BankyGee:

Wow! I caught up at last... 10 hours journey no be play oo
Lemme first thank my beautiful, amazing, alluring, stunning, enchanting, angelic Ayanfe29 for mentioning me on this sweet thread *I owe you kiss when we reach house*

Elvictor, you three much... 8 gbosas for you. Thanks for dedicating the above episode to my iyawo *shines thirty-eight teeth*

Lakesc, unitysheart, dawno2008, MAMBALIAN etc... I see una. Na una add ingredients to the thread

Oga landlord, Ugochukwu... I dey come

BankyGee

my big boss, you just ghost as senior man then appear again... I invite you to high table jare!

See u, u no won die for ur tender age abi_exploration wey u done do as u small so even ur senior mates dem samson & solomon go remove cap for u... Thanks alot for this beta updates...

Elvictor:


I appreciate, sir!

Keep it coming

BankyGee:

Wow! I caught up at last... 10 hours journey no be play oo
Lemme first thank my beautiful, amazing, alluring, stunning, enchanting, angelic Ayanfe29 for mentioning me on this sweet thread *I owe you kiss when we reach house*

Elvictor, you three much... 8 gbosas for you. Thanks for dedicating the above episode to my iyawo *shines thirty-eight teeth*

Lakesc, unitysheart, dawno2008, MAMBALIAN etc... I see una. Na una add ingredients to the thread

Oga landlord, Ugochukwu... I dey come

BankyGee

I hail you back.

BankyGee:

Wow! I caught up at last... 10 hours journey no be play oo
Lemme first thank my beautiful, amazing, alluring, stunning, enchanting, angelic Ayanfe29 for mentioning me on this sweet thread *I owe you kiss when we reach house*

Elvictor, you three much... 8 gbosas for you. Thanks for dedicating the above episode to my iyawo *shines thirty-eight teeth*

Lakesc, unitysheart, dawno2008, MAMBALIAN etc... I see una. Na una add ingredients to the thread

Oga landlord, Ugochukwu... I dey come

BankyGee

You're the bestest ever

Elvictor:


lol, no be every babe man go labash na.. you deserve it sisterly, for making the thread lively.

Honourable talk and do, you for let Anderson chop slap well well as hin dey find crocodile style.

Na wah o, this life no balance at all, PHCN officers dey find where to charge.

Make the rain wey the Seer dey predict fall o. Make e beat honourable well well so hin go learn to keep hin third leg.

Thanks for the update

Ayanfe29:


You're the bestest ever

Elvictor:


I think say you don leave us.

Ehn? for where? dat wan go be like sey make i talk sey i no wan use water do anythn again na! Kolewerk.

i don tie our cloth together bayii, follow follow things

*shines teeth

Wait, NEPA no see light charge phone? lolz, my chest o! this NEPA episode reminds me of a time in my area, that NEPA was promising Generators to those that can clear 80% of their debts, lolz.

I just hope all the money Honourable dey spend, no waste sha

Whoops am really inlove with this thread

BankyGee:

Wow! I caught up at last... 10 hours journey no be play oo
Lemme first thank my beautiful, amazing, alluring, stunning, enchanting, angelic Ayanfe29 for mentioning me on this sweet thread *I owe you kiss when we reach house*

Elvictor, you three much... 8 gbosas for you. Thanks for dedicating the above episode to my iyawo *shines thirty-eight teeth*

Lakesc, unitysheart, dawno2008, MAMBALIAN etc... I see una. Na una add ingredients to the thread

Oga landlord, Ugochukwu... I dey come

BankyGee

chai see as this guy come make my heart cut i come feel say the story don end

OGA LANDLORD 21+


Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.



Episode 102



I picked up my phone on the bed and glanced at the screen, na Ugo dey even call.

Me: Old Soldier, you go help me call Oga Rufus.

Old Soldier: sir, yes sir! *he salute*

And stomped his foot on my expensive tile and turned whether na 90 or 180 degree face door. See wahala, I picked the call.

Me: Aturu, where you dey?

Ugochukwu's voice: na so you dey greet elders for ona Village?

Me: who be the elder?

