₦airaland Forum

bezimo:
That's why she is dating you..I bet you once she arrives the US you will see a different person who will give you shit like we have seen in many cases. she is already creating drama feeling self entitled and she hasn't come yet oh..See guy.Don't sponsor her..if she wanna go..let her go.

Exactly. He shud be the one bringing up that suggestion if at all not her. Bt she’s already making calculations for him. If he gives in to her he will almost surely regret it. Well unless she’s made such a big sacrifice for him b4. He can’t be the one doing everything. It’s dangerous.

Olakunleyakub:
It is called marriage not poverty alleviation scheme ma.

Real men know wen to sacrifice everything they have for women if the lady deserve it

My close friend just bought car and open a boutique for his woman not cos he is a simp or weak but cos the woman actually worth it.

You don't have the license to tell the guy how unreasonable he has been cos he refused to sponsor his fiance abroad.

Women are the most difficult and ungrateful beings to sponsor abroad.

Know that if you don't know and leave sentiment.

In almost all cases as the men who do it and up with regrets.

tunapawizzy:
E dey happen....e no just plenty

Actually my wife's best friend did that for her uni boyfriend, they are very happily married in the US now with kids... She is a citizen by birth... It's rare but e dey happen.

ImaIma1:
You have built your wall so high and set very rigid and strict rules of engagement. You should understand that not everyone will be able to afford what you expect. Not everyone can make it on their own. Some people need help.

Would you have these same rules for your sisters? Would you sponsor them or insist that they grow by themselves?

Love usually sees beyond rules and breaks defences and walls but you still hold on to all your "nevers". Well, if both of you are not on the same page, you know what to do.

Canttedra
It is not balanced judgement to compare his sisters with a stranger he fell in love with and barely has any significant experience in life with.

Yes people need help bt it shud be on the right terms not false notions. If it’s charity he’s doing do it as charity not love. Love must be balanced. After all the dates and gifts he still have to break his principles for her? Which she knows b4 hand? Why??

Forget her and move on



Don’t allow loneliness to kill you,I do part time dating we can date until you find your soulmate.
Terms and conditions apply���

canttedra:
I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

No you don't.

Baba don't break your rules in the name of love. Stick to your guns and whatever happens let it fly. You know her better than we do. You could be her passport, visa and ticket to move to where you are. Those people are very calculative and manipulative all in the name of love. Shine your eyes well well

Idonije8:
You nor see woman marry there?? Too many stories about men helping their girlfriends to America then along the line something happened if I was you I will marry someone there preferably a white sweet lady : abeg leave this Nigeria girls they are so ungrateful when they finally get what they want

..and its white girls that dont have wahala abi. You guys are so naive. You say Nigerian girls will take everything. White girls wont take anything you think?

pozehnani:
Childish behavior. Why the fend for yourself idea when you plan to marry her?
She should dump you and never look back because your type can make marriage hellish for a woman.

This mentality of yours is so bad and it will make you lose a lot. You better drop it before aze wunyen a gba gi there.

He already said it has cost im a few.

ImaIma1:
You have built your wall so high and set very rigid and strict rules of engagement. You should understand that not everyone will be able to afford what you expect. Not everyone can make it on their own. Some people need help.

Would you have these same rules for your sisters? Would you sponsor them or insist that they grow by themselves?

Love usually sees beyond rules and breaks defences and walls but you still hold on to all your "nevers". Well, if both of you are not on the same page, you know what to do.

Ironicallwhen the woman eventually builds herself, he will want to control her finances and tell her what to do

Titi03:
It's a coincidence that this thread pops up amidst the ongoing discussion about nigerian women acting up in the US. Hmm.

Anyway, there's a particular part of your write up that caught my eye:

"she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US."

I'm personally not a fan of giving men ultimatums - it's a desperate move in my opinion which shows that she wants an easy way out..
..and in most cases desperation often spells danger..

Not to be a prophet of doom but I don't see you guys reaching a favourable agreement ...she's better off moving on with a like-minded man who is happy to do her bidding..(there's a chance someone else in the picture, or is at least trying to get in there... since y'all have been in a l.d.r for 3 years now). Likewise you should also try and settle down with a like-minded individual wherever you are.

All the best.

So giving a suggestion is now giving an ultimatum. SMH

Toktee:
My thoughts exactly, do not trust Nigeria's ladies when it comes to taken them abroad when they get their and settled, that's when you know their true colors.


