OP by acknowledging that you are the first son shows that your father is late and you have not been to the village for a long time.
Coming to a social media platform for a traditional marriage advice shows that you are single and inexperienced and don’t have much stand in making your family decisions.
According to our norms and traditionals,bride price certifies marriage in igboland and the trad is to be celebrated with your kinsmen and friends while showing off the new bride.We can it OMENANA for a reason and IT MUST be MEE in your village ANA.
Contact an elder in your village to explain the spiritual significance of these traditions to you and why they MIST be carried out in your fathers compound,on your fathers soil.
It’s important for one not to forget their root and culture no matter how comfortable you must be in “The city”
People are buried in their home soil when they grow old and die even if they spent their whole life in the city(OMENANA).

Palema007:


Your sister is trying to avoid "village people" .

But seriously brother, what's special about marrying in the village nah? Shouldn't your sister's happiness be the priority here?

Men and ego Sha!

Your head dey there. Someone like me I dey avoid my village people. They're destiny spoilers, I can count how many times, I've been to my home town. My trad can't be held in that village, never!

joyandfaith:


What if she wants court marriage ?Will still go to village for any tradition ?

Marriage isn't just for the two of them, it's two communities coming together. on a serious note if she tries it, in future someone will mock the children that their mom was not properly married. even the man himself may one day use it against her.... traditional marriage should be in the ladies home town... white wedding can be done anywhere.... court wedding can be done in any court.

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

anything is possible my broda,since u said everybody who is important in the wedding is here in the city,so why waist money on logistic,

evuna:
Most of those people saying that it's normal are not igbos or some of those woke people. My aunt met her husband in germany but they did their traditional marriage in the village. someone stood for them. I have watched some British events and they always praise their tradition.


Don't let anyone deceive you, stand your ground. Not everyone should go home. Besides, colleagues can attend the white wedding in the city.


I am sorry to as, which state are you from. Enugu or anambra person will never conceive such. Marriage is not between two people in igboland. it is between two communities. That's why we value the concept of "ogo".


Once allowed, always allowed. Except your sister isn't getting married to an igbo person. Think about when her children atttends a kindred meeting, someone will remind him that her mother wasn't properly married. No matter how polished you are, respect traditional institution unless it goes against your Faith.


People even travel from abroad to do igba nkwu in igboland, let alone those in Nigeria. Go to the North, they respect their tradition, same with the south West, but they are here telling you that it doesn't matter. Can your sister's children sit in an igbo gathering, that issue will come up.


what about August meetings, can your sister fully participate? She is very young and might feel she doesn't need village people but time will tell. Those highly read people in my community finally succumbed and are even spreading traditional views.


You are the Okpara, if you allow it. You have not done well. Act like an Okpara.

Don't mind them. Distance didn't stop our in-laws from Sierra Leone to make appearance to pay for my sister's bride price. Nairaland indeed is not a good place to seek meaningful solutions to challenges anymore.

Then she should not call it traditional wedding and not even do it and straight to white wedding.

We like copying the wrong things in this part of the world, we can never be like the white, the white wedding is their idea it is their own traditional wedding that is why it's done the way it is, even this days they tend to do strictly family members. Just a few. But for hear we measure by crowd and disturbing someone to buy clothes.

Should we even be doing the white wedding? It's just a show off.

If you are from the east, oga let her do it at home, but you said your family is in the city, what is your dad stand?

As an Igbo you can't even do anything without reaching home. What is her excuses. Though is it because of people she wants to show , to show off or cost but I doubt the cost thing.

What is wrong with it taking place in the city? You people just be making things difficult for us.

Are your your parents not here in the city?
Afterall she explained it's because of the cost of logistics yet you're hell bent on having it in your villa.

All this ome na ala things be causing inconvenience for someone. Abeg allow her.

It's done in the village, few people can be selected and transported back home and you do it on low key if money is the problem, you owe nobody anything.
Don't support it, if not that's what they will be using to remember your people. I never hear this before o.
She can go ahead and do it but I think that's wrong, you can't force her but don't support it as the man there.
At least your people should know you were against it.

joyandfaith:

Either of the marriage is accepted by the law.it is not necessary to do both tradition and court marriage.

sure it can.but the traditional marriage should be done in the ladies home town. compound... a time will come she will understand...

Anaerobi:

it's true.... you are right.
but the city stuff.... sounds somehow.

The only reason it sounds somehow is because it's difficult for you to bring yourself to reality.

It is not against tradition to have a traditional wedding in the city, this is the 21st century and one of the positives is migration. People move a lot looking for greener pastures and settle wherever so it's not out of place to have the trad wherever you're settled provided the kindred is well represented.

No law states anywhere that if it's not done the other way then this or that will happen. There's really no issue there, we must bring ourselves to understanding and be open to new ideas/change rather than be stagnated over a non issue.

