₦airaland Forum

Selfkontrol:
Good morning all.

I had a very serious yet Heart breaking moment last night. I have this girl friend I have been dating for some years now. Roughy 4 years plus. We are so serious that ThE next phase of our relationship should be marriage.
I love her so much and to the best of my knowledge, she loves me too and was really a wife material like I have always thought all these years even though we have been off and on sometimes.

Last year September I broke up with her because of how rude she spoke to me.( not the first time. I just couldn’t take it anymore)It was a messy breakup and even though she begged me for three days. I never listened but deep down I didn’t mean it. I just wanted her to fix her bad behaviors then after some months we come back. It wasn’t long too, her father had stroke and I knew she was passing through a lot that period. Even though she tried to find solace in me during those times, I didn’t care that much but still called her often to know how the father is doing. (He’s much better now)

Fast forward to early this year, we started talking again and she visited me where I stay. ( note: we have been talking after few weeks of our breakup but just friends. I still loved her but but I felt it wasn’t time yet) We made out and continued our relationship. I try to fix everything that caused the breakup and she was ready to turn a new leaf and so was I

Everything was going well with less issues for these past months because we don’t stay in the same location. It’s more or less a long distance thing even though we didn’t start that way. (We started dating in school and some point lived together for a year) we couldn’t stay in same city because of circumstances. Her parents live in a different city.

Everything was fine until recently when we were talking and something lead to another thing. She first told me how men give her tips in her mother’s restaurant (she helps her mom in the restaurant since she’s awaiting her masters) i didn’t find it funny. I told her it’s not wrong to take tips but when you know there would be a condition attached to the tips then it’s very bad to accept those tips. ( sometimes 10k, 15k, 5k and evening someone had giving her $100 before) at first she didn’t find anything wrong in taking those tips as she said that’s the little way she can help herself since As she couldn’t be always asking me for money every time. (I send her cash once in a while) But later saw my reason why it’s wrong to take tips from these men especially if the cash is huge because at the end the men always make demands like she told me And she promised to stop it.

Later in the evening we where having a conversation and I told her about a girl a had a little fling with a few months ago. (Long after we broke up) And how the girl called me and was feeling I used her because I went back to my ex. It was a harmless discussion and we both we just laughing over it. Didn’t take long before I asked her Jokingly if she have ever had anything in the place she stays After our break up and to my greatest surprise she gave me a shocker that She actually Had sex with a guy about a week or two weeks later after our break. That she was vulnerable that period because a lot of things happening.And she never believed we could come back. I pushed further and she gave me all the details.

That left me very heartbroken. Heartbroken in the sense that my girlfriend for years could easily sleep with a guy within few weeks of our break up. I was very bitter through out the night. She begged and cried all night and even had an ashma attack and promised it was just a mistake. I called her so many names including a cheap slut anyone could easily sleep with just like that.

I know this is just a relationship but I’m actually scared because this is a girl I plan to engage next year and marriages is obviously the next. She’s a very beautiful girl, honest, caring and faithful to the best of my knowledge but I’m really confused right now. If she could do that just after a week or two of our breakup means even in marriage if we have any problems, she can easily sleep with that guy that she finds solace in.

Help me Nairalanders. She’s supposed to stay for two more days before she leave but from the look of things she might be going today. I’m really confused and don’t wanna make a bloody mistake that I would regret later In the future

elantraceey:
You'll be highly mistaking if you think every lady is out there got their mind on sex. A few of us are too busy chasing the bag and our careers. Meanwhile I have a fiance that I'm both physically and mentally attracted to. I'm not Erica. So whatever he wrote there has no business with me.

Powerfly:
You girls need to stop all these confession bs. If u need to confess to anyone.. Go to a catholic priest. any confessim you make to your bf.. He's gonna bring it down to nairaland even tho he's got a side chick he's been banging all along. If u feel guilty cheating on him, just get on your knees and ask God for forgiveness. Always remember that while both of you may be engaged, it's still 'FORNICATION' In the sight of God. So don't go and be confessing fornication you committed with another person to your fellow fornicator..(your date).

