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Oga Landlord 21+ - Literature (22) - Nairaland

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My Wizard Landlord (A True Life Story) By Attire Literature / “OGA MADAM” – Late Night Short Story! / ONOME My Landlord's Daughter (humor, Erotic And Romance Thriller) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by BankyGee(m): 10:51am On Aug 24, 2020
*Clears throat*
In Papa Jayjay's voice: Honourable talk and do has inarguably and undeniably taken an enormous and volumptous oath with myriad of problems, trials, hoolabaloos and brouhahas and have been tempted, hoodwinked and hornswoggled by treacherous women into invariably falling in troubles that are extremely difficult and iron-headed to evade, side-step and ultimately get out off! angry

Elvictor, thanks for tha update...

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 12:36pm On Aug 24, 2020
Healman:



OMG!!! This is wonderful.
*takes mic*

Firstly, i'll like to thank God and the Uncle Bros for this grace, it is a great feat.

i however dedicate this to all ghostreaders, hoping they come out of it soonest.

Elvictor, you're doing well.

*shines a not too white teeth

thanks bro.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 12:37pm On Aug 24, 2020
BankyGee:
*Clears throat*
In Papa Jayjay's voice: Honourable talk and do has inarguably and undeniably taken an enormous and volumptous oath with myriad of problems, trials, hoolabaloos and brouhahas and have been tempted, hoodwinked and hornswoggled by treacherous women into invariably falling in troubles that are extremely difficult and iron-headed to evade, side-step and ultimately get out off! angry

Elvictor, thanks for tha update...

i will reply you when I check all the meanings

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 12:39pm On Aug 24, 2020
OGA LANDLORD 21+


Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.


Episode 105



I repeat the thing shocked me oh..! I quickly re-dialed the number and placed the phone on my ear to understand wetin dey happen. The phone rang but the receiver no gree pick.

Ugochukwu: wetin happen this one you frown face like goat wey don see slaughter?

Me: somebody just call me with Veronica number.

Ugochukwu: her husband?

Me: no..

Ugochukwu: her fiance?

Me: no..

Ugochukwu: her boyfriend?

Me: no..

Ugochukwu: it must be sugar daddy.

Me: you no get sense.

Ugochukwu: so na who?

Me: her father or something like that.

Ugochukwu: so her father na something like that?

Me: free me, my try the number again.

I dialed the number and this time the person has switched it off, Ugochukwu and I agreed to call the line later.
We no get choice than to trek to my yard all thanks to Anderson.

That boy with four square head with bandaged brain, I pity em future wife because I can see her spirit crying beside him.
Bright jumped out from a bush along, just before we could turned to the dirt road that led to my yard.

Ugochukwu: see the way my mind fly, wetin dey pursue you?

Bright: oga Honourable *smiling* nothing.

Me: wetin you mean by nothing?

Ugochukwu: and the guy talk like a sinner.

Bright: *raise his hands up* I no do anything oh, na shit I go shit oh!

Me: naso police dey take arrest people.

We left him and walked to the yard on our way I glanced at the yard that Steven lived, it was quiet again as everybody have dispatched to their various rooms.
If no be say I get where I suppose go and it was getting late, I for find out wetin later happen to my guy as a good citizen of Amebo Republic.

We got to the yard and met Anderson well positioned in the driver's seat waiting for us, he brought out his head to signal to us that they are ready.

Ishi and Tony came out of the yard, my mind tell me something. Make em no be say this guy invite these two mad people make them follow us, mba! it shall not happen jare..!!

Tony: is that not Honourable talk and do, I fit give you connection and contractors to fix road for you.

Ishi: Honourable, how far na? you never settle me oh.

Both of them were standing at the pavement talking to me, Ugochukwu don already enter inside the car em say na him go drive.

Me: I dey in a hurry, when I come back we go settle everything.

I quickly got inside the car and I forgot to check who and who came with Anderson to my Village, I wish I did.

Me: wetin you say Alicia do?

He ignited the car's engine and drove smoothly dodging road trap as much as he could, the thing dey everywhere anyway na just waste of time to avoid the road wife.

Ugochukwu: the babe dey ask me if I get pikin, how I go feel?

Me: *I start laughing* hahahaha.

Ugochukwu: why you dey laugh?

Me: I dey imagine you as person father, but the imagination no work out.

Ugochukwu: a whole responsible man like me, I go be the best father in the world. But no be that one dey bother me, na why she ask me that question?

Me: wait... No tell me say you..?

Ugochukwu: just small, na with co-ndom sef.

Me: but we agree say make you avoid that maid with big yansh.

Ugochukwu: that is the problem! The big yansh is everywhere.

Me: even for your bathroom?

Ugochukwu: you too dey mumu, na serious matter we dey discuss.

