OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.




Episode 109



Dede: no flooggg me again ooohh! ewooohh! I will confess!! I did it oohh! *rolling and wailing on the floor*

Harry-P: I think say you be just evil village man I no know say you be John Wick, wetin you did? confess before I go carry my own cane.

Dede: aaahhh! I killed them oohh! all of them I killed them oohhh!!

My Aunty: my husband, who be the them?

Joshua: mommy, you still dey call this crowned prince of evil your husband na wa oohh!

My uncle Dede lay helplessly on the steps below the door, he was sweating and breathing heavily dragging too much air with loud gasps.

Dede: I killed your husband and joined hands to kill his parents.

I was stunned and confused, I no know which feelings dey run for my system that time. My Aunty was quiet blinking her eyes several times , I clenched my fist and turned away refusing to look at my uncle so that I won't record my first killing yet.

I walked away just to hear my Aunty gave a heart-wrenching shriek and leapt at the man.
I shook my head and went to my room, straight to the bathroom with my towel. I switched on the shower and stood below it allowing the water to run on my body, emotions started welling in me as I felt the urge to break someone face.

I started weeping all of a sudden, I tried holding back my tears but they flowed down from my eyes and I took long breathes to calm down. I took my bath and came out of the bathroom, the door was opened by panicking Joshua.

Joshua: brother, Uncle Dede don mad.

Me: how?

Joshua: I no know, em don mad.

I quickly rushed out with him as we came out of the sitting-room, the door was threw open.
I came out to the porch and find everyone standing there, my uncle has removed his trouser and shirt. He was only on singlet and boxer with a stick in his hand.

Dede: you wan try me *laughing* hahaha! you shall die, oya take it!! *laughing*

Me: wetin do am?

Ugochukwu: the sweetness of madness.

Teacher: I see wickedness all over that man, we would have burnt him alive if it were to be in the eighties and nineties, we are just increasing the numbers of mad people in the street. I don't know what kind of morals his teacher taught him in school, instead of dying he picked madness. Pathetic!

Dede: I go kill you *laughing* hahaha!

He ran out of the compound screaming loud, I shook my head and asked everyone to prepare for the meeting that we had in the town hall that morning.
After we got prepared and came out of the house, I was so quiet. Even Ugochukwu understood the moment as we drove to the town hall.

I just appeared before them and asked the Village Chief to do the talking, I couldn't stay in when he was talking I came out of the town hall passage and stood. Just then the Chief daughter came to me, the girl last night.

Chief daughter: good morning, sir.

Me: morning, wetin happen?

Chief daughter: I no see that your friend ona follow come yesterday, em don go back to City?

Just then Rufus appeared at the long verandah at the edge of the length of the hall, he started giving me signs not to disclose his identity to her. The guy don change em out-fit totally, new shirt, new shoe, new trouser, new haircut. I nodded twice.

Chief's daughter: why na, how I wan take get the money now!? *aunty you dey ask me?*

Me: I no know.

She went away, I took fresh air and reset my brains. I went in and talked to the people before we left, some people were expecting small cash while others are happy.
We picked up our things and left, I also took my Aunty account details so that I will be sending them money.

The most painful thing was that she resumed her grief, Ugochukwu drove me back to the City without saying a word.
I came down and decided to take urban driver, he drove me to Profit's house.

The security let me in, the house big oh! I walked and walked before I now appeared before the gigantic house.

Voice: daddy!

I turned to see Johannah running towards me, her mother and her must have been having a good time under the shade.

Profit: don't run.

For where? the pikin no hear she dey even dey fly come meet me. I carried her up and balanced her in my arm, she heavy sha.

Johannah: I miss you daddy *she peck me*

Me: *I peck her back* I miss you more sweetheart.

I pinch her nose and she giggled, her mother stood up and met with us.
Profit was more reserved as she just gave me a side-hug, but a huge smile was on her face.

Profit: hey, you back. Sweetheart, how is village?

Me: yes, village dey oh. Thanks love.

