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My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. - Family (9) - Nairaland

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Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by BluntTheApostle: 10:41am On Jan 21
Enugupikin:

@ emboldened, that generated a heated debate in the Catholic Church of which I'm a member and it was concluded the rev frs don't give counselling and talks of what they know nothing about or have practical experience about. So the marriage people organise and talk at the seminars. Paper work is different from practice, reason most university graduates know nothing on practice other than what's in book, so it makes no difference

Thanks for keeping the discussions civil

Marriage is just a form of interpersonal relationship.

You don't need to be married to give counsel.
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by BluntTheApostle: 11:01am On Jan 21
Onyxunlimited:

Thank you for this. Our thoughts are aligned. For a minute, I thought this was even my comment.
Children don't care and will never care about who brings the money. What they care abou is who cares for them and shows them love.
I have seen a situation where the 3 children from a family loves their underaged housemaid more than their parents. When their mom was sick for weeks, the kids didn't care. But when the maid was sick for a day, they refused to leave her side. When daddy beat the maid, they refused to talk to dad, the last born went as far as not letting dad carry him or even take things from daddy. The reason for this is that it is the maid that cares for them and shows them love while the parents are busy with work. They have a better relationship with the maid than their parents.
It is the same thing that is happening with the poster's brother. He never cared to build a relationship with his kids.

I wanted to disagree with your first post but when I read the example of the maid that you shared in this post, it made me remember a story that I read when I was a little boy.

Now, I agree that you are right.

But still, children that are well brought up should not have a problem washing the car of a man they know is their father.

That is where the problem lies.

My dad was not always around when I was growing up. Then to make matters worse, I went to a boarding school for 6 years, and only my mother used to come on visiting days because my dad was either busy at work or out of the state entirely.

But still, dem no born me well to disrespect my dad.

Even now that I am over 30 years, I don't think I can see my father washing his car and I will be comfortable lying down in a room.

I just can't imagine it.

2 Likes

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by MummyD2020(f): 12:33pm On Jan 21
Be wise. When d whole saga turns on you, u will now know that u were formerly intruding
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by brandmix: 12:34pm On Jan 21
Biglittlelois:



I'm pretty sure you typed this with a straight face feeling like you made alotta sense, right?

Aunty focus on the issue period.

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by MummyD2020(f): 12:59pm On Jan 21
iInjureHerYansh:
Yes Y'all bitches won't drop solutions but divert the topic all in a bid to support your own


I have no pity for men who bring up their family ish on NL angry


See mumu. U wont contribute but will insult someone u probably can never stand one on one. bitches like ur mum
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by iInjureHerYansh: 1:48pm On Jan 21
MummyD2020:



See mumu. U wont contribute but will insult someone u probably can never stand one on one. bitches like ur mum
The last time I checked I never quoted an untrained ho angry

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Ufuka: 1:53pm On Jan 21
I don't really understand why people can't call a spade a spade, the wife is the root cause of all the problem, the wife doesn't have any respect for the husband and she encourages the children to follow suit. The man need to stand firm as the head of the family and discipline the wife and his children properly when need arises or else he will continue being a house boy in his house. It's the responsibility of the father to cater for his family, also respect from his children and wife isn't negotiable.

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by MummyD2020(f): 1:57pm On Jan 21
Tap0lane:
This one na the most foolish comment I read on NL in a long while. Sir, you are a very foolish soul.

Can u guys desist from insulting people? What is it in disagreeing and moving on? Must it come down to insulting someone u have not even met before? But when u all go to work, u respect ur bosses like hes god. Yes hes view is poor to u. Free him!

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by MummyD2020(f): 1:58pm On Jan 21
iInjureHerYansh:

The last time I checked I never quoted an untrained ho angry

U are the untrained bastard born by a LovePeddler and whose dad is mentally deranged
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by GetMeRight: 5:07pm On Jan 21
Romanoff:


I am telling you. If he put the energy he's using to carry his brother's problem into his marriage, he and his wife will be able to weather the storm approaching their marriage.

People no even wan put in work for their marriage the same way they don't want to put in work in a relationship.

As long as infidelity is not the cause of marital challenges, it can be worked on if the two parties are willing.