Me: and her yansh is everywhere na serious talk be that?

Ugochukwu: wetin I mean be say, I nofit avoid the bright future she get for back, bro. I tried but em no work out.

Me: but we don flush everything na, which one be pikin again?

Ugochukwu: maybe, she think say the thing still dey for her body.

Me: na your problem sha..

We talked on the happening especially about Okoye, Ugochukwu told me that my LGA people are calling for Okoye's head as everyone is using any possible platform to ask for justice. I no know how Ugochukwu take do am, he really paid the right people to do the trick if nobe money and hunger wetin dey motivate local man again?

I gave him direction and we drove into my father's house in the village, the place is well kept and I guessed my aunt who is a widow with two sons have been doing a wonderful work.

One was older than me, I no know whether em still dey pursue em music career. Wetin dey on ground na census on who and who Anderson carry come my Village.

They pulled over with us, I stepped down and watched.
The front door opened and Rufus stepped down holding Ghana Must Go, Ugochukwu saw it and started laughing.

Ugochukwu: Oga Rufu, Ghana have gone tay-tay na, why you carry them come my brother from another mama village?

Me: I still dey wonder, when we go go tomorrow.

Rufus: ona no go understand *tru tru, we no understand until Rufus made us to*

The car's back-door opened and Papa Jayjay stepped down, he looked around.

Papa Jayjay: exquisite abode to my own amplification.

Me: you don't mean it.

Teacher came out with Old Soldier, so Anderson brought the pack of wahala to my village. I stared at Anderson giving him that face that meant "you no try at all".

Voice: brother! brother!!

My cousin ran and leapt like antelope enter my body, I staggered backward before I could hold on to him. The boy wan really fall me for ground, sas em wan tall pass em uncle improper fraction. Small pikin of yesterday, why all these children of nowadays wan become adult quick quick sef?

Ugochukwu: who be this?

My cousin turned sharply and introduced himself, as if somebody send am.

My cousin: my name is Josh, and am his brother.

I grabbed his head and knocked it.

Me: tell am your real name.

My cousin: but Uncle Josh na my name na.

Me: shut up! *I knock him again* wetin happen to the Hua your papa add?

My cousin: aaahh! *mo-an in pain* I dey sorry, my name na Joshua.

Me: good boy, no introduce yourself again as Josh again. Na so em dey take start, for Secondary school you go remove some letters from your name when you enter University you go come call yourself tiger or scorpion then start to dey behave like tiger for campus.

Ugochukwu: who dey give you all these theories, Victor sef?

Me: I be experienced man, Joshua where your mother and uncle Harry P dey?

Joshua: them dey backyard.

Teachers: in the 80s younger ones don't welcome visitors by standing outside, I wonder what kind of morals nowadays teachers inculcate in their students, I weep for my Nation.

Me: Joshua, abeg.. Carry my friends go inside.

I rushed to the backyard Ugochukwu matching my pace.

Harry P's voice: *singing* people in the village! always talk about farm, they gat no place to work and get money.

Ugochukwu giggled amusingly, na only this track my brother get? since I was young. Anytime them mention make we go farm this song don enter repeat for em mouth till we reach farm.
A voice called out behind us.

Voice: Bi-tor? *I cringe inwardly*

This remix of my name tire me oh!!

TBC.

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Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 12:40pm On Aug 24, 2020
OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.



Episode 106



I turned and saw my aunt approaching us from behind, she tied a wrapper around her waist with a white top.

Me: aunty, good evening.

My Aunt: ehee! evening, you don grow like this finish. You no even gree come visit us again.

Ugochukwu: good evening, ma.

My aunt: evening oh, my pikin.

Me: aunt, I go explain later.

We went to the backyard and find my uncle Harry-P singing with earpiece covering his two ears.
He was so happy to see me and my aunt rushed to the kitchen to prepare fufu it have tay oh.

I told her we had lots of visitors for her to entertain. She complained of soup don finish blablabla.. I gave her some cash. It was getting late, I wanted to visit the village chief so that the town crier will go round and announce to everyone that their son is back home.

Ugochukwu: na only you fine for your lineage?

Me: *I laugh* hahaha, you dey look for my sisters, you have failed.

Ugochukwu asked me that question while we were walking alone to the sitting room after we entered the house through the back-door along the kitchen.
We got to the sitting-room and find Rufus and Papa Jayjay, while the other two is missing.

I no even see Joshua sef there, I come dey wonder why. I saw Rufus with entirely new out-fit and a wrist watch counting and dropping on the table.

Me: wey Joshua na?

Papa Jayjay: you meant the lad that called himself Josh? By now he will be in the West coast of the village.

By now Rufus has already arranged wads of cash on the table.

