BlongTrendies:


I went through this path believe me in my case it ended in tears.
He needs to heal up and start a new life without interference.

Can he heal without closure? Just curious though.

UDUJ:


I completely disagree with the boldfaced, NOPE. Some people are not worth forgiving.

If anyone has ever hurt you in this life, the ONLY thing you owe them is forgiveness. Nothing more.

It is not easy but forgive

SecretSpy666:
Greetings Nairalanders,
I want to seek for you peoples opinions regarding my family challenges.

I'm from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was a child of two years. I'm the only child from their union. My father and mother abandoned me and remarried to other spouse each. I passed through hell growing up with relatives who insulted me with all kinds of names and I was treated like a slave to their own children.

Because of public outcry about my dehumanizing treatment, my father came to village and took me to the city. It was from fry pan to fire experience as my father's new wife was maltreating me. At a point, my father asked me to leave his house that since my arrival, he don't have peace with his wife.

I packed to the house of a relative and work in a block industry to help myself. Most times, I slept in a CAC church close to the relative house as the two-room apartment is not enough for his family. My mother never care if I was alive. She never call me nor reply to letter I sent through someone to her. I continued working in the block industry and started a part time programme. I completed the part time programme and did my NYSC and master degree. I got a job with University of Ado Ekiti with the help of a course mate, managing myself now and surprisingly my mother and father started calling me often.

Both of them have 6 children each with their respective second spouse. Mother want his son to come and live with me, I refused and my father too have been requesting for financial assistance which I also refused. I don't want to have anything to do with both of them. My father's daughter recently called me to help her with school fees, I bluntly told her to ask her mother what she did to me and caught the call. Since then, she never call.

I'm alone and have just two friends. I don't have family. All of them calling now are just looking for what to get from me, not that they care about me. My mother never call me once to ask about my welfare even when I sent my phone number to her through her relative. I wrote WAEC, completed degree course before she started calling me and it is only to request for one thing or other. I'm planning to get married without telling them and build a separate family.

It's good that you've cut off from that stupid friend that brought them to your house.
I will advise you leave that apartment and get a new one in a different location and possibly change your mobile number.
Don't in any way connect with them as they're toxic and exploitative.
Never let them come within your circle as they're capable of destroying every Fibre of your being for their own benefit. They have played their card and you have seen what they're capable of don't underestimate them one bit.

Ishilove:

He should not abandon them even when they abandoned him? What if he had died along the way? Abeg leave matter. The only sin he is commiting is the sin of unforgivenness. He can forgive but still be far from them because they are leeches with no remorse or shame.

That comment was nauseating. Help people who abandoned a child?

Froshloaded:

Ikr..

There is this bible saying "Honour thy father and Mother, so your days shall be long"

He should not commit a sin because of his parents..

And did his parent behave like a father and a mother too him?

SecretSpy666:
Greetings Nairalanders,
I want to seek for you peoples opinions regarding my family challenges.

I'm from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was a child of two years. I'm the only child from their union. My father and mother abandoned me and remarried to other spouse each. I passed through hell growing up with relatives who insulted me with all kinds of names and I was treated like a slave to their own children.

Because of public outcry about my dehumanizing treatment, my father came to village and took me to the city. It was from fry pan to fire experience as my father's new wife was maltreating me. At a point, my father asked me to leave his house that since my arrival, he don't have peace with his wife.

I packed to the house of a relative and work in a block industry to help myself. Most times, I slept in a CAC church close to the relative house as the two-room apartment is not enough for his family. My mother never care if I was alive. She never call me nor reply to letter I sent through someone to her. I continued working in the block industry and started a part time programme. I completed the part time programme and did my NYSC and master degree. I got a job with University of Ado Ekiti with the help of a course mate, managing myself now and surprisingly my mother and father started calling me often.

Both of them have 6 children each with their respective second spouse. Mother want his son to come and live with me, I refused and my father too have been requesting for financial assistance which I also refused. I don't want to have anything to do with both of them. My father's daughter recently called me to help her with school fees, I bluntly told her to ask her mother what she did to me and caught the call. Since then, she never call.

I'm alone and have just two friends. I don't have family. All of them calling now are just looking for what to get from me, not that they care about me. My mother never call me once to ask about my welfare even when I sent my phone number to her through her relative. I wrote WAEC, completed degree course before she started calling me and it is only to request for one thing or other. I'm planning to get married without telling them and build a separate family.

...............
People that go EXTREMELY LOW in life do GO EXTREMELY UP in life.
What importance, being up there and being BORED?
The director of TITANIC movie, KILLED HIMSELF because HAPPINESS seemed far fetched from him. Lucky you, you still have them.