Ugochukwu's voice: who else? it have tay I used cane to correct you, if not you for nodey open your big mouth anyhow.

Me: clean your mouth.

Ugochukwu's voice: why?

Me: you don too dey vomit nonsense, how far na? Since that time.

Ugochukwu's voice: oh boy! na Alicia oh!

Me: Ali wetin?

Ugochukwu's voice: Cia.

Me: you no wan avoid that big yansh maid, that girl go corner your destiny oh!

Ugochukwu's voice: nothing really happen sha..

Me: but small thing happen.

Ugochukwu's voice: when I reach I go tell you well, I dey road.

He hung up and a knocked landed on my door.

Me: who be that?

Voice: na me Honourable, Old Soldier say you dey look for me.

Me: yes, Oga Rufu enter abeg.

This people will not allow me complete the thorough cleansing my apartment is undergoing, he pushed open the door and stepped in looking around.

He helped himself with the sofa in my room.

Me: Oga Rufu, I never tell you say make you sit down oh!

Rufus: em no mean anything na, abi I godey stand up like officer?


Just then we heard loud shouts and commotions from outside, I wonder why someone will be making gun sounds with mouth.

Man's voice: officer of the law, twenty one bullets.

Children's voices: kpaaaa! kpaaaa! Kpaaaa.....

Woman's voice: Mama Iyawo, your husband don return oh!

Rufus: *start whistling* yawa dey oh!

Me: Oga Rufu, ehnn.. Old Soldier been complain about you.

Rufus: Honourable, I no understand the kind person wey you say make I live with oh! the man no sabi what'sup at all.

Me: your own what'sup na to chase woman upadan or wetin?

Rufus: no be so, you remember that day you say make I allow am enter my house? *I nod* I been.. I mean say I come.. ehnn.. I been go... *scratching his head*

Me: you been wetin?

Rufus: just forget, as we dey sleep for midnight. Em lie down for em bed for floor while I dey my own, the next thing I hear na take cover, take cover, the enemies are approaching.

Me: enemies? which kind enemies?

Rufus: I wonder, I jump commot from my bed run enter under bed. The next thing I hear na Old Soldier dey snore like Amatu pig for em bed, I come think say na my imagination. I enter bed dey almost sleep when I hear tuaaa! tuaa! Old soldier dey shoot guns with em mouth.

Me: the matter serious oh, I never know say the war madness don reach that level.

Rufus: em pass oh! early morning Old Soldier start to dey sing national anthem before cockcrow, if no be say na you I for don pursue am from my house. You know wetin em do?

Me: how I go know? I nodey there na.

Rufus: Old Soldier see my girlfriend pant dey start to shoot am with em hunter gun.

Me: shoot? ona don kill my house.

Rufus: no, bullet nodey inside.

Me: I for talk, you go follow me come my Village.

Rufus: *scratching his head* I for come oh! but you know my mechanic shop...

The door was opened by Anderson and he jumped in like hungry frog, this guy nodey ever knock.

Anderson: Oga Rufu, Iyawo papa don return oh.

Rufus: and so? em no concern me.

Anderson: them say she don start to vomit from yesterday.

Rufus: talk truth.

Anderson: shebi you say em no concern you.

Rufus: until you mention vomit, how I no go care when my neighbor dey sick.

Anderson: them say she get belle.

Me: ewooohh! Anderson na truth?

Rufus: them say, them say, who be them say, eziokwu?!

Anderson: em no concern me.

Rufus got up abruptly looking around like he wanted to hide in my house, or something that seemed so. He turned to me and smiled.

Rufus: ehn.. Oga Landlord, shebi you say make I follow you go your Village.

Me: na wetin I talk.

Rufus: I dey come, hope say ona girls fine?

Me: you no ask about men na girls you dey ask?

Rufus: you don already represent ona Village men here na, eziokwu! wetin I wan use men do? Make I go ready myself.

He went out of my room and Anderson grinned from ear to ear, I just knew he had lied to Rufus about Iyawo being pregnant.

Me: you sabi lie oh!

Anderson: *he laugh* hahaha, em need am. Ehnn.. Them don add price for renting of bus oh!

Me: how much?