My 2 cents.

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

it's simple logic, you had not to come here. But you came afterall and reiterated the fact that you are the okpara of this house..

Now as the Okpara of the house, I put it to you to propose that you will take care of all logistics both financially and physical organization. Case closed abi

Mynd44:
It is her wedding and her choice. I know you might feel a bit skirmish about it but it is still her choice.

And how is this an "Igbo tradition" to marry at home? I think the tradition is the marriage itself, the travelling home for it is the culture (I stand corrected). Anywhere you live and you are welcome is where your home lies.

If your worry is about who attends, invite those people over.

But still talk to her and try to find a middle point, make compromise which might include, an introduction in the village before the wedding while it might not be the actual event but she and her husband visits to meet everyone. This can also be agreed on after the wedding.

I have Igbo friends whose traditional marriage was done in Lagos because they felt the logistics was off. Some felt their friends, bosses, mentors, colleagues who they feel are more impactful in their lives than some of the family members they have not seen or even met might not be able to share in their special day especially if the "elders" who will attend even in the village are few and can be convince to travel to the city if they insist.

Anyways, let us know how this goes and remember, it is her wedding and while you want what is best overall, she is an adult and able to make her decisions. Make compromise and listen too her arguments well.

any where you are is your home but when it come to election they will tell you to go back to your home ndi iru abuo. They can't destroy our tradition. @ op if the hubby is from the same place with her tell him to go home and do the necessary if he is not still tell him that he should come home and do it. It will bring lots of respect to your family among your umunna.

Tradition is about bringing your umunna together and believe me you have registered your family name as responsible household.

Anaerobi:

Marriage isn't just for the two of them, it's two communities coming together. on a serious note if she tries it, in future someone will mock the children that their mom was not properly married. even the man himself may one day use it against her.... traditional marriage should be in the ladies home town... white wedding can be done anywhere.... court wedding can be done in any court.

There is nothing like white marriage, Constitution recognizes 2 marriages- court and tradition. You choose one not both. Culture ittradition is human invention.

[s]

post=97044916:
It is your sister's wedding for Krissake!
Let her have her trad at the location she pleases.
You can have yours in your village or anywhere in your town you chose to when you are ready.

Wedding and Traditional wedding comes once in a lifetime.

We have seen Nigerians, Igbo and Yoruba especially having their Traditional wedding all over Europe, America and other countries of the world, in a colorful and beautiful atmosphere, and you are here talking about a city in Nigeria,
so kini big deal?

Live your life and let her live her life biko.
Wakanda brother are you sef?

[/s]

Zombie, you should not be commenting on every thread that comes our way.

Mynd44:
It is her wedding and her choice. I know you might feel a bit skirmish about it but it is still her choice.

And how is this an "Igbo tradition" to marry at home? I think the tradition is the marriage itself, the travelling home for it is the culture (I stand corrected). Anywhere you live and you are welcome is where your home lies.

If your worry is about who attends, invite those people over.

But still talk to her and try to find a middle point, make compromise which might include, an introduction in the village before the wedding while it might not be the actual event but she and her husband visits to meet everyone. This can also be agreed on after the wedding.

I have Igbo friends whose traditional marriage was done in Lagos because they felt the logistics was off. Some felt their friends, bosses, mentors, colleagues who they feel are more impactful in their lives than some of the family members they have not seen or even met might not be able to share in their special day especially if the "elders" who will attend even in the village are few and can be convince to travel to the city if they insist.

Anyways, let us know how this goes and remember, it is her wedding and while you want what is best overall, she is an adult and able to make her decisions. Make compromise and listen too her arguments well.

I am not sure you are igbo so you might not really understand what you are saying.
In igbo land, traditional marriage is done in your ancestral land. Pls underline that word ancestral.

He can actually do it in the city but he will be fined heavily for it and he may lose goodwill in his hometown by doing it in the city.
This is why people of igbo extraction should try and retain a link wirh homeland. I know its not always easy.
He can scale things down to avoid cost. Just few persons should go to the village.

Brother this topic should have been better and properly asked in Igbo group, most people here especially the yorubas will tell u is normal because it is normal and legalized in their tradition. Totally different from our (Igbo) tradition, pls I will advice you to take it to any Igbo group you belong to, at least there you will get the answer you seek. Ndalu

Anaerobi:

sure it can.but the traditional marriage should be done in the ladies home town. compound... a time will come she will understand...

What if she wants only court marriage, will anybody kill her?

