₦airaland Forum

You seem to be a good and caring husband.

Just talk to her, I hope she agrees seeing that it's done just once in about 18 months.

Are you sure she doesn't harbor any grievances towards you hence her decision?

SirMichael1:
It's a committee for married men. I told her I'll get her another woman from the church to assist her. If it were up to me, she won't go through that stress.

Amumaigwe:
Thank God there are still mature and right thinking ladies on this forum. The danger here is that most childish, selfish and immature ladies join issues on matters bigger than their thinking as it were. Discerning OP's and other concerned readers should promptly spot and ignore such before adopting an advice that will be entirely counterproductive.

I hope so too.

AristocraticMe:
Brother nah to beg her.................. tell her you will do 50% of the work............. it is the memory of the stress she went the last time she cooked for them that is making her angry and stressed about the issue............... but she has forgotten that she was pregnant then................ except if she is pregnant again now..............then my answer will be to look for a caterer or find an alternative.................. but in summary just beg her and offer to do 50% of the job................. truth be told it is stressful to cook for 20 people and not to talk of washing and cleaning after the meeting/party

Beg wetin, when I perform my duties to make d family happy does anybody beg me? If she wont I will employ someone who can, if I cant afford it, i will bring girlfriend to come cook it.
I hate nonsense.

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

You're such a clown, it's easy to see through you even without meeting you physically. This is not what Christianity is about. It's a pity.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Bro you're a good husband,considerate and an intelligent man from everything you wrote up there.
You see those dummits abusing you and calling you wicked are nothing but fools,infact their mumu na new breed because their brain ought to tell them it was also not easy pounding yam for 20 people instead they are spitting rubbish.
Bro I have to say your wife is being stubborn
You offered to get her help but she already made up her mind and her "No"won't probably change.
So I will advice you to pay for the caterer and whenever your wife need money tell her you don't have that you used it to pay for the caterer OR prepare the food yourself with the help of people close to you and when your wife ask for something say "NO" and if it hurt,then her sit down and explain how you were hurt when she declined your request also.
Then importantly as you sit down make sure you guys settle the matter and try to find a solution to the problem, embrace your wife as the good husband you are and that is it.

TheLasyBuddha:
This just confirmed to me that you may not make a good husband. Do you think it's by prayers?
Read his concern again. This time do it without thinking someone has called you to comment.


Don't just jump into anywhere your moniker is mentioned.

Damn, na wa o. Prayer can do all things. And at this point he needs lots of prayers.

How is religion to blame for this na? Is there a portion of the Bible that suggests people should join unions where members have to host others monthly?

SmileDance:
Life will be much better when people start thinking with their brains and not their religion.
Na church matter wan break person home now so o

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Like seriously Oga Sir, 18 - 25 men. Haba, you kuma reason am. This so called gathering, is it not funded by the men in the church or is it free? Are there not allowances for outsourcing the meals? There are people/eatery vendors whose specialty is cooking for multitudes and will handle this with ease.

By the way, I'm talking from the stress angle. Have you considered the emotions attached to the fact that she's a woman and might have already processed it emotionally being that since it's a men's meeting, she will only be called upon to do the dishes, serve and clean up after you men.

You said she didn't complain at first yeah. I can assure you she's drawn conclusive conclusions from that first meeting and wouldn't want that feeling again.

Handle wisely sir, cos you don't want to enjoy your meals with men who will go back happy to their wives while you retire to an unhappy wife.

Saintmary:
Your good women are slaves, born to cook and satisfy your whims,
Arrrrgh, I've got stuffs to concentrate on tonight so lemme save my energy for later.
If you were half as smart as you think you are, you would have bought pie and Bigi for them at 8000 and still cut your costs.
Set awon "use them hubbies".
Your type of husbands squeeze the very life out of your wives till they start looking like your mummies before 40.
Mtcheew.

The OP captured your person succinctly. You are really frustrated.

SirMichael1:
I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k . I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

Pay your wife 10k and watch her even pound the yams herself.

Girl be calming down na..

SmileDance:
who were it up to o? It were up to who? It were not up to you to decide how your home is run? I were not understanding

nedekid:
See, if someone does not want to cook for you and your guest with clear mind, never force the person (even if it's your wife). Food is something entering your body. Unless you want to go by the saying "watin man no know no fit kill am".
May we not eat food garnish with catarr, spit, sputum IJN.

Lool abi the food shouldnot hang in their throat

wany:
What stand? Beating her up to do it.since is a strength game,the stronger wins.warp brain

I see you're the one with a warped brain. If you had paid a little more attention you would have realised o wasn't referring to his wife but Canadian naija

Steve28:
But she can always get anything she needs at any time from her husband right?

Are you the third leg of the marriage to be confident enough to ask this question?

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

IT may be likely that you did not appreciate her the other time she cooked and she didn't tell you she didn't feel appreciated.