A Nigerian Doctor just killed his wife and then himself in the US only God knows the reason.



Nigeria's ladies has a PhD in frustrating me abroad.

...and oyinbo girls dont frustrate you abi. Of all the guys I know based abroad, none favours marrying white girls and would prefer to marry Nigerian girls. There is a reason for that.

Sonyboom:
Comment by a lunatic.
The hasty generalization you wrote against is what you accuse every living soul of.
Softly softly de act foolish.

Please, take a sit at the back.

osazsky:
all holes are the same..watch her how she turns into a beast imediately he marries her and takes her oversea..moreover what is wrong in her upgrading her self tru sch..y so much emphasis on marriage..any girl that compels a guy to marry her....run for ur life

Yen yen yen.

Trash!

Amumaigwe:
That's the problem most leeching Nigeria ladies that successfully ruined their husbands' lives after relocation have caused for the few remaining (if at all) loyal ones. Since most of you continue to cheer them on in the name of woman liberation, cut this guy some slack please.
Men are now wiser. Let her also work her way to the US simple and short, after all, gender equality is what you Ladies seek. Enjoy it in peace.

Trash!

Dannyozs:
lies, all lies. I don't even have the strength to argue with you but you know deep down you are lying.

May the God almighty bless you with the wisdom to recognized and know the truth that will benefit your destiny. May He bless your home that your eyes will open that majority of women are not as bad as you take them to be.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Why don't you look for a citizen over there to marry or are you a citizen already?

I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

Dude, made up your mind. Why are you being so selfish?

You talked about not being someone else savior, etc. I would like to ask you. Have someone else ever helped you out? Haven't somebody saved out of a difficult situation? You see, people like you are the problems with humanity. When you moved to America, someone picked you up from the airport, you stayed in their house, you went to the DMV with someone else's car. I mean, you are now on your feet but you didn't mention how many people who helped you, those people were your savior. Even when you came here for studies.

Now you have been with this girl for 3 years, yet you think helping her get here on green card is a big deal. Let me tell you this, humans can't survive without each other. People like you are the reasons most people are struggling in this life, they hold off helping others. Something that's so simple!
Just green a cards! Again she's not a stranger to you. You have lost people in your life because of your selfishness. If you don't bring her to U.S, she might still come here, with or without you. Those people you lost in the past, they are still alive and doing well. I bet some of them are doing even better than you. You are one of those people that cover their answers in secondary school.

I am sure you are going to exercise same selfish behavior towards your kids. When you help others, you are also helping yourself. I promise you this, If you start helping others, NATURE is going to bless you more. God is blessing you despite your selfishness!

Nobody is leaving here alive!

Stick to your principles OP. If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for everything.

Relationships must not transition into a marriage especially if it's not a mutual decision

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Sorry ooo OP but your gal is a bitch....if after 3 years she still no fit understand your rules then whats the point....

All this gals nowadays are all been materialistic...if there is nothing they would gain in a relationship they back off,not ready to make themselves worthy of the society with there own hardwork and diligent but be looking for already made men....

OP remember say US diffrent from Naija oo,make one useless gal wey no ready work her way to the top no con destroy your plans and motives ooo.....how does studying in the US stressful compare to our own mode of education....na the type wey dey run after yahoo boys be dis....lazy thing...

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

You already know what you want,why then asking, please tell her that you are not ready to marry yet, simple and free her, marriage is symbiotic in nature please

SamNaijaboy:
LOL.
All you guys talking about pre-nup are un-informed. A Nigerian pre-nup will be invalidated with the wave of a hand by a US judge.
I. It was under foreign laws
2. She will claim duress when signing and he will agree with her just because....
3. White men and women like to Bleep up black men
4. Any document from Nigeria is typically viewed with suspicion.

Any reason she uses, and your pre-nup will be tossed out especially if not done in that state or a state of the US.

Only marry her after she meets you by her own efforts in USA and after she gets an H1-B visa after proving herself. She will value the green card you are giving her.

This is actually not true.

Any official and legal document from Nigeria is valid in the USA at least.

Marriage licenses are valid, prenuptial agreements are valid. As long as it meets the USA conditions for equity. She will need her own lawyer to review it with her to remove any ambiguity and fairness. You can’t ask for what’s illegal or unfair.