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

It is very wrong... You sister can't have her way... In igbo land and southern delta Region no decent family does traditional in Lagos

Women even bring their oyibo husband to village seff


Were your family exiled from village ?
Did you guys steal that you are ashamed of your village
Did your father commit crime that he is running

It is a shame... Am also a first son and I can't take that ... Your sister had been messed up by pastors who told her village people are bad and the stupid husband to be seems to agree

Trust me the husband to be is a non igbo or niger Deltan

Na dem dey reason like that ... Ndi ala wuo otu

And you must be from either imo or Abia

ANAMBRA, ENUGU, DELTA , AKWA IBOM , EDO STATE can't even do traditional marriage outside their village


It's called traditional marriage for a reason

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

Bro.try convince ur in-law and sister to do the traditional marriage in ur home town,I have seen a case where it was done in the city and it wasn't approved in d village,and they had to repeat it by cash amounting to double expenses .

Ur Father or uncle shld guide you well in the aspect.

Good luck

vibbb:
It's called traditional marriage because of the requirements and materials involved. Place and venue is not a big deal but all the traditional requirements must be in place. Congratulations to ur sis in advance.

Abi.. Na just culture to do it in the village not tradition. Afterall they do tradition in the abroad

sunnitus:
Brother this topic should have been better and properly asked in Igbo group, most people here especially the yorubas will tell u is normal because it is normal and legalized in their tradition. Totally different from our (Igbo) tradition, pls I will advice you to take it to any Igbo group you belong to, at least there you will get the answer you seek. Ndalu

Beautiful response. There are some on Facebook. Igboville and a host of them. Join these groups and ask and you will get your answers op@sebastian1994

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

If truly you are an Igbo man, and you know the tradition and customs that will not have an effect on your family including her

Let them know countless times that it has to be done in the village

If they insist on having it in the city then, let her transport the Umunna and umuada, the ones they feel are more important to be present and transport them to lagos, give them accommodation, then prepare food for them to take to the villagers as they go back

joyandfaith:


What if she wants only court marriage, will anybody kill her?

Then let her have it ... In igbo land you are not properly married if you haven't done your traditional wedding

Chudivictor:

they don't need to be fine with it, what most of these elders are after is just the food and drinks, nothing else! if you can send theirs across to them, I see no reason why they won't be fine with the location

I know but to avoid village people wahala, it's better they are fine with it o with or without sending their food across. 'Cos u never can tell what will annoy these people. It's better to avoid stories that touch later in their marriage o

Realhommie:
The only reason it sounds somehow is because it's difficult for you to bring yourself to reality.

It is not against tradition to have a traditional wedding in the city, this is the 21st century and one of the positives is migration. People move a lot looking for greener pastures and settle wherever so it's not out of place to have the trad wherever you're settled provided the kindred is well represented.

No law states anywhere that if it's not done the other way then this or that will happen. There's really no issue there, we must bring ourselves to understanding and be open to new ideas/change rather than be stagnated over a non issue.

My 2 cents.

Let's call a spare a spade. In Igbo Tradition, traditional marriage is meant to be in the ladies home town. tell me the law that states that chrsiatins should go to church on Sunday, rather the Bible says remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy. so if u are true igbo that knows tradition, do the right thing.... if you are not, u won't understand... u have ur own tradition and u won't like to bend towards it. respect others own too.

Depressed101:
it's simple logic, you had not to come here. But you came afterall and reiterated the fact that you are the okpara of this house..

Now as the Okpara of the house, I put it to you to propose that you will take care of all logistics both financially and physical organization. Case closed abi

Watch him bolt ..

The guy man just dey form tradition, lol. Who made it an abomination? Abi him no know wetin go involve in terms of logistics and other things? No be beans.. Some people too don't like the stress, it's that simple.

I don't like it when an adult can't bring himself/herself to reason. Now he wants to be a stumbling block to his sister's trad because he's the first son. Please what role has the first son got to play in it? Is it your own wedding?

Oh... Africa!

joyandfaith:

What if she wants only court marriage, will anybody kill her?

fine and good... it's court wedding... okay. can court marriage be done in the beer parlour or in the stadium? such is traditional marriage.

Realhommie:
The only reason it sounds somehow is because it's difficult for you to bring yourself to reality.

It is not against tradition to have a traditional wedding in the city, this is the 21st century and one of the positives is migration. People move a lot looking for greener pastures and settle wherever so it's not out of place to have the trad wherever you're settled provided the kindred is well represented.

No law states anywhere that if it's not done the other way then this or that will happen. There's really no issue there, we must bring ourselves to understanding and be open to new ideas/change rather than be stagnated over a non issue.

My 2 cents.

Ndi ala wuo otu

IkpuMmadu:


Then let her have it ... In igbo land you are not properly married if you haven't done your traditional wedding

It is not true if you have done your court marriage. Nigeria Constitution and marriage act provide more information .

Unless your people(Umunna) will follow you to the city.

Anyway, what do I know.

joyandfaith:

It is not true if you have done your court marriage. Nigeria Constitution and marriage act provide more information .

that is Nigeria constitution.. when the chipd are down... And issues keeps coming up that would need your people to come to your aid ... Na constitution go help you


Una dey talk anyhow