AUTHUR ANDERSEN, the founder of the WORLD's LEADING ACCOUNTING FIRM, was a WORLD WAR II survivor, from refugee camp.

Ready to TRADE ANYTHING & EVERYTHING, just to KNOW & HAVE HIS PARENTS ALIVE.

You are lucky bro. If they both raised you, maybe GRADE 6 would have been your utmost ACADAMIC attainment.

Everything, happen for a reason.

Wake up & rejoice.

Saintmary:

If anyone has ever hurt you in this life, the ONLY thing you owe them is forgiveness. Nothing more.

can you forgive a rapist ? Or murderer of one’s loved one?

SecretSpy666:
Greetings Nairalanders,
I want to seek for you peoples opinions regarding my family challenges.

I'm from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was a child of two years. I'm the only child from their union. My father and mother abandoned me and remarried to other spouse each. I passed through hell growing up with relatives who insulted me with all kinds of names and I was treated like a slave to their own children.

Because of public outcry about my dehumanizing treatment, my father came to village and took me to the city. It was from fry pan to fire experience as my father's new wife was maltreating me. At a point, my father asked me to leave his house that since my arrival, he don't have peace with his wife.

I packed to the house of a relative and work in a block industry to help myself. Most times, I slept in a CAC church close to the relative house as the two-room apartment is not enough for his family. My mother never care if I was alive. She never call me nor reply to letter I sent through someone to her. I continued working in the block industry and started a part time programme. I completed the part time programme and did my NYSC and master degree. I got a job with University of Ado Ekiti with the help of a course mate, managing myself now and surprisingly my mother and father started calling me often.

Both of them have 6 children each with their respective second spouse. Mother want his son to come and live with me, I refused and my father too have been requesting for financial assistance which I also refused. I don't want to have anything to do with both of them. My father's daughter recently called me to help her with school fees, I bluntly told her to ask her mother what she did to me and caught the call. Since then, she never call.

I'm alone and have just two friends. I don't have family. All of them calling now are just looking for what to get from me, not that they care about me. My mother never call me once to ask about my welfare even when I sent my phone number to her through her relative. I wrote WAEC, completed degree course before she started calling me and it is only to request for one thing or other. I'm planning to get married without telling them and build a separate family.

See this life Hard, the main reason they contact you is because of Financial gain like you said, see i will advice you to forgive them but distant yourself from them, I'm facing a similar thing too, but you need to realize that because someone gave birth to you doesn't mean they are worthy to be called a Father or a Mother, they don't deserve such title from you, also you can help their kids if you have the power too, but don't allow anyone to come and stay with you, this Life is hard o

Hmmmm....

Some parents eh.

Mostly mothers. How can a woman abandon her child she carried for months cos of separation. You separate, you should find a way to take care of them, or still make sure u check on them if you give them to relatives.

Recently, a carpenter that stays on my street did a work for me and I asked my niece to go and call him. My niece came back with 300 naira and said the man is drunk and said he should give the money to me, immediately, I told her to go back and give him the money. The next day he came and we talked business.

After a while the daughter came to meet my mum that she lost 1k and her dad will beat her, my mum took the little girl to her house to know exactly what happened. After all the talks, my mum pleaded and left. The next day the girl and her little brother came to my house and said they are hungry, I asked about their dad and she narrated the story about the missing 1k and their dad said no food for them till evening. Well, I did not buy the story sha, I asked them to come in and we gave them food. After eating they stay to play with my kids. So I called the dad and he came around and I asked him what happened, he told me his own version and I became angry when he said he asked both of them to go and look for his money at 1am in the morning ( I was shocked). He said he later went out to look for them, they came back by themselves around past 3am. Then he pointed to the girl and said "this one wey u dey see so na 11 years old pikin", I was speechless ( 11 years how, a child that looks like 5 years old, so tiny and the brother looks like 2 years old) that's was wen I knew that the family wahala don deep.

He said he will bring a woman into his house and the children will suffer, the one he is doing is small. I just told him that how can u use your own mouth and say another woman will make them suffer more.

The man drinks alot and his kids are not being cared for.

It takes the grace of God for a kid to experience all these and still try to live a normal life

OP, your situation is very pathetic, it's takes only the grace of God for you to be where you are.

