₦airaland Forum

Uniquewise:
@Righteousness89, pls let go this argument because you're so wrong on this. Sometimes it's better to be silent, especially on a matter you obviously have no full understanding, like this one.

And - the father of OP is absolutely wrong to keep beating his full grown 26yrs son, regardless of his justification for doing so. For one, that man is unwittingly putting himself at risk of being hurt the day his son fails to reign in his anger and built up resentment at such shoddy treatment. I am the mother of an adult son and I had to learn to control my quick reflexes of hitting my son, when he started putting up resistance against such from me from the age of 16! Now, I talk to him, advice him, (and I found these to be more effective); but hit him? Never again! Parents, especially African parents should stop bullying their children, period.

You deserve an award ma...I almost felt like vomiting reading what he was saying and I'm sure he will still say you are wrong

holyghost:
Ordinarily I won't comment on this issue but because many may have similar issues so I'll do some justice.

1 at your age you are way above such treatment unless your father did not do his job well in raising up properly. To punish or beat a stubborn child starts and end from 4years to 12years at worst 14years. Because by that age a normal and even a stubborn child must have understood life value and acceptable social balance (like not picking fights easily, pocket lifting stealing low life lies chasing after girls for sex, smoking, and folding or submitting to ego and peer measures of pressures like smoking, cultism, gang membership.
2. You failed to display maturity and self discipline in your manner and behaviour.

3. You are still a child in his eyes because you don't sit and discuss real issue like a man that you have become. But do have such time with your mom and get free food like a child that you still are.
What made you go watch match in viewing center? When you have so much to think about. If you work hard enough and with little luck you can achieve a viewing center your self. That should be your mentality at this age. "How do I own my business"

4. Go out to look for menial jobs, like laundry, labourer, Hawking small wares like fruits, stockings or whatever that sales fast in your state towns.

These are just small ways to stay active and earn pocket money while you hunt for a better Job or save enough to learn a proper skill or build a small business, like hair cut shop, small electrical shop even on wheel barrow or push-truck, all this you can start with as littles as 75k. And make like 1,500 to 2500 a day depending on your entrepreneurial skill and luck.
No one will lower you, unless you lower yourself when you have nothing to offer. So when you make your money be humble and know your limits and place in the society then demand your respect in like manner.

Go the right pastors for prayers and be prayerful yourself then face life like a man.
Like Joseph, Jacob, David, Solomon, they ware nobody but prayer and self discipline got them to the top. The same God, the same world, the same land, the same sun and moon nothing has changed God still do it for you and anyone with prayerful soul and self determined to grow and achieve.

Work, work, work, work hard for it! In fact work harder for it. Only when you have respect will you understand the value of been independent as the captain of your (ship/life).
God help you. Wake up early your morning start now!

Nice input, I really love this.
.... I found something from your write up that interest me
Watching football is not that bad for someone in his present condition, it might be an avenue for him to relieve the current toxicity at home, by the way sometimes being independent and having good finances doesn't stop some parents from still looking down on their child as their "property ",
No matter how highly placed the son is, talking to him like a kid gives some parents an unusual ego boost. it is a thing of the mind for some parents, some parents need psychological help before they can realise that their wards are actually Independent and need to be accorded their own respect.

Kriss216:
You’re a good writer.

How you managed to skip your gender all through the post is orgasmic.

somebody said he went to watch liverpool in a footbal house do u still nees is gender

situationreport:
Asb

.
I am coming down there to get your father arrested

Oga, you just put up this post to attract public sympathy and perhaps get someone to get you a job, so that you'll leave the house. Perhaps later return to revenge your father's discipline which you see as high handedness.
I'll advise you tell the whole truth next time. There must be something else you did or refused to do that could warrant canning or he has a rule that no one should keep late nights in his house.
You've already acknowledged that you're unemployed and so, I'll advise you look for something to do or connect to friends outside your town and migrate for a job reason for good.
Stop telling people you're being flogged at your age, because a smart person will understand that you're still childish that's why you're still being treated as a kid. Hence, you deserve the canning... Grow up boy

Champneys:
Ok.

ok

Richy4:
You are his son.. there's nothing like I have no place to go.. Display a little madness one day and it will stop... Everyone has that in him or her but we all control it..

he should have stopped doing that nonsense immediately u clocked 20 @ most.. It's in your hands to stop it... If he tries to do it next time shove him a little not enough to make him fall but enough to let him know you have had it up to your neck... let him know that that madness got to stop...

If he asked you to leave, tell him u are not leaving because u were in your father's house and if he's not he should point who your father is... I'm just mad right now at your docile way and
When you realise that your dad is bullying you and not correcting you,then it will stop..
mchwwwww!!!

Those that liked the above I'll advice all lacked proper home training.

