This shows that the so called 'woke' generation only knows about taking 'hot' 'sexy' 'one of a kind' premarital shots and forget that marriage itself goes beyond those frivolities, it requires love, longsuffering, tolerance, trust, respect and understanding. E ma wa alright.

Gosh! OP is my kind of person. I personally find drooling irritating and disgusting, except the one from my own kids though. Toothpaste and sleep drools nauseats me. Other things he mentioned too. Adults should do things properly abeg. I can totally relate with OP's point. Kai!

Sisijetue:
And when you see them outside...

Seriously, they act like their Geeta don't touch the ground. Dirty girls everywhere. Two toilets and an extra one in the seating room and you will still have to use the kitchen sink? Nyama.! Guy it's either you man up now or be ready for more dirty habits when she takes in and when she gives birth.

Guys don't let make up and wigs decieve you when dating shine your eyes very well some of these sisters dirtiness na follow come.
Drops mic.

ImaIma1:


Awwww...it hurt right? I guess you are one of the "simp labellers".

Don't worry you'll be fine.

Lol... E pain am.

[quote author=rhemauni post=92697409]

Since u r a weakling and can't stand firm why are u always starting a fight u can't finish.

Women will always ride a weakling and she knows u will always apologize.
PLS TELL HIM O AND LET HIM READ IT. WELL

This is a very small issue...
There are many bigger stuffs in marriage than this and the earlier you devise a means to iron out things without quarrel, the better.

Learn to tolerate more. Issues are best settled when both of you are happy...talks of how to build a great home should dominate your discuss in your happy moods.

As for the silent treatment, brother the earlier you learn to live with it, the better but in between always act as though the silence does not get to you. More challenges lie ahead and the earlier you start preparing for it the better for you. Who apologises first does not matter as long as both of you believe in that philosophy otherwise, over time, the only person apologizing will look like mumu, it hurts too.

Don't be too fast in correcting abnormal behaviours, calm down bc it irritates too....learn to swallow it like a bitter pill and talk about it later. As for what she said about food when you rejected it, my dear it is obvious that your wife has consumed a lot of feminist ideologies and online stupidity. Honestly she does not care about that, so stop using it as a weapon...until she starts feeling otherwise about it.

Above all, try everything possible at this early stage of your marriage, to make your home a Godly home. Get more involved with your wife in God's business because it is only in God's gathering of women and men that couples genuinely understand the message of how to build a good home.

Know it today, that except couples desire individually and collectively to make their home work, nothing can ever work. It is not one person's affair or effort, it is both of you.

In marriage, there is no all round formulae for success, any formulae that works for you, use it.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

decatalyst:
I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

I dont believe you are married thats why you talk like that. Onlybthe married can.relate.

Sometimes you just want to be happy and avoid hostility in your home as a result you take the humble path.

About the the matter on ground try telling her without a pitch in your or just be quiet about, if there things you can avoid seeing walk away to avoid seeing them, if they are things you can do yourself do it yourself. This is all for your own sanity.

Sometimes spouses just dont want to be told what to do, as such after sometime they fall in line.

The reason I am saying this because you are married otherwise i would have asked you to stop your relationship immediately.

Amanee:
Sometimes living together before marriage saves you a lot of stress in marriage

Very true

But sadly people like Righteousness89 will say you are destined for hell fire straight if you do that

decatalyst:
I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

He is. No need.
He's at the mercy of his wife.
A whole man wey get house,pay bride price etc

manos:


We have talked about it quietly on several occasions before (the reason why i am now labelled a complainer about insignificant things: she has called me petty on several occasions for complaining about things like this) and she basically sees nothing wrong with what she does. I plan to show her this thread, so that she can see at least that not even a single person that commented so far approves her weird toilet habits.

Please don't

thesicilian:
This is why I'm an ardent advocate of couples living together for some months before marriage.

It's as if you read my mind.
I wonder if he didn't see all these traits in her before marrying her.

Na wa for the wife o. Where is coming from?

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Talk to her family member first and see if she does change her habits which I must confess will be difficult to change going by ur assertion that she has been at it a long time. If she does make effort to change, be strong and take charge, shout if u need to and no apologies. Get the desired change you want.
Wish u best of luck. More so, God no go shame us oo.

daben1:
honestly, house rent, it's you, pepper, salt, Maggi,... It's you, Nepa bill, Na you, everything Na you and you'll still open your uselessly wide mouth and hiss at me... God!

aswear very annoying

Coincidentally this sorrowful tale reminds me of the things my present wife is putting me through, after 4 lovely kids under the space of 14yrs of marriage, am still repeating the same corrections to her like I did in our 1st year of marriage, such as always keep you dirty undies out of view, and cover the pot of food after cooking or serving. But unfortunately its the same mess every different day, and now am seriously contemplating marrying a 2nd wife with a good level of compatibility .
Whenever a man marries a woman that is not as hygienically, educationally and consciously sound as the man, then there's gonna be major league WAHALA, and the worst part is whenever you complain she labels you a nagging unappreciative husband, because she feels as long as she's giving you good gymnastics in the other room and kids to show for her effort then you should just endure what ever crap she does in the home

Sorry to say but majority of Nigerians girls are dirty, forget what you see on the outside.