The major purpose of your parents coming together is just to give birth to you. Any other things that happen after is just the grace and mercy of God.

bola4dprec:


Be humble in everything you do, and people will appreciate it more than gifts. The greater you become, the more humble you should be; then the Lord will be pleased with you. The Lord's power is great, and he is honored by those who are humble. Don't try to understand things that are too hard for you, or investigate matters that are beyond your power to know. Concentrate on the Law, which has been given to you. You do not need to know about things which the Lord has not revealed, so don't concern yourself with them. After all, what has been shown to you is beyond human power to understand. Many people have been misled by their own opinions.

Okay o but his experience is painful. He can forgive definitely but mustn't be a cash cow.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to become their cash cow. So, forgive them and try to move past their foolishness. Then treat them like you will treat any human that asks for help. Dont do beyond your power. Help when you can help and remove hand when you have to remove hand.

Funkyswagzz:


My dear forget that thing.. they never expected him to make it in life buh he did. Karma is bitch my friend. And lemme tell u it's always family that bring someone down. So my best advice for SecretSpy666 is to stay far away from them as he can. He needs to heal from the pain he went thru. Do u think it's easy for him to forgive?

will staying away help him heal?

it is the holy Spirit that heals. how will u feel knowing your family is dying because of inability to feed? How will you feel knowing that your father died because of hunger and malaria? Your conscience will haunt you forever. That can make u become depressed forever. Forgive them as Jesus has forgiven you. God has a reason why u made it. Remember Joseph and his Brothers. that's a good story to learn from. God bless you

Don't pay school fees or give anything you cannot afford. pls tell them to hustle and find their path, that's how you found yours.

But pls make sure your parents are not hungry , homeless or in sickness.

Forgiveness is mandatory. If you are a Christian it's not optional. It's a law you must fulfill.
What you do for them after you must have forgiven them is totally personal. You don't go about sharing money to anyone that ask you on the street abi? that's how you should handle their case too. Give only when it's important and what you can afford to give per time.

You can't marry without them Sir. Your spouse must know them and understand why your relationship with them is like that. How she chooses to treat them should solely be left to her discretion. Don't soil her mind or relationship with them. Just treat them fairly . Pls don't hate them.

Your blessings are tied to all these things. It's starts with you letting go of all they made you go through. Trust me, you will see your life blossom again. Every Biology father or mother has spiritual right over their children and can call down blessing on them. It's a natural principal. Those that understand it utilize it well. You may think you are doing well alone, but just try this principle. Forgive them and reconnect to them. Let them pray for you and watch your life take a new turn.

Like I said. Don't go overboard if you don't want to. Do what you can do but make sure that when they see or remember you, they bless God and call on his blessing for you. Parental blessings is still in operation and will never stop. It's up to you to forgive them and tap from it. You are doing well alone but try this and see yourself go even higher

dearest, pls find a place in ur heart to forgive ur parents. this is going to be very hard but u jst hv to try and forgive them for obvious reasons. Dear u must understand that there are blessings we receive frm our biological parents and these blessings help in no small measures in shapening and redefining our lives for good. Come to think of it, if they hadn't abandoned u, it is very possible that u may not hv achieved this height in life. Sometimes, Almighty God allows us to pass through some difficult hurdles in life so that he (God) can bring out the very best in us. u may not hv discovered the best in u if u had lived with them as a child while growing up. As for ur sister that called asking for financial assistance, kindly assist her if u hv the financial capacity to do so. She might be ignorant of what ur parents did to u. Also, the earlier u help some of them to stand on their own, the better for u becos they will never stop disturbing u. In the long run, u may not be fulfilled as a man should u close ur heart and fail to forgive them. Also dnt forget that there are numerous blessings that come to us when we forgive and help others. But pls, be wise in every thing u do. this is becos some may jst be there to pull u down and not becos they actually want help frm u. God will see u through. remain blessed dear.

SecretSpy666:

The got to know of where I'm working. I don't know who told them. They arranged with someone I was relating with to bring them to my house. When I got Intel about it. Warned the person not to bring anyone to my house and dissociated with the person. Now they are saying I'm rich and don't want to help anyone but I don't care.

Guy, your story is touchy. I admire your courage to have focused in life to the extend of being a degree holder, wow!

Focus on your life, but don't hold grudges against anybody, no financial help to them n their seeds, just focus.

So we plenty for dis kind situation but yours is more technical.i know how you fell but please forgive.You can help if you wish but please be careful.Marry someone who loves you and won't see that part of you as deficient.May God help you.

I was also in a similar situation, my mum to be specific, and my dad is late.

My advise is just budget a monthly upkeep for both of them, perhaps a standing order, the amount is left to your choice, according to what you can afford, and that's it, no emotional attachment. Just send them upkeep. Shiekaynah!