@situationreport your Dad loves you. Please don't be depressed. Study his mood and relate with him that you had come of age that whenever you do anything he dislike he should call your attention to it rather than beating you with cane. You can even report him to his best friend if he has one. But don't ever be rude to either of your parents.

You too should be of good behavior, respect is always earned not demanded. I am equally a father my first son is Sixteen years old.

linearity:
.... I was initially working in the hospitality industry as a waiter....that gave the gender out.

Im confused....since when is a waiter job exclusive to men only?

SaveMeLord:
What happens to the part of your Bible where Parents were instructed not to provoke their children?

I dont know ooo.Is this really Righteousness89 or someone else because I need him to explain what the bible meant by "Don't provoke your children to anger"
My dad stopped beating me when I was 16.If I do something he does not like,he will tell me to stop doing it and give me his reason and as a reasonable child,I will stop,that is how a matured father suppose to behave.African parents have to reduce the way,they flog their children ooo.

AtoningBlood:
Don't judge this or something similar because your grand parents did it that way.

Even the God said in His Word ' come let us reason together.....'

My Dad beats me at 26, yes after my service year and waiting to get a job, I went for an offer I wasn't supposed to accept all because I told my self 'it is enough'. Left to another state where I had to live with a stranger before saving to get a place of my own. I later got a better job n left to a better place. All through my single time working I dare not go home cos I know the messages he was passing on phone would translate to beatings if I dare visit him. I hastingly got married to have a cover. And guess what, one thing lead to another this year, I visited my family house with my kids, and my Dad almost beat me again!!!!!

Stop there I had to shout, that if he try to heat me I will sue him, he knows i meant it and he stopped. That's an abuse, my dad will leave a mark on you when he beats you, this is a married woman, can he try it if my husband is there with him? How will my husband feel? and I was shouldering a responsibility and taking care of a sick relation, if he had touched me I would have fainted cos I was weak.

Under no guise should a child or an adult be abused, I have had the experience and I know what it means. Only God saw me through it, I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused, this almost destroyed social life, in the name of Church, Bible children are being abused daily even in the so called Christian homes, they have taken the responsibility from God. Spend time beating than praying for the children. Train your children with respect, they will certainly respect and regard you and your wishes.

If I hadn't shouted and he beats me, my husband will hear it, certainly, he will never regard him for life, in addition, the little children around will never regard me again. Tell me what that will bring to me in the long run?

My elder sister was beaten and disgraced at age 31, she became timid and hateful. Malicious and lived like an outcast. Look here, she is a Christian, she'd pray to forget but for years, she was bitter and kept malice with all my family members except me cos I wasn't there when it happened.

Stop judging a case like this with 'my grandma or grandpa did it this way, they were wrong.

I once forcee my son to brush his teeth and in the process, his tooth got removed, I laughed at him and the next time I picked up his toothbrush, I heard a voice rebuking me for hurting the boy and never saying sorry. Wow, I looked up and said am sorry, then hugged the boy and apologised to him with a promise not to force him again, till date, I don't force him, he do it by himself.

Parents should rather allow God to take charge than being abusive. Am not saying we shouldn't correct where necessary, never, we as children of God knows what He did to Eli. But beating and leaving marks on our bodies? That negatives God's Word, our body is the temple of the Holy Ghost now. Why beat till blood gush out, can that blood be replaced by us?

We should rather keep quiet on some things like this, or advise the party to pray and be settled on time.

If you train your children like your grandparents did, be sure to be a failure like they did, still flugging their married sons.

This is deep!!! sorry, like I was saying the other time, you can only free yourself from some parents by force, having money or being married is not enough, some parents actually see their children ( matured) as property/accessory they can use/command/influence anyhow.

Lawsaite:
I shed a tear while reading this. I never experienced anything like this while growing. People think I'm a sadist by nature. That I rarely smile. I only laugh within when I hear such. Life has never really offered me anything to be Happy about.

Be happy dear, you become your own enemy if you don't smile and be happy.

As you grow, you need to let the past be in the past, smile, be happy.

JIMMY1393:
Im confused....since when is a waiter job exclusive to men only?

waiter is male and waitress is female....

Acidosis:
Well, you're right.

But if as a father I have to choose one of (1) correcting my child through assault and (2) having my child assaulted by SARS for wandering at night, I will choose the former.


It's funny how no one care about the trauma his father may have been through. He probably may have called his line severally all through the evening only for him to show up at 11pm.

Lol stop using the word 'child'. I think that's where the dad's ignorance came from. A google definition says, "(a child is a) young human being below the age of puberty or below the legal age of majority"

This OP is a man not a child. If you call his lines several times and you get worried, most you can do to the man is sit him down and advise him not assault him. If he refuses to listen, you pray for him (like Dare Art Alade pleaded for); not assault; I refuse to use the word 'flog' on a grown man.