Johannah: daddy, do I have relatives apart from aunt Sarah and my mom's brother?

Me: *I nod* a lot oh! you will get tired to play with them.

Johannah: so sweet daddy *she put a finger on lips thinking* daddy, you haven't kiss mommy.

Make this lady go check her daughter age, too smart for her age. Carry small mouth dey talk big big talks with small head, I looked at Profit she was just smiling. Issokay.

Me: I no want make you see, close your eyes.

Johannah: okay, I will daddy.

She covered her eyes with her opened palms spreading on her face, I just bent a little and winked at Profit.

Johannah: should I open it daddy?

Me: yes, good girl.

Johannah: *she open her eyes* daddy, did you kiss mommy? *I nod* mommy do you like it? *her mother nod*

We went in together and Profit went inside the kitchen with her maids, I wonder if she sabi cook with all these wealth.
Any lady wey just rich reach this level don dey hawk feminism for head, I sat on the couch relaxed when Johannah carry her wahala come.

She came to me with her book and pen, local man just dey em own.

Profit: daddy, help me with my assignment.

Me: bring am, your daddy sabi something.

She gave me th book and I saw quantitative reasoning. She helped me flipped the page to the page she was asked to fill, I just dey look all the drawing them draw for the book.

It wasn't money so it wasn't making any sense to me, wetin local man wey attend government school wan sabi for all these jaga jaga ona dey draw here sef? I no understand anything at all. This pikin wan just fall my hands, you no see me.

Me: my eyeglass, I can't see.

TBC..

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.




Episode 110




We were both sitted on the couch while her quantitative reasoning text book was on my laps, Johannah sat at my right hand.
She pointed at one triangular drawing in the text book which has a plus sign with circle, I no do Maths for school na how local man wan take sabi further maths and logic kwanu?

Johannah: did you see this *I shake my head* what of this one *I shake my head* this one too *I shake my head*

Me: I nodey see anything, I need lens to be able to read.

Johannah: alright, I will tell mommy to buy you one.

She carried her assignment book from my laps and took it to the dinning table and started working on it, she left me in peace.
I was relaxed enjoying the calmness in my soul and the aching pain in my heart.
My phone rang and I brought it out, the call was from my Aunty.

I got up from the couch in the sitting-room and walked to the hall-way of the house while my phone rang, I picked the call and placed it on my ear.

Me: aunty, good evening.

Aunty: ona don reach?

Me: yes.

She became quiet all of a sudden, I had to repeat three 'hellos' before she spoke again.

Aunty: I dey here, something happen when ona go.

Me: wetin happen again?

Aunty: Innocent and Evans come house to come look for you.

Me: why them dey look for me?

Aunty: about your Uncle Dede.

Me: oh! I don start to work for psychia bah? make them tie am up then jack am go psychiatric hospital, make nobody disturb my life.

Aunty: no body don mad for your lineage before, forgive him.

Me: there is first time for everything, maybe madness na em calling for the family. Aunty, good night I go call you when I calm down.

I hung up and looked back to see Johannah staring at me, she folded her arms and was looking extremely gorgeous. Fine pikin with big wahala.

Johannah: are you fine daddy? *I nod*

Me: daddy is perfect, oya come let me carry you.

She ran into my arms and I lifted her up, I took her to the sitting-room and then Profit invited us over to the dinning.
We were having lots of varieties as dinner, fried meats, fried potatoes, fried chicken laps, fried rice, fried plantain. We dey on fried diet that night and I can't figure out all the fried on the table.

I jejely dey eat when that small mouth with big voice talk.

Johannah: daddy, you are not feeding mommy.

Me: she is a shy beautiful lady.

Johannah eyes widened and her mom gave me a blank expression, my head no correct tru tru. I dug my spoon in my rice and produced spoonful of rice, raised it to Profit's face. She opened her mouth and took it staring at me, she returned the favour.

Johannah: yeeeaaaa! daddy loves mommy.

