₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
He isn’t entitled, he is a USER! The only reason guys are not seeing it is because he is a MAN.

That is why I pity women who use emotions to follow Nigerian men. You will stress yourself and help him save money. Money he will use to pursue girls that haven’t stressed away their youthfulness and feminity.

OP had a baby last year and here she is, doing 3 jobs to provide for herself and kids. I can imagine her blouse dropping off her shoulders. She has been seriously complaining of this same husband. He doesn’t give her money, except she asks and he doesn’t buy her gifts. She also stated that she is beginning to resent him and that is not surprising. Any man that allows his wife/woman do what OP is doing, would definitely get RESENTED. She might succeed in hiding her disgust, but the passive aggressiveness would be there.

Men provide for women because men expect women to have kids, take care of the home, submit, support, position in bed...etc. It is not because they are nice. The only nice man is your father!! After him, if you don’t behave well to a Nigerian husband, you go collect.

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

dominique:
Even if he's making more money than you there's nothing wrong in buying gifts for your partner na. This should not even be an issue for consideration. If you love your husband, buy him stuff too alongside yourself and your kids.

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.


This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

pocohantas:
So you remember her?

OP’s husband would never buy her gifts. OP’s husband would show her rudeness and aggressiveness in the presence of visitors, just to prove he is in charge. OP’s husband has refused to be productive, that she has to handle three jobs alongside the homefront.

OP is here again and is being advised to keep giving this same man money. OP is a woman, women can never be SIMPS, they can only be VIRTUOUS.

Kudos to OP and her kind out there. You all are the real ALPHAS.

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

Olunmercy56:
I'll definitely buy it for him. He will be glad to take those gifts from me, our children will be happy to. I don't see anything wrong in that, since he is not lazy

SirMichael1:
This is one of the reasons I love nairaland. Some people here will help you checkmate spousal execesses. I remember bringing an issue here about my wife refusing to cook... Turns out that she was trying to pass a message to me and it's all thanks to nairaland that I figured it out and my marriage is rock solid than ever.

pocohantas:
He isn’t entitled, he is a USER! The only reason guys are not seeing it is because he is a MAN.

That is why I pity women who use emotions to follow Nigerian men. You will stress yourself and help him save money. Money he will use to pursue girls that haven’t stressed away their youthfulness and feminity.

Men provide for women because men expect women to have kids, take care of the home, submit, support, position in bed...etc. It is not because they are nice. The only nice man is your father!! After him, if you don’t behave well to a Nigerian husband, you go collect.

Michelle55:
Before the kids, he came first. He was your first baby and therefore needs a little pamper and then a nudge to set him in the right direction you want him to follow.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in buying him gifts from your profits, trust me, those little gestures from you might just be what he needs to take up the challenge of sourcing for another source of income, and everything for life no be gragra or fight. There are some things your wisdom and insight can solve.

Men are babies as well and deserve to be pampered, they ain't meant to suffer till they die while providing for the family, God gave you to him for this singular reason, help him harness his potentials, he is lazy and can't seem to think ahead and the reason you are there in his life is to help him see what he can't see, but you are expected to do it politely and lovingly.

So there's nothing to react here my sister, he's your first baby before the mini ones started popping out so treat him right.

Your sweet gestures and nudge will help reset his thinking faculty!!

dingbang:
I am surprised that the premier comments from ladies made sense.. from page two down you will soon start seeing stupid comments from ladies who dont have sense.. I am even looking forward to a comment from a popular female nlder. I am sure she will never dissapoint with her zigzag opinion

LINTUNE:
im sure u are talking about zzor

dingbang:
zzor wetin..

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

Burstscam:
Miserable life of a man

From kindergarten, a boy gives his candy to little girls
He becomes a teenager and start buying presents for girls with his launch money
He becomes older and start giving his girlfriend, his siblings and his parents
When he marries, he gives, first, his wife, then his children, then his parents, then his in-laws, then his extended families.
In the end he has little or nothing left for himself.

Yet he doesn't complain.

Madam, receive sense, I beg you. Your husband knows that consistency and resilience pays off in the end. In the meantime, being more buoyant than him, be the source of his Joy and motivation and stop being selfish.

GuyWise101:
Nna mehnnnn Madam we all know you reacted with insults and was blaming him for refusing to adhere to your third business idea.


Nna mehnnnn Madam we all know you may be giving him order in the other room as you are now 'richer' than him forgetting he is the one that married you.


Nna mehnnnn if you want to test women loyality give them power and let them have more money they will definetly show their true colour.

Missis:
Assuming you are married to a man who works as self employed selling some wholesale items that fetch him 70k every month and you have three kids with him.

Meanwhile you the wife work in a private institution earning 60k as well as selling things online that fetch very little like 10k to 15k everymonth.

So you have adviced him to get something else doing to augment your joint income because the money both of you make is barely enough for both of you and three children. You suggest you both need to add more sources of income to your present jobs to move ahead in life and advance, send your children to better schools, maybe build a house, to just upgrade yourselves generally.

So after suggesting different jobs for him he refused to do anything else except his wholesale business because he believes one day he will suddenly make it big from selling his market.

You give up and start your own third business which is part time catering and start making some considerable amount of money from it so you buy new clothes, shoes, nice snacks for your kids from time to time.

Your husband sees all this and tells you to also buy gifts for him from your 'plenty' money. Tells you to not buy new things for only your kids but you should buy also add his own.

How will you react please?

This isn't a made up story please. It's very true, I just want to know if the way I responded was reasonable or if I was wrong.

ThierryJay:
Lol I remember that thread and even made a contribution. Happy to hear that everything eventually went well.

You should have updated us in another thread o, so that others can learn.

Gloriagee:
I can't imagine. Assuming, I were him, I'd be appreciative of all her sacrifices. She's a saint in my opinion. There's going to be so much pent up frustration but for peace in her home, she can buy him a gift. In this Buhari economy, with school fees to pay for 3 kids, house rent amongst other costs, don't even understand why a gift is warranted from a woman's 3rd hustle.

nahzyla:
@last paragraph, that is so true.
OP did not give full details of how her marriage is that is why she is now receiving mumu advice from women who think marriage is Telemundo or Korean love series.

pocohantas:
He isn’t entitled, he is a USER! The only reason guys are not seeing it is because he is a MAN.

That is why I pity women who use emotions to follow Nigerian men. You will stress yourself and help him save money. Money he will use to pursue girls that haven’t stressed away their youthfulness and feminity.

OP had a baby last year and here she is, doing 3 jobs to provide for herself and kids. I can imagine her blouse dropping off her shoulders. She has been seriously complaining of this same husband. He doesn’t give her money, except she asks and he doesn’t buy her gifts. She also stated that she is beginning to resent him and that is not surprising. Any man that allows his wife/woman do what OP is doing, would definitely get RESENTED. She might succeed in hiding her disgust, but the passive aggressiveness would be there.

Men provide for women because men expect women to have kids, take care of the home, submit, support, position in bed...etc. It is not because they are nice. The only nice man is your father!! After him, if you don’t behave well to a Nigerian husband, you go collect.

midolian:
Even though he is shameless to have insisted on you buying him gifts just as you buy for the kids, at least you know he is not lazy

Still give him that respect, sis. The fact that what he believes in isn't fetching him much yet doesn't mean it will never fetch him more than enough tomorrow.

Women are naturally impatient and terribly poor at making decisions that will pay in the long-run.

If his business pays him off tomorrow, he will remind you of what you are doing today. I hope you are prepared.