Rufus: five hundred for City ashewo, therefore three hundred naira for Village ashewo *he drop the money on the table*

Me: Ugo, come make we dey go abeg.

Ugochukwu: hope say we no go delay, hungry don dey catch me.

Rufus: I dey come oh!

I no gree wait, I rushed out and Ugochukwu followed with Rufus running after us.
We drove out of the house and asked people for direction to the village chief's house, lots of people didn't even recognize me again.

I don freshen up no be small, Balenciaga toto work *winks*. I drove to one block house without fence and parked under an apple tree in the vast compound, a man was sitting shirtless at the verandah with local gin on a stool before him.

We all came down and approached the man sitting in the frontage, we greeted him and he asked one of his daughters to bring out chairs for us. A young girl came out wearing a tight gown, her yansh no big oh! but the way Rufus was ogling her yansh till he even forgot to sit down make me wonder if na the same yansh we see.

We sat and the man asked us who we are, I told him who I am. He was so happy to see me, then and there I realized say the news of me contesting as the sole candidate for house assembly seat have spread everywhere.

Village chief: so my son *no be me and you oh* wetin you want my do for you?

Me: I want make you gather everybody for town hall tomorrow, I wan officially tell my people say I wan represent them and ask for their blessings with my mouth.

Village Chief: no be problem, you know say to gather everybody no be for free because the town crier go drink pure water. As tradition demands.

I gave him about twenty thousand naira and the man swing into action with immediate effect, see the way the old man dey call em daughter even my spirit wan jump out of my body.
His daughter came out the of the house, the one Rufus was admiring.

Village chief: check my shirt pocket, the one I dey keep money. Bring out fifty naira carry am go give village town crier.

His daughter: okay papa, papa what of this one? my carry am go drop?

Village chief: who send you? that one no need your help. I never too old to carry am go by myself.

We told him that we are running late we needed to leave, it was getting dark already. We got into the car that is when the man's daughter came out of their house, I reversed and drove out of the compound.

Rufus: see fu-ck up! abeg, Honourable talk and do, park. I forget something.

Ugochukwu: ah ahh! Oga Rufus, we know say you no forget anything.

Me: wetin you say you forget?

Rufus: my heart, abeg park for here.

Ugochukwu: how manage you still dey alive?

I parked and he dropped off, he went back for his heart. Make yansh no kill am sha..

Ugochukwu: I don see person wey like woman pass you.

Me: abeg, I no like woman. I love money pass anything for this world.

My phone rang just when I was about igniting the car, I saw the caller I.D it was Profit calling. I picked the call.

Johannah's voice: daddy, where are you let me come and bring you home right away!

Me: *I laugh* I dey heaven.

Johannah's voice: which side in Heaven daddy?

Me: am in village, I go return tomorrow before you go come back from school.

Johannah's voice: promise daddy.

Me: I promise.

Johannah's voice: okay Daddy, mommy wants to talk to you.

She gave the phone to her mother.

Profit's voice: hey, how are you doing, honey?

I removed the phone from my ear, this part of the acting no favour me.

Me: oh! sweetie, am fine. You?

Profit's voice: am fine, sweetheart. Your daughter didn't allow me to rest because you refused to return.

Johannah's voice: yes, daddy. I almost killed mommy, I missed you!

This pikin get big mouth just dey talk anything wey enter her head. We talked on irrelevant stuffs before we hung up, I drove to the house and food was ready.

I just washed my hands and started eating with Ugochukwu, while Teacher and Old soldier were arguing about the 80s and 90s. Papa Jayjay was blowing the argument with grammar.

I finished eating and left the parlour for them to continue, I sat on the verandah with Ugochuwkwu enjoying the moonlight when Joshua came out of the house with low stool in his hands.

Joshua: brother, you still remember Ada?

Me: which Ada?

Ugochukwu was enjoying the direction the conversation was going, Joshua sat on a low stool by my side.

Joshua: ahh! ahh! you no remember your childhood babe? the one you promise say you go marry.

Me: that time I no get sense, now I get sense.

Ugochukwu: my man, you dey deny your village wife.

Joshua: she dey ask of you, she even tell me say she wan see you. She still love you very much and she no wan marry any other person apart from you.

Me: o shey! marriage councillor, deliver this message back to her. Tell her say I don marry two wives with ten children, you hear me.

Ugochukwu: the gods are confused *laughing* hahaha! this one you dey fear women, the more the better bro.

Joshua: but brother, where your wife and children them na?

Me: as my grandfather or my papa for blessing and confirmation to the family abi?

Joshua: Ada really love you bro, I see love in her eyes.

Me: stand up!

He got up from the low stool, I took it and placed it under my feet.

Me: go inside, sleep don dey catch you.


TBC...

