₦airaland Forum

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

This kind of problems relating to wives not giving regards to their husband's when there is no quarrel between them is as a result of the stand you put off and what she perceived of you during courtship/dating.....you was/were "weak" during your courtship...
Note::**saying you are weak doesn't imply that you should have been oppressive,harsh and violent......

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

Calm down and pray you marry a good woman una no go green na to dey follow big ass upandan, when una don finally marry them, no peace, no good reasoning, no responsibility on their part na so una go dey disturb us upandan for nairaland. Even the family sef no good.
Oga this is your cross, carry it because our advise cannot change the fact that you married a bad wife and also married into a bad family

I am not married yet but I feel I should contribute . Take a deep breath , she's your wife though what she did is wrong but still call her and get to hear her reasons , you know your wife better than anyone else . She might have think telling you may get you worried nd make you not to achieve what you traveled for � . Just call her, talk to her in love , all will be fine . Thank you

100% supported. If you act on impulse as a married man, regrets always follow. A child is not beaten the day he wastes a precious oil; it is on the day he wastes something less costly. Apply wisdom. God bless you.

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

Some says he is too hard on the wife and others say he is too soft... Please! The wife is the one that chose to break the trust in this caseregardless of how the man might have been to her. It is a selfish and dangerous act - simple!

Is it a divorce matter, NO; not at this stage... But the man has to be more watchful and let her know that what she did is unacceptable. People should be able to say No in a marriage; if the man does not want the wife dragging his children to a funeral in a goddam village, the that is his choice... The woman can also put her foot down and insist on going but with the compromise of going alone...

Such a woman is invariably dangerous but this things happen in a marriage... It is not the end of the world but personally I have very little time fpr religion and tradition and all the those family gatherings... I want my family to be progressive and look to a prosperous future not be held back by tradition and follow-follow issues.

Who died for the woman that the husband did not know about? WTF?

Ugmama:
Bros, I will give an advice if you answer this question.

Do you normally prevent her from going out once she tell you by herself?

I think the woman is being caged and doesn't want you to say no to her.

I have never stopped her from going out because I know if I refuse to allow her today, she will sneak out tomorrow to attend her functions. Women can't be monitored or denied some things if they want it

Hmmm

jidamsel43:
I have never stopped her from going out because I know if I refuse to allow her today, she will sneak out tomorrow to attend her functions. Women can't be monitored or denied some things if they want it

Then, she did you wrong. My brother, just let her know she hurt you and did something terrible. But forgive her.

You seem too soft bro
I feel your pain and I understand u well cuz I've been there

Don't bother calling your wife no more , when u return from ur travel , sit her down and give her a very sharp warning never to repeat such again else she won't find it funny
What if something has happened along the way , with ur kids involved , God forbid bad thing Sha

That's disrespectful and it shows she doesn't have ur fear at heart
A woman that respects a man respects him more when he's not around and not when he's around , that's called loyalty
On the other hand she might think u won't let her go , Judy suggesting, but no matter how this issue is being judged she's very wrong , don't be surprised that your in laws might not even know that you're not aware of her presence in the burial ceremony
Take a deep breath and apply wisdom and remember you're the man of the house but in all you do , don't hit a woman
God bless ur home

Wisdom-packed!



quote author=jidamsel43 post=96059450]You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves[/quote]

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

lol
"we are just managing ourselves"

can't disagree much but der are marriages dat aren't managing but enjoying every moment of der union 4 years.

it's good to manage urself but beta to enjoy it while u in it.

my Opinion tho.

jidamsel43:
Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I second this motion. Ask her why she did it. If it is convincing enough, let it go. If not, explain why you are angry, let her know that her action hurt you, and tell her not to do it again. Hopefully, she apologises. Then let it go abeg.

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

My candid advice to you is to calm down and ask her why she didn't tell you. She might have her reason. And her reason might be that if she tell you, you won't let them go. Same with my husband. My mum did her 65th birthday and retirement party and all my family members graced d occasion and my dad refused that I will not go. Now do u think that if I have an opportunity to go without telling him that I won't go. To me telling him is completely useless. Anyway marriage is a scam. Who no go no go know

Davash222:
Seun should create a section for married people and their wahala. Una wahala don too much for this forum!

The time is now!

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

A good advice

authority2006:
You are funny. What would he have told him she wasn't with them?

