₦airaland Forum

goody234:
This is a problem with nigerian women with the chicken feed money you earn, thinking you are better than the man that brought you into the US from obscurity ...it happens all the time insulting and belittling the man in front of his children ..
You think the US cares about you as a women you are only helping them in the destruction of the black family...teach your daughters to submit to their husbands and dont think they deserve a better man because of a few educational certificates...

It takes a lot more than educational certificates my ladies to keep a family ...submission is the key you are a wife to support your husband ...in-fact a good woman makes the husband and family wealthier .

Your role is not to wear your husbands trousers like you modern women love to do ..ask your mothers how their marriages were ...no man is perfect !!they endured a lot to keep the family as a unit....

pls my ladies dont get a bullet in the head because your husbands cant take it anymore !!!

Lol...
Count how many times you used the word submit... Lol. Even a pet in the West is not submissive (hello animal rights). The best version of submission you'd get is from your Nigerian lady.. Carry this mentality near a white girl nd she'd turn you inside out.

Also let me remind you that the Bible said men should love their wives as Christ loved the church.... The kind of love that can make you die for her.

The bible also says that we should mske sure our own obedience is complete before looking at another's.

Putting both together as a man biblically, if you've not been able to love your wife to a stage where you can die for her (as commanded), then you should not be demanding submission from her. Makes sense?

jedisco:
Good point.

For those wondering, it's almost the same reason why properties are split between partners even if one was a house wife/husband moreso when kidsare involved.

Being a house wife/husband is the West is very much different from that role in Nigeria. If kids are involved, it can be regarded as a full-time job.

Most families have to make that compromise so one person is more at home and the other has the flexibility to work extra. If not, cost spent on childcare will virtually swallow the salary you're going out to work for.

In Nigerians mentally, when a husband stays home, he is a lazy good for nothing, wife manipulating husband. He is taking advantage of his wife nurse status, expecting to become and accountant for money he did not for work. He is never appreciated.

They forget even if the man decides to just go and do group home sitting, he would be ok. But the nurse wife would not be able to pay for nanny and after school programs if no one stays home.

sonnie10:
In Nigerians mentally, when a husband stays home, he is a lazy good for nothing, wife manipulating husband. He is talking advantage of his wife nurse status, expecting to become and accountant for money he did not for work. He is never appreciated.

They forget even if the man decides to just go and do group home sitting, he would be ok. But the nurse wife would not be able to pay for nanny and after school programs if no one stays home.

I agree.. it goes both ways.

The way of life in the West is very much different. And yes why there should be good element of 9ja culture in Nigerian marriages abroad, expecting one partner to bend over to please the other would likely boomerang someday.

jedisco:
I agree.. it goes both ways.

The way of life in the West is very much different. And yes why there should be good element of 9ja culture in Nigerian marriages abroad, expecting one partner to bend over to please the other would likely boomerang someday.

I guess the solution should be, let wife do her thing and let the man do his thing as well. Everybody run their own show without interference by the other as along as there is no obvious disrespect.
As long as they are not crossing each other’s paths, everything should be ok. The wife can go to work and come as she pleases and the man should figure out how to do the same.
The problem with this is that in almost all partnerships, there are joint liabilities. In marriage, the man is the natural liability protection carrier. Their joint and individual actions produce these liabilities. Abuse is when you use someone abnormally.
At a point that freedom turns to abuse for the bearer of the resulting liabilities.

oz4real83:
what will u say about Americans or other Caucasians who have also done the same thing? Will u say America was not for them? Humans are the same everywhere, we have the good and the bad in every ethnic group and we all react either positively or negatively to issues. Let's learn to avoid being tribalistic in issues.

ipob and selfish comment

punisha:
For u to have seen tribalism in what he wrote means you feed on tribalism. You deserve help.

that's ipob for u

Go and experience for yourself my brother, cos nothing I say will convince you, but please before you travel not now cos they are suffering God’s punishment for now..

Hassanmaye:
Chai man abeg stop scaring me and sending fire down my spine, na America I want to relocate o, tell me something I don't know

lightpurple:
Most parent prefer to send their male kids overseas to study, in the hopes that they would take care of the remaining family in Nigeria.

When these guys come here, through whatever means- student, marrying an American or visa lottery, their first instinct is to show people back home that they have ‘arrived’. Whatever menial job they do, they always have the Dollars to Naira exchange rate at the back of their mind, so any penny they earn seems big in Naira. They start pricing 2 plots of lands in Nigeria.

