₦airaland Forum

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Better shut up with your woke ideology.

Face your Canada, we will face our Nigeria.
What about the sacrifices he must have made as the husband of the family? Is he here complaining to anybody? A one time thing has become problem. The man is trying to work out solutions but you are here insinuating divorce since that's what your useless feminazi pages teach you.
I hope it's not too late before you realize the false ideology you have submitted yourself too.

Just leave this person alone. I believe she/he doesn't understand what marriage is about.

This is why I don't blame men who just want baby mama's or men who want more than one woman. Can you just imagine the nonsense all these girls are busy posting here?
So I need to cook for my friends in an occasion that comes once in a year, and my wife will blatantly tell me that she can't do the cooking for them abi, What happened to being polite on the stress associated with the cooking and profer solution by looking for someone to join her?

SocialJustice:
Crase husband, you want your wife to be cooking for your useless religious cult members frequently because she agreed to marry you.

Carry your evil load and get out of this place.

mrMeen:
thing is am not even a Christian but what people are insinuating on this thread is appalign. So a man cannot ask a favor of his wife to cook for his guests while he himself will assist and even bring in a third party to assist, it's not like the meeting is not ethical or beneficial to the society and it is something done only once in like 20 months. People are undermining the value of marriage and it is very bad to see.

I tirer oo
I never wanted commenting but when I read the first, second and third page and I saw the nonsense people were writing, I tool it personal. It is few people like you that came out to stand for the truth. they made the OP look bad as if he what he asked for was heinous

CanadianNaija:
Oga, if you want to play host then pay for it.

Leave your wife alone if she doesn’t want that stress.
Hosting doesn’t just involve cooking, there’s the serving, market run, cleaning.

I don’t blame her for refusing especially since it’s not something that she wants to do or is interested in.

Don’t inconvenience her just because she is married to you, pay a caterer or explain to your people what you can provide. Maybe if this starts hurting your pocket you will rethink the need for the elaborate feeding you people carry out in the name of coming together to solve problem.

pls why do people get married? To breed kids? Honestly the comments I'm seeing from you and other people simply means a man and a woman just share the same house, nobody should inconvenience each other, what's the point in getting married anyway? No vex oh I just want to hear from you.
PS. I'm not saying the wife is obligated to do the cooking.

Wives are meant to be supportive.

Life na turn by turn.get the carter but make sure this matter does not just go like that.just they time am,the day she ask you for favour for her friends and trust me na woman them sabi ask favour like no tomorrow but they count only the one them do for you.make sure on that day,you return the favour and then remind her of today.





uote author=SirMichael1 post=93497154]Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.[/quote]

alizma:
This is why I don't blame men who just want baby mama's or men who want more than one woman. Can you just imagine the nonsense all these girls are busy posting here?
So I need to cook for my friends in an occasion that comes once in a year, and my wife will blatantly tell me that she can't do the cooking for them abi, What happened to being polite on the stress associated with the cooking and profer solution by looking for someone to join her?

I'm shocked at the comments I read here. I'm not a Christian and hate church gatherings but I'm shocked that a man's wife would refuse to help with cooking for his friends occasionally. What's the point of marriage then?

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Bros that is the new world we find ourselves. Try and see how you can talk to her but if she refused, just hustle for money and get someone to do the cooking. God no go shame you

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

why not buy bread and share with your members, with fish and drink! It's not compulsory you cook for them. Don't stress yourself on what's not important.

Benbisco:
As in eh, I don't understand! I will so do it with like two single ladies in church, give them enough takeaway and remain some in my freezer. #No cooking @ home for the next couple of days.

Maybe the woman is just tired.

Or being wicked

Talk to the leadership of the group that your family is not ready to host them now. Let them look for another person that can accept it at short notice.

Tell them you will inform them when you are ready.

gunners160:
I tirer oo
I never wanted commenting but when I read the first, second and third page and I saw the nonsense people were writing, I tool it personal. It is few people like you that came out to stand for the truth. they made the OP look bad as if he what he asked for was heinous

it is the modern approach to marriage that many are seeing. If op is to recount to you the number of times he has to go out of his way to make his wife happy you will be surprised. From where I grew up hosting a crowd is a thing of joy a thing of celebrating common hosting like 20 people has now become a crime, I tire for this generation.

18 - 28 members? as long as she is cooking your own meal , she is not in anyway obligated to cook for anyone outside your extended family ( o tun pe orisirisi oooo)

pls , get someone that can cook the meal for a token or get good snacks and soft drinks for your church members .

ma pa woman yii oooooo

Just like the bastard and ugly creature my male cousin married despite our warning in the name of will of God. She succeeded in destroying the relationship between my cousin and the members of the family. It's your cross manage and endure her but in your next life don't marry a JEZEBEL

tabithababy:
The Kick your wife out Nairaland crew will soon be here

it's not about crews or trends. A man must ALWAYS be a man hence you women will disregard and disrespect him.



