₦airaland Forum

LadySarah:
let me apologize on her behalf. Her actions were foolish .Its not enough to loose trust of her. I'm not making excuses for her even though I sense it's been long she met her folks and it was a kind of reunion for her but not informing you wasn't ideal. Infcat things could turn worse and you'd never believe your family went far let alone village.
I know it made you look stupid but forgive her. It won't happen again.

Gbahara Biko.

could these be true... ladysarah is married with kids n presently in the village

Fake wife,she probably don't want you to see her boyfriend.

Some married women used to have sex on burial night after taking some alcohol.

I need to ask u some questions.
how is your relationship with your wife?
How long is your marriage?
can your wife confide on u?
do u always get angry when she disclose something to u?
are u sure she is not afraid of u?
How do u react to her each time she talks about her family?
Can she confidently disclose things to u without being afraid?
If u have sincerely answered this questions and u re positive to all, then it's only a test to see how u can manage her to submission in love. don't go in anger as u may have done before in other times but go to her in love and gently enquire from her to knw why she is losing trust in u. Be ready to apologize sincerely, and see ur home healed and then u can see the beauty in ur wife again. It's well. Remember there is no perfect home, u are the one to work out that perfection out. Don't let ur enemy to laugh at ur family.

Saying that your wife did not seek your permission before travelling says a lot about the power dynamic in your relationship.

She clearly did not believe you would agree to her attending that burial, and so she, perhaps for the first time, decided to sneak out. Not that I agree that she was right to travel without your knowledge. Very wrong.

That said, you need to reflect on your role in all of this. Why, as a man do you need your wife to seek your permission in anything. It all sounds authoritarian and not befitting of a healthy equal relationship. What you deserved was advance knowledge of the trip.

Today's younger women want to be treated with respect. Husbands need to be more atuned to this fact.

She crossed the line, forgive her before confronting her, then make sure she's barred from attending any event, Nomatter how close,
Then forgive and shower her with love

Mind you :you're not doing the above to punish her, but to keep her up-to her toes

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

My friend be a man.

Pretend as if you are not aware she travelled. In fact, give her correct banging in the oza room.

Just relax your mind don’t bother to ask whether she went for burial or not. Your kids will literally tell you or conversation get there some day, then you will give her stern warning ⚠️ not to embark on any of such in the future without your consent.

Lack of communication, trust and may be respect are behind all her action.

To plate my daughter's hair, my wife will first of all discuss with me on the style or show me picture. I take interests on how she and my daughter looks. So before she collects money for weavon, clothes or hairstyle, she shows sample or else if it is not what I like, especially for my seven year old girl, she knows that she would have to take her back to the stylist for a redo.

That has stucked with her. She engages me before any action and vice versa. It has been working. Communicate more with her and share your day with her as well. Let her be on the know of all your actions.

How is your relationship with your inlaws? How do u handle inlaw talks when ever your wife brings it up? Did she at any point have a crush or relationship from her village? Did you guys have any misunderstanding bfr u travelled? Has she ever done this bfr,like travelling without telling you? You cant just pack lil kids like that and go on a dangerous road trip witout informing hubs.something isnt right

LadySarah:
It took her weeks to make the plans and not once did she mention it. Are you sure you ppl were really talking?

God forbid anything happened ..

Modified;

let me apologize on her behalf. Her actions were foolish .Its not enough to loose trust of her. I'm not making excuses for her even though I sense it's been long she met her folks and it was a kind of reunion for her but not informing you wasn't ideal. Infcat things could turn worse and you'd never believe your family went far let alone village.
I know it made you look stupid but forgive her. It won't happen again.

Gbahara Biko.

Iffa wooze you ehn!!!

So you can apologise on her behalf abi?
When will you apologize to me too,for what you did?

jornwhite:
could these be true... ladysarah is married with kids n presently in the village

I just came backoo. lol. the MaN is pained

This nonsense that some today's girls Are exhibiting is highly forbidden,

If you are a girl and can't be submissive to a man, pls stay in your father's house in peace.

You can become a baby mama.

This nonsense should stop this 2020.

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

.
I suspect this marriage is between Yoruba and Igbo.
I no get power to reply anybody. Just like or laugh and move on.
OP, just relax until she returns and make her understand why it's wrong to take such decisions without letting you know.

This is a serious issue though, maybe she felt you won't allow her to go with her kids.

You need wisdom to handle this issue.
It's well dear

luminouz:
Iffa wooze you ehn!!!

So you can apologise on her behalf abi?
When will you apologize to me too,for what you did?

