Enugupikin:

@ emboldened, that generated a heated debate in the Catholic Church of which I'm a member and it was concluded the rev frs don't give counselling and talks of what they know nothing about or have practical experience about. So the marriage people organise and talk at the seminars. Paper work is different from practice, reason most university graduates know nothing on practice other than what's in book, so it makes no difference

Thanks for keeping the discussions civil

Onyxunlimited:

Thank you for this. Our thoughts are aligned. For a minute, I thought this was even my comment.
Children don't care and will never care about who brings the money. What they care abou is who cares for them and shows them love.
I have seen a situation where the 3 children from a family loves their underaged housemaid more than their parents. When their mom was sick for weeks, the kids didn't care. But when the maid was sick for a day, they refused to leave her side. When daddy beat the maid, they refused to talk to dad, the last born went as far as not letting dad carry him or even take things from daddy. The reason for this is that it is the maid that cares for them and shows them love while the parents are busy with work. They have a better relationship with the maid than their parents.
It is the same thing that is happening with the poster's brother. He never cared to build a relationship with his kids.

Biglittlelois:



I'm pretty sure you typed this with a straight face feeling like you made alotta sense, right?

iInjureHerYansh:
Yes Y'all bitches won't drop solutions but divert the topic all in a bid to support your own


I have no pity for men who bring up their family ish on NL

MummyD2020:



See mumu. U wont contribute but will insult someone u probably can never stand one on one. bitches like ur mum

Tap0lane:
This one na the most foolish comment I read on NL in a long while. Sir, you are a very foolish soul.

iInjureHerYansh:

The last time I checked I never quoted an untrained ho

Romanoff:


I am telling you. If he put the energy he's using to carry his brother's problem into his marriage, he and his wife will be able to weather the storm approaching their marriage.

People no even wan put in work for their marriage the same way they don't want to put in work in a relationship.

As long as infidelity is not the cause of marital challenges, it can be worked on if the two parties are willing.

I've seen a marriage even scale through after infidelity.

Divorce is just the easiest and laziest way out for most .

omojesu202:


if people don't speak out and died in depression, the same you will ask them that they need to speak out. there's nothing wrong in seeking opinions either online or offline. we learn from people experiences.

omojesu202:


if people don't speak out and died in depression, the same you will ask them that they need to speak out. there's nothing wrong in seeking opinions either online or offline. we learn from people experiences.

MummyD2020:


U are the untrained bastard born by a LovePeddler and whose dad is mentally deranged

IbnBattuta1960:
Very sad. He is ageing and cannot perform financially?
He should use the small he has and start life afresh. Fear woman.

omojesu202:


I didn't carry marriage matter on my head like gala. if it works good, if it doesn't work let everyone one go in peace.

omojesu202:


he's someone that wants his car washed daily. Will you have two grown up boys of 20 and 18 at home and still be washing your car yourself?? if he sent for his boys to do that the wife will block it. giving him sleep and rest as reason

rawitools:
Something is wrong in this country. So your brother no fit use koboko with hot pepper arrange their brain. What kind of parents and children are they producing this days.

luminouz:


Where is the sense in this for Pete's sakes?

Which useless bond does a father need to have before his sons obey him? Was there a need for bonding when he pays their school fees or feed them? Or was there a report of his maltreating them Everytime or even beating his wife? It's sacrosanct that these sons OBEY him at all times, unconditionally. Which mumu bond are you looking for again?

You didn't even talk of the disrespectful wife at all. Ain't that sweet of you! The wife spoilt the whole show by encouraging the kids to flout their dad's orders, WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. Had it been he dealt with her and the sons saw his willpower, they will note he is charge and fall in line. They have seen he won't do shiit and like most kids, they follow the best path of least resistance to their will: in this case,the MOM!

What I find baffling is how even men here kept yapping about bonds and binds and bondage and James bond and stock and bonds...without making any tangible point. The issue is that his wife already left him high and dry and his kids followed. I remembered a case on NL about a man who wakes up everyday to fetch water on his head for his whole house and he has grown up boys and girls and a wife. WHAT DAFUQ DID YOU THINK MADE HIM THAT WAY?


Please,scrutinise a story and be logical with your conclusions. Only bukatyne made some logical points.

Enugupikin:

@ emboldened, that generated a heated debate in the Catholic Church of which I'm a member and it was concluded the rev frs don't give counselling and talks of what they know nothing about or have practical experience about. So the marriage people organise and talk at the seminars. Paper work is different from practice, reason most university graduates know nothing on practice other than what's in book, so it makes no difference

Thanks for keeping the discussions civil

Lordswazz:


It's actually not a mole hill, it's a mountain. No parent wants children that are repeatedly disobedient to them, particularly when asked to carry out tasks that breach no ethical or moral code. It's not like he asked them to use their naked hands to pick big a burning piece of coal.

People you've been there for and made all manner of sacrifices for can't do something as simple as wash your car and you call that a mole hill? If you don't have any helpful advice for him, it's understandable. Don't trivialize such a big issue!

Once such signs start to show, there's every cause for alarm.

boldx:
Washing a car or not washing is not a problem at all.

Most teenagers and post teens need to be reminded to do a lot of things in the house.

Please do not intervene in husband and wife matter though he is your brother.

His children are no longer kids and should be handled wisely.

If they don't wash his car, the man should wash his car by himself. It's no big deal. I wash my car myself despite having big teenagers. They do once in a while though.

I have consistently faced this challenge. Please don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

srrrr:
If those children do not find it hard to obey elderly strangers then the problem is simply bonding.
I would recommend that the family see a therapist.
Finally you and your brother should take off that entitlement feeling. At least for now. Stop feeling like the children owe him their obedience because he provides the money. Try to heal the hurt that the children feel for their father first.

Try to understand them instead of picking offense because they didn't wash a car by 7am. If he wants to place value, it should be on the children's emotions righ now not on car washing and errands running. Remember he doesn't stay with them so their emotional accounts is obviously low.

He gave 200k for school fees, that's good. But loyalty has more to do with emotions that funds.
You are running the family like a business. That's okay but you guys shouldn't use the wrong capital okay...?

I hope this helps

iInjureHerYansh:
I don't talk to single moms

Ciao

poik:


Sir, when we make assertions like this, let us be considerate and empathetic. How would the man have been able to afford 600k per year on school fees alone if he didnt make sacrifices which included possibly being away from home for some time? Now that the wind is a bit gone from his sail, look at the result.

David as at the time of approaching Goliath was barely 19. There are teens foraging a life for themselves in the streets legitimately without parents. A child not having independent sense is not something to be supported or condoned.

As long as there was no infidelity in the picture, the wife should be understanding abeg. Inciting children against a parent is bad. Very bad!