I nodded like aturu, I wasn't myself that night even while we settled to watch a movie I couldn't concentrate.
My mind wander off and I even slept off only for Profit to take me to the master bedroom, I had my bath and laid on the bed and closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes later to see a hand holding firmly to me, it was Johannah's little hand. I raised myself up and tried to remove the grip on my clothe.

Johannah: don't go daddy. *she mumble unconsciously*

Me: I will be here always for you.

I removed her hand gently and set my feet on the marbled floor, I left the bedroom and stood on the balcony of the house.
Everywhere was illuminated, I was in deep thought concerning my Uncle's situation. Is he worth my forgiveness?

Profit's voice: hey, what are you doing here?

I looked back and saw her standing with her white robe, she looked dangerous with it as her robe graced her magnificent figure tightly.

Me: thinking.

Profit: about?

She came closer and I told her everything, she hugged me tightly after I told her what happened and it felt good.
It felt like I have been in that arms before, it felt so good and comforting.

Profit: you have gone through a lot, you just have to let go.

Me: am trying, em no easy.

She looked deep into my eyes searchingly, she is so beautiful and her eyes. With her admirable lips that screamed kiss me every now and then I stared at it, she leaned for a kiss and I moved a way my face.

She didn't insist any further, she just walked away without a word. I stayed there and reasoned one or two before my phone rang, o gini for this kind night.
I checked the caller it was Ugochukwu, I picked the call.

Ugochukwu's voice: no vex say I disrupt round two.

Me: which round two?

Ugochukwu's voice: I know say you dey knack that fine babe, no tell me say Veronica don turn you to celibate.

Me: na wetin them send you from ona wizard meeting to come ask? who godey think of se-x with this kind circumstance?

Ugochukwu's voice: Victor, sha... no be why I call you. We dey go Shantel their house for the introduction with my relatives tomorrow, abeg try show for your yard tomorrow.

Me: na why you call me for this kind time?

Ugochukwu's voice: and so? na now rich men dey make calls and make moves, plan good plans. Na poor men mentality dey reason time.

He ended the call without allowing me to curse him, Ugo need cane seriously.
I went back to bed and slept off, only to feel someone tapping me.

Johannah: daddy, wake up. lets prepare for church.

Me: *I open my eyes* two minutes *I close it back*

I continued sleeping before she started disturbing me again, this girl wahala too much.

Johannah: daddy, we will be late to Church.

Me: *I open my eyes* five minutes *I close it back*

Johannah: you said earlier two minutes, how come about five minutes addition?

Profit: sweetheart, let your daddy sleep. Come lets go, he will join us another day.

Better, make this pikin leave me alone in peace. After I slept to my satisfaction, I got up from the bed and had my bath.
Brushed my mouth then took breakfast before calling Ugochukwu, he drove to Profit's residence stopping at the gate.
I came out of the house and hopped in.

Me: drive go the seer house.

Ugochukwu: you wan always know pass your destiny.

Me: so, how far na? when your relatives go show?

Ugochukwu: them dey road.

Me: your papa no go follow them?

Ugochukwu: em don die, only my mama and my two uncles go follow come.

Me: you no get sister?.

Ugochukwu: two women no do you?

Me: so, I nofit be your in law.

Ugochukwu: I nofit give you my sister make you marry.

Me: why?

Ugochukwu: womanizer like you, you go just pieces her heart.

I shook my head and let the issue die biko, I nodey in the mood to discuss. We got to the Seer's house and tried to push the gate as usual, it refused to give way giving us no other option than to knock.
We knocked and knocked till a young man appeared.

Man: who ona dey look for?

Me: the seer dey house?

Man: no seer dey this house..

Ugochukwu: wait... you mean say na the wrong address?

Man: no, my oga just buy this house newly from one tall guy. Em be like say the seer don die, na wetin them tell me.

I was stunned and I remembered what he told me when I came with Profit the other day, why so soon? the new news compounded my frustration as we went inside the car.
Ugochukwu was lamenting about the death of the man, while I was deeply confused.

We parked the car at the yard and came out of it, I felt the burden weighing on me.
Uche came out carrying cylinder, he tied it to his machine while Onyema his younger brother came out of the yard and saw him.