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Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Healman(m): 1:47pm On Aug 24, 2020
Lolz, well as Ugo said, if he can be careful of ladies he go soon get well
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by happyjuliet(f): 2:22pm On Aug 24, 2020
Elvictor:
DEDICATED TO Ayanfe29


OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.




Episode 99



Which kind school dey allow all these small pikin dey discuss about their moms and dads? ehnn... This shouldn't be allowed to go on in such academic environment to prevent unsaid things. Children are very curious and inquisitive, reading pessimistic meanings to things.

See this small girl dey talk say make I sleep for her right and her mother at her left, she go just 'cause wahala.

Profit's child: not so mommy?!

Profit: Johanna...

The little girl tugged on my clothe again, I go flog this small pikin cane oh. When we were small, we dey flee when they mention our papa is around but now the fear of father has left that name, no regard again. I go just knock this girl head.

Johanna: *tears threatening* please daddy.. daddy na.

Me: go sleep, I go come join you later.

Johanna: I love you daddy *kiss me on my nose* I love you mommy *kiss her on her cheek*

Profit: let me take you in.

At least she didn't object or wanted me to do it, I for just carry her and rushed her inside then give am Batista Finishing.
The little girl was full of life that I even took pity on her, I brought out my phone to check if Veronica has called alas no call from her.

I dialed Anderson number, I was yet to call him about tomorrow arrangement for the next rally. I can't run for ever, home am coming. The phone rang and my heartbeats like drum, I felt like hours when it was barely seconds.

Anderson's voice: my own Honourable, this one you call this time. You don dey turn politician small small.

Me: you don arrange for tomorrow rally?

Anderson's voice: you never ask me to, I no wan dey do busy body again.

Me: which one be business body again?

Anderson's voice: I no get manhood again.

Me: what do you say?

Anderson's voice: missing manhood.

Me: no forget to arrange, na my village we dey go. Ehnn.. Make sure say you get the NEPA man number, we go see tomorrow.

I hung up without waiting for his response, which one is missing manhood? This boy will not have sense. I was still thinking of my decision to return home.

Profit: what are you thinking? *she startle me*

Me: heaven.

She got the humour and laughed, then sat on the sofa looking as enticing as the finest of Creator's creature.

Me: who be her father?

Profit: *she examine me for minute* I don't know.

Me: *I be wan laugh* you be the new Mary?

Profit: not really, things just happened.

Me: first happened, second happened, third happened. Just tell me all things that happened.

Profit: are you scared? *who no go fear ehnn?*

Me: no na, of who kwanu? *prevention is better than cure*

Profit: I was young when it happened, I don't even know him and then Johanna happened.

The happened turned the whole story to something else, I almost slept off before she finished the second happen. I don dey yawn to hug my bed, she took me up and I showered.

She handed pyjama that I wore for the night and I disappeared into the visitor's bathroom, I bath finish come out and saw her sitting on the bed.
I entered bathroom back because na towel I been dey wear, I put all the whole armour against fornication and came out after drilling my di-ck. You never can trust that little man that has no eyes.

She took me to the master bedroom and the King Size bed was spacious enough, Johanna was sleeping soundly. Such a cute child, I lay on her right side and her mother on her left. As I dropped for bed I took off to England.

I felt a hand moving on my face and something was been pressed to my face, it felt strange and unusual. I opened my eyes and the blurring images began making sense. Johanna was sitting on me with a pencil on her head, I closed my eyes.

I heard when the door opened and Profit must have stepped in.

Profit: sweetheart, what are you doing with your daddy? *I open my eyes*

Johanna: see now, mommy he is awake. Daddy, wait let me finish your make-up.

Which one is make up again? A smile glued to Profit's face as she stared at us.
I just lay there without knowing what the kid was upto.

She got up and jumped happily on the bed with her neatly ironed uniform, cheering happily.

Johanna: yaaaa! am done!! daddy, you look beautiful with your make up on.

Me: make up? Wetin be make up?

Profit: Johanna, come and have your breakfast so that your daddy and I will take you to School.

Johanna: yes, mommy. Daddy, you owe me big love for making you look more handsome.

Profit seemed to overly smiling that morning or forcing herself not to laugh, because the whole her lips spread on her face made her resemble Adamawa cow. She gave me sign to head to the bathroom, I went inside for bath.

She has prepared everything and even marvelled how my tooth-brush, tooth-paste, and the clothes I wore last night have undergo washing. I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't recognize the masquerade that I was seeing.

Holy ghost!

I nearly didn't want to leave that bathroom, after breakfast we headed to the car.

Johanna: daddy, are you the one driving?

Me: no, your mommy will.

Profit: *smiling* no problem.

Johanna: are you sure daddy?, mom is an asphalt.

