your own before e finisb.

Sicilyjoe:
Men's dey pass alots of things where women dey for marriage, my own friend dey complain say him wife dey shit for inside bedroom with custard paint, the worst part is that she won't go to toilet and flush it, she will just cover the custard paint and leave it in the room

Damn. Is this real?

You have been married for just a year.. Of course you will observe some things that will irritate you in her and vice versa. If you can't stand it, then try correcting her without disdain otherwise you will never achieve the expected result. Experience has taught me to give at least a year or so for any positive modification in behaviour. If you are hoping for an immediate change that may have lingered for years during her single days, then you will be sorely disappointed.

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

this is the how a matured married man reasons! We'll done sir. These children shouting simp simp upandan

Report to her parents and if no change,seek for divorce,!

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

The thing about marriage is that you must go it with a teachable spirit_be willing to learn.Accept your wrongs and take correction.Unwillingness to bend could cause grave issues in marriage.

You seem to be a marriage counselor. I fully support this. It's not by anger or fighting

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

Hmmm OP, your matter is very strong but the good news is that you both can work it out!

BTW, what in her attracted you, that now ended in both of you tying the knot?

See eh, you don enter, you don enter. This is marriage, where you will have to exhibit a lot of patience and love, plenty of it. It is really going to take you sitting her down and start teaching her, as if teaching a child. Note, that you can transform her to be what you want her to be. The single motivating factor is that love you had for her. It is not a one day or a one month matter oh or even 3 months sef. If you are a christian also, you can commit her to prayers. Yes, pray for your wife. At this point, I will not advise you to involve any 3rd party. Don't ever. Be patient with her, because of the love you had for her.

Remember, just like someone mentioned up there, she may also be tolerating some manners or behaviours from you.

Definitely, she must be good at other things.

Work on yourself in the area of patience and prayers for her and help her. I am very sure that by the Grace of God, your testimony in the coming months will be different.

For all those that want to quote me, please know that all marriages come with their challenges.

Where is she from? Some areas in Nigeria are known for dirtiness,if you marry from there then its your fault, women with sweet toto are often very dirty, my condolence.

Damn!!! How disgusting.

Toothpaste in your food? Like WTF??

*Pukes#

This is not about personal habits. Unless you are exaggerating, your wife is not just unhygienic, but fithy. How gross.

Biglittlelois:
Yuck.

The thread wanna make me puke! Eeeww

Inspireddd:


Damn. Is this real?

Is real we don settled the matter tire, the husband is tired of keeping the issue to himself and decided to tell us his friends and Co-tenants to help him talk to his wife

Kriss216:



Being a Simp and getting married to a Nigerian girl is deadlier than cancer.

Uncle calm down....

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Spit in the kitchen sink and brush teeth there? Oh noooooooooooo
Have a sit down and talk about these things with her. These little things can be ironed out in the early days of marriage. You are coming from different families with different orientation and you are trying to merge into your own unit. And then when you correct, do it in love. Almost everyone here doing ''ohhh ahh'' have their own scoin scoin. Love, patience, understanding and a willingness to learn is what solves the issue.

NB: Some people have no bathroom/kitchen boundaries while they were growing up. Some people use kitchen bucket in the toilet while in some homes, it is a big NO NO! I once lived with an aunt that had separate mops for inside and outside the home. Separate bucket for kitchen and toilet. Slippers you wear out does not come in, so yeah she had outside and inside slippers. I didn't have such rigidity growing up especially with slippers and bucket but after that holiday, my life was never the same. Till date I imbibe those things i learnt from my aunt. So teach your wife in love. We learn everyday...

See them.. They've already started calling you a SIMP.
If you have marital/relationship problems,bringing it to nairaland is a dead end disaster.. They'll just insult both you and your marriage.

Jesus bin don alert guys o, but conji nor gree us get sense.

**You think it was with clear eyes DT d son of man lived 33+ yrs on earth without marrying?

**You think say d son of man nor know wetin e dey do when he backed up peter for saying "its not good to marry"?

Matthew 19:10-12 (KJV)
His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
But he {Jesus} said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Bross, u don enteram o, ds na ya cross.
May God give u enuff grace to bear it!

[img]http:///media/12-24-2016/E1c7QP.gif[/img]

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

Thanks a million times for this.

Op, so na so you go dey find case where there's none? You neva start be that.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Definitely gounds for divorce if change is not forthcoming that is absolutely disgusting!!!

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

Awwwwwnnn. How can I like this a thousand time?

ireneidiva:

Is it normal to 'try' living together before marriage?

Why not

heendrix:


Exactly infact I wonder how some men are created. anyways ion know what I'll do sha cause I can't imagine the person I'm taking care of her responsibility hissing at me

honestly, house rent, it's you, pepper, salt, Maggi,... It's you, Nepa bill, Na you, everything Na you and you'll still open your uselessly wide mouth and hiss at me... God!

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Oga you should just find a way to live with her.
Personally I don't even see this as a problem.
If not you will always be irritated
Just overlook it

There is no human being without there own flaws. None

Sicilyjoe:


Is real we don settled the matter tire, the husband is tired of keeping the issue to himself and decided to tell us his friends and Co-tenants to help him talk to his wife

Is the toilet too far for her to get to at night? Or na face me I face you? I just can't understand

Mariinee:
Awwwwwnnn. How can I like this a thousand time?

how you no go like am.. Mtcheew

You married a girl with no home training , I guess she never had those facilities in her father's house so you have to teach her . Maybe she has lived all her life in a face me I slap you apartment where they brush outside and use public toilet ,so this lifestyle is even very new to her .

. When I had my first child , we were just two women in a semi private ward. The other woman had a visitor who used the restroom without flushing , I told her to always flush her urine each time she used the toilet and to my amazement this lady replied " Dem nor dey flush piss ,piss na water, na shit Dem dey flush " . I was shocked to my bone marrow.
I immediately knew the kind of environment she was coming from .

[quote author=decatalyst post=92696945]I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please. What if you tell her and she didn't obey ? What will you do? To tell her is not the problem but the problem is did she hear and obey

oodua1stson:
Oga, divorce her or show her madness. Honestly I don't know how some men put up with a rude woman. I'm divorcing you straight if you disrespect me and you don't apologize. It's either you apologise or leave, there's no middle ground

the unmarried reasoning. Marriage is complex divorce is simple.