Onyema: brother, you wan go fill gas?

Uche: no, I wan sell the cylinder.

Onyema: na the only cylinder we get for this house oh, and them even dash us. I no wan go back to smoke the house stove wey you jack come from where I no know.

Uche: I wan just run around if I go see money to fill the gas.

Me: that guy no go fill that cylinder *I whisper to Ugo*

Ugochukwu: who tell you?

Me: that run around em dey add for that filling of cylinder tell me so.

TBC..

nice job Op, keep-up the good work, each episode is always remarkable nice job Op, keep-up the good work, each episode is always remarkable

Elvictor:


aunty happyjuliet, you quote everything.

Lol......

Elvictor:


my main man... hope say you base for FCT? you sound so rich nowadays.

Lol... That why i never miss your updates, with you is always fun...

Elvictor:


hope you have find the missing puzzle? you are in for a long thing, lol.

Lolz..... I'll be patient

Interesting

I really feel for Honorable talk and do o...may his parents rest in peace...he should forgive his uncle cuz of his political career... Profit don dey fall in love..

Honourable talk and do don change o! This one way him no want iron Profit kpomo (Reminsce voice).

Elvictor:


na first person narrative sha... remember say na their two dey drag the same constituency seat.. that means them from same lga and same clan

Okay na, Elvictor, you're doing well.

BankyGee:

Abeg if Vic no want Profit, me I want oh... What is he profiting playing fake daddy now without any mende-mende?

U go wicked small o! lolz, u want make he add to his league of fine troubles? t

Chaiii, my Gee don learn market,
after em go say em no sabi chop and clean mouth,

Tuale my Gee

BankyGee:

Abeg if Vic no want Profit, me I want oh... What is he profiting playing fake daddy now without any mende-mende?

Nna eh some times i dey wonder victor life dey like nollywood movie i swear confusing to an extent that he is also confused aboit who he is like all the seer things ugochukwu and all if his thinking faculty was workimg he should have been secretly probing Ugo but he has forgotten and is still lettting ugo in on many issues even when he was there when the seer said Ugo got many secrets

KingAgroOrganic:
nice job Op, keep-up the good work, each episode is always remarkable nice job Op, keep-up the good work, each episode is always remarkable

thank you sir!

Lakesc:
Lol... That why i never miss your updates, with you is always fun...

thanks, brotherly.

Ayanfe29:


Lolz..... I'll be patient

fear F.. *smiles*

yungbanks:
Nna eh some times i dey wonder victor life dey like nollywood movie i swear confusing to an extent that he is also confused aboit who he is like all the seer things ugochukwu and all if his thinking faculty was workimg he should have been secretly probing Ugo but he has forgotten and is still lettting ugo in on many issues even when he was there when the seer said Ugo got many secrets

there is a lot of things you can't change, you just become inactive.

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers




Episode 111




Onyema: soup don finish for house, abeg run around come early so that I go cook small soup with the money wey dey my hand.

Uche: ehnn.. You fit help me with fifty naira, after I run around I go give you back the money.

Onyema: you dey always run around when money matter don enter, I no understand you oohh!

Ugochukwu and I went inside, I glanced back while we were walking on the hallway and saw Onyema pulling out fifty naira currency from his pocket and handing it over to his older brother.

I unlocked the door and pushed it wide open for both of us, Ugochukwu used that his dirty shoe and stepped in. I caught his leg and refused to let go.

Ugochukwu: why you dey hold my leg na?

Me: you don dey need help with your eyes, abi wetin? na my expensive mat you wan put this your dirty shoe on top.

Ugochukwu: so, the foot-mat cost pass my twenty thousand naira shoe?

Me: you dey find my mouth, I go throw you outside lock this door.

Ugochukwu: as if say you fit do am, my pity you before you go start to shed tears like tata.

He stepped backward and removed his shoe outside the room, I sat on my bed and my phone started ringing.
I picked my phone and I saw Veronica as the caller I.D, hope say no be that old man dey call again.

