₦airaland Forum

dangerousdaddy:
.... A little advise from experienced people will go a very long way because i feel lost, frustrated and confused all at the same time .... A little advise from experienced people will go a very long way because i feel lost, frustrated and confused all at the same time

Why are u taking a load on you that's is not yet time for?
Let her go back to her house while you send resources for your baby.
Make sure every money you send for your child upkeep is via transfer from your account to your baby mama's. And enter a proper narration for each transfer. If it is for baby food, write baby food.
Don't ever make the mistake of giving her physical cash or paying cash into her account. Always transfer.
Knowing her type of person, she may brainwashed your daughter by telling her you didn't provide or cater for her while she was growing, but with a transfer, you can always print statement of account from your end to show as evidence of responsibility to a court and even to your daughter in future.
Thank God you have not married her. You have just been shown a glimpse of things to come in the future. Life with her will be very miserable and frustrating for you.
Let her go and think of how u can enlarge your coast while taking care of your daughter.
This is an advice from a big bro. Ignore it at your own peril.
Its well.
I don't know what tribe she is from but having an unmarried woman in your house is quite dangerous. There are some tribes in Nigeria, if their daughter dies in the house of a man she is not married to, that man will smell and see hell. He will be made to marry the corpse and do all the marriage rites running into hundreds of thousand.
A word they say is enuf for the wise.

I understand your pains. However you brought it upon yourself what you're experiencing now. Why didn't you notice all this while dating and call it off. Seat her down talk to her, let her know as the mum has told you that she never gave you a wife that you are mistreating. She's not your wife and mind you anything can happen when you're angry or she's angry as well. Let her go and make sure you always find time to check on your daughter.

dangerousdaddy:
Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.

I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.

Are they all disabled people, handicapped?
Can't they find a job, whatever job, including farming in their village, instead of being a lazy burden to others?
What will happen to them if you lose your job, fall sick, or even die as everyone will eventually die?

I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.

The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.

Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.

The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.

I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......

Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.

I hope this makes front page

Why is she not working?
Is she only bringing the hole between her legs into the relationship, since she can't even manage the funds you give her and the household income generally?


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Apination:
Simply send her to her parents since they didn't give you wife to marry. Send upkeep for your child monthly since she's obviously not ready to face life squarely. She's not prepared to be a wife or support you, but if you really did push her or went physical with her, better stop.

..... I vowed never to lay my hands on any woman because i won't tolerate it if anyone lays hands on my sisters,mum or daughters.... So i NEVER get physical with her no matter how provoked i am

Be glad she's showing her true colors now, let her go bro.

nams77:
Why are u taking a load on you that's is not yet time for?
Let her go back to her house while you send resources for your baby.
Make sure every money you send for your child upkeep is via transfer from your account to your baby mama's. And enter a proper narration for each transfer. If it is for baby food, write baby food.
Don't ever make the mistake of giving her physical cash or paying cash into her account. Always transfer.
Knowing her type of person, she may brainwashed your daughter by telling her you didn't provide or cater for her while she was growing, but with a transfer, you can always print statement of account from your end to show as evidence of responsibility to a court and even to your daughter in future.
Thank God you have not married her. You have just been shown a glimpse of things to come in the future. Life with her will be very miserable and frustrating for you.
Let her go and think of how u can enlarge your coast while taking care of your daughter.
This is an advice from a big bro. Ignore it at your own peril.
Its well.

You really gave him better advice, up to him to take it and act on it properly if he does not want to be forever pussy-whipped.


https://www.dictionary.com/e/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/PussyWhipped-624x516.jpg

dangerousdaddy:
..... My biggest fear about that is... If she can be like this when we are not married, who knows what she will do when we are married??

my brother go and marry that girl first, she already has a daughter for you. Then talking of finances, please don't allow her to blackmail into spending more than you want. Your daughter's welfare is more important. The first year in marriage is always the hardest so how you want your marriage to pan out starts from the first year. Finally, if you don't know how to cook go and learn it. Don't allow a woman blackmail you for anything. If she refuses to cook for you, go inside and cook a very delicious meal, call her to come and eat. If she refuses sex, then sleep with all happiness. Play with your daughter, bath her, feed her, go out with her a lot. If she realizes she cannot hold anything against you, she becomes powerless. She would kneel down and beg you with her life.

dangerousdaddy:
Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.

I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.

I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.

The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.

Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.

The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.

I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......

Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.

I hope this makes front page

Baba mi. Is she your wife ni? Shebi na baby mama. The moment she's good, let her go if she won't find something doing to support the homefront. Friggin leeches abound mhen.

Op, thank ur God that u have seen things unfold now. Her mother called to warn u that she never gave u a wife.

U also stated herein, that she called her mom and informed her that u beat and pushed her to the ground, when u never did.

Listen, if u marry that girl, u may not get to 40 yrs 'cus she will directly or indirectly kill u.

That ur daughter u figure that u luv soo much would be alive and be manipulated by her mother. My advise; walk out of that relationship. Don't marry out of sympathy.

Aksnoopy:
OP is a Yoruba man and the lady is Yoruba, so I got nothing to say.

And you know this how?

You think this problem is ethnic specific?

dangerousdaddy:
Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.

I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.

I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.

The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.

Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.

The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.

I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......

Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.

