₦airaland Forum

kolnel:
whatever rocks your boat
Most of the times, parents send their kids home so they can cope with the stress here.
kids are kids everywhere, its the style of parenting that differs.
while its true that the exposure here is not helpful, I will still choose here over Africa. The education at home is archaic.
The most important is finding time for the kids. But that won't happen when parents work minimum paying jobs and the have to work back to back.

tommy589:
Most of those Indians and asians have religions that are indigenous to them. And much emphasis is on sacredness of family, culture and respect in those religion.
[s]Respect starts with good morning greetings with stooping[/s]. If this basic foundation is lost mostly we won't get a child upbringing right, irrespective of our location. At least there are reasons we bend sometimes when we shake hands

etrange:
I've had this argument several times. Our pride is all we've got going for us as Africans but we should know when to draw the line. You want to send a child to Africa at his formative age knowing fully well that that's exactly when he needs to be enjoying all the western world has to offer? Foundations are laid in secondary schools, don't let your child miss out on that. Americans are known for inventions while Nigerians are known for scamming. Stereotyping is wrong cause we have both good and bad people everywhere but think about it, are kids really better of in a country like this? I don't think. I think a kid that will be good will be good regardless of where he's raised.

WoundedLamb:
So would you send your kids to Africa like my friend plans to do?

WoundedLamb:
But these aside, what's your take on sending kids home at thier teenage age? Does it really make them better?

WoundedLamb:
An African friend always argue that kids are better of raised in Africa. He said he'd send his two boys to Nigeria so they'd know what life is all about. I asked him "what life is all about", he said hardship, blackouts, etc. He said kids raised in the Americas aren't respectful and organized cause they didn't suffer. And that brings me to the topic of this thread. Is the Nigerian style of raising kids really the ideal model? I just want to share my opinion on the things my friend mentioned as reasons to send his boys to Africa: respectful and organized and the need to "suffer small" (his words).

Respectful: In the Nigerian society, elders don't usually explain to kids why they shouldn't do some things; they just authoritatively ask them not to do it and the kids better not ask why. Kids grow up respecting thier elders out of fear (and not admiration or love). The implication of this is that they do a lot things without their patents' knowledge, and they get used to this "hidden lifestyle" that makes it almost impossible for parents to truly know thier children. This in turn denies the parents the opportunity to identify and correct some unwanted behaviours as the kids always tell them just what they want to hear. And then it's only a matter of time before some of these kids outgrow the fear and reveal their true personalities (good luck with your mystery parcel at this point). Whereas in the Americas, kids are engaged and not commanded. You can easily tell the direction your child is headed.

Organized: He said kids raised in Africa are more organized and not crazy like their American counterparts who do all sorts of things like tattoos, plastic surgery, etc. Yes, Americans have a lot of deviants, but that's why new ideas/findings pop up everyday. I believe Africans force thier youngsters to fit into a predefined pattern of life and thereby reducing the chances of creativity. In Africa, you are supposed to go to school, get a job, get married and make children (and there are ages for all these). Then your children will do the same and the cycle continues. This "organised" pattern is the African dream; it is more important than any other dream or even the world itself, and any deviation is frowned upon. Africans think it's a crazy for a man to dedicate his life to studying mosquitoes even if that's his dream (yet Africans are the most affected by these killer insects), Africans think it's crazy for a woman to say she ain't getting married but would rather use her money to adopt and raise orphaned kids. A friend I was teaching software development had to quit cause "he didn't have time anymore". According to him, he had gotten to the age of marriage. And you wonder why nothing spectacular comes out of this continent? Alternative lifestyles might be scary but that's the wheel of progress.

"Suffer small": This one makes me laugh and I usually use it to tease my friend. Kids don't need to suffer small. Kids need the skills that would make them survive in their environment. If carrying water, fighting for a bus, using candles and going to the farm equip the child for the African life, great (just don't overdo it). But that's not necessarily a model. It's something they do out of necessity. A kid who is born in North America does not need to go to Africa to "suffer small". I don't even own a bucket as an adult and I'll probably never buy one. A kid born here needs DIY skills amongst others.

I don't have a problem with some people wanting their kids to go to Africa to learn thier culture but I don't subscribe to the idea that kids raised in Africa are better off. What do you think?

crackhaus:
Amazing, isn't it?

You'll see a 10year old son/daughter of first generation Chinese, French, Japanese, Thai, or Indian immigrants, speaking their local dialect so fluently... While their 10yr old Nigerian counterparts can't make a complete sentence in Yoruba, Igbo, or Bini, without reverting to English.

And who is to blame for this?
The same immigrant parents who end up complaining of course. Most have the mentality that anything of Nigerian origin is below par and of no significance, so they end up raising children who have been stripped of all cultural, religious, and indigenous values.

The consequence of the above is that it leaves a vacuum in these children, and makes it easy for them to assimilate what we love to call "western" behaviour.

theFilmtricsay

thebosstrevor1:
What sort of mentality is this.

Parents, the church, teachers and the environment all have a role to play in a child's life.

Children do not train themselves, they imitate what they see, if a parent is bad, they imitate that and that will become their reality.

WoundedLamb:
You may have some point given the fact that Asians don't usually think about sending thier kids home except when the family wants to travel. On the other hand, that could also be because Asians have much elaborate communities in the western world than Africans do. You can hardly see a big city without it's own China town. I heard even Lagos has one. There are many Asian schools where their languages are used.

But these aside, what's your take on sending kids home at thier teenage age? Does it really make them better?

floss:
Only those that grew up in the west and also in Africa will know better, but you can't tell me raising up your kids in Zoogeria is a good thing. Reject that OP, for your own good. Zoogeria is hell on earth.