I picked the call and kept quiet waiting for the caller to speak first.

Veronica's voice: my boo boo for life, how far?

Me: *joy dey I swear* yeye girlfriend, so na now you get my time bah

Veronica's voice: awwnn... Nonsense boyfriend no vex. You know say your babe na correct babe, am missing you so much. How far my property?

Me: which property?

Veronica's voice: wetin you dey use give me joy, hope you nodey share am with anybody or that person go hear am from me.

Me: na you sabi, when you dey come back. And you sef, after so many days na now you call me. You be real yeye girlfriend, aru!

Veronica's voice: *laughing* hahahaha, am sorry my love. Meehh.. I just have to put things in order, mehhnn.. Gonna be touching down to Nigeria soon. Mehhn... These whites are asshole. Mehnn..

Me: stop the mehhnn.. biko, before I go think say, them don turn you to goat. Your dad called me.

Veronica's voice: what do you say?

Me: you hear me finish, your papa call me with your line.

Veronica's voice: shit! am sorry, love. No listen to the old man, you know how old age dey worry head.

Me: you mean your papa head no....

Veronica's voice: shut up jare *laughing* hahaha, I nofit wait to somersault with you on the bed..

Me: na the only thing wey dey your mind?

Veronica's voice: I get plenty gists for you too, so you go like my buy chesse balls for you?

Me: wetin be chesse balls again?

Veronica's voice: you skip childhood? or you just dey knack fufu upadan. Well there are lots of nice America chesse balls over here.

Me: keep am for our unborn children, when them cry mommy you give chesse balls. Leave me hand.

Veronica's voice: children kwa? I no get strength to carry more than one pikin oh.

Me: but you get strength to dey somersault with me for bed every night, bah?

We went on and on discussing a lot of things, I felt like not disconnecting the call. That babe get big mouth I swear, and I love her flow.
I ended the call and saw Ugochukwu talking to someone on the phone, he ended his call also and looked at me.

Ugochukwu: them dey park now.

Me: make we dey go.

We both got up and went out of the room, I was busy locking the door when Ugochukwu called my attention.

Ugochukwu: na black shoe I drop here, how manage em turn to brown shoe?

Me: how?

I dropped my shoe I held in my hand on the floor and chuk my legs inside.

Ugochukwu: this thing no be my shoe, I know the color I carry come.

Me: you want make we go or you wan dey cry about your shoe.

Caleb ran inside the passage flying pass us calling Jojo.

Caleb: *shouting* Jojo, she don pass.

Jojo's voice: who?

Caleb: Shade.

Jojo ran out of nowhere and ran pass us wearing his shirt as his hands worked frantically to put that on.
Ugochukwu managed the shoe and we went out of the yard to see Jojo getting ready to approach one fair girl like that.

Jojo: pawpaw, how far na?

Shade: Jojo, shebi I don warn you make you nodey call me pawpaw?

Jojo: my call you red toto, because as you fair like this. Your toto no go fit help but to red like tomatoes.

Shade: na your mama toto red, idiot. Useless boy.

For where Jojo still dey escort the girl, I come dey wonder if em go ever win the girl heart with the way he is doing the wooing.
The girl fit don reject am more than five times, and em wan just frustrate the girl anytime him see her.
Wetin I sabi?

We entered inside the car and drove to the car park, human beings were just walking front and back. Back and front, anywhere their belle face.

Me: where them dey na?

Ugochukwu: make I call them.

Ugochukwu dialed a number and one Igbo song started singing behind us, it must be someone's ringing tone.
We both turned to face two elderly men and a woman, probably Ugochukwu's mother.

The funny thing was the man holding walking stick and wearing deem up on his eyes, with one long chewing stick stuck in his mouth.

Me: na your uncle be this? *I point at the man*

The man with deem up and chewing stick, spoke.

Ugo's uncle1: Ugogoro *Igbo language* eziokwu!

Laugh hold me.

TBC...

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.