I've seen a marriage even scale through after infidelity.

Divorce is just the easiest and laziest way out for most .

Yeah, until one partner decides to off the other partner.

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by dbestuncle: 5:46pm On Jan 21
Omojesu, you should advice your brother to pray very well and try to amend his ways.
from your story he has not played his part well as a husband and father.
Being a father is not just about provision of money and basic needs but also includes discipline.
How can u earn 300k per month n be paying 200k school fees per child per term


omojesu202:


if people don't speak out and died in depression, the same you will ask them that they need to speak out. there's nothing wrong in seeking opinions either online or offline. we learn from people experiences.
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by dbestuncle: 5:48pm On Jan 21
omojesu202:


if people don't speak out and died in depression, the same you will ask them that they need to speak out. there's nothing wrong in seeking opinions either online or offline. we learn from people experiences.
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Arsenate(m): 6:16pm On Jan 21
Guys let's learn from this thread. Very important we invest in ourselves first. Ensure you are financially sound at old age because, as you can see from this thread, no matter what you do for your family, your wife can just up and turn your children against you and a bunch of strangers on social media will still find a way to blame you (some bonding bullshhitt and all).
Just send your kids to decent enough schools, none of this posh bullshhit schools. Save as much as you can for your old age.

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by iInjureHerYansh: 7:04pm On Jan 21
MummyD2020:


U are the untrained bastard born by a LovePeddler and whose dad is mentally deranged

I don't talk to single moms tongue

Ciao
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Hassanmaye(m): 8:32am On Jan 22
IbnBattuta1960:
Very sad. He is ageing and cannot perform financially?
He should use the small he has and start life afresh. Fear woman.
Your last statement enough advice for the wise
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Hassanmaye(m): 8:34am On Jan 22
omojesu202:


I didn't carry marriage matter on my head like gala. if it works good, if it doesn't work let everyone one go in peace.
Know this and sleep well
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Hassanmaye(m): 9:12am On Jan 22
omojesu202:


he's someone that wants his car washed daily. Will you have two grown up boys of 20 and 18 at home and still be washing your car yourself?? if he sent for his boys to do that the wife will block it. giving him sleep and rest as reason
To be honest I will not have 2 grow up boys and be washing my car, I used to wash My dad car everyday in the morning before going to work.
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Hassanmaye(m): 9:14am On Jan 22
[quote author=Biglittlelois post=98227599]


And if eventually the child isn't there at old age, who will you fall back on? Since you care less about your wife?

Who will allow a divorce woman to take care of him in old age tufiakwa!! To poison me
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Hassanmaye(m): 9:30am On Jan 22
rawitools:
Something is wrong in this country. So your brother no fit use koboko with hot pepper arrange their brain. What kind of parents and children are they producing this days.
Haha in this cold harmattan Abi

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Hassanmaye(m): 9:35am On Jan 22
luminouz:


Where is the sense in this for Pete's sakes?

Which useless bond does a father need to have before his sons obey him? Was there a need for bonding when he pays their school fees or feed them? Or was there a report of his maltreating them Everytime or even beating his wife? It's sacrosanct that these sons OBEY him at all times, unconditionally. Which mumu bond are you looking for again?

You didn't even talk of the disrespectful wife at all. Ain't that sweet of you! The wife spoilt the whole show by encouraging the kids to flout their dad's orders, WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. Had it been he dealt with her and the sons saw his willpower, they will note he is charge and fall in line. They have seen he won't do shiit and like most kids, they follow the best path of least resistance to their will: in this case,the MOM!

What I find baffling is how even men here kept yapping about bonds and binds and bondage and James bond and stock and bonds...without making any tangible point. The issue is that his wife already left him high and dry and his kids followed. I remembered a case on NL about a man who wakes up everyday to fetch water on his head for his whole house and he has grown up boys and girls and a wife. WHAT DAFUQ DID YOU THINK MADE HIM THAT WAY? undecided undecided
undecided

Please,scrutinise a story and be logical with your conclusions. Only bukatyne made some logical points.
You have nail it,
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Ubenedictus(m): 10:02am On Jan 22
Enugupikin:

@ emboldened, that generated a heated debate in the Catholic Church of which I'm a member and it was concluded the rev frs don't give counselling and talks of what they know nothing about or have practical experience about. So the marriage people organise and talk at the seminars. Paper work is different from practice, reason most university graduates know nothing on practice other than what's in book, so it makes no difference

Thanks for keeping the discussions civil
please who concluded this?

rev. Frs. as still licensed marriage counselors till today. so who told you this abeg?
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by Shizzyguy: 4:40pm On Jan 24
Men should get more involved. Our role is more than just bringing money to the table. No woman can turn your children against you if you are involved. There are activities that I do alone with my son, I attend his school PTA meetings (since I have been going, just one other man has attended), I sometimes go to pick him up from school. When he started talking, I was the first person that was able to understand what he was saying. He usually stays with me in the evenings till it is time for him to go to bed.

It didn't start that way though, I used to travel a lot, sometimes away for months but one of those times I came back home, I noticed a lot of things I thing like and felt were not right so had to cut back on my traveling and thankfully I was able to convince my boss at the time to allow me work 50% remotely.

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by srrrr(m): 10:18pm On Jan 24
Lordswazz:


It's actually not a mole hill, it's a mountain. No parent wants children that are repeatedly disobedient to them, particularly when asked to carry out tasks that breach no ethical or moral code. It's not like he asked them to use their naked hands to pick big a burning piece of coal.

People you've been there for and made all manner of sacrifices for can't do something as simple as wash your car and you call that a mole hill? If you don't have any helpful advice for him, it's understandable. Don't trivialize such a big issue!

Once such signs start to show, there's every cause for alarm.
.

1 Like

Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by poik(m): 8:26am On Jan 27
boldx:
Washing a car or not washing is not a problem at all.

Most teenagers and post teens need to be reminded to do a lot of things in the house.

Please do not intervene in husband and wife matter though he is your brother.

His children are no longer kids and should be handled wisely.

If they don't wash his car, the man should wash his car by himself. It's no big deal. I wash my car myself despite having big teenagers. They do once in a while though.

I have consistently faced this challenge. Please don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.


I do not know your orientation, but i dont agree with you sir.
Having a 20 year old boy in the house and washing a car by myself is not normal please. Its not even something you should say proudly publicly. There is a problem.
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by poik(m): 8:35am On Jan 27
srrrr:
If those children do not find it hard to obey elderly strangers then the problem is simply bonding.
I would recommend that the family see a therapist.
Finally you and your brother should take off that entitlement feeling. At least for now. Stop feeling like the children owe him their obedience because he provides the money. Try to heal the hurt that the children feel for their father first.

Try to understand them instead of picking offense because they didn't wash a car by 7am. If he wants to place value, it should be on the children's emotions righ now not on car washing and errands running. Remember he doesn't stay with them so their emotional accounts is obviously low.

He gave 200k for school fees, that's good. But loyalty has more to do with emotions that funds.
You are running the family like a business. That's okay but you guys shouldn't use the wrong capital okay...?

I hope this helps

Sir, when we make assertions like this, let us be considerate and empathetic. How would the man have been able to afford 600k per year on school fees alone if he didnt make sacrifices which included possibly being away from home for some time? Now that the wind is a bit gone from his sail, look at the result.

David as at the time of approaching Goliath was barely 19. There are teens foraging a life for themselves in the streets legitimately without parents. A child not having independent sense is not something to be supported or condoned.

As long as there was no infidelity in the picture, the wife should be understanding abeg. Inciting children against a parent is bad. Very bad!
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by MummyD2020(f): 10:28am On Jan 27
iInjureHerYansh:
I don't talk to single moms tongue

Ciao
Clueless
Re: My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse. by srrrr(m): 11:55am On Jan 27
poik:


Sir, when we make assertions like this, let us be considerate and empathetic. How would the man have been able to afford 600k per year on school fees alone if he didnt make sacrifices which included possibly being away from home for some time? Now that the wind is a bit gone from his sail, look at the result.

David as at the time of approaching Goliath was barely 19. There are teens foraging a life for themselves in the streets legitimately without parents. A child not having independent sense is not something to be supported or condoned.

As long as there was no infidelity in the picture, the wife should be understanding abeg. Inciting children against a parent is bad. Very bad!

.

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