Anderson: three thousand naira only.

Me: a whole three thousand naira you dey add only, you wan fall law of poor man? no rent again. Make I call my friend whether em come with car.

I dialed Ugochukw's number and it rang, he picked after some seconds.

Me: you drive come?

Ugochukwu's voice: I fly come.

I hung up and looked thoughtfully at Anderson to see any evidence to probe him for exhortation and inflation, but there is none. He just gave me complete face of Brother Peter in the bible.

Me: no rent bus again, carry small car come.

Anderson: make I rush go, delay is dangerous.

He got up and left, I had to go to the kitchen and tidied up things there and then used the other time to make the restroom a place not to be welcomed with cobwebs and rainbow on the walls.

I came out of the restroom after taking a cool cold shower and started smelling smoke, who come dey smoke for my window again na?
I shifted the curtail aside and find someone with dada well sitted at the pavement beneath my window with smokes dangling above his head.

Me: na who dey smoke Igbo for my window na?

He turned and saw me, he got up and start one crazy hailing.

China: face of Assembly, I hail you oh! No vex, na the revelation I just get make I come tap small inspiration from your window.

Me: na waaooohh for you oohh China! abeg, that smell dey make my belle turn.

China: you no need to para, I go soon move my tent. Ehnn.. base on say you be my Oga on top, you fit help me with small thing make I take buy small Biafra money?

Me: wetin be Biafra money?

TBC...

DEDICATED TO Healman, the healer of the thread


OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.



Episode 103




China: ah! aahh! no fall your hands na, tight gee like you. A whole face of house of assembly like you say no know wetin be Biafra money.

Me: If I know I for ask you? Abeg tell me.... wait oh! no tell me say na weed oh!

China: na weed na, na the only thing we nodey pay tax and government with white men nodey worry us.

Me: as I dey bathroom CBN call me say the resources needed to purchase this your Biafra Money don enter bankrupt.

China: no do your boy like this na, even though na white I go manage am buy one wrap. But one wrap nodey do me oh! base on management.

Me: my pocket don enter bankrupt, if na First Bank call me I for fine way, but this one na CBN. China carry yourself and your Biafra money commot from my window make I get better oxygen.

China: Oga Landlord na waaaooohh for you oohh!

I closed the curtail and dressed up, I really needed to talk to Cynthia. I dressed up and went out of the room, I checked the time and it is getting late and Ugochukwu hasn't arrived. Make em no be like say him own on the way nobe on top Alicia, if not the gods go settle em matter oh!

I came out of my apartment and walked inside the yard, I could hear the loud voices of the yard's children outside making big noises with their small bodies with big mouths and loud voices.

Children's voices: aeroplane! My father don return!! em wan land for field oohh! na lie na on top house em go land like the one we watch for movie!! run and hide the enemies are here oohh!

All these children relating everything they see on movie to reality, why won't they start kissing before they can talk? I strolled on the passage and appeared in the vast space of the yard compound.

Few people were busy in the kitchen while Jojo sat at a chair resting on the pavement pillar closed to his room, I wonder where all of them go today oh!

Just then I heard commotion and I moved my eyes to see Papa Jayjay stepping out of his room with his wife tagging along firmly holding on to his belt.

Mama Jayjay: papa jayjay, you nodey go anywhere today oh! until you add money. Naso so so ice fish person godey chop for this house?

Papa Jayjay: what an impetus! involving a gadfly of husbands with knock-down-drag-out by clutching on my belt doesn't imbibe any substantial disposition of my financial muscles that I have unarguably flexed to it limitation, being a flibbertigibbet doesn't supplant the supposed proteinous germane unwittingly present in the vital money I have thus far made pro...

Mama Jayjay: all these your big big grammar no go safe you today oh, you better stop to dey speak them bring out money because no be grammar we go chop. I nodey like this when you marry me commot from my father house oh!

Papa Jayjay: you were lucky amongst the lots begging to be induce into the long lasting march to the aisle, before I married you, you were broom-like and even with my grammatical grandiloquent couldn't assemble the right porles to place your physique to accessible womanhood.

Mama Anita came out from the kitchen with basin filled with water and walked to the exit, she looked at them and hissed.

