₦airaland Forum

chinchonglee:
Okay!!!
But one fact is that he doesn't truly love you.

Okay, Thanks

You are a rare gem dear, u know what, try and sit him down ,talk to him with love and try as much as possible to know his plan regarding your relationship nd his career. If he is still not giving u d chance... Stop the relationship or else u will regret it

freesoul12:
You are a rare gem dear, u know what, try and sit him down ,talk to him with love and try as much as possible to know his plan regarding your relationship nd his career. If he is still not giving u d chance... Stop the relationship or else u will regret it

Thanks, I just do pity him because hes the one that cares about his friends, what they will say if he breaks up with me, as he has actually overhyped me with his friends and families. As for me, I don't even have friends or discuss him with anyone.
Hes the one that would not allow his friends to hear word again that he has a wife to be already, all those things are even exhausting to me because I don't like him portraying me as perfect, its emotionally stressful for me, as I would have to live up to that where his family and friends are.

The sooner you leave, the better for you.

People rarely change, We only get better at hiding our flaws..

He's a very stupid boy that needs to suffer before he can learn.

A man that doesn't value you can never value you.

He'll only continue dragging you backwards.


I've seen this happen many times to conclude it'll never end well for you.

Localchampion:
.
I know, his happiness is the most annoying to me, when I cooked and all, as if I didn't wanna do it, as if he wasn't the one that was broke, since he gave me the money for the food, he has been complaining he has no money again. He wants his bread and cake same time.
Till now, he hasn't given me the money to make my hair and frowning that I'm asking him money when I know he doesn't, he said he would be more than happy to do them for me bla bla bla.

That is a sign of a greedy man.....


Dnt marry any man who only think about his own happiness.

EMEKUSBOY9:
That is a sign of a greedy man.....


Dnt marry any man who only think about his own happiness.

Yes, thanks

someone did dis to u and u r still thinking of marrying him all the best to u o. Love is truly dumb

Please do not marry this useless fellow

Nonsense ingredients

The fvck

Niggarr!!

The guy needs to grow the fvck up!!

He ought to treat you better. You deserve a better man!

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

Hmmm...i felt your pain as I read through dear.
For me I think he isn't happy with himself and some frustration is slowly creeping in which makes him spontaneously transfer the aggression to you. I really admire your patience, it's a rare virtue in today's Nigerian girls/women. Firstly u need to Consult God for direction put your relationship in prayers.. ask your bfrnd questions about ur plans together cos you need to be sure of the next step to take.. I believe he still cares about you but apparently he isn't happy with his situation.

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

I believe in trying to solve the problem than running from it.

This one pass me,but buy agbo first,and watch me flood this thread with wisdom

Localchampion:
Thanks, I just do pity him because hes the one that cares about his friends, what they will say if he breaks up with me, as he has actually overhyped me with his friends and families. As for me, I don't even have friends or discuss him with anyone.
Hes the one that would not allow his friends to hear word again that he has a wife to be already, all those things are even exhausting to me because I don't like him portraying me as perfect, its emotionally stressful for me, as I would have to live up to that where his family and friends are.

It is well sis, just try and try hold on a bit. Give it a push once more

The major problem here is just money... Not all relationships leads to marriage and yours is not going to be the first or the last... You didn't tell us your kind of business that made you lost a 150k.

EMEKUSBOY9:
That is a sign of a greedy man.....


Dnt marry any man who only think about his own happiness.

God bless u. That's exactly my thought. But she can still make one more push to see if d man worths it

Localchampion:
Nope, but we can give each other money

You admit that you don't give him money (you're not sponsoring him in anyway) but the once or twice you did spend your money on your relationship, you highlighted it and made your one-sided story all about it.
I take this your story with a big pinch of salt. Women are always the victim especially when the man starts struggling (even for a short while - all he has done and built prior becomes invalid).
When he gave you money to cook he was happy and showered you with accolades which was different when you were feeling like madam ordering him to buy your food from outside because you are paying for it. The money you were using to buy outside could have been used to stuff the house and make home meals since that is what you love and what makes him happy obviously. But, nah... his money is for both of you and yours is for you alone.
You didn't tell us how he was giving you and sustaining the relationship for the past five years o. But, because you have now and he doesn't, you feel you are too good for him (you're most likely not to admit this though).

Ofcourse, you will not tell us your attitude and likely disrespectfulness towards him that irks him because this is your story and you want a rich guy that'll be spoiling you. THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD HAVE RANTED OUT OF FRUSTRATION and not highlight some cold truths that in honesty puts the blame on you (which you conveniently left out of this story or - resorted to selective attention to ignore)

Sister, you already know what you will do. Please, do it quickly and let the young man find someone that can be truly supportive without making him feel inadequate about it.