Anyone who you seek advise on how to make it in the US will tell you that you have to get schooled and at least, hold a US degree or certification, the higher the better obviously. But these men are deceived by the fast change they earn that they absolutely refuse to go to school. Secondly because they feel it will be too stressful, afterall in Nigeria, they are big men now.

If you didn’t know, anything healthcare is the best profession for immigrants, as long as you are licensed in the US. You can’t be a lawyer or teacher or banker being that it has a lot to deal with customer services, for which your accent is a barrier. Nursing is the most sought after career in the US in relation to job security.

When Nigerian men find a spouse and bring her to the US, they quickly encourage her to do something in healthcare, preferably Nursing. Now being that this Jesus like husband who has delivered her from the hands of Nigeria is encouraging her to go to school, she wouldn’t say no she wants fast money like him. She has to go to school, no matter her age, level of education, degree of embarrassment or stress she would have to go through to learn in a foreign land. Like you are 5x slower than your classmates in everything because it’s a new system..you are a new immigrant. And in the US, you are also encouraged to work at least a couple of hours while in school, to help build your resume and skills. So the ladies go to school, work sparingly and also take care of the household, still so so grateful.

After completing this education, could take anywhere from 4-8 years depending on the degree you pursue, she obviously starts earning more than her husband. At this point her husband feels like he has invested completely so there is no need to work, or to work too much.

For the first couple of years she would be ok because she is still grateful for his support, but as demand and expenses increases, both in her home and in Nigeria, she feels the weight of carry the financial burden of her family, as well as her her innate duties as a woman of the house. She starts putting in overtime and all, all the while asking her husband if there is any career he would like to pursue or certification to get a professional work to assist financially. But the Nigerian men refuses to have anything to do with education. They would rather tell you takes of their containers and how someone played them in Nigeria. If she dares ask him to help out more in the house while she puts in extra work, it is finished. She has become Americanized.

Now this woman keeps going higher in education, due to peer pressure and all. Mind you, her coworkers had the good sense to marry someone in their field or even higher, and they show her pictures of their purchases, expensive trips, that they deserve because they worked hard for it. But this Nigerian man is keeping his wife from attaining that position simply because she is singlehandedly providing for the family.

Sweet bitterness creeps in, that so called gratitude for bringing her to the US expires. Then you hear all these stories that touch.

Oh! So much detail... Indeed, life is not just in white and black, there are multicolors in-between... Thanks!

sonnie10:
I guess the solution should be, let wife do her thing and let the man do his thing as well. Everybody run their own show without interference by the other as along as there is no obvious disrespect.
As long as they are not crossing each other’s paths, everything should be ok. The wife can go to work and come as she pleases and the man should figure out how to do the same.
The problem with this is that in almost all partnerships, there are joint liabilities. In marriage, the man is the natural liability protection carrier. Their joint and individual actions produce these liabilities. Abuse is when you use someone abnormally.
At a point that freedom turns to abuse for the bearer of the resulting liabilities.

In successful partnerships, there's always need for compromise.
In summary, I'd say 3 things are important on both sides- respect, understanding and compromise.

genq:
I already knew she had to be a Nurse.

Indian women are high earners - many are Doctors, Engineers, Business owners etc. - same with Chinese Women.

But you see Nigerian women, our money-miss-road Nigerian women, they will become Nurses, earning chicken feed compared to their Asain counterparts, but yet, we can't hear word again because she's now a demi-god!

Very sadly, this cannot be overlooked. There is SOMETHING about (Nigerian) women starting to earn money after being married. There is something in their psyche, it will take an honest and transparent investigation to unravel it. I now believe, it is better for Nigeria women to start earning money BEFORE they get married.

I am not glorifying men o. I am a man, and there are psyche problems too. I am simply responding to this comment. Nigerian environment raises our women in a certain way, which largely keeps them unemployed before marriage.

sonnie10:
One common issue spouse have when the wife is a nurse is time management. Running the home and work schedule.
It comes down to maintaining a balance between. I will go further to give some details of most prevalent scenario.
As a nurse in the US, you are able to afford most luxury; any car, house, clothing, vacation and jewelries but you must put in the time for work.

If you work one regular 40hours a week job, you might not be that financially ok when you consider bills.

Now, here is where the common problem is, nurses are well sort after and the opportunity to work extra jobs are plenty. The downside is that it takes away family time and wifely responsibilities. Most husbands do not want that but the greed for dollars and the good things the wives can get with it blocks any form compromise with the husband. The common rebuttal is usually; are you not the man? Why don’t you provide those things then? Me that I want to try why are you stopping me? Imagine what happens in a home where the wife works 16hour at two jobs and only comes home to sleep when the husband is probably away at his own job.

