₦airaland Forum

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

I'm a man.wheres your location let me and u do the cooking of the soups together.just tell her not to bother thinking of coming near the kitchen till we are done,let her just concentrate and watch Telemundo or zee world,I won't charge u a dime, my location is Lagos, 07038391902, I hate nonsense

25 people is not the same as hosting 4 or 5 people. 25 is almost a party, a naming ceremony. I think you should get a caterer and let her handle the logistics.

Liftmaster:
Sista, but in your situation you are doing it willingly. The wife has said no, even with his help. Why can't he respect her opinion? If he truly loves his wife, as a church member should, he should go look up the definition of it. Love is patient, love is kind, love is longsuffering. etc. This is the time to excercise those definitions. They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar! He should cancel and see how much more love and respect he will get in return.

He wont get any thing i return,mark my words.

He will instead get more stubbornness and insubordination from her.
I know how women think.he shld just call for assistance from his frnds or try beat down the price of caterers.

Beg her and her know that you will look for people to support her. You can ask her to suggest what to do

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

God bless you more than you can ever imagine sir

Those fvctards that are saying useless stuffs all about does more stupid things for their partners while many of them do not have life at all. No suitor, no job, no money, the only asset they can boast of is their London used android phone which is also a liability because of their fake lifestyle.

Please find a way to handle this situation and jump am pass.... Church members will come, eat and go back to their respective homes, it will remain you and your wife... So be smart in making up your mind.

You may allow her to win this time around but let her prepare for your own day too.

SirMichael1:
Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues within us (married men) just to foster unity.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church.

......since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

Bro.... you seem to forget the purpose of this committee for married men. Shouldn't the committee be the one proffering solutions to your problem? Instead of Nairaland?... a loose committee of men and women... married and unmarried... locals.and foreigners .... Christians... Muslims... Atheists .. Spiritualists from Shrines of various powers... ritualists ....not forgetting boys and girls...literates and illiterates .... tribalists, touts and trolls.... why come to this committee?

You need to be get some spine bro. Your wife is telling you flat out no. You are afraid to bring someone without her prior knowledge because you're afraid of her reactions. Your wife is not flexing because she knows there is nothing you can do about it. She sees you as a weak man. Your fellow committee members see you as a weak man.... the reason they chose you. They know times are tough and will not accept to do same. You know you are not financially buoyant enough.... but yet you said nothing. Same way you trying to convince your wife... use the same effort to convince your members that you are not in a position to provide meals on Sunday... some drinks fine... but not food. After all... is it not a meeting?...or is it a feast? They just need something to wet their throats which no doubt will get dry from talking. Better... suggest they bring food from home... and all can share.... one man catering is not good during this COVID Times. Swallow your pride and let them know it's not happening. The earlier the better.
Lastly... I guess to this point of writing... you see absolutely nothing wrong for having your 5 month pregnant wife be cooking for 18 plus grown married men. Doesn't she now have a nursing baby? I can see why she would even refuse to boil just one egg for your committee members. Let her be bro... she is still traumatized!

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

God bless you for this post. Reading the previous comments I was beginning to think if the is no sane person here.

SirMichael1:
Trust me, i wished i was trolling but i'm not.

Really i have never brought my marital issues to nairaland and frankly, this has got to be the first and last time i will. This is just the second time we'll be hosting them and the last time they came, they complimented her cooking skills. Not to forget, i did the pounding of yams for over 20 persons the last time, so she only made the soup. I don't know why people will term cooking of soup a housemaid thing. I'm just peturbed over how many reason here.

Dont be discouraged my dear.
Forget all the negative comments nd pick the positive ones, real matured men still deh nairaland,forget about the kids.

SirMichael1:
Truth is, I've since considered this but the thought that my wife will sit while watching my friends and I do the cooking (I don't know how to make the soup. She's good at that) doesn't sit well. If she'd just agree, I don't mind getting more people to assist.

I think you are disturbing yourself, get people to help you, forget about her at least for that day/event, some day her time to need you will come, am tempted to think that you create the problem in the house which this one is just one of many by the way look, act or react to things, please while you love your wife learn to be the man.

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

thank you!!!!, AFTER SEEING ALOT OF COMMENTS ON NL TODAY, I PITY ANYBODY THAT BRINGS HIS OR HER ISSUE TO NL, ONLY 1 PERCENT OF THE POPULATION HERE REALLY HAVE SOMETHING TANGIBLE IN THEIR BRAIN TO OFFER, a whole bunch is made of shit!

Oga if she no fit cook for ur church people arrange small chops for 20 with canned drinks.. afteral all no be festival dem must not swallow. Maybe ur wife get coded beef with some members when u no dey aware of. You can't displease urself to please others. Who want chop belleful make him chop swallow come from house. As money to run catering services no dey na to do as ur hand reach bros

I don't think cooking is your wife's problem,to me I think you guys are not financially okay right now to host a meeting and you went ahead to accept..should that be the case,she as every right to be angry....even you think am nah...especially this CORO season...na management most people dey ooo...

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

I don they watch u for this forum, U BE RELIGIOUS MUMU.

SirMichael1:
It's okay please. I'm not here to cause a fight. I just need advice.

THEN YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE FOR ONE, THE DAY ALOT OF PEOPLE UNDERSTANDS THIS IS THE DAY THEIR PROBLEM IS HALF SOLVED, NL ISNT A COURT, TAKE YOUR ISSUES SOMEWHERE BETTER, MUMU TOO PLENTY FOR THIS FORUM

I feel she does not have problem cooking there is more to the story biko(financially)the woman is angry about something ....