Episode 112




Ugochukwu A.K.A Ugogoro wasn't happy to see that his uncle in particular, the man styled everything local in a dramatic way.
Wetin concern me na to just greet and looked on as the woman in their midst hugged Ugochukwu.

Fine woman sha... Ugochukwu sister must fine and am gonna find out soon enough, we all went to the car and entered.
I sat at the front with Ugochukwu while his uncles and mother sat at the back.

I nofit forget the looks we got from passengers while we were headed to our car, Ugochukwu wasn't smiling at all as his relations kept discussing with Igbo language. When everywhere was silent, I could see the relief on his face.
I no gree, I turned.

Me: aunty, how the journey from Aba to Port-Harcourt?

Ugo's mom: fine oh *Igbo language* eziokwu!

Me I just faced my front naso them start their discussion again, Ugochukwu was looking like somebody that wanted to cry.

Me: guy, take am easy na. You wan kill us before our time?

Ugochukwu: free me joor..!

The guy was speeding all the way and I wondered if we have bought any palm wine to give to our new in-laws.

Me: guy, you don buy palm wine?

Ugochukwu: wetin be palm wine?

Me: you no know wetin be palm wine?

Ugochukwu: I know, but wetin we wan use palm wine do when champaign dey?

Me: you never ready to marry.

His uncle over-heard us and informed Ugochukwu he came along with a keg of palm wine, issokay! see person wey wan marry before me no know the traditional value of palm wine.

We got to Shantel's their gate and Ugochukwu parked, I come dey wonder why.

Me: why we dey stop here?

Ugochukwu: na wetin Shantel tell me.

Me: you and this your Shantel.

We all came down and find our way into the house through the gate that was once hallowed in history.
We got into the house and saw some ugly looking men with wide eyes, make them smile na.

Shantel was looking like a damsel adored beautifully with all those Village custom, chaii!! Babe wey dey look like then SSS3 girls is now looking like lady, I no mean this current SSS3 students wey them suppose dey house dey su-ckle breasts dey busy dey carry canes wey tall pass them as senior.

The three men with Shantel and her mother looked mean, them nodey happy to see us.
And the teeth smile they gave us looked like they are here for business not to jolly with us at all.
Immediately we present the drinks we bought, they past the list sharp sharp to Ugochukwu's Italian village uncle.

We sat at the armless cane chair, em come look like say na fight no be traditional rites we come perform.
One of the three elders in our opposition wing whispered to the oldest and he nodded with bulged eyes.

Shantel Uncle1: ona go excuse us our in law, we wan go see for outside.

Shantel Uncle2: ona go give us the list.

Three of them disappeared outside with the piece of paper that is tore from the centre of 80leaves, this people no get joy.
I looked at Shantel to get a clue about what is happening, for where? the babe was smiling like zombie.

Shantel mother didn't say a word, is it only me that want to tie those old niggas planning coup outside up or these ones are not seeing what am seeing, they came back and apologised then sat on the armless cane chair opposite us.

A wooden table was separating us, they past the list to us and through the table.
Ugogoro's international village uncle picked up the piece of paper and glanced through it.

He removed his deem-up from his eyes and screamed. Ugo's second uncle grabbed the piece of paper and read masking a shock on his face.
They past the paper to his mother and in return she gave it to Ugochukwu without looking into it, tradition sha... No be women business be that.

I wonder wetin concern me as Ugochukwu pass the Alpha-list to me, em get why I give am that name. As my eyes looked at the names of the items of ritual to be given to Baba to perform charm that will make a rich man broke within two days.

I dropped the list on the wooden table.

Ugo's uncle1: aaahhh! aaahh!! our in-laws we no come to buy wife, we come to marry. *so you sabi speak English?!*

Shantel's uncle1: *clear his throat* we know our in law, we no wan sell our daughter. Is your son not capable because we nodey marry our daughter into family wey she go go suffer, one million naira na small money. He friend na assembly member...

Before I know everybody started talking and I couldn't even understand who is speaking to who, na so marriage rites dey dey? see I no go marry, I mean I will marry a family with happy uncles rather than angry uncles.
My phone rang everybody dey busy dey talk, I just had to leave there and go outside to receive the call.