Mama Anita: Papa Jayjay why you too stingy sef? na ona dey make all the bushes around the yard dey smell ice fish ice fish water.

Papa Jayjay: what an incredible insults juxtaposing my self acclaimed accolades as a force to reckon with in all ramifications be it social and what have you to this on-looker whose livelihood has been charade for merry-go-round of furphy has tainted me unceremoniously to laundering unfathomable gesticulations to my said person parachuting me to piss-pauper, Mama Anita are you oblivious of your senses of perception or have they latched the zenith of irredeemable as tall as the Pyramid of Gizza?

Jojo: good one! you are there!!

Mama Anita: no kill me with your grammar face your wife.

Just then Jayjay entered holding a ball in his hand with jersey out-fit, he looked like someone who has been playing ball.

Papa Jayjay: and this prodigious lad has defiled indiscreetly my fatherhood surpassing the prodigal child in the Christian book bible.

Jayjay: papa I no do anything na, I just go play ball. Or you no wan see me play for Television? I wan play for Rivers United.

Papa Jayjay: your proclaimed level in idiocy is mind-blowing and lurking in all spheres of daydreaming. How on earthling did you orchestrate such anthropoid bombarding foolish ideas whose parameter is commensurate with miles away from your erudite father from? ehnn..

Jojo: kill me, ona go hear am ohh! Who make Papa JayJay vex.

Me: Jojo, Cynthia dey house?

Jojo: you go ask Theo, na their two be 5 and 6 now.

Me: where Theo dey?

Jojo: em dey em gas stand for main road, close to T-junction.

Me: when em open gas stand na?

Jojo: em never too tay oh!

I turned and started walking out of my yard.

Mama Jayjay: Papa Jayjay you don finish? After you don blow all these your big big grammar finish you go bring out the money make we buy meat before you commot here.

Papa Jayjay: my honeycomb, the woman that be and for ever remember vehemently...

I couldn't hear their voices again as I stepped out of the yard, I know say Papa Jayjay wan whine em wife tuwama from her trouble.
Just then I saw Musa yelling and shouting with his agbada flapping like fowl wings as he jumped and slammed the ground with his palm.

Musa: walahi...! iffa no killam for persin, kai! me no be human being.

Me: Musa, na wetin happen?

Musa: Honourable talkit do *you say?* me Musa nodey pine na for trouble ko, them call am Oga Linus bah? call am Aisha psst! she no gree come, em come am for Aisha whisst! she no gree, walahi! I go killam for persin today.

Me: wetin Linus do Musa?

Musa: em call am for Aisha psst! she no gree go, em call am for Aisha whisst! she no gree go, walahi.. I go killam for persin today!

He jumped and his Agbada flapped again as he slammed the ground with his open palm, na waaaooohh!

Me: Musa, you never talk wetin Linus do na.

Musa: as I talk am for befor ko, em call am for Aisha psst! she no gree go, em call am for Aisha whisst! she no gree go, I go killam am for persin tofday walai!

TBC...

Lakesc:
See u, u no won die for ur tender age abi_exploration wey u done do as u small so even ur senior mates dem samson & solomon go remove cap for u... Thanks alot for this beta updates...

I think say you been bounce, how ona take dey do the active ghost mode, brotherly?

Ayanfe29:




Honourable talk and do, you for let Anderson chop slap well well as hin dey find crocodile style.

Na wah o, this life no balance at all, PHCN officers dey find where to charge.

Make the rain wey the Seer dey predict fall o. Make e beat honourable well well so hin go learn to keep hin third leg.

Thanks for the update

wish my guy well na, lwkmd.

Healman:


Ehn? for where? dat wan go be like sey make i talk sey i no wan use water do anythn again na! Kolewerk.

i don tie our cloth together bayii, follow follow things

*shines teeth

Wait, NEPA no see light charge phone? lolz, my chest o! this NEPA episode reminds me of a time in my area, that NEPA was promising Generators to those that can clear 80% of their debts, lolz.