The only point it is reasonable to confess your acts to your partner is when you both are legally married. Stop spilling out your secrets because at the end.. A man would never forgive or overlook. He'll bear a grudge and you'll forever live with a bad name and the consequences.
You only owe God an explanation... And not a fornicative partner.. Always remember that!

Selfkontrol:
Good morning all.

I had a very serious yet Heart breaking moment last night. I have this girl friend I have been dating for some years now. Roughy 4 years plus. We are so serious that ThE next phase of our relationship should be marriage.
I love her so much and to the best of my knowledge, she loves me too and was really a wife material like I have always thought all these years even though we have been off and on sometimes.

Last year September I broke up with her because of how rude she spoke to me.( not the first time. I just couldn’t take it anymore)It was a messy breakup and even though she begged me for three days. I never listened but deep down I didn’t mean it. I just wanted her to fix her bad behaviors then after some months we come back. It wasn’t long too, her father had stroke and I knew she was passing through a lot that period. Even though she tried to find solace in me during those times, I didn’t care that much but still called her often to know how the father is doing. (He’s much better now)

Fast forward to early this year, we started talking again and she visited me where I stay. ( note: we have been talking after few weeks of our breakup but just friends. I still loved her but but I felt it wasn’t time yet) We made out and continued our relationship. I try to fix everything that caused the breakup and she was ready to turn a new leaf and so was I

Everything was going well with less issues for these past months because we don’t stay in the same location. It’s more or less a long distance thing even though we didn’t start that way. (We started dating in school and some point lived together for a year) we couldn’t stay in same city because of circumstances. Her parents live in a different city.

Everything was fine until recently when we were talking and something lead to another thing. She first told me how men give her tips in her mother’s restaurant (she helps her mom in the restaurant since she’s awaiting her masters) i didn’t find it funny. I told her it’s not wrong to take tips but when you know there would be a condition attached to the tips then it’s very bad to accept those tips. ( sometimes 10k, 15k, 5k and evening someone had giving her $100 before) at first she didn’t find anything wrong in taking those tips as she said that’s the little way she can help herself since As she couldn’t be always asking me for money every time. (I send her cash once in a while) But later saw my reason why it’s wrong to take tips from these men especially if the cash is huge because at the end the men always make demands like she told me And she promised to stop it.

Later in the evening we where having a conversation and I told her about a girl a had a little fling with a few months ago. (Long after we broke up) And how the girl called me and was feeling I used her because I went back to my ex. It was a harmless discussion and we both we just laughing over it. Didn’t take long before I asked her Jokingly if she have ever had anything in the place she stays After our break up and to my greatest surprise she gave me a shocker that She actually Had sex with a guy about a week or two weeks later after our break. That she was vulnerable that period because a lot of things happening.And she never believed we could come back. I pushed further and she gave me all the details.

That left me very heartbroken. Heartbroken in the sense that my girlfriend for years could easily sleep with a guy within few weeks of our break up. I was very bitter through out the night. She begged and cried all night and even had an ashma attack and promised it was just a mistake. I called her so many names including a cheap slut anyone could easily sleep with just like that.

I know this is just a relationship but I’m actually scared because this is a girl I plan to engage next year and marriages is obviously the next. She’s a very beautiful girl, honest, caring and faithful to the best of my knowledge but I’m really confused right now. If she could do that just after a week or two of our breakup means even in marriage if we have any problems, she can easily sleep with that guy that she finds solace in.

Help me Nairalanders. She’s supposed to stay for two more days before she leave but from the look of things she might be going today. I’m really confused and don’t wanna make a bloody mistake that I would regret later In the future

Evolutionlove:
Lol are you sure of what you've just posted?? Well I don't really believe most things that comes out of female beings mouth but I have to commend you for putting this up at least okay. Most ladies globally exclusively Nigerian ladies won't even dare put this up. We are friends already lol......

Kriss216:
This is the problem with Nigerian girls I hate so much.
The young man accepted he had a fling with another girl without blaming anyone or anything, said its a fling.

The young and promiscuous vagina being blamed innocent Vulnerable for her hoeism. Using emotional blackmail on the innocent young man..