I stepped out of the parlour to the verandah and picked the call without checking the caller I.D.

Me: hello!

Johannah's voice: daddy, good afternoon.

Me: afternoon, ona don return from church?

Johannah's voice: yes daddy, where are you daddy?

Me: I go come back tomorrow, don't worry. What of your mommy?

Johannah's voice: she doesn't want to talk to you, tell me what you want to say to her?

No be small transmission transmission.

Me: tell her I love her.

Johannah' voice: okay.

I could overhear her telling her mom am coming home later in the evening, as if is what I sent her to do. I later got off the phone and was still hearing the commotion voices coming from the house I just came out from, I no wan enter there again.

I sat under the apple tree were one long bench was kept, I sat till my buttocks hurts before those guys voices went off at a go.

I no gree enter there again, it was later in the Evening everyone came out laughing and gisting like they were not the one shouting like people who wanted to fight.
We the suitors gang went out of the gate after we are done with our in-laws, they went inside back to continue their drinking.

Me: oh boy ehnn... All these Shantel uncles na wa ooh!

Ugochukwu: if no be say I calm down, these people for no gree my marry Shantel oh!

We dropped his Uncles and Mom in the park and drove back to my yard, the sky was letting go of light.

Me: so, wetin be the next plan?

Ugochukwu: white wedding na, you think say I come play.

Me: Ugogoro the man.

Ugochukwu: excuse me sir, no call me that name abeg.

Me: but na your uncle teach me na.

Ugochukwu: I no like that name at all, bro. base on say you be juju man wetin be the value of indomie for tradition?

Me: after you don call me juju man finish, wetin you want my tell you?

Ugochukwu: na wa oohh! for you oohh! no vex na, abeg tell me.

Me: when I see the indomie for that list I was electrocuted, I no believe say ancestors na small pikin too. I think say na old people.

Ugochukwu: it is well.

We drove quietly to my yard and parked, I came down and Ugogoro did also.
I saw Junior dragging container with small Bethel.

Bethel: Junior, give me my concon.

Junior: na lie na my own.

Ugochukwu: wetin happen? as you old like that you dey drag concon with that kind small pikin.

I held Ugochukwu's back from going to slap the boy.

Me: the boy nodey grow with him brain.

Ugochukwu: I see am like that, how that big boy with beards dey play with concon.

Me: wetin I mean say em no well.

Ugochukwu: nothing person never see for this your yard.

TBC...

Come oo Elvictor, nah who dash yeye girlfriend groundnut,
ah no wan hear story ooo,
infact, ah dey go the other branch of the ministry

Thanks for the update, Jah bless Op......

No call ugochukwu
Ugogoro again else hmmmm

Hahahahahaha I said it,
abeg chop Knuckle

BankyGee:

Bros na wa for you oh... "Man must not live by bread alone" other things must dey

Ugogoro our man.

BankyGee:

Buh Profit is worth the troubles bro. She too fine

Brother, i gats admit, no be lie, the girl make sense gan ni, Hon. just dey tread softly. I no too trust Hon sha, he go still run things with am

do4luv14:
Come oo Elvictor, nah who dash yeye girlfriend groundnut,

ah no wan hear story ooo,

infact, ah dey go the other branch of the ministry

I dey avoid F with F

Timantech:
No call ugochukwu Ugogoro again else hmmmm

lol

Healman:


Brother, i gats admit, no be lie, the girl make sense gan ni, Hon. just dey tread softly. I no too trust Hon sha, he go still run things with am

chaiii!!

OGA LANDLORD 21+




Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.



Episode 113





Me: you close your eyes and stop to see joor *I hiss*

Ugochukwu: na wa oohh!

Me: for you.

I walked towards the house looking up the sky that is getting dark already, the way time dey run these days ehnn...

Voice: Onyema! you don bring this cylinder come out again, you wan come terrorize our nose with your egusi soup. That pot go lose oohh!