What's tha business?

Localchampion:
I'm the one stopping him from doing that. The reason His yet to lay his hands on me is because I'm the quiet type when I'm very angry.
Also, till now, hes yet to give me money for those things I asked for, that would be a one sided role

Let me be very clear with you, if you sense any physical abuse...please flee from that relationship, it's only a matter of time before he pounces on you whether you talk or not... I would have said work on your relationship but the fact he compared you with others is a big red flag...move on lady! before it's late

How can you date a man for 5yrs? And saying al these things to each other and all it’s unimaginable
Really I think you both are wasting each other’s time.
My advice, be like a man when entering a relationship, know what you want and always insist on it while playing your part in the relationship. Discuss everything and decide what to do at each instant on how you both can handle it. Just saying I like you and sleeping together isn’t a relationship. Seriously after 5yrs you both are still at this stage then I blame you both. Sit down and talk and if there is no future you both end it peacefully and pls do this talk in the morning so if it ends you part and you leave. At this stage even a new born would have almost entered primary and that’s where you both are still arguing over cooking and sweeping and one party even abusing the other that she is talking marriage. My dear don’t waste your life that’s all I have to say

Wen I broke I dae mind my business when it comes to girls, even though my own brokenness better pass this situation.

How do broke guys get serious GFS that's stay with them for years and 10naira they don't spend on her?

[quote author=Localchampion post=93231070]I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.

I won't lie u, i didn't read it completely, when next, just try to summarize it.
It shall be well with u.

My sister, I'm so sorry to say but you're dating a baby.
I still wonder how ladies of charitable qualities like yours end up with diaper-men.

Well, like I would advise my sister, if a man at this stage isn't taking basic responsibilities or at least showing signs of being responsible, it'd be really unfortunate to end up with him.

My advice is:

Call him, sit him down and speak sense into him! Tell him you're aging (except if you want to marry at 40) and decide your future. If you then notice after your talks he doesn't change, Abeg, runnnnnn!!


MODIFIED:

I just went through your profile and seen various topics you've created about his suspected infidelity and all.

The only thing I can say is that: May it not be late before you realize!

Localchampion:
I'm the one stopping him from doing that. The reason His yet to lay his hands on me is because I'm the quiet type when I'm very angry.
Also, till now, hes yet to give me money for those things I asked for, that would be a one sided role

.hmmm ma,u guys come a long way n i cant advice u cause am a man.but 1tin i am sure of is i am neva ashamed of the pple i loved,if i dnt like d way they look n d reason bcus of money,i go try drop small tin if na braiding d moni reach e beta.life as a man is not easy o

Localchampion, your modes of communication is going to give you more problem in future.
He loves throwing tantrums, while you love sulking.
Both of you still need to sit down & review your relationship IF it would work or NOT.

Peace.

I think the problem is you. Our people talk say sleep wey pass four days don be death but you dey greet one person for two weeks.



E no dey tire you?

So sad, if it was reverse. We will hear Nigeria girls are useless.
Please if this is how he is behaving, it is very sad such behavior is coming from a 29 year old child.

Didn't even bother to read that epistle you put up there. But... Do tell us what your boyfriend stands to gain if he marries you

You two are not compatible...I have seen this kind of situations and the marriage does not go well...in forex trading its called ranging...and am not sure there will be a breakout....
If you marry this guy, this is my prediction,
You guys will.be happy,then quarrel,be happy,quarrel...your marriage will be ranging..please I beg you dont ignore his attitude because of love.Most girls are enduring slavery in the name of love and marriage.
If you were my sister I will advise you to look else were...
But if you can endure all your life,go ahead with the marriage....
Back to your question: should you marry him
Answer:No
Will he change? Most times guys like this dont change easily,infact their wives are those that always do midnight prayer because of their husbands..

You’re fooling yourself obviously. Your bf is the type that will suffer a woman and guilt trip her for complaining . You will bear 80% of financial burden if you ever get married to him cos he doesn’t look as if he wants to be responsible to take care of you.

It will end in premium tears . You better sit up and leave that greedy and stingy boy you called a boyfriend. He’s not adding anything to your life .

Lol.. So he wants you to make his cheeks fat??

I dont blame the babies in men's clothing we have today. I blame our girls for always being too forward and acting like their mums even when he has not popped the question.

You caused it. Deal with it.
Its all playing out now exactly how its going to be in marriage. So ask yourself if you can cope with this kind of attitude back to back for 6 Months. Then imagine it like forever... The answer lies with you, dear.