Nigeria girls should learn to owe to their hoeism. There's dignity in labour.

Selfkontrol:
Good morning all.

I had a very serious yet Heart breaking moment last night. I have this girl friend I have been dating for some years now. Roughy 4 years plus. We are so serious that ThE next phase of our relationship should be marriage.
I love her so much and to the best of my knowledge, she loves me too and was really a wife material like I have always thought all these years even though we have been off and on sometimes.

Last year September I broke up with her because of how rude she spoke to me.( not the first time. I just couldn’t take it anymore)It was a messy breakup and even though she begged me for three days. I never listened but deep down I didn’t mean it. I just wanted her to fix her bad behaviors then after some months we come back. It wasn’t long too, her father had stroke and I knew she was passing through a lot that period. Even though she tried to find solace in me during those times, I didn’t care that much but still called her often to know how the father is doing. (He’s much better now)

Fast forward to early this year, we started talking again and she visited me where I stay. ( note: we have been talking after few weeks of our breakup but just friends. I still loved her but but I felt it wasn’t time yet) We made out and continued our relationship. I try to fix everything that caused the breakup and she was ready to turn a new leaf and so was I

Everything was going well with less issues for these past months because we don’t stay in the same location. It’s more or less a long distance thing even though we didn’t start that way. (We started dating in school and some point lived together for a year) we couldn’t stay in same city because of circumstances. Her parents live in a different city.

Everything was fine until recently when we were talking and something lead to another thing. She first told me how men give her tips in her mother’s restaurant (she helps her mom in the restaurant since she’s awaiting her masters) i didn’t find it funny. I told her it’s not wrong to take tips but when you know there would be a condition attached to the tips then it’s very bad to accept those tips. ( sometimes 10k, 15k, 5k and evening someone had giving her $100 before) at first she didn’t find anything wrong in taking those tips as she said that’s the little way she can help herself since As she couldn’t be always asking me for money every time. (I send her cash once in a while) But later saw my reason why it’s wrong to take tips from these men especially if the cash is huge because at the end the men always make demands like she told me And she promised to stop it.

Later in the evening we where having a conversation and I told her about a girl a had a little fling with a few months ago. (Long after we broke up) And how the girl called me and was feeling I used her because I went back to my ex. It was a harmless discussion and we both we just laughing over it. Didn’t take long before I asked her Jokingly if she have ever had anything in the place she stays After our break up and to my greatest surprise she gave me a shocker that She actually Had sex with a guy about a week or two weeks later after our break. That she was vulnerable that period because a lot of things happening.And she never believed we could come back. I pushed further and she gave me all the details.

That left me very heartbroken. Heartbroken in the sense that my girlfriend for years could easily sleep with a guy within few weeks of our break up. I was very bitter through out the night. She begged and cried all night and even had an ashma attack and promised it was just a mistake. I called her so many names including a cheap slut anyone could easily sleep with just like that.

I know this is just a relationship but I’m actually scared because this is a girl I plan to engage next year and marriages is obviously the next. She’s a very beautiful girl, honest, caring and faithful to the best of my knowledge but I’m really confused right now. If she could do that just after a week or two of our breakup means even in marriage if we have any problems, she can easily sleep with that guy that she finds solace in.

Help me Nairalanders. She’s supposed to stay for two more days before she leave but from the look of things she might be going today. I’m really confused and don’t wanna make a bloody mistake that I would regret later In the future

Selfkontrol:
Good morning all.

I had a very serious yet Heart breaking moment last night. I have this girl friend I have been dating for some years now. Roughy 4 years plus. We are so serious that ThE next phase of our relationship should be marriage.
I love her so much and to the best of my knowledge, she loves me too and was really a wife material like I have always thought all these years even though we have been off and on sometimes.