I hope this makes front page

DID YOU PUSH HER DOWN OR NOT? OUT OF ANGER OR FRUSTRATION? IF U DID, U ERRED BADLY. PLS APOLOGISE IMMEDIATELY AND PROMISE URSELF TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE IN HANDLING UR ANGER. BUT WHERE U DID NOT,AND SHE LIED AGAINST YOU. THAT IS A DANGEROUS WOMAN IN D MAKING, AVOID HER PLS. U ARE NOT YET MARRIED, SO RETRACE UR STEPS,PLS.

Mstick:
The woman's already taking responsibility for her actions because there is no where he said she isn't taking care of their child.

Do you know the condition of the house her mother's living?! You keep talking about responsibility then why do you expect her mother to be responsible for the shelter of his child because there's no way he would send the mother away and take care of the child.

You're saying they're families that make food with 700# in this present day Nigeria?! You need to understand that state of mind is everything, I know men that when they're broke they take out their anger on their partners and only act sweet when there's money, has it occurred to you that OP maybe like that?


They're many children born to wedded parents that end up worst.


Nobody is saying women shouldn't be responsible but you're being so judgemental.

Okay

Op, let me help you do the maths. Since you had the basic ingredients at home, she could have bought let's say, pomo 200, panla fish 400,ugu 100.Total 700
She could take egusi or ogbono from home.

Wen u become richer than this, this woman and her mother will drain you. Dey will finish you. U have time to straighten things now. U asked her why she’s treating you like this and she tells a lie about u to her mum? Life is too short to be avoidably unhappy

UyaiIncomparabl:
You sound so bitter.

Okay.

afrika4real:
reduce the money you're giving her now. No matter how small it is and start saving as little as you can. You are not married yet, pray / advice her to go or to change. Dont put yourself on early grave

Your advice is not bad ooo,but your first statement is something else
Reduce money for feeding from 700 to what

sugah:
so because she's not wife yet the market women will give her fish for free??

So 700 naira cannot buy fish?

@OP: Take the bull by the horn, let her go, those kind of ladies are toxic, they don't see any good in a man that does not have lots of money....just ensure you do all within your means to take good care of your daughter.

SmellingAnus:
You are going through what many married couples go through...

All I can say is that you are not married to that girl... Use your tongue to count your teeth and advise yourself...

He is actually a very lucky guy but he doesn't know it.

dangerousdaddy:
Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.

I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.

I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.

The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.

Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.

The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.

I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......

Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.

I hope this makes front page

If truely she is this naughty, pls free her now before you commit your self to marriage

She is not even thinking of what to do.
Nonsense

This is an early warning sign, and don't fail to see or read meaning to it.
Go your seperate ways and collect your child after she puts to bed.
Move ahead and forge your life better.

Bluntguy:
You are seeking for advice now because you don't have money in your pockets at the moment. Once you receive your pay now, she will welcome you home warmly and you will forget you ever asked for advice concerning her.
Now here is my advice:
Be patient till the next payday, you will soon smile again. Olodo!!!

Abeg na how I go use give this your comment 1,000,000 likes?

Like your in-law said, she did not give any wife. It would have been a better situation if you both were cool, trying to work things out and get married. However, since the situation is no longer palatable. It is better you allow her return to her parents.

Decide on a fixed amount that would be okay to take care of your baby and be paying as upkeep monthly. As rightly pointed out by the family coupled with her actions of not trying to reason with you she is not your wife this, you are not responsible for her so you should let her go.

Focus on rebuilding yourself while she should do same too. If you are destined to be together you would be back again and by then I believe you would know how to value each other.

Raalsalghul:
I blame you Op:

For dating and impregnating a jobless girl.

When they tell young men to calm down, they won't listen.

You too were young once...were you calm then ?

At 31 u are allowing one daughter of jezebel ruin ur life.If u are saying the truth then U wil end up losing ur life at a very young age if u dont cut off from her..
I am a woman too and I hate when some ladies behave in this manner..If she is fed up with the relationship then she should quitely walk-away than putting up all this heartless atitude..I am a very independent woman and i am so proud of myself because of the self respect and confidence i posses.No man can ridicule me..We should support them not frustrate them..I believe in making my own money instead of waiting or putting pressure on a guy for source of livelihood..Its high time the ladies pick themselves up and make something for themselves instead of always relying on the man..In the western world,u hardly see a lady putting all her burdens on a guy in the name of love because out there, almost all of them are up and doing and they are doing gr8..
Op u beta reconsider the whole scene and fix it b4 u loose it...#craziest part of the world

Just wait till ur child is old enough then you can take him away. Your mental health is very important. You need to protect that always.

Well the mum said it. They did not give you a wife so be very careful. I have been in your shoes before. Quietly talk to her and ask her if she is ready to be a wife to you.

Tell her that no matter her answer you will still support both she and her child. Tell her you will get another apartment for her to stay till she gets married to you or anyone else.


From her answer you will know if she is interested in being a wife to you. She could be misbehaving because of insecurity. She is neither married or single. Its also not easy for her.

UjuJoan2:
So 700 naira cannot buy fish?

I don't know o. I dont have award in poverty mentality

sugah:
I don't know o. I dont have award in poverty mentality

Seriously? Okay, I do. And yes I buy fish for #700, or even less.