I heard a loud voice saying those things from the yard, this people have start again.

I stepped on the verandah and saw Onyema hovering over the cylinder that he kept at his doorpost along the hallway.

Ugochukwu: guy, my shoe?

Me: na me thief am?

He tried to lit the cylinder but the burner didn't catch fire, he bent and turned his ear to catch the noise of gas.
I raised the foot-mat up and took the key I kept beneath it.

Onyema: brother Uche, our burner don spoil em no gree catch fire again.

Uche's voice: em no spoil oohh!

Onyema: you no fill am again?

Uche's voice: yes, before I run around finish the money to fill the gas no come out.

I unlocked the door and stepped in pulling my shoes inside my apartment, I no wan hear story. Uche was answering his brother from inside their room.

Ugochukwu: that your guy no fill the gas ohh!

Me: na that stove them go use na.

Ugochukwu: what of my shoes na? I nofit wear this shoe abeg.

Me: keep am outside make the person switch am back.

Ugochukwu: mba! I nodey try that one, make I first keep this one I dey see before person go swap am with one gucci slipper wey dey scare devil.

Me: na you sabi, so what is the next plan?

Ugochukwu: to fix the date of my church wedding na.

Me: this one you dey rush to leave bachelor association in a hurry, hope all is well?

Ugochukwu: dey there na, tay tay wey I don de-bachelor myself na today.

Me: I fear you.

I started unbuttoning my shirt when a knock landed on the door, I stopped and faced Ugochukwu who was sitting on the bed if he is expecting any visitor, he shrugged.

Me: na who be that?

Voice: na one and only Don-Simeon.

I went to open the door and saw him with his blings blings.

Me: Sambisa how far na? when you touch down to Nigeria na?

Simeon: just some few days ago, ona go like flex with me?

Ugochukwu: why not, biko make we dey go drink.

Me: yes and no, yes if I no go spend shishi. No if I go spend shishi.

Simeon: bills on me, man.

Naso my shoes enter my legs and we marched forward to one hotel for the end of the street, we just dey waka dey discuss when two girls headed to the hotel ahead of appeared from nowhere.

One of them wore gown wey stop for her kneels while the other wore skirt wey I no know where the stop sef, as the thing dey lift itself up to go expose her pa-nt and the girl godey use her hand dey drag am come down.
I know say Don Simeon must talk.

Don-Simeon: allow the thing, I wan see something

He said loudly making the two girls before us turned abruptly, the two girls didn't answer him and turned back.
She still dragged the skirt down.

Don-Simeon: why you dey force am down now, allow the skirt.

The girl with the skirt turned and hissed.

Girl1: wetin you wan see?

Ugochukwu: my shoes.

Ugochukwu bent down and studied the shoes Don-Simeon was wearing.

Don-Simeon: na you get am?

Ugochukwu: yes, this shoe lose this morning.

Don-Simeon: I take am from the person wey take am from the person wey take am from you.

Me: no be small chains of exchange, but Ugogoro you go try calm down people dey pass na.

Ugochukwu: calm wetin down?! my 20k shoes, abeg make we exchange quick quick.


I went ahead of them and entered the hotel while their two were pulling and wearing shoes ignoring the stares they are getting from people, the place was buzzing people are partying hard.
See babes with skimpy everywhere, them dey hustle.

The two guys joined me and we entered inside the hotel and went to the hotel's bar and we all sat down. My phone rang and I pulled it out, it was Profit calling.
I stood up and walked further to the gate so that we go hear ourselves and picked the call.

Johannah's voice: daddy!

I ran out of the hotel so that she won't hear the music, this small pikin again?

Me: my baby, how are you?

Johannah's voice: am fine, daddy are you not coming home? is late where are you?!

How I wan take answer all these jamb questions, I looked around to see where I am first before I answer.

Me: I dey church for all night.

Johannah's voice: church?! am hearing Davido's song.

Me: no is Frank Edward's voice ohh!

Johannah's voice: is it live daddy.

Me: just audio.

TBC..