Last year September I broke up with her because of how rude she spoke to me.( not the first time. I just couldn’t take it anymore)It was a messy breakup and even though she begged me for three days. I never listened but deep down I didn’t mean it. I just wanted her to fix her bad behaviors then after some months we come back. It wasn’t long too, her father had stroke and I knew she was passing through a lot that period. Even though she tried to find solace in me during those times, I didn’t care that much but still called her often to know how the father is doing. (He’s much better now)

Fast forward to early this year, we started talking again and she visited me where I stay. ( note: we have been talking after few weeks of our breakup but just friends. I still loved her but but I felt it wasn’t time yet) We made out and continued our relationship. I try to fix everything that caused the breakup and she was ready to turn a new leaf and so was I

Everything was going well with less issues for these past months because we don’t stay in the same location. It’s more or less a long distance thing even though we didn’t start that way. (We started dating in school and some point lived together for a year) we couldn’t stay in same city because of circumstances. Her parents live in a different city.

Everything was fine until recently when we were talking and something lead to another thing. She first told me how men give her tips in her mother’s restaurant (she helps her mom in the restaurant since she’s awaiting her masters) i didn’t find it funny. I told her it’s not wrong to take tips but when you know there would be a condition attached to the tips then it’s very bad to accept those tips. ( sometimes 10k, 15k, 5k and evening someone had giving her $100 before) at first she didn’t find anything wrong in taking those tips as she said that’s the little way she can help herself since As she couldn’t be always asking me for money every time. (I send her cash once in a while) But later saw my reason why it’s wrong to take tips from these men especially if the cash is huge because at the end the men always make demands like she told me And she promised to stop it.

Later in the evening we where having a conversation and I told her about a girl a had a little fling with a few months ago. (Long after we broke up) And how the girl called me and was feeling I used her because I went back to my ex. It was a harmless discussion and we both we just laughing over it. Didn’t take long before I asked her Jokingly if she have ever had anything in the place she stays After our break up and to my greatest surprise she gave me a shocker that She actually Had sex with a guy about a week or two weeks later after our break. That she was vulnerable that period because a lot of things happening.And she never believed we could come back. I pushed further and she gave me all the details.

That left me very heartbroken. Heartbroken in the sense that my girlfriend for years could easily sleep with a guy within few weeks of our break up. I was very bitter through out the night. She begged and cried all night and even had an ashma attack and promised it was just a mistake. I called her so many names including a cheap slut anyone could easily sleep with just like that.

I know this is just a relationship but I’m actually scared because this is a girl I plan to engage next year and marriages is obviously the next. She’s a very beautiful girl, honest, caring and faithful to the best of my knowledge but I’m really confused right now. If she could do that just after a week or two of our breakup means even in marriage if we have any problems, she can easily sleep with that guy that she finds solace in.

Help me Nairalanders. She’s supposed to stay for two more days before she leave but from the look of things she might be going today. I’m really confused and don’t wanna make a bloody mistake that I would regret later In the future

Kyom20:
Is there no end to the selfishness exhibited by these men on Nairaland? You confessed to a fling you had and she did same yet strangely enough its her own that you cant deal with? Have you never heard the saying "love your neighbor as yourself" and "do unto others as you would have done unto you?".

You broke up with someone you claim to love for months and felt justified by your action because you knew you would settle after a few months. How was she to know this plan you made up in your head? Cant she also feel that you could walk away from your marriage for months at a time beacuse of trivial issues?

Please be guided. If you cant take it dont give it.

SweetCunt97:
If she had said it was just a fling like a boss, it wouldn't change anything. The op is cunning, how can he be pissed when he did the same she did?

Selfkontrol:
Good morning all.

I had a very serious yet Heart breaking moment last night. I have this girl friend I have been dating for some years now. Roughy 4 years plus. We are so serious that ThE next phase of our relationship should be marriage.
I love her so much and to the best of my knowledge, she loves me too and was really a wife material like I have always thought all these years even though we have been off and on sometimes.

Last year September I broke up with her because of how rude she spoke to me.( not the first time. I just couldn’t take it anymore)It was a messy breakup and even though she begged me for three days. I never listened but deep down I didn’t mean it. I just wanted her to fix her bad behaviors then after some months we come back. It wasn’t long too, her father had stroke and I knew she was passing through a lot that period. Even though she tried to find solace in me during those times, I didn’t care that much but still called her often to know how the father is doing. (He’s much better now)

Fast forward to early this year, we started talking again and she visited me where I stay. ( note: we have been talking after few weeks of our breakup but just friends. I still loved her but but I felt it wasn’t time yet) We made out and continued our relationship. I try to fix everything that caused the breakup and she was ready to turn a new leaf and so was I

Everything was going well with less issues for these past months because we don’t stay in the same location. It’s more or less a long distance thing even though we didn’t start that way. (We started dating in school and some point lived together for a year) we couldn’t stay in same city because of circumstances. Her parents live in a different city.