As for your other siblings. Do the best you can for them but don't come too close. More importantly, don't allow any relative, child or children of relatives live with you.

capnies:
Change your phone number now. But if any of them trace you and apologize you can forgive that one but for now they are yet to realize what they did to you if your story is true ooooo

His story is very true...

Forgive but dont forget. How do u forgive dem? Help them. Use your money to control dem to do your bidden cos u will need dem at some point especially marriage time after which you leave dem. U need wisdom to handle dem. How do u not forget? Dont bring dem to your house, be close yet faraway. They re not good people. Handle dem with a long spoon. And please u need to make a will that all u have be donated to charity until u av a family of your own. This people must not reap where dey av not sowed.

capnies:
Change your phone number now. But if any of them trace you and apologize you can forgive that one but for now they are yet to realize what they did to you if your story is true ooooo

Some people will never apologize. So for your own sanity and peace of mind, you just forgive anyways.

Op is still hurting and I feel the pains through his writeup.

To err is human and to forgive divine.
Forgiving doesn't mean you have to be dolling out cash everyday to them.

Just help occasionally. That's my submission. No sane and responsible woman will marry you knowing you are at enmity with your family. They will advise you to reconcile but anyone that supports you to hate them is bad news..

Maybe this will serve as a litmus test for your would be wife.

adebayo3449:
I don't want to say much about this.
But I will advise you to call the young lady back and help her, if you have the capacity.

Which young lady?
Are you here

SecretSpy666:

The got to know of where I'm working. I don't know who told them. They arranged with someone I was relating with to bring them to my house. When I got Intel about it. Warned the person not to bring anyone to my house and dissociated with the person. Now they are saying I'm rich and don't want to help anyone but I don't care.

you survived all these years without their help Oga forget bout them they are of no good to you. if you allow them into your life they will milk you dry and make life miserable for you.

let them talk whatever they want don't allow their words get to you. Just forget them

GboyegaD:


Can he heal without closure? Just curious though.

Of course!

It is easy to just comment if you grow up in the warm protection of caring parents and loved ones.

Growing up in the cold when you are used to everyone treating you like thrash, it's always different. It is a trauma. He needs to face his life alone right now especially when he is taking new steps.
Allowing users at this stage of his life will ruin him. He needs to heal from the emotional turbulence he has hard from childhood. Those siblings will just come around sniff him and gather information about him. His parents wants to know more about his progress in life.
If he opens up once in the name of help and being a good child that's the end for him.

I know of someone now whose progess now is in shambles because he refused to keep off from his toxic parents. Same happened to me.

What usually happens is that to others he might seem as hardest person you know who is set in achieving his goals because he achieved alot with minimal support.

When he gets married, his parents might want to interfere. The initial stone cold reception he gives them now will send signals to them that he is not to be messed with.

It took God's grace, faith in himself and alot of stubborness to make it this far. Ask the creator of this thread if he is stubborn or a diehard! He will tell you.

I know it looks it hard. Some situations in life need you to be tough if you need to come out it. His wife and upcoming kids do not want that stress right now. No matter what he does he parents will not value it because they never connected and his wife would see hell from them.

He might reach our later if he wants but he needs to grow in peace right now if he wants his new life to stabilize in peace.

You see the gospel I see preached about here, people preached it to me. I allowed those around me to know what's up about me. God has been merciful. I met people who were always willing to help me. It has pushed my success this far and stabilize me abit.

Everything started to crumble when my husband and I started reaching out.

Do you know what it means for your mother-in-law to walk from her house naked to your own for hours barefoot to cause havoc during the lockdown screaming and making a scene because she felt that was the only way she can ruin my reputation in my area?


Those in my area and my landlord made sure they sat with her and told her not show up again. They saw first hand why we never wanted her in our lives in the first place. Now they are the ones preaching complete isolation in peace.

I have videos to proof the story my claims. My Landord and onlookers made sure evidence was taken of her continuous harrasment because she never stopped.

My long story is just to strengthen this fact:

We don't need toxic people in our lives weather they are family or friends.

He should forgive them, and keep his distance. All this years he has been alone. What's so special now?
Oh because he is now trying to take growth steps?
Do you know if he has debts? Friends who helped him with cash and stuff along the way might need settlement.

I have being there.

Op you never existed don't try to exist now. Lurk in the shadows and grow in peace and silence.

My regards to your bride

Block those sociopaths and move on with the awesome life you’ve created for you, against all odds esp in a country as difficult as Nigeria. Kudos to you.

They can go Bleep themselves.

Lil Wayne chose his dad