I no know the meaning until she eased the car out of the compound and did one crazy cut around a junction, and then sped off overtaking some cars, keke, trailer...

Me: biko... Slow down!

Johanna: *clapping and cheering* faster mommy, yeaaaa!!

This small pikin no know wetin she mean, faster to where? The fast is already sending death signal. We almost hit a trailer but she did an expert dodge and we were rewarded with curses.

Me: am the only person left in my family, abeg no speed again.

Johanna: daddy, don't be scared.

You want my knock your head? I shouldn't be scared when ona wan kill me? Make I no fear death at this my tender age?
I pulled out my phone and called Ugochukwu, who picked sharp sharp.

Me: guy, abeg help me write my wills.

Ugochukwu's voice: which will?

Me: because somebody wan kill me.

Ugochukwu's voice: no be first time, help me greet my grandmother there.

He hung up and the car came to a halt close to a gate, I was the first to jump down.
Before Profit dropped Johanna on the ground, I was panting and sweating.

Na near life and death experience be that oh, my phone rang and Anderson was the caller. I picked.

Anderson's voice: Honourable talk and do, there is fire on the mountain.

Me: which of the mountain? Na Everest or which one?

Anderson's voice: your yard oh.

Me: who carry my yard go mountain?

Anderson's voice: old soldier don return.

Me: which old soldier again na?

Anderson's voice: the one wey you know.

Me: tell Rufus to allow am make em live with am, ask Rufus to call me.

Profit came out of the gate and asked me to join her, I thanked her for the suicidal ride and headed in search of bus to get to my destination, she came down and stopped me from going further.

Profit: *smiling and grinning, madness* I thought you are a man.

Me: until you turned me into a woman.

TBC...




cheesy cheesy cheesy hahahahaha honorable talk and do so u no won die yet.....Lol Nice �






Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 2:40pm On Aug 24, 2020
Healman:
Lolz, well as Ugo said, if he can be careful of ladies he go soon get well

Healman, giving us senior men observation back to back.

1 Like

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 2:41pm On Aug 24, 2020
grin grin
aunty happyjuliet, you quote everything.
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Ayanfe29(f): 4:13pm On Aug 24, 2020
Honourable talk and do, you sure say no b water wey one gigolo/commercial sex worker use remain na hin that nurse for hospital use bath you first because this your matter e weak all of us o!

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 4:39pm On Aug 24, 2020
Ayanfe29:
Honourable talk and do, you sure say no b water wey one gigolo/commercial sex worker use remain na hin that nurse for hospital use bath you first because this your matter e weak all of us o!

you still keep the nurse in mind, hope isn't what am thinking.
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by BankyGee(m): 5:21pm On Aug 24, 2020
"...but the way Rufus was ogling her yansh till he even forgot to sit down make me wonder if na the same yansh we see..."
- Elvictor

My best line from the previous episode grin

More A-Z oil to your elbow boss! cool
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Asiseeit: 5:44pm On Aug 24, 2020
wetin happen to the Hua your papa add?

That killed me grin grin grin
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Ayanfe29(f): 8:08pm On Aug 24, 2020
Elvictor:


you still keep the nurse in mind, hope isn't what am thinking.

Nah!
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by yungbanks(m): 8:49am On Aug 25, 2020
Chai Elvictor thanks for the update i go dey follpw follow like psquare ooo
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:47am On Aug 25, 2020
BankyGee:

My best line from the previous episode grin
More A-Z oil to your elbow boss! cool
amen! amen!! amen!!!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:47am On Aug 25, 2020
BankyGee:

My best line from the previous episode grin
More A-Z oil to your elbow boss! cool
amen! amen!! amen!!!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:48am On Aug 25, 2020
Asiseeit:
wetin happen to the Hua your papa add?

That killed me grin grin grin

please, don't die bro.. *lol*
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:49am On Aug 25, 2020
Ayanfe29:


Nah!

i was thinking about how you could remember that scene, a lot of readers have totally forgotten about it... I won't be able to trick you in this story, I swear.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:50am On Aug 25, 2020
yungbanks:
Chai Elvictor thanks for the update i go dey follpw follow like psquare ooo

I godey sing like P-square, God don do am for me say I be twin too
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:52am On Aug 25, 2020
OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.



Episode 107




Ugochukwu: *laughing* allow that boy na, make em no campaign again for em candidate?

Joshua took some steps towards the door and stood there for some minutes.

Joshua: uncle, she talk say she be still virgin.

Me: I go kill person oh!

I sprung up from the chair lifting the low stool, I only heard the loud bang of the door and I didn't see him again were he was when he said that nonsense.
Wetin virgin wan help me for my present situation, I sat back on the chair and watched Ugochukwu laughing seriously.