Let me tell you this, a nurse that works only 40 hours a week can never comfortably afford a Land Rover valor or Lexus Gx or Mercedes glc, it’s impossible. So how is it that most of the nurses drive these cars?

They drive it because they work more and family responsibility is neglected. In the US, if you have young kids at school, your life and time is almost sacrificed for them.

Someone has to be there to get them ready, to drop them off at school and pick them up after school. Obviously, if the wife is a “hard working nurse” she can’t. The man has to pick up this extra responsibility and cut down his time for work; meaning less money for the man and more more for the wife. That is the correlation.

So, the result is that the wife is more financially buoyant than the man. It then comes a time when the wife wants to pay house rent for her brother in Nigeria who lives in lekki and had recently lost his job but the husband says no, she can’t.
Who gives him the right to decide what she can and cannot do with her hard earned money? Forgetting that he also made the sacrifices for her to be available to go to that work. The truth is that anyone can do two jobs in the US. ( Go check the families that both husband and wife work two full time jobs, their children are always in trouble)
Ideally, this is not how it is judged by external advisers and even the wife themselves.

The judgement is usually this way; you are the man, why can’t you provide for your family, why let your wife suffer to work and you want to control her. The statement has sent many men to early grave This is bringing a man to the lowest of low. A man that has sacrificed his time, job, pride and almost everything hoping for a better family.

Nurses don't have to work extra hours to live a good life in the USA.
It depends on how much effort u put in to develop yourself. If u are stuck with just RN certification, well u may as well be ready to work ridiculous hours..
Specialist nurses n advanced clinical practitioners earn well over 100 thousand dollars in the usa. Anaesthetist nurses earn over 140 thousand dollars in some states. These wages for standard hours.
The problem is most nigerian nurses don't go for further studies once they bag their initial degrees. Doing so will resolve most of these domestic problems.

genq:
Now matter how westernized Indian and Chinese women are, they know their place in the household. They do not challenge and insult their husbands.

Insult? Wives and even girlfriends even beat us black and blue even if you are a billionaire and she's a waitress.

Good wives are just like friends. Women being subservient to men are a thing of past in Asia. But it may still exist in rural parts.

britiko:
Cops says he strangled his wife before hanging himself but also strangled d kids but they survived it. Whatever d narrative, stay safe


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHFAxXSBtfc

Maybe its cos they didn't wear nose nask

Graxie:
Wicked man, he didn't even consider the kids. You can imagine the psychological torture those kids will be going through.

Add 1+1
Abi make dem do dna test for kids b4 u understand

....That guy was a freemason! he touched that which was not supposed to be touched. If you know, you know.

jedisco:
Lol...
Count how many times you used the word submit... Lol. Even a pet in the West is not submissive (hello animal rights). The best version of submission you'd get is from your Nigerian lady.. Carry this mentality near a white girl nd she'd turn you inside out.

Also let me remind you that the Bible said men should love their wives as Christ loved the church.... The kind of love that can make you die for her.

The bible also says that we should mske sure our own obedience is complete before looking at another's.

Putting both together as a man biblically, if you've not been able to love your wife to a stage where you can die for her (as commanded), then you should not be demanding submission from her. Makes sense?

Your insights are quite well balanced. I read your comments over again and was wondering, do you live abroad by any chance?

Goel:
Insult? Wives and even girlfriends even beat us black and blue even if you are a billionaire and she's a waitress.

Good wives are just like friends. Women being subservient to men are a thing of past in Asia. But it may still exist in rural parts.

Amber heard & Johnny Depp comes to mind

SIRTee15:
Nurses don't have to work extra hours to live a good life in the USA.
It depends on how much effort u put in to develop yourself. If u are stuck with just RN certification, well u may as well be ready to work ridiculous hours..
Specialist nurses n advanced clinical practitioners earn well over 100 thousand dollars in the usa. Anaesthetist nurses earn over 140 thousand dollars in some states. These wages for standard hours.
The problem is most nigerian nurses don't go for further studies once they bag their initial degrees. Doing so will resolve most of these domestic problems.

How come janitors, CNAs and medical assistants who earn far less are living peacefully with their families and we don’t get to hear such news?

sonnie10:
How come janitors, CNAs and medical assistants who earn far less are living peacefully with their families and we don’t get to hear such news?

For those career u mentioned, their status will probably not change even if they work multiple extra hours.
It's different for nurses. A RN can pull in 60 to 75 thousands working standard hours. She can double her income if she put in for multiple long hours.