You have heard only one person's side of the story...don't be too quick to take sides

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

You have wisdom

Merimental:
lol
"we are just managing ourselves"

can't disagree much but der are marriages dat aren't managing but enjoying every moment of der union 4 years.

it's good to manage urself but beta to enjoy it while u in it.

my Opinion tho.

But the guy is very right with his statement

The truth is that majority of the marriages out there na just management

Humans are very complex and complicated

Having that management mentality will save one from developing b p.

It's just manage dey go

sammirano:
Igno lady abi

80% certainly

The way women of these days act baffles me. Many just take actions without considering the consequences. What if something happens on the way what would she say

A305:
Your wife knew, you wouldn't have granted your consent for such a risky journey (with the kids) in your absence, so she took the advice of whosoever she's with to go on the trip anyway.

This is just one of the shi t test women test a man with, to know how weak or alpha the man is.


I'm sorry to inform you that; Sir, you have previously failed all her other shi t tests (when dating her or in your marriage) before this recent advanced test she pulled on you. It means, you are losing frame as the man of the house or even lost frame already.

So what can you do sir?

NOTHING, if you want your marriage to last; Absolutely nothing because she already crossed the line, you can't just kick her out now because she has your kids and she hasn't cheated yet. But there is a glimmer of hope, and what is it?

Turn your alpha mode on - First, Send away any of her relative living in your house.

Turn off your lovey dovey demeanor or shut down your happy attitude towards her when she goes against your rules.

Always repeat your rules to her at all times.

Never show weakness and never reveal your insecurities to her.

And this is the most important tip. Take back frame sir. How? Never argue with her. Never answer her irrelevant questions during confrontation. Rather, be the one asking the questions. Never talk back at her, Just state your point and walk out of the room. And if she is whining in the process, stay quiet and stoic.

If you want her to do something, Insist on it until it's done.

That's it.

Good luck

what sort of bootcamp are you running all in the name of marriage.

Treat your wife like that garbage you wrote and you end up opening yourself to acrimonious relationship till the rest of the marriage.
All these rules and relating to wives as if they are subordinates instead of marriage partners is the major cause of his predicament. We all know how subordinates behaves in various offices when they are treated like the shits you mentioned up there. They will try every possible means to undermine your efforts and joy.

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

Go back home on Friday as planned, then call her.

Just come home like that , enter the house and wait for her return , that’s the only way you would get a better response , if you call and act like you have heard that she traveled without your permission she will cook up lies , but when she surprisingly meet you at home , you will get a better response , either way anything you here be cool about it and don’t burst out , but express yourself, but not with anger sha o , that’s what I feel, it’s easier said than done but it’s the best way to tackle this kind of situation.

sammirano:
Igno lady abi

You're tribalist... Rip English.
U

Please send me a mail with your phone number so we can talk. iheanacho@hotmail.com. I prefer giving my heart to heart advice on phone. Thanks

tempex88:
Your wife must be from a nice family. Dem get burial and dem no give you billing

Very important observation........the op need to be very careful

I had to read the OP's other threads to understand where he is coming from and what could have led to this.

Suffice to say that the OP is an authoritarian. His wife probably didn't inform him because if she had, he may have refused just for the fun of it .

I have no advise to waste.

DeLaRue:
Saying that your wife did not seek your permission before travelling says a lot about the power dynamic in your relationship.

She clearly did not believe you would agree to her attending that burial, and so she, perhaps for the first time, decided to sneak out. Not that I agree that she was right to travel without your knowledge. Very wrong.

That said, you need to reflect on your role in all of this. Why, as a man do you need your wife to seek your permission in anything. It all sounds authoritarian and not befitting of a healthy equal relationship. What you deserved was advance knowledge of the trip.

Today's younger women want to be treated with respect. Husbands need to be more atuned to this fact.

Senseless Input. A wife traveled with her husband car with the kids without his knowledge and she was so professional in the planning that the supposed husband didn't get any hint.

Then you re talking about foolish respect ?

Davash222:
Seun should create a section for married people and their wahala. Una wahala don too much for this forum!

We the singles are learning

emmyN:
I had to read the OP's other threads to understand where he is coming from and what could have led to this.

Suffice to say that the OP is an authoritarian. His wife probably didn't inform him because if she had, he may have refused just for the fun of it .

I have no advise to waste.

I still don't understand what is wrong in saying NO to a request..........authoritarian or not.

Shedrack777:
let me rack my brain for a positive answer

your brain got lost? lmao