Me: the whole thing no funny at all

Ugochukwu: is like this Ada sabi bribe oh, see the way your brother dey campaign for her.

Me: the thing shock me too, is like Ada don bewitch my brother.

Ugochukwu: tell me about her na.

My phone rang and I brought it out and saw Anderson as the caller, I come remember say I no see Anderson since wey we return from the Village Chief house.
I picked the call and placed the phone on my ear.

Anderson: honourable, abeg.. I no know where I dey?

Me: look around, wetin you see?

Anderson: television and laptops with people.

Me: you dey Bet9ja office?

Anderson: ehhnn.. But I no know how manage?

Me: you no know how manage? na how manage turn you to goat and tie you with rope then drag you go there?

Anderson: yes, true. Because as I dey like this I dey owe them one thousand naira and them no want my commot here until I pay them.

Me: so wetin you want make I do?

Anderson: use your voice for collateral.

Me: which bank be that? How I wan do that kind thing?

Anderson: abeg, just tell them say make them follow me come house. Them be your village boys, I still get money for house.

Me: give them the phone.

I spoke to the guys and they agreed to come over to take the money, them say them go collect Transport fare as if no be legs them go use trek come my house.
I ended the call, I no blame them sha..

Ugochukwu: na Anderson again?

Me: you don see am na.

Ugochukwu: bet9ja don make that boy mad, this one don pass children play.

I was quiet thinking about Aisha that Dolce lady of a woman, which plan is she planning. She has refused calling or even texting me, hope the plan she has for me is the plan of good and not to destroy me.

We sat at the frontage until Anderson arrived with the boys, he settled them and they left while we all went inside.

I met my Uncle Harry-P and Teacher with Old Soldier watching a movie, Papa Jayjay was there also. I and Ugochukwu sat and joined them while Anderson went in and returned some minutes later, Papa Jayjay declared himself sleepy and went in.

Only to appear again with a bible in his hand.

Papa Jayjay: who is this alienated deluded dunce swimming in the pool of discombobulation that he has gone eyed blind to decipher the segregation betwixt scriptural book and coupon, what an acme impiety! my candid proposition for him to be supplanted in the funny-farm rather be in dome of sane entities of my apogee.

Anderson: take am easy na, I just put only slip inside your bible na you wan fall this roof with your grammar, you better pray make I win that slip 'cause na better money I go win. A whole two million, make all of join hands in prayer.

Harry-P: *singing* Bet na for our lazy youth, me wey I dey hustle with my album. Mama say son you go make am.

Me: na em make you no make am, uncle.

Ugochukwu: my G** isn't a G** of Bet9ja.

Me: which of the gods you dey talk about?

My Uncle Harry-P stood up and left the sitting-room to sleep.
The door opened and Rufus stepped in smiling and grinning from ear to ear, Papa Jayjay hissed and threw the slip at Anderson who caught and pocketed it.

Rufus: why ona never sleep na? as for me I wan sleep.

Old Soldier and Teacher don go far sef, na television they watch them all along.

Anderson: Oga Rufu, where you dey come from?

Rufus: na grown up man you dey ask that question no be small pikin, I go sing special song for Church.

Anderson: hope say that Church no be person daughter, na you and Old Soldier dey share the same room.

Rufus: no repeat that thing before you die before your time, I nodey sleep with any of them. You better find one room jam-pack those two 80s and 90s men, I say no to Ancient men. Today, I dey sleep in same room with contemporary men and nobody dey rob that chance lai-lai!

Anderson: but Old Soldier na your room-mate.

Rufus: for City, here na village. Avoid me.

He left while I asked Anderson to wake Teacher and Old Soldier up, I switched off the television.

Anderson: *tapping* Old Soldier wake up!

Old Soldier: the Biafra soldiers don show?

Anderson: no be only Biafra soldier, go sleep inside room.

He moved over to Teacher while Old Soldier stretched and yawned tiredly.

Anderson: Teach oh! wake up go sleep inside room.

Teacher: I wonder what kinds of morals your teacher enrolled you on while you are in school, is it how to wake up an old man like me. Isn't done that way in the eighties and nineties.

Anderson: na the new way, calendar don change.

I went inside and left them there, Ugochukwu didn't follow me because he was giggling like aturu watching them..
The next morning my Aunty knock on the door woke me up, I asked her to come in.

Me: aunty, good morning *I stretch and yawn*

My Aunty: I don tell Joshua make em put Owuze [trans: if em no be] for fire.

Me: Aunty, hiaa.. Owuze no be person name? fire, how?

My Aunty: if no be beans you for no see us again, na wetin we dey eat.

Me: aunty, I no wan eat Owuze. Abeg make ona cook rice, money dey.