The more I live, the more I understand why our fathers and grandfather's had plenty wives. It's because of rude and arrogant women like op's.



God knows I don't plan to have multiple wives. But I won't even think about it twice b4 sending a disrespectful woman out of MY HOUSE.

bukatyne:
Omo, na wa.

Anyone who has a spouse who upholds the traditional values of marriage does not know what God has done for him or her.

I swear.

Saintmary:
How to get her to do it?
Why don't you put a rope on her neck?
Can't you buy snacks?
You knew it would be your turn to host for a year and you were planning to use your glorified housemaid right?
I don't know why women rush to marry you people. What's your benefit?
Nonsense!

you no get sense, there is nothing saint in you.
focus on who will marry you
u just putting fire, advise or shut up

gunners160:
I dnt think ur point holds any water. Even if was just a day notice, a woman who wants to protect the interest of her family will do it, a woman who wants to cover her husband's shame will do it.
what happens to love and cooperation in marriages? what happens to the for beta for worst
if she can't help her husband now when will she do it?Oh, that reminds me, other women that prepared meal for their husband are stupid habi? in fact na this kind cooking dey sweet. Has she is cooking she will b kissing and even telling the husband to make sure he compensates her with hard sex and money for her cream. he will do that because he knws she went out of her way to make him happy

As she say she is not doing nko?? Is it not solution he is looking for?

To prevent further occurence ,They should make their roaster obvious everybody knowswhen hes hosting , wives would have been aware before hand , not the one that I will know this Sunday that I am hosting next Sunday , if they are not boxed up during that week will they borrow?

You will agree from the OPs responses that finances is also an issue. I am certain if he had a month notice he would have made better plans , and this thread wouldn't suffice.

Op should give them snacks and drinks if he cant pay caterer abi he wants his house to scatter because of hosting church members?

If she hosted with 5 months pregnancy, OP should find out why she is adamant this time, there is a reason.

Gavorche:
I read every comment on this thread and I am very disappointed with how most women reason.Sorry Mr Op but ur wife is being inconsiderate and unreasonable not to assist in the cooking since you are willing to participate actively In the process.To even make it more irritating she is preventing you from inviting help from your church members who will assist.haba for something that will be done just once in a year.

Some posters are even suggesting you cancel or shift the meeting just to please your wife and be termed peace loving and family focused husband.Mr Op that will be the most stupid thing to do

That why am even scared of getting married because I can't take one quarter of all this bullshit I will just divorce you the next day.Imagine ordinary to cook fa with helping hands com turn issue the thing dey even vex me a swear especially those feminist posters above that are just running their mouth without even considering the ops condition.seriously if this is how girls nowadays reason and think marriage no be by force o

I remember growing up, my dad host this kind of meeting and my mom do the cooking with some of her friends and sometimes wives of Some of the members.My dad dont even know the location of kitchen talkless of helping in cooking( i think he considered it taboo)She never saw it as an issue intact we will be happy at home because there will be surplus food and drink at home

My advise is still talk to her and make her understand her duty for the cooking.You(op) will be responsible for buying the food stuff or you can do it together,you make the swallow,she makes the soup,and after the guest departure you two do the cleanup together and with the invitation of helping hands it will be easier for everyone.

If she still refuses you can now employ the service of caterers if you can afford it and if you can't u can explore other options like buying soft drinks and snacks.But you should make it clear to her that that you are not happy with her you too can revenge by declining some helps you render her or sacrifices you make for her so she will know how it pains.DONT just let it go make sure you express your displeasure by actions or at least words or both

NEVER you postpone the meeting to please her or due to lack of options or lack of adequate plan.if she refuses make sure you feed your guest in your house with at least snacks and .soft drinks or better by caterers,this will make you the winner and she will be ashame of her sef

You are right... Very right.
But lets view it from this perspective.. U know sometimes a woman can be angry from something entirely different from cooking for 25 men...she is probably just using this medium to pass her message to her husband.
What if the last meeting, the husband did not help in clearing or cleaning of the house after eating?
What if she needed some money and he has not given her and yet want to host 25 men?
What if, he got the money to feed 25men from a family savings?

No woman, would reject her husband when he is in need of her assistance if all is well.
The man must have done something wrong probably in the last meeting of which she kept waiting for this time.

We need to hear her side of the story.

When you tell op he's a simp now he will put up a fight.