She definately has something at the back of her mind.

Try to jokingly find it out and Promise her to work on it.

Find out the real reason Bro.

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

she should get friends or relatives? womne have suffered sha. So i'll now call my sister or my friend to come and help me cook for my husband and his friends - una dey ment.

soundlala:
all those of u saying leave the wife alone obviously are either children, or not married.

when u married u will know what it means to get a no, its a yrly thing to them every month different places so the man has gone to different houses eaten she definitely knows about all that now its her turn and shes saying crap she did it when preg little energy while not now wen not pregnant.

that wife of urs is testing u, and if u get caterer guy u don loose because more of that nonsense will happen.

u should tell her this


you are cooking that food, like it or not
if u need help get one of ur friends
dont u ever undermine me ever again, u don finally born no be gate way to foolishness

To the maid or under age girl you married, cause it can't be said to an adult.warp primitive brain.

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Better shut up with your woke ideology.

Face your Canada, we will face our Nigeria.
What about the sacrifices he must have made as the husband of the family? Is he here complaining to anybody? A one time thing has become problem. The man is trying to work out solutions but you are here insinuating divorce since that's what your useless feminazi pages teach you.
I hope it's not too late before you realize the false ideology you have submitted yourself too.

And she doesn't make sacrifices on a daily basis? - guy you need to sew your mouth shut

Why are most of these comments mean though?

Being preggers and cooking for a crowd is a bit too much.


Why don't you get an alase to do the cooking? They charge 5k or so.

I love the way you are calm despite the rude comments though.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

You are the head of your house, sometimes, headship demands brutality... Not advocating you beat her... But there is consequenc for misbehavior... Go ahead hire a cook that will cater for the day.. However, make sure such behavior is followed by our punishment.. The type I'll leave u to decide... Stop being a sim man

Landnaira5:
And she doesn't make sacrifices on a daily basis? - guy you need to sew your mouth shut

I can see you're one of the low IQ ones. Learn to read and comprehend.

ezugegere:
Look for two people you can pay to come to your house and help you do the cooking and cleaning up. Go to the market and buy the items. It is your committee, not your wife's

Are u married?... I doubt

greatcrown:
Talk to the leadership of the group that your family is not ready to host them now. Let them look for another person that can accept it at short notice.

Tell them you will inform them when you are ready.

God help us o. See watin person suggest. God I will be more careful in life now. This world is not the same. Mind you this is not new o. This things are happening in homes all over women have become something else. What a world we live in. Don’t worry when u are married if you not married , your wife will do same to you so you can take your own advice. I am more angry with the commentators than the woman self. This life na God go deliver the few good people left. Please my good brothers never change because of this group of people who have lost it. Imagine!!!

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

My brother God will bless you, please try and understand with your wife is not easy to cook for 18-25 people. The serving, cleaning, washing and running around hmm. Is not necessary you cook for them soft drinks will be fine everybody understand how the country is or are they not your church member? No amount of food you give them they will still eat at home. Your wife luv you so show are much luv and care. God bless you.

tabithababy:
The Kick your wife out Nairaland crew will soon be here

Is she a ball?

Calm your wife down. Buy her something nice, compliment her.
Lap her and gist with her. Ask how she has been doing and if you've been a good man to her, you know na press her mumu botton.(don't bring up the cooking on that day.
The next day sit her down and explain to her why you need her to do the cooking, also promise to help her out while cooking and for the dishes and house cleaning.
Also tell her by God's grace the following year you will look into a caterer to ease up the stress, tell her to just help you out this time since this is impromptu and your not so financially bouyant.
Tell her how your group members kept complimenting her cooking.
Also tell her that your planning on getting her something nice after the get together and you getting a caterer will not make that visible.
Tell her how much you appreciate her and her decisions and make her see that your not compelling her.
After this come back and give us the feedback.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Bros go and get a quarter bag of rice, a bag of chicken, jollof spics, 1 big tin tomato, ... Buy the ingredients and ask a catere to cook it for you and give her 6k for service charge.

SirMichael1:
She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

Lalasticlala, seun

Pls let her be.

You have to get someone. If na me, if the whole thing becomes a success without her input, there will be a wall between us for sometime.

SmileDance:
Life will be much better when people start thinking with their brains and not their religion.
Na church matter wan break person home now so o

I bet if the head of that church finds out, he will dissolve this club.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Lol. Ode.

why?

lilyheaven:
Bro’s you can write o,
You see , the sister is not coming as a third party, besides he is not going to tell her his wife refused.

My husband always host party from time to time, the first time I tried doing it on my own, it was so stressful, I was even pregnant cooking for 40 men,
What I do this days, I invite my friend and cousin for assistance.
My husband goes to market, I do the cooking, while they do the serving and cleanup .

E be tins