Everything was fine until recently when we were talking and something lead to another thing. She first told me how men give her tips in her mother’s restaurant (she helps her mom in the restaurant since she’s awaiting her masters) i didn’t find it funny. I told her it’s not wrong to take tips but when you know there would be a condition attached to the tips then it’s very bad to accept those tips. ( sometimes 10k, 15k, 5k and evening someone had giving her $100 before) at first she didn’t find anything wrong in taking those tips as she said that’s the little way she can help herself since As she couldn’t be always asking me for money every time. (I send her cash once in a while) But later saw my reason why it’s wrong to take tips from these men especially if the cash is huge because at the end the men always make demands like she told me And she promised to stop it.

Later in the evening we where having a conversation and I told her about a girl a had a little fling with a few months ago. (Long after we broke up) And how the girl called me and was feeling I used her because I went back to my ex. It was a harmless discussion and we both we just laughing over it. Didn’t take long before I asked her Jokingly if she have ever had anything in the place she stays After our break up and to my greatest surprise she gave me a shocker that She actually Had sex with a guy about a week or two weeks later after our break. That she was vulnerable that period because a lot of things happening.And she never believed we could come back. I pushed further and she gave me all the details.

That left me very heartbroken. Heartbroken in the sense that my girlfriend for years could easily sleep with a guy within few weeks of our break up. I was very bitter through out the night. She begged and cried all night and even had an ashma attack and promised it was just a mistake. I called her so many names including a cheap slut anyone could easily sleep with just like that.

I know this is just a relationship but I’m actually scared because this is a girl I plan to engage next year and marriages is obviously the next. She’s a very beautiful girl, honest, caring and faithful to the best of my knowledge but I’m really confused right now. If she could do that just after a week or two of our breakup means even in marriage if we have any problems, she can easily sleep with that guy that she finds solace in.

Help me Nairalanders. She’s supposed to stay for two more days before she leave but from the look of things she might be going today. I’m really confused and don’t wanna make a bloody mistake that I would regret later In the future

Kriss216:
The OP is pissed cos he can decide to marry the two girls and still love them, nothing will happen. Can the girl love and marry the OP and the guy she slept with?

SweetCunt97:
Let's b unbiased pls.

mrjojo:
Hey bro, the way we guys process cheating is way deeper than the ladies. Our imagination is always most times on a prowl imagining another guy with our dear damsel. But you need to respect the fact that she came out to you, she told you herself, most ladies wouldn't and it understandable. In fact, technically she didn't "cheat" on you. She was vulnerable, a long, serious relationship coming to an abrupt end is a very vulnerable moment for both genders, some guys find their solace in alcohol, while most ladies look for a "shoulder to cry on". You actually had your own "escapades " too
Now I will suggest you probe further, Was it a one-time thing? the guy apparently has always been in the picture even before the breakup, and I'm almost certain he is among the regular tipper. Ask her if there is more, so you know all at once. And after forgive her and forget please(it's harder for men). You guys have a beautiful thing going, No!! she is not cheap!! being in regular contact with men who are doling out cash in the form of "tips" to her is a whole lot of temptation, Trust me, If she didn't fall (why I asked to probe further )then she is a keeper. You said yourself she a very beautiful lady, so attention from men is normal. She made a mistake in a vulnerable state, Forgive and let it go, she forgave you too after all.


Ps: I suggest you post in the family section for more mature responses next time. Guys here are just bunch of redpill and simp screamer

Kris25:
Lol you are funny, you asked and she told you the truth.... I do not see any reason to be angry... Moreover the both of you are guilty... What you do not know will not harm or hunt you...becareful with questions you ask.... You had flings, she had sex... 1. 1 goal goal, score is settled.