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

The only problem I see here is that OP does not have enough money � to give his wife to prepare the food. Most women like shopping for these kind of things because they have enough change to keep for themselves. We also do not like it when we have to go through all the stress and also support with a large chunk of our personal money on top of everything... Then at the end the guests will not know they are supposed to drop something for madam after all the stress, 'church or no church', next time the woman will not be happy to take part...

Gavorche:
I read every comment on this thread and I am very disappointed with how most women reason.Sorry Mr Op but ur wife is being inconsiderate and unreasonable not to assist in the cooking since you are willing to participate actively In the process.To even make it more irritating she is preventing you from inviting help from your church members who will assist.haba for something that will be done just once in a year.

Some posters are even suggesting you cancel or shift the meeting just to please your wife and be termed peace loving and family focused husband.Mr Op that will be the most stupid thing to do

That why am even scared of getting married because I can't take one quarter of all this bullshit I will just divorce you the next day.Imagine ordinary to cook fa with helping hands com turn issue the thing dey even vex me a swear especially those feminist posters above that are just running their mouth without even considering the ops condition.seriously if this is how girls nowadays reason and think marriage no be by force o

I remember growing up, my dad host this kind of meeting and my mom do the cooking with some of her friends and sometimes wives of Some of the members.My dad dont even know the location of kitchen talkless of helping in cooking( i think he considered it taboo)She never saw it as an issue intact we will be happy at home because there will be surplus food and drink at home

My advise is still talk to her and make her understand her duty for the cooking.You(op) will be responsible for buying the food stuff or you can do it together,you make the swallow,she makes the soup,and after the guest departure you two do the cleanup together and with the invitation of helping hands it will be easier for everyone.

If she still refuses you can now employ the service of caterers if you can afford it and if you can't u can explore other options like buying soft drinks and snacks.But you should make it clear to her that that you are not happy with her you too can revenge by declining some helps you render her or sacrifices you make for her so she will know how it pains.DONT just let it go make sure you express your displeasure by actions or at least words or both

NEVER you postpone the meeting to please her or due to lack of options or lack of adequate plan.if she refuses make sure you feed your guest in your house with at least snacks and .soft drinks or better by caterers,this will make you the winner and she will be ashame of her sef

Thank you my brother.
This is by far the most reasonable comment.
I fear all this 21st century women o,everything now is slavery to also make men look evil.
My mum do exactly same thing wth joy,even dad wont even hv to beg,what exactly is wrong with women.
If OP cancel the hosting,means her wife will start being the man in that family,and things wont be the same.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Must she cook. Since you are considering cost, get something cheaper like snacks and drink . afterall, they are coming for a meeting and not toeat. Cut your coat according to your size

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

Good point(s) oga righteousness. However, fact remains that if you want to have a good marriage there are issues(almost every issue sef) you let your wife know/worry about before execution. If not, sorry might be one's case o. Btw, we should never be too patriarchal about decision making in every thing we do. Sometimes a 'no' or consultation shows you support your wife. Don't always play the man/divine submission card for something you will not help with if in your wife's shoe. Marriage should be no tool for masculine domination and inconvenience. Selah egbon

Calvary greetings Mr Michael, there’s no need troubling your wife to cook.
What I advice you to do is call OLOPO, buy the ingredients for her/them and she will cook it.

Mind you OLOPO is different from CATERERS.

Shalom!!

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Your wife was pregnant and you made her go through such stress. Let the woman be biko

You said my mind

Two were supposed to become one

Differences swallowed up by mutual understanding and love

Sacrifice and selflessness being the banner

In all things and in all decisions agreeing, so shall two chase a thousand

Maybe you two should pray more together, go out more together.

This shouldn't be a problem at all, I think there's been a crack somewhere.

joyandfaith:
did you marry a cook? what is essence of meeting of married men? i see it as wasting of time and resources?
your wife is telling you that she does not want large crowd in her house. There may be other reason that may shock you if revealed to you.
God and family are most important thing in life.

What did you just say "did you marry a cook?"
You are a shameless person
No he didn't marry a cook but a partner that should support him
I feel sorry for you

If you have a sister call her let her assist you then.

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...



Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

This is for visitors. This has nothing to do with marriage

CanadianNaija:
She’s a wife nau, what else is she made for it not to cook on a whim.
I hope she leaves the house for them that day so that her husband will have sense.

Pay Caterer he won’t, but he’s surprised that she doesn’t want to kill herself from impromptu stress.

This is sad. So wife is meant to cook. Sorry for you

it depend on your location, catering services here with us is very affordable

SmileDance:
Life will be much better when people start thinking with their brains and not their religion.
Na church matter wan break person home now so o

Awon my pastor! My pastor set. God help us in this part of the world mhen(for even the grey matter he gave us for self-help is not put to that use). Dem still no go gree if you kukuma tell them.

CanadianNaija:
Abeg she’s right to refuse. You’re just inconsiderate.
Did you plan to invite people with her or you just invited them and informed her as the cook you have at home?

You think she doesn’t have a life because she’s married to you? You like to play host but you don’t have money.

Just go and hire a caterer and stop stressing the woman abeg!

Canadian trash

GoodFaith:
Canadian trash

How is it bruv?

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Tell your wife that a lady has offered to do the cooking, when she asked who is the lady tell her that you got the idea of having a side chick that could be helping her in her duty when she suggested to you to find someone who will do the cooking