I gave her some cash and she left, I dragged my feet from the bed and sat by the side. Ugochukwu was busy snoring, I went out to the frontage and saw Old Soldier doing push-ups and jumping up and down. While Teacher was reading "Things Fall Apart" as usual, he has read that book more than the life span of that book.

Old Soldier: I remember when I was a soldier *singing* I remember when I was a soldier! *jumping up and down*

Someone opened the gate and walked in looking unkempt, the man looked familiar but I couldn't believe my eyes until OATT stood before me.

Me: Mr. Okoye, you fine today oh? wetin be the secret.

Mr. Okoye: abeg, tell EFCC make them leave me hand. I nodey contest election with you again, abeg.

Ugochukwu came out of the room, stretching and yawning.

Ugochukwu: who be this?

Me: na wetin I ask before, na Mr. Okoye the reborn.

Ugochukwu: oga Okoye, wetin you come do here.

Okoye: I come beg.

Ugochukwu: aaahh! aahhh! between two of ona, who dey beg who?

Me: ask me oh, because our two dey stand.

Ugochukwu: kneel down and hands up, then beg. Abi beggar don start to dey fight human rights too?

TBC..

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Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:53am On Aug 25, 2020
OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.



Episode 108


Teacher sat on a plastic chair under the dome of the porch his leg crossed as he stretched out his hand holding the novel, while his spectacle was placed on the bridge of his nose. Old Soldier was training around the field were my parents graves are.

Teacher: in the eighties and nineties, we crawl, cry, sweat while we were begging I wonder what kind of morals your teachers taught you when you were in school, unbelievable!

Me: my Chairman if you no wan kneel down, I go go inside oh!

Ugochukwu: only kneel down? haba.. you don fu-ck up na, crawl go back do wetin Teacher talk.

Mr. Okoye: I nofit do that kind thing, simple.

Me: you still dey get mouth.

Mr. Okoye: nonsense, I don beg you finish.

He turned and walked away, arrogant idiot! na just the beginning be this. When am done with you em go be like say trailer jam you forget your bones for road.

Ugochukwu: that man too dey proud.

Me: I swear, proud old man.

Teacher adjusted his spectacles and bent a little slightly making his eyeballs enlarge.

Teacher: has he left?

We never answer am oh..

Teacher: in the eighties and nineties while I was still serving my colonial master...

Ugochukwu: we hear you, but that one nodey bother me.

I waka go inside jejely enter kitchen picked chewing stick, I chewed it for sometime while I watched my Aunty and Joshua prepared the white rice and stew in the kitchen built behind the house.

The smoke coming out of the window, na wa oohh! I went inside and brushed my mouth.
I could hear loud voices in the frontage as all of them were there discussing.
I could even hear Rufus voice when I past through the sitting-room.

Rufus's voice: the girl think say she sharp, I just carry am go one corner tidy am.

Voices: Rufu! Rufu!! you all are appraising cu-nt hunter nonsensical poppycock!

My head nofit carry noise so I just find my way to backyard go sit down for the plastic chair I kept on the pavement.
Joshua came and sat on the pavement slowly, because I dey give am sign with my eyes make em avoid any issues connecting to Ada.

Joshua: brother we thank God for you ohh!

Me: how?

Joshua: I don eat owuze tire *I laugh* a whole full goat, chaii.. I nofit remember when I smell goat that close talk more to eat am.

Me: as I don return like this, things go better.

Joshua: amen.

He brought out a black waterproof from his short pocket and opened it, he kept it on the marbled floor by his side and started picking seeds of groundnuts from it. Cracked it and threw the ground-nut inside his mouth.

Anderson came out of the room yawning and stretching, I wonder if na now em wake. Abi, em dey busy dey check livescores through out last night.

Anderson: em no go better for Wolves Mad rid, food never done?

Joshua: na the stew remain.

Anderson: na groundnut you dey chew?

He bent and took a handful, he joined Joshua ministry.

Anderson: you attend groundnut secondary school apapa Local Government?

Joshua: no, where the school dey?

Anderson: I fear the way you dey chew the ground-nut.

My Aunty later announced to us that the food is ready for consumption, breakables plates were set for everyone and she dished the food. Everyone picked their own, but Old Soldier and Teacher were served them be our daddies in the house.

We sat around the dinning table as everyone consumed their plates of rice apart from Teacher who was staring at the rice like specimen in the laboratory.

Anderson: poverty mad oh! if my papa make mistake poor for next life, I swear na ritual I go use am do. Wetin em dey do when em mate dey hustle dey make money?

Ugochukwu: make your own na, hiaa! Teacher you no go eat.

Teachers: in the nineties and eighties we take tea for breakfast, I wonder what teachers are doing in our various school in between... *he pick the meat and throw it inside his mouth* delicious!