I just hope all the money Honourable dey spend, no waste sha

wetin you talk make me laugh... lol, see tight advert format.

yungbanks:
Whoops am really inlove with this thread

thanks sir, boss, oga.. you fit select from the lots, lol

MAMBALIAN:
chai see as this guy come make my heart cut i come feel say the story don end

we have a long way to go in the story, hopefully we go reach there.

BankyGee:

No vex bro, I just dey hail una

lwkmd.. you end time comment don make the guy think say rapture don start, lol *shines teeth*

Elvictor:


we have a long way to go in the story, hopefully we go reach there.

even if na london i don buy ticket i dey wid you

Elvictor:


I think say you been bounce, how ona take dey do the active ghost mode, brotherly?

Bounce live this beta, hilarious story behind, lai lai, i dey Op. Check comments nah, after every update i do comment..

Healman:


Spoiler Alert

haba e never reach dah level nah

Crazy sense plenty for this ur yard ooh honourable talk and do.. Thanks for the update

Kikikikiki...Musa don vex o. Abeg, wetin Linus do am?

Thanks for the update

Nice one bro
Keep updating.. more grace man

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.




Episode 104



I just looked at the way Musa is behaving and I gave up, I decided to walk away before this madness pass boundary, I haven't placed my feet more than thrice when he...

Musa: Honourable talkit do, where you dey go am for ko?

This em own translation tire me oh, I just ignored him and walked further. I looked back just in time to see him slapped the ground with his palm and jumped up threatening to kill somebody while his agbada flaps like chicken's wings, as em slim like that dey wear big big clothes.

Today na real confusion day oh, after Papa Jayjay pursue me commot for yard with em grammatical brouhahaha na so Musa start em own with speaking in tongues, hope say no be the trending madness for this street oh.

I walked faster when I saw two young ladies holding their clothes in a manner that showed that fight will soon broke out, I just dey waka making sure say I dodge pot-holes for the road. Em no go better for this road oh! if em reach rainy season.

A young man was begging them, Steven area playboy. I pity that boy dey ban-g two sisters without been caught, wetin I like the guy be say em nodey carry em womanizing enter our street oh! well coded nigga with last sentence "woman go kill you"

Girl1: Sandra, so you get mind dey fu-ck my boyfriend for my back ehnn?

Girl2: Chisom, who be your boyfriend ehnn?

Steven: babes, make ona no fight. Make we settle this matter amicably.

Chisom: *slap Steven* amicably kill you there, woman wrapper.

Steven: you get mind slap me?

Sandra: wetin you wan do ehnn? you wan beat her? you get mind dey fu-ck two friends.

The yard people just stood on the frontage watching the show, some even videoing with their phones. Steven mad oh! carry one fat girl add with slim girl wey nodey hear, the two girls started facing Steven. My guy wan japa, for where? those two ladies mean war as them bracket am.

Steven: wetin be this na? I no want ona again na by force.

Sandra: after you don use tm scatter my toto, you no want again. Abi?

Chisom: Sandy, you dey follow this guy laugh. Make we design em face for am.

Before I know the fat one has bent and lifted one of his leg off from the ground, Steven held her by the neck to maintain balance when the slim one pushed him forcefully and he landed on the ground hitting his head.

The fat one took charge and sat on his stomach, RIP bachelor Steven, the slim one rushed to get enough sand to feed him.
As the fat one kept slapping him while Steven struggled to get free, kicking his legs in the air.

The other one hand-over the sand she brought to the slim one and started flogging Steven legs with cane, instead of the yard people to come and separate they are cheering the girls to Victory.

Papa Tochukwu: make ona kill am, you see this boy fu-ck pass me wey don marry. Just imagine! when I dey him age, I dey plan how to make am for life but this boy dey calculate how many toto em go enter, just imagine!

Papa Tochukwu and just imagine, I curbed my time and I knew it is getting late. I needed to see Theophilus before Ugochukwu will arrive and Anderson, which kind car em go rent since then?

I walked faster and came out of the tarred road that ran across the T-junction of our street, leading to another LGA in Port- Harcourt. I turned left and saw two life don tire me cylinders set on each other.
I walked faster towards it and tilted my head towards my left arm and find a cleared space, Theo was sitting in front of a caravan that has a shade in which he kept two bottled cylinder from the sun with scale.