I know all these personally and has been tested.

Thanks.

Amumaigwe:
That's the problem most leeching Nigeria ladies, that successfully ruined their husbands' lives after relocation, have caused for the few remaining (if at all) loyal ones. Since most of you continue to cheer them on in the name of woman liberation, cut this guy some slack please.
Men are now wiser. Let her also work her way to the US simple and short, after all, gender equality is what you Ladies seek. Enjoy it in peace.

I salute you.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

You're not unreasonable and I can deduce that you are a determined individual who understands boundaries and what is expected of people. Her best bet to coming over is through studies and not through marriage sponsorship, which eliminates the feelings of abandonment should things go south tomorrow, of which there is a high chance of it happening. She may throw a fuss for a few days to get you to give in, let her be. Be firm. When the coast is clear and she is ready, you can bring her in via the study route. This route is even important, because regardless of how she comes in she still needs to go to school in the US for better economic opportunities.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

You're not unreasonable and I can deduce that you are a determined individual who understands boundaries and what is expected of people. Her best bet to coming over is through studies and not through marriage sponsorship, which eliminates the feelings of abandonment should things go south tomorrow, of which there is a high chance of it happening. She may throw a fuss for a few days to get you to give in, let her be. Be firm. When the coast is clear and she is ready, you can bring her in via the study route. This route is even important, because regardless of how she comes in she still needs to go to school in the US for better economic opportunities.

Amanee:
Don't do it

She's not going to appreciate the sacrifices that comes with moving abroad and you're not going to see her as an equal. If you didn't have the principles you have, I'd have said otherwise but you do

Funny enough if the tables were turned would she do same?

Just like the poster here rightly said, most likely she WILL NOT do the same for you. Far fewer Nigerian ladies with US residency/citizenship sponsor Nigerian men and bring them over vs vice versa.

Curiouscity:
I did this about 7 years ago. I live in deep regrets everyday. My marriage may likely end soonest!

I hope you saw this?

If the table was turned, will she do it? Guy, focus on what's in front of you and the ladies around you .. this is gonna stress you for the rest of your life

pozehnani:
Childish behavior. Why the fend for yourself idea when you plan to marry her?
She should dump you and never look back because your type can make marriage hellish for a woman.

This mentality of yours is so bad and it will make you lose a lot. You better drop it before aze wunyen a gba gi there.

See this Opportunist!

Thief!

God bless you

Idonije8:
You nor see woman marry there?? Too many stories about men helping their girlfriends to America then along the line something happened if I was you I will marry someone there preferably a white sweet lady : abeg leave this Nigeria girls they are so ungrateful when they finally get what they want

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

My dear, don't allow anybody to force you into doing what you ain't ready to do. I have brothers there with similar . Most of these ladies are opportunists. Hmmm Tread carefully

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Please take her cos I have observed that in most cases, couples who were dating before either of them relocated usually have a great union outside the country.

It is those that you met when you are already outside that you should be careful of.

So please take her with you.

Bro you labored and made sacrifices to go to the US for studies, not because u wanna sponsor her through a spousal visa. Let her carry out her own part of sacrifices to come over with you via study. She might not need or want a graduate degree but she should reasonably use the F1 route to move with you just like she wanna use the marriage route. This mumu behavior no make me like naija girls, the average American or European women will never act stupid or mad when you hint them you're not ready for marriage. They see that as an opportunity of not getting into toxic marriage due to partner's wrong timing/choice. Your girlfriend should even be worried you might have changed in some ways since u been in the US so she should be happy to use the F1 route and she she can have that chance of getting to know the "American you" before saying yes to your proposal. She should be proud of herself and think other good men overthere will woo her, if she believes she's good and beautiful, after you dumped her. I still dey look for naija girl sha wey get brain, hope I find one before I jand.

Amumaigwe:
That's the problem most leeching Nigeria ladies, that successfully ruined their husbands' lives after relocation, have caused for the few remaining (if at all) loyal ones. Since most of you continue to cheer them on in the name of woman liberation, cut this guy some slack please.
Men are now wiser. Let her also work her way to the US simple and short, after all, gender equality is what you Ladies seek. Enjoy it in peace.

Three gbosa for you. I am a lady. My brothers are suffering this right now. When they cross over to that side, they start lording over you forgetting where they came from. Rubbish.