Rufus: Papa Jayjay, take am easy na before you go mistakenly swallow your spoon.

Papa Jayjay: what are you insinuating and deducing? I am miles ahead when it has to do with etiquette of reputable cadre.

Anderson: em don do, na just small advice.

Old Soldier: na this kind rice them dey serve us anytime we defeat Biafra soldiers.

Harry-P: make ona calm down, I wan release song after we eat finish.

After I cleared my rice on my breakable plate, I took it inside the kitchen and washed it. I came back to see them singing with Harry-P, I told them to go and take their baths so that we can make it to the village town hall.

Just then my Uncle Dede appeared at the doorpost and knocked, I opened the door and saw him.

Me: uncle?! good morning.

Dede: you don grow, collect hand *he stretch out his hand*

Me: ahh! I don stop to shake hand since.

Dede: you sure?

Me: I dey very sure.

Dede: em good to take Elders handshake so that you go grow like them.

Me: I know, Uncle come sit down.

The moment I turned to show him the chair that he should sit, I felt his hand on my shoulder.
He screamed and staggered backward with shock registered on his face, everyone appeared in the sitting-room staring at him.

Joshua: wetin this wicked man come do here?

My aunty: shut up! Joshua.

Joshua: but mommy em wicked na.

My Uncle Dede eyes bulged like he was seeing something human shouldn't see, he raised his hands up in pleading manner.
Suddenly he started rolling on the marbled floor wailing.

Dede: aaahhh! don't kill me oohh! I will confess, no floog me again ooohh! aaahhh!

Me: calm down na, for only two strokes you wan confess?

Dede: I will confess, aahah! ewwooohhh! chimmmooooo!! my waist oohh! I will confess.

Ugochukwu: be a man, collect more strokes before you confess joor.

TBC..

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Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by gbosque10(m): 10:14am On Aug 25, 2020
cheesy grin cheesy uncle don see the two women and fear grip am
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Ayanfe29(f): 11:09am On Aug 25, 2020
Elvictor:


i was thinking about how you could remember that scene, a lot of readers have totally forgotten about it... I won't be able to trick you in this story, I swear.

Don't mind me, I kinda have a photographic brain.... Anyways, I'm still your greatest fan, so tricking me might not work out.

Modified..…
Uncle Dede, so na you?!
Okoye is coming back in full force, hope say no be the rain wey the Seer prophesy be that? Abi na Uncle Dede wan put hin hand for where pass am?

Honourable talk and do, wey Dolce? And Veronica? Madam Stella? Profit nko?
Na four women o, no be two again!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Lakesc: 12:46pm On Aug 25, 2020
Thanks for the update Op, make dem flog that wicked uncle wella...
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by yungbanks(m): 3:09pm On Aug 25, 2020
Nna eh u don make me learn how to comment nice one Elvictor no worry if u finish this dtory i go dash u my babe make u try her trouble no whether u go survive am
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Healman(m): 9:09am On Aug 26, 2020
Ooin! you are doing well, i don go buy dictionary o, all thanks to papa jayjay.

It's like you'll clear me on something o, how Okoye take reach that village, how he know sey Hon. dey there?

*sips zobo
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:35am On Aug 26, 2020
gbosque10:
cheesy grin cheesy uncle don see the two women and fear grip am

lol..
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:37am On Aug 26, 2020
Ayanfe29:


Don't mind me, I kinda have a photographic brain.... Anyways, I'm still your greatest fan, so tricking me might not work out.

Modified..…
Uncle Dede, so na you?!
Okoye is coming back in full force, hope say no be the rain wey the Seer prophesy be that? Abi na Uncle Dede wan put hin hand for where pass am?

Honourable talk and do, wey Dolce? And Veronica? Madam Stella? Profit nko?
Na four women o, no be two again!

hope you have find the missing puzzle? you are in for a long thing, lol.
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:37am On Aug 26, 2020
Lakesc:
Thanks for the update Op, make dem flog that wicked uncle wella...

my main man... hope say you base for FCT? you sound so rich nowadays.
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:38am On Aug 26, 2020
yungbanks:
Nna eh u don make me learn how to comment nice one Elvictor no worry if u finish this dtory i go dash u my babe make u try her trouble no whether u go survive am

i wan maintain my celibacy till I marry, lol.
Re: Oga Landlord 21+ by Elvictor: 9:39am On Aug 26, 2020
Healman:
Ooin! you are doing well, i don go buy dictionary o, all thanks to papa jayjay.

It's like you'll clear me on something o, how Okoye take reach that village, how he know sey Hon. dey there?

*sips zobo

na first person narrative sha... remember say na their two dey drag the same constituency seat.. that means them from same lga and same clan

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