Theo: chooi! Honourable, you for come with your cylinder na.

Me: this your own style of marketing, na wa oohh! for you ooohh!

He rushed inside the caravan and brought a plastic chair for me, Mama Koffi came down from a bike just at the front of his shop.

Mama Koffi: Theo, you get change?

Theo: I no get oh! I never fill any cylinder since Morning.

Mama Koffi: eyaaa..!! My gas don finish, I go come refill am for your shop.

Thoe: make I help you come carry am?

Mama Koffi: no, no bother.

She paid the bikeman and carried the nylon bag she kept on the ground to search her purse for the money to settle her T-fare.

Me: Oga Theo, you know where Cynthia go?

Theo: she tell me say she wan go Village yesterday, I no know whether she don go. You know say that her soldier boyfriend get wife wey been harass Cynthia?

Me: wait oh! Cynthia know say em don marry.

Theo: she no know na, and the man don propose to her before amebo people spread the good news to Kano. The man wife enter night bus come Port-Harcourt, na small thing remain to pour acid for Cynthia face oh.

Me: wonder-fool, nothing person no go hear and see for this Naija.

Just then I sighted Ugochukwu dropping from bike.

Me: Theo, we go see na. My friend don come.

We shook hands and I called Ugochukwu attention and walked to him.

Just then Mama Koffi came out of our street carrying the cylinder she wanted to fill.

Ugochukwu: oh boy! you just dey fine upadan, em be like say I go soon become baby papa too oh!

Mama Koffi: bike! carry me go waterboard.

Me: you don mad oh!

Just then I heard heavy foot-falls behind me, I turned and saw Theophilus running towards Mama Koffi.
He got hold of the cylinder refusing to let go.

Mama Koffi: wetin dey worry you Theo?

Theo: mama Koffi today, this cylinder nodey commot here oh!

Ugochukwu: *laughing* hahaha, na by force to fill for your shop.

Theo: I don too dey watch them, na one Month now wey I start to dey fill gas, naso them dey ask me every morning iffa I dey fill gas and for afternoon you godey see them dey carry cylinder pass my shop. For evening them go dey fly pass my shop with cylinder on top bike, today oh! you must fill here!

Me: na waa oohh! kingdom of gas filling suffereth violence.

Mama Koffi: Theo, na by force to fill for your stand, I no get fifty naira to add for you ohh! na three hundred I dey pay for 1KG.

Theo: no wahala.

Bike-man: madam, you nodey go? time na money oh!

Mama Koffi: abeg, carry your worwor face commot from here.

Bike man: you come fine? Fat everywhere like pepsi bottle. I no blame you.

The bike man started his bike and rode off, a moving car on the tarred road slowed along the left lane, I and Ugochukwu teared our eyes from Mama Koffi and Theo.

Anderson: hello guys, make ona meet me for yard.

And he sped off, is like this Anderson don dey kolo. Instead of giving us a lift with the car I am paying for, he drove pass me.

Ugichukwu: no be Anderson be that?

Me: you don see am na.

Ugochukwu: who dash am car madness?

I be wan answer that question but my phone rang, I brought it out and my heart leapt in happiness. Chaii..! My balenciaga.

Me: hello, yeye dey smell.

I was expecting to hear sweet voice, when I heard a man's voice with frog bass.

Man's voice: stay away from my daughter.

And the caller hung up, I became confused staring at the screen unbelievably to confirm the phone number if it belonged to Veronica.

Em shock me like film.


TBC..

Ghen ghen ghen ghen, water don pass gaari!

wahala everywhere

Haha, honourable talk and do and trouble nah 5 & 6... Thanks for the updade

ena5four:
haba e never reach dah level nah

No qualms bro, we gather dey.

Elvictor:
DEDICATED TO Healman, the healer of the thread

OMG!!! This is wonderful.
*takes mic*

Firstly, i'll like to thank God and the Uncle Bros for this grace, it is a great feat.

i however dedicate this to all ghostreaders, hoping they come out of it soonest.

Elvictor, you're doing well.

*shines a not too white teeth