SIRTee15:
For those career u mentioned, their status will probably not change even if they work multiple extra hours.
It's different for nurses. A RN can pull in 60 to 75 thousands working standard hours. She can double her income if she put in for multiple long hours.

Help me understand how status change causes drift between husband and wife or how doubling of income should be a problem instead of blessing. In term of work hours, I think those other occupations work longer hours even though their pay might be less, still they live peacefully with their husbands.

sonnie10:
Help me understand how status change causes drift between husband and wife or how doubling of income should be a problem instead of blessing. In term of work hours, I think those other occupations work longer hours even though their pay might be less, still they live peacefully with their husbands.

I don't get your question. The issue here is about friction btw husband and wife due to the later working long hours.
As a nurse in the USA, if u want to work 72 hours per week.... It's your choice, carry go. The remuneration is good and it's worth the hours put in.
Now 72 hours/week away from home is a huge sacrifice and there's no way it won't cause wahala if both couples are not understanding.
The income may improve family status, but an arrogant n unsubmissive wife may actually weaponise the new status and use it to bully the husband...causing more friction.

SIRTee15:
I don't get your question. The issue here is about friction btw husband and wife due to the later working long hours.
As a nurse in the USA, if u want to work 72 hours per week.... It's your choice, carry go. The remuneration is good and it's worth the hours put in.
Now 72 hours/week away from home is a huge sacrifice and there's no way it won't cause wahala if both couples are not understanding.
The income may improve family status, but an arrogant n unsubmissive wife may actually weaponise the new status and use it to bully the husband...causing more friction.

Thanks.

That is really not the point. Black people in America are killing each other at astronomical levels and this is absent in other communities in America.

The bolded is false and mind you, there's a report which posited that black men are more likely to end up in jail and prisons than in colleges and universities. No other race in America has such statistics in their portfolio.

aribisala0:
This particular "statistic" does not address the question of "who is killing who?" It is tangential
The point was whether or not white people kill white people in a similar proportion.
Black people kill themselves mostly just like white people kill themselves mostly and the rates of intraracial homicide are statistically similar
Over 80% of homicides involving black victims are perpetrated by blacks this is similarly true for white people

Lol....same ol racist excuse as usual.

Look up any random black rapper you know; check out their history of violent crimes come back to edit your post.

Black people always crying racism over the slightest irrelevancies.

cococandy:
No that’s a racist “fact”. Many black people in jail are innocent of their crimes. It’s going to be a bitch to go into that right now and it will cause me to digress.

there are many criminal white neighborhoods but not in the way the black ones are portrayed. They are big consumers of expensive drugs, live large and have the police protecting them.

Or reduce your financial obligations and work part-time while being there for the family plus hiring live in nanny for supportive runs and other stuff that your husband can't do due to work. This will create the much needed time for the couple.
Not sure of her schedule but i see no reason to work full time if your husband is a doctor - his schedule alone is crazy.
I will tell medical and military families to hire a helping hand. Always de-stress, find personal time to exercise at least 5days a week. Leave that crazy idea of building a mansion in Nigeria while you take a huge loan for that beautiful house in great community in America.
Let's be careful and avoid that stress from the pit of hell.

SIRTee15:
Nurses don't have to work extra hours to live a good life in the USA.
It depends on how much effort u put in to develop yourself. If u are stuck with just RN certification, well u may as well be ready to work ridiculous hours..
Specialist nurses n advanced clinical practitioners earn well over 100 thousand dollars in the usa. Anaesthetist nurses earn over 140 thousand dollars in some states. These wages for standard hours.
The problem is most nigerian nurses don't go for further studies once they bag their initial degrees. Doing so will resolve most of these domestic problems.

Midas01:
That is really not the point. Black people in America are killing each other at astronomical levels and this is absent in other communities in America.

The bolded is false and mind you, there's a report which posited that black men are more likely to end up in jail and prisons than in colleges and universities. No other race in America has such statistics in their portfolio.

You mean "emboldened" is false? NOT BOLDED

Can you substantiate? What has that got to do with whether black men end up in prison

You need to learn how to reason with clarity?

Do not mix up unrelated issues


Once again The rates of intra-racial homicide are similar i.e over 80% of people killed white or black are killed by their own kind white or black

That statistic has absolutely no connection with black men ending up in college or prison: totally unrelated

jajeri3216:
Your insights are quite well balanced. I read your comments over again and was wondering, do you live abroad by any chance?