Righteousness89:
you are Speaking English..
When you Become a father you will understand better the Importance of Discipline..

so here is the issue, flogging is a punishment and not discipline. Please learn the difference. There are ways other ways to discipline besides flogging.

Righteousness89:
It's a Crime for Your Father to Discipline you because your 26 yrs?

Please stop replying, you’re doing your reputation more harm than good

Peace

Omihanifa:
He's obviously a male nah

I just taya for the guy aswear

puremaker7:
same thing my dad was doing when I was 25, I made him stop it in hard way, I changed it for him on that good night.
on that certain night, it was around 10:15 pm, I was coming from my babe, so my dad thought it was a business as usual, I collected the cane from him and destroyed it at the front of everybody in the house, then I issued a treat to him, never to try to flog me again, baba was scared like mad, though I tendered my appology to him the following morning for raising my voice at him.

Mad oh...how was his reaction during the apology? what did he say after you apologized? and who and who were there when you break cane lol ? ?

AtoningBlood:
Be happy dear, you become your own enemy if you don't smile and be happy.

As you grow, you need to let the past be in the past, smile, be happy.

I will try ma. Thank you

PresidentJosh20:
As always,very mature and sensible response.Remain blessed,sir.

lmao righteousness89 went to open 2nd account just to support himself cos everyone is disagreeing with him...you are sad

situationreport:
Please is there anyone else experiencing what I'm passing through now, because it's making me sad and depressed I can't believe my dad still whips me at my age.. I don't want to confront him because, he's still my father even though I feel gutted for his actions

Yesterday I went to watch liverpool vs Arsenal match in a viewing center, and came back late at night by 9:55 pm, As soon as I came in, he was still awake in the parlor, what he did next was to use the cain he hid to start whipping me...i think is because I'm still living with him, at my age with no meaningful contribution right now, that's why

I have no where to go to, It seems I'm now a burden to them in our house...because I 'm currently jobless now and unemployed for six months now, due to this pandemic... I was initially working in the hospitality industry as a waiter, but was laid off at the beginning of the covid-19 pandemic, ever since then things have gone from bad to worse for me..... I'm broke to hell at the moment

I'm seriously depressed, I just wish I could relocate far away and look for something else to do, and fix my life back, but no where to go, I don't have anyone to help... � May God forgive me if I can't bear this anymore....

26 years and still in his father's house coming back late. Hmmm!

Righteousness89:
It's a Crime for Your Father to Discipline you because your 26 yrs?

Not by caning at that age.

Words of mouth, and other corrective methods... Not by caning...

I sure know your dad won't have flogged you when you were at that age

mrblessed:
Lol
Your statement should be written thus: "The statement correctly goes: "If I were your father, I will cane you." As you can see, there is no need to put a comma in the front and back of the word "correctly."

Will, not would, is the correct word because it is a direct speech, not a reported speech.

Thank you

Una wahala too much oo
English Na una mother's tongue?
Ah, make two of una dey careful o

Make I no go report u pple to patience Jonathan make she come examine ur English o

.

situationreport:
Please is there anyone else experiencing what I'm passing through now, because it's making me sad and depressed I can't believe my dad still whips me at my age.. I don't want to confront him because, he's still my father even though I feel gutted for his actions

Yesterday I went to watch liverpool vs Arsenal match in a viewing center, and came back late at night by 9:55 pm, As soon as I came in, he was still awake in the parlor, what he did next was to use the cain he hid to start whipping me...i think is because I'm still living with him, at my age with no meaningful contribution right now, that's why

I have no where to go to, It seems I'm now a burden to them in our house...because I 'm currently jobless now and unemployed for six months now, due to this pandemic... I was initially working in the hospitality industry as a waiter, but was laid off at the beginning of the covid-19 pandemic, ever since then things have gone from bad to worse for me..... I'm broke to hell at the moment

I'm seriously depressed, I just wish I could relocate far away and look for something else to do, and fix my life back, but no where to go, I don't have anyone to help... � May God forgive me if I can't bear this anymore....

How did you react?
You just need to discuss it!
He is your father, there is just enough he can do about the truth.

Greatfullheart:
Mehn similar thing with me oh. @24 i get spanked and beaten and i dont dare go out of the house not to even talk going to see a friend, my school are afraid to come and visit me at home cause my ex soldier father and my mother are strict they think all the people in my area are spoilt. I went to higher institution(auchi poly) in 2016 oh boy dem wan kill me wit carryover. Now am a dropout and my parent vowed neva 2 waist their money sendin me 2 school that i should go and learn work, am the last born of 8, 7 of my siblings who are graduate.