In your very own house one woman is tossing you around. Thank God you're not my son or brother

I am shocked to my bones, the replies are scary. I am short of words to describe the fear of the world we now live in. My God does this mean that the devil has taken over the world. A church gathering? Just to host them and she wants God to bless her and her family. The is, this woman would give you lots of problems in the future but I pray for God to change her. All of you talking about getting someone else to cook the food. Remember that it’s her house we are talking about here. I am so worried. Words truly fail me on this matter. My brother from what you said you are a good man. I advice you to get someone to cook the food, ignore her, and observe her always and pray. I know it can be difficult hosting people but after your pleas, wow she is suppose to just go ahead and cook the food even if she does it grudgingly but to totally say no is beyond my comprehension. To all the good men out there, God will always watch your back. Women have become bad to the extent I am wondering what happened. God heal us all.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Brother nah to beg her.................. tell her you will do 50% of the work............. it is the memory of the stress she went the last time she cooked for them that is making her angry and stressed about the issue............... but she has forgotten that she was pregnant then................ except if she is pregnant again now..............then my answer will be to look for a caterer or find an alternative.................. but in summary just beg her and offer to do 50% of the job................. truth be told it is stressful to cook for 20 people and not to talk of washing and cleaning after the meeting/party

The thought of one person cooking for 18/20 grown adults is torturing not to talk of the doing. Haba, uncle! You married her for slavery and servitude?

If solution is what you asked for, here is one for you.
Since you have hands, legs strength and brain and also can cook why don't you cook for your visitors and entertain them yourself while she assists you. If you can pound yam and prepare semo, soup shouldn't be hard for you to make. After all, what a woman can do, a man can do it perfectly.

Oga, it's not as easy and less stressful as you think.

My sister's fiance just had his birthday and I assisted her with the cooking. I washed dishes till night that day. Just birthday o, of about 25 invitees....I know how stressed I was. The guests made a mess of the whole place.

Anyways, just talk to her and see if she'll come to terms with it. Good luck.

SirMichael1:
The previous get togethers I went to, their wife did the cooking. It's just making of soup while I make the swallow.

bukatyne:
A wife has to be 'begged' to host 20 men in the church once in two years? Is it 'slavery' for a wife to host her husband's guests?

A husband willing to make the swallow and get someone to help?

The husband who knows the way the rotation works should tell his men group to shift it (because his wife would not cook)?

People are throwing protection and love around; what about love, submission, nurturing!?

If clearing the sink is the problem, she cannot cook, serve and tell husbandman he will clear the sink himself since they are his people in jest?

Hmmmmmm!

@OP:

Nice tradition your church has got.

Trolling or not, the comments are appalling.

Thank God there are still mature and right thinking ladies on this forum. The danger here is that most childish, selfish and immature ladies join issues on matters bigger than their thinking as it were. Discerning OP's and other concerned readers should promptly spot and ignore such before adopting an advice that will be entirely counterproductive.

CanadianNaija:
Abeg she’s right to refuse. You’re just inconsiderate.
Did you plan to invite people with her or you just invited them and informed her as the cook you have at home?

You think she doesn’t have a life because she’s married to you? You like to play host but you don’t have money.

Just go and hire a caterer and stop stressing the woman abeg!

Funny, I go out every day to work my ass out to make my wife comfortable and I ask u for a favour to make soup for 25 people. This is a no brainer if you dont do it I will bring someone else to(only that d op cant afford it) God will let your perfume finish, phone spoil or birthday
come up anytime soon, you will be met with same energy.
I hate nonsense

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

If you cannot afford 20k for caterer, you really have no business being in that group. You should be doubling your hustle not agreeing to host what you obviously have no financial.muscle for..

Whats wrong with men of these days?

Leave your poor wife alone. I entered here, ready to bash the woman till i even saw she cooked last time. Upgrade and let your chirch members be Ibru and emoney and see whether she wont even be the one doing the pouding.

Go and make money, my friend!!

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

This just confirmed to me that you may not make a good husband. Do you think it's by prayers?
Read his concern again. This time do it without thinking someone has called you to comment.


Don't just jump into anywhere your moniker is mentioned.

JERRY1925:
You are right... Very right.
But lets view it from this perspective.. U know sometimes a woman can be angry from something entirely different from cooking for 25 men...she is probably just using this medium to pass her message to her husband.
What if the last meeting, the husband did not help in clearing or cleaning of the house after eating?
What if she needed some money and he has not given her and yet want to host 25 men?
What if, he got the money to feed 25men from a family savings?

No woman, would reject her husband when he is in need of her assistance if all is well.
The man must have done something wrong probably in the last meeting of which she kept waiting for this time.

We need to hear her side of the story.

Please rest jore. Something wrong like how? Did not help the last time and this how she lays it bare? My dear the man needs to really find a way to stand his ground in that house. The woman has a lot of bad side that would manifest latter.

bukatyne:
Omo, na wa.

Anyone who has a spouse who upholds the traditional values of marriage does not know what God has done for him or her.

Well said