Thanks for the kind words.
Yeah I do... I still had some of these views before moving over. Experiencing it gave me better understanding.

armyofone:
Or reduce your financial obligations and work part-time while being there for the family plus hiring live in nanny for supportive runs and other stuff that your husband can't do due to work. This will create the much needed time for the couple.
Not sure of her schedule but i see no reason to work full time if your husband is a doctor - his schedule alone is crazy.
I will tell medical and military families to hire a helping hand. Always de-stress, find personal time to exercise at least 5days a week. Leave that crazy idea of building a mansion in Nigeria while you take a huge loan for that beautiful house in great community in America.
Let's be careful and avoid that stress from the pit of hell.

Live in Nanny don't come cheap in western countries. They cost an average 30 dollars per hour. Besides, any form of maltreatment accusation from the nanny against her employer can ruin his life and land him in jail.
I agree with u on building needless mansion in nigeria but buying a house in a good neighbourhood is inevitable on the long run.
Neighbourhood determines everything here. Good schools, good hospitals, crime free areas are located in expensive neighbourhood....and if u want the best for your family, u will buy a house in such neighbourhood.

Trust me, U don't want to go buy house in crime infested or low income areas....having low lifes as neighbours. Its a disservice to your kids. I'm sure u dont want your son walking around the house smoking weed or your daughter humping d*ck from age 14.

U also need to save if u want your children to attend ivy league schools because they are f*cking expensive. And there's nothing wrong helping your kids have a head start in life by helping them pay for initial mortgage deposit. This way they can buy house in their early 20s n finish payment in their late 30s.
Immigrants sacrifice a lot for their kids in this country. This include working extra n long hours to achieve those goals.

That was what I said - you can't be building a mansion in Nigeria while also taking loan to buy a nice single family home in a great community. So do one (great home here) and forget the other. Less accumulation of work related stress and burnt-out.
When you don't have that horrible western world stress, you are able to deal with any Wahala that arises in the family...even if madam slap you, you can easily go outside and cool off or calmly call the cops. But when you are stressed, na me and you today kinda thing and with gun at your disposal - story for the gods.

A doctor hubby and a nurse job, 850k house, a Toyota car, good mgmt skill etc yeah I think I can afford a nanny or part time nanny better than doing it all by yourself - stress inducing -
Then you start complaining hubby doesn't help, quarrel, arguments on small stuff - stress is very bad!

SIRTee15:
Live in Nanny don't come cheap in western countries. They cost an average 30 dollars per hour. Besides, any form of maltreatment accusation from the nanny against her employer can ruin his life and land him in jail.
I agree with u on building needless mansion in nigeria but buying a house in a good neighbourhood is inevitable on the long run.
Neighbourhood determines everything here. Good schools, good hospitals, crime free areas are located in expensive neighbourhood....and if u want the best for your family, u will buy a house in such neighbourhood.

Trust me, U don't want to go buy house in crime infested or low income areas....having low lifes as neighbours. Its a disservice to your kids. I'm sure u dont want your son walking around the house smoking weed or your daughter humping d*ck from age 14.

U also need to save if u want your children to attend ivy league schools because they are f*cking expensive. And there's nothing wrong helping your kids have a head start in life by helping them pay for initial mortgage deposit. This way they can buy house in their early 20s n finish payment in their late 30s.
Immigrants sacrifice a lot for their kids in this country. This include working extra n long hours to achieve those goals.

Nairalandwizerd:
that's why we are men. Continue sleeping around and I assure you Las Las, your husband will still shoot you dead.

Don’t mind them , they are going about legitimizing runs life , try that shit with me and let’s if I don’t set you ablaze and damn the consequences

jedisco:
Lol...
Count how many times you used the word submit... Lol. Even a pet in the West is not submissive (hello animal rights). The best version of submission you'd get is from your Nigerian lady.. Carry this mentality near a white girl nd she'd turn you inside out.

Also let me remind you that the Bible said men should love their wives as Christ loved the church.... The kind of love that can make you die for her.

The bible also says that we should mske sure our own obedience is complete before looking at another's.

Putting both together as a man biblically, if you've not been able to love your wife to a stage where you can die for her (as commanded), then you should not be demanding submission from her. Makes sense?

Crap

jedisco:
Thanks for the kind words.
Yeah I do... I still had some of these views before moving over. Experiencing it gave me better understanding.

Just wanted to show you the consequences of these feminist movement.

The kids of these single mothers are running rampant in the west, from uk to Ireland, i even read that following black Americans, Africans are the most incarcerated of lately.

Why? Single mothers raising bad kids

Your view's are balanced but you're not seeing the big picture

Open the link.

https://twitter.com/DonCarlo66/status/1341107715184222209?s=19