I would have said change it for your father but he's an ex soldier lol except if you know you can beat him

Acidosis:
Thanks for the recommendation but I'm not interested. The fact that you gave your parents a hard time doesn't mean we all did. I didn't join any bad gang growing up, I don't stay out late. Never been flogged by my parents either.

At 18, I was listening to myself more, sorry. No mistakes, no regrets.

Good for you, we are talking about how things work in real life. Not all kids will turn up like you, so what happens to those that needs extra support, constant reminders and more attention? You want society to throw them away? How do you know how your own kids will turn out? Do not make the mistake we make in Nigeria. Taribo West, Amunike, and so many Ajegunle boys would've ended up as armed robbers if not for encouragement, support and patience of so many people. Etim Esin is a brilliant gift to Nigeria, but we could not curtail him and use him to his full potential. We blame and look down on kids cos they are not following the right mr principled man example, but at the end you will end up working for those that challenged authority, refused to follow laid down rules, dared to explore and even develop the same cell phone and computer and internet we are currently using to chat now. By the way, when my mum was not feeling well, i sent her to India for treatment, i sent her on vacation to Dubai and i sent her to Hajj, Alhamdulillah, Glory be to God. Also, i brought her to America on a visit and she had a car and driver until she returned back to God. Thank God i did all that for my mum who i knew did what her parents did to her growing up. I know that is wrong and i will not do it to my own kids, period. I will rather discipline my kids till age 12 and after that, i will only correct them. You can follow your own path. To each his own.

light099:
Seems your dad is a perpetual ass whooper and since you're not yet making him feel proud to be a father, by travelling down home in a sleek car, perhaps on some weekends and dropping fat envelope in his hands, the only other way he feels like a father is by whooping your ass.

[s]Like people say, age is just a number, your parents start to regard you as an adult, the moment you're able to survive on your own and they can live off on you.
If you're 50 years old still living under your parents and also living off them, then you're still a kid to them anytime any day, and your sorry ass can be whooped real bad, if situation warrants it. You don't amount to shiit to them, and they can fvck you up big time, if you trespass.
Since, you're yet to clock the criteria of an adult, the only choice left is to continue enjoying the ass whooping, while you work hard in order to gather enough escape velocity to break away from all the gravity of joblessness, grounding your ass in your parents' house[/s].

The father has a misplaced priority, flogging a 26yrs old because he has not made you proud is total stupidity more complication to what is already complicated.
Moreso such actions reduce the esteem of the young lad to how thing should get done.

Pharovo:
You know you cannot be right all the time yea? You’re just being stupid this time around.

A father flogging his son at 20 is rubbish, not to talk about a man of 26. Wetin he thief?

You’ve been shouting discipline all evening, what we are concern about here is the path of discipline taken. What happens to other forms of discipline. You carry cane dey flog a 26 year old man because e go watch a football game. OP call me make we get one on one shebi na warri you dey. Your father don beat cold enter your bother you come docile. Next na your wife go come dey sanction you onto say you be weakling.

This righteousness guy you need better beat walahi

he's a fool i swear

Righteousness89:
Your Father is your Father! He can correct as he wants !
My GrandFather Dealt with his sons who Where Married..
More so when you are still under his Roof!

A simple don't come home let wont kill

situationreport:
Please is there anyone else experiencing what I'm passing through now, because it's making me sad and depressed I can't believe my dad still whips me at my age.. I don't want to confront him because, he's still my father even though I feel gutted for his actions

Yesterday I went to watch liverpool vs Arsenal match in a viewing center, and came back late at night by 9:55 pm, As soon as I came in, he was still awake in the parlor, what he did next was to use the cain he hid to start whipping me...i think is because I'm still living with him, at my age with no meaningful contribution right now, that's why

I have no where to go to, It seems I'm now a burden to them in our house...because I 'm currently jobless now and unemployed for six months now, due to this pandemic... I was initially working in the hospitality industry as a waiter, but was laid off at the beginning of the covid-19 pandemic, ever since then things have gone from bad to worse for me..... I'm broke to hell at the moment

I'm seriously depressed, I just wish I could relocate far away and look for something else to do, and fix my life back, but no where to go, I don't have anyone to help... � May God forgive me if I can't bear this anymore....

It happened to my family too with my mum, and the way I resolved it you dont want to know.

Speak to ur relatives

Righteousness89:
You are Wrong!
You Have no right to tell a Man how to Discipline his son!

Caning is Discipline!
Punishment is Discipline!

When you get your child leave them to do as they want!

You will Reap it!

. After that lovely mother has corrected you sir I expected you to check yourself at least let it go.... you disappointed me today sir.... Has a mentor to a lot of people here.. .

Emotional abuse and physical abuse
Taaaaaa