Thats a devilish advice , completely against the word of God or ehat Gid wants. Does living together before marriage means she will change or even show you who she isn? Have u met a pretender before ?

thesicilian:
This is why I'm an ardent advocate of couples living together for some months before marriage.

If you can't get through to her sense of reasoning, I'll suggest you talk to her mother about it, that's assuming she herself is not like that.

Ubiudumo:
I can never cohabit with an unhygienic person such as your wife. You have been docile for a long time and you need to man up and do the needful by acting like the man of the house.

It is a case of showing me your friend, I will tell you how you are. One can't fucck around with a scruffy person if one is not scruffy.

Stop bringing your issues to nairaland. Few people will give you the right advice . There are so many kids here that are not even married and don't know nothing about marriage . Get on your knees and pray and seek the right and godly counsel. You may abuse me i am telling you the truth . I hope you will listen.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Please if I may ask did you court her for at least six months and didn't noticed this unhygenic behaviour of hers or you thought she will change after wedding?

yettymuse:
Calling an adult a simp is just disrespectful and shows how uncultured a lot of this nairaland small small rats were raised.

small redpill wey una swallow, wey hang una for throat, wey go choke una die, we no go hear word again..
With zero kobo for pocket.... mtcheww.. awon omo pau bi ibon!

Mr Op. your wife is unhygienic and you may have to spell it out to her. Reading it sef I wan vomit!

Honestly reading it sef me myself i wan vomit

It takes maturity to apologize even when you're not wrong, but it also takes more maturity to know when not to apologize and instead stand your ground. You must learn to be loving and firm at the same time, if not you'll have to deal with this for a very long period of time. It will be difficult in the beginning when she gives the silent treatment but you'll have to deal with it and ensure that she calms down and get the point. It's almost instinctive for women to take advantage of the gentleness of their man. Be firmer bro

manos:



I am a very calm person actually, shouting comes from frustration because the moment i try to correct her she gets angry and lashes back immediately raising her voice. So naturally i raise my voice to match her tone so that she hears me and so that i can make my point.

On the other hand, i apologize because, sometimes when i wait for the apology for too long and it is not coming, i decide that i cant continue living like that and look beyond my intention to correct so that we can have some peace and move forward, probably push give her more time to evaluate her actions, while we continue living in peace. I cant imagine living with anyone for a week in the same house and not be able to communicate with the person. I dont know how other people do that. I personally try to resolve issues quickly.

Dating/courtship is like the flower of a fruit producing tree. Not every flower will produce a fruit. Everyone put up his/her best character during this period.

Amanee:
Sometimes living together before marriage saves you a lot of stress in marriage

extol1:
op, if it is begging that will make your wife do what you want her to do, please beg her. don't mind these people shouting simp up and down. some of them are not married and some of them that are married kneel down to beg their wives. even kings beg their wives privately when they are in the bedroom

Kings may do based on romantic begging,but kings decree.
Op is on his right,beg for what exactly, reading this thing no make u vomit?

Where did you meet her in the first place? Ajegunle? In my own opinion, however you choose to correct her doesn't in no way make you a simp. Nobody in their right mind would come to the kitchen to do all that nasty stuff. Even my 6 year old niece wouldn't. How has brushing in the bathroom sink become a thing to teach a grown up woman. She is either doing it intentionally or has never used a sink in her life or she has some screws missing upstairs.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Your wife is acting like I am married so nothing mega.. what's there in taking simple corrections? We'll speak to an elder you know she will listen to.

Jaapu:


You be better woman.

Thank you.

heendrix:


A certified simp spotted.....You seem to want to correct someone and after that still go and apologize after scolding her and you think she'll listen to you No man she'll disrespect you even more with the mind "He'll come back to Apologize"

and besides for ur wife to hiss at you in any slight provocation tells how weak you are. people would come ranting you want peace in ur home bla bla but Know something for life when ur Dealing with a Nigerian woman take it like ur dealing with a wild animal taking no nonsense

I can't even imagine my girlfriend hissing at me let alone my wife

Op my advice for u is to be a man. you've been a simp for way too long

How do you prove to your wife that you are not a weak man or rather traits to show that you aren't weak?

Xisnin:






You guys have also noticed.

It is a new vocabulary that confused boys with no responsibilty uses for virtue signalling.
Having never married, they think they will just issue command and the wife will obey in fear.

Don't mind them jare.
They are single to stupor and they've been disillusioned by the "alpha male theory". Children forming woke on social media.

Hian.

bukatyne:

Anty Buka,
I sight ya!

Bringin your marital ish to nairaland is like adding fire to ur ish.
most of them arn not even married,they are giving final say base on they single mentality.
my broda my own b say endure nd see it as fun,nobody is completely hygienic.
i bet u aint close with your wife,una get gap,shes nt ur besty,dats y u dey feel dat way,be her frnd nd talk to her she will change.
one last thing no bring ur ish to public,if u do then go fustrate ur marriage 4 u,settle urself,pray,if u aint patience report to her parent,if e no work,then u send her to her parent jst 4 few days to learn gud hygien.
THANK YOU FOR READING.

Make una dey abuse the use of this word "simp" ohh

decatalyst:
I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

And you think he hasn't done that?