If u wooze her? Her dare u 'even if this is a joke. This is how you guys go around violating women and beating them up. This comment says alot about your temper.Babe,run for ur life oh.na dem

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

good one

cooltola:
As long adultery is not involved in any way or form, i give her a pass if she has a reasonable excuse and let her know to let me know if she leave town next time.
If she does it again, then i will be suspicious and let her know that the extracircular activities is not cool at all and it is bad for our marriage.

Maybe Madam is bored and lonely and looking for way to escape isolation, open a conservation to understand your wife needs and see how you can help.

Secondly secrets in marriage are like landmine. A secretive spouse arouse suspiciousness and create distrust.

Op listen to this counsel.

As long as infidelity and adultery sint involved, go slow. But you need to have a long heart to heart talk with one another. It's disloyalty o

If you are a kind and understanding husband and she hid this from you it means she is a crazy woman for that moment. On the other hand, some Hitler husband's are not told some things due to the wife or kids already predicting what their answers will be and she knows that if he gives a negative answer she will not be able to defy it so she just goes without telling.
Op, would you have let her go if she had told you about it? Cos some men like to control their wives as if she is an idiot who has no personal feelings and opinion so in that case, she might sieze the opportunity your absence brings and sneak to the burial esp if the relative is special to he heart.
I will not say more until I hear your wife's side of the story.

Small thing.
Take it easy.
Warn her not to do such thing again without your knowledge.

Alfa males didn’t like this comment, but we move.

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

All these talk to her talk to her gang, you think you're in Canada.

This is Africa, you paid through your nose to marry her.

What she deserve is a hot slap and apology.

Just collect ya kids and send her packing. Nonsense.

Kobicove:
I think it's too early for you to conclude that your wife conspired with her family to take your kids for a burial otherwise her brother would not have told you they were in the village.

You need to first wait for her to get back so you can discuss things with her

You are funny. What would he have told him she wasn't with them?

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

Whatever her motive, she did wrong

Just calm down and let her know that, she should be telling you about any intending trip or movement outside her domain

Don't fall to tell her that, if she makes you to introduce the type of hand that will make her feel miserable, you will not have any reason to regret it

You have to equally inform her family about her behavior and remind them that you deserve to know your family movement at any time

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

If your wife has never made such big decisions before without informing you, then I'd suggest you calm down and try to understand why she did it. If you do it with anger, in defense she will give it back to you hot hot and things could go really bad. So calm down and try to understand her reasons. Thank you.

Maybe she felt that you won't give your permission if she asked and it was important for her to be present so she decided to do otherwise.

That's the only logical reason I can think of for her action...You both should have a dialogue over it.

Even if you guys are not in talking terms, Traveling to a far place with the kids without your consent is a veryyyy bad thing to do..

What if something bad happened on the way. God forbid oooo..

Some women get mind shaaa
But shaa calm down sir.
Don't address the issue while still angry.
It is well oo.

DeLaRue:
Saying that your wife did not seek your permission before travelling says a lot about the power dynamic in your relationship.

She clearly did not believe you would agree to her attending that burial, and so she, perhaps for the first time, decided to sneak out. Not that I agree that she was right to travel without your knowledge. Very wrong.

That said, you need to reflect on your role in all of this. Why, as a man do you need your wife to seek your permission in anything. It all sounds authoritarian and not befitting of a healthy equal relationship. What you deserved was advance knowledge of the trip.

Today's younger women want to be treated with respect. Husbands need to be more atuned to this fact.

You are crazy, am sorry for the man that will marry you

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

Please don't warn her abeg. Try make her see reasons why unilateral decisions are bad for the family. Lobatan

Talk to ur wife about how u feel. If she apologize forgive her n tell her sternly that it should not repeat itself.


As for ur inlaws leave them for God

Strech:
Just collect ya kids and send her packing. Nonsense.

Just like that

TruthHurts100:
Please don't warn her abeg. Try make her see reasons why unilateral decisions are bad for the family. Lobatan

Very sensible.

gunners160:
This is how low our mentality can be. If there is anything dispute between a man and a woman , we are quick to put the blame on the man no matter who went wrong. Your post right now just shows how quick we are in judging a man to woman dispute even in marriage.
THIS MAN CALLED HIS WIFE, PAID HIS CHILDREN SCHOOL FEES , STILL PROVIDED MONEY FOR FEEDING THAT SAME DAY, YET HE IS THE BAD HUSBAND. IT IS A WOMAN'S WORLD

Simps are real