WoundedLamb:
An African friend always argue that kids are better of raised in Africa. He said he'd send his two boys to Nigeria so they'd know what life is all about. I asked him "what life is all about", he said hardship, blackouts, etc. He said kids raised in the Americas aren't respectful and organized cause they didn't suffer. And that brings me to the topic of this thread. Is the Nigerian style of raising kids really the ideal model? I just want to share my opinion on the things my friend mentioned as reasons to send his boys to Africa: respectful and organized and the need to "suffer small" (his words).

Respectful: In the Nigerian society, elders don't usually explain to kids why they shouldn't do some things; they just authoritatively ask them not to do it and the kids better not ask why. Kids grow up respecting thier elders out of fear (and not admiration or love). The implication of this is that they do a lot things without their patents' knowledge, and they get used to this "hidden lifestyle" that makes it almost impossible for parents to truly know thier children. This in turn denies the parents the opportunity to identify and correct some unwanted behaviours as the kids always tell them just what they want to hear. And then it's only a matter of time before some of these kids outgrow the fear and reveal their true personalities (good luck with your mystery parcel at this point). Whereas in the Americas, kids are engaged and not commanded. You can easily tell the direction your child is headed.

Organized: He said kids raised in Africa are more organized and not crazy like their American counterparts who do all sorts of things like tattoos, plastic surgery, etc. Yes, Americans have a lot of deviants, but that's why new ideas/findings pop up everyday. I believe Africans force thier youngsters to fit into a predefined pattern of life and thereby reducing the chances of creativity. In Africa, you are supposed to go to school, get a job, get married and make children (and there are ages for all these). Then your children will do the same and the cycle continues. This "organised" pattern is the African dream; it is more important than any other dream or even the world itself, and any deviation is frowned upon. Africans think it's a crazy for a man to dedicate his life to studying mosquitoes even if that's his dream (yet Africans are the most affected by these killer insects), Africans think it's crazy for a woman to say she ain't getting married but would rather use her money to adopt and raise orphaned kids. A friend I was teaching software development had to quit cause "he didn't have time anymore". According to him, he had gotten to the age of marriage. And you wonder why nothing spectacular comes out of this continent? Alternative lifestyles might be scary but that's the wheel of progress.

"Suffer small": This one makes me laugh and I usually use it to tease my friend. Kids don't need to suffer small. Kids need the skills that would make them survive in their environment. If carrying water, fighting for a bus, using candles and going to the farm equip the child for the African life, great (just don't overdo it). But that's not necessarily a model. It's something they do out of necessity. A kid who is born in North America does not need to go to Africa to "suffer small". I don't even own a bucket as an adult and I'll probably never buy one. A kid born here needs DIY skills amongst others.

I don't have a problem with some people wanting their kids to go to Africa to learn thier culture but I don't subscribe to the idea that kids raised in Africa are better off. What do you think?

WoundedLamb:
I appreciate this input but I don't really think Nigerian men are "suffering" in the hands of thier women abroad. At least, non of my friends is. No woman really wants her husband to suffer. Anybody that leaves out here can tell you both men and women must work hard to sustain the family. It is not very practical to expect the man to pay all the bills considering the income/expense structure. Likewise, it's unfair to expect a woman who works the number of hours you work to always do the cooking, serve you, do the laundry, clean the house, prepare the kids for school, etc. like they're expected to do in Africa. Everybody has to adjust. Problem arises when one party refuses to adjust. In addition, both spouses have equal rights to the house and no one has the right to kick the other out without a court order. And to obtain a court order, you'd have to prove the other partner is abusive or constitute a threat. So anyone "kicked out" was either abusive or just decided to give the other some space.

Despite everything you've heard, except in child custody cases, the legal system in the US/Canada isn't necessarily structured to favour women. It only tries to give both genders equal footing. I said 'try' cause in reality, only the legal systems in Belgium, Denmark, France, Latvia, Luxembourg and Sweden claim absolute equality today. Women are better off today that they were yesterday but still very far from being equal to men. For someone from Africa, it's understandable how any legal system that advocates for equality would appear as if it's in favour of women considering the African culture. But marriage works like friendship here, they can last forever without the dom/sub relationship and at the same time, anyone can pull out anytime.

Klass99:
No way! I suspected you were male but my very biased mind thought, only a woman can make such an intelligent comment

KingAzubuike:
The African mentality is so messed up. Why would you want a child to suffer and see hardship before he knows what life is truly about?

Godbpraised:
If you have money there go school in Nigeria. If i have my way i would raise my kids first 7 years in the west and the next 11 years in Africa.

theFilmtric:
its all the question of official language
Assuming Nigeria was a 2,3,4 language country
It would be the same
Nigeria is just too diverse
That causes us to lean too heavily on English
Those I cancelled have their language as their official language
While India has just 23 languages
Nigeria has 543 only 250 are recognized

theFilmtricsay

WoundedLamb:
Hhmm... is this really a factor? Islam may not be originally African but I don't think a Nigerian child born into Islam and and an Indian Child born into Hinduism are any different in terms of how they perceive their religion. I mean, the muslim child doesn't get less indoctrinated because the religion didn't originate from his place. Just thinking

tommy589:
Most of those Indians and asians have religions that are indigenous to them. And much emphasis is on sacredness of family, culture and respect in those religion.
Respect starts with good morning greetings with stooping. If this basic foundation is lost mostly we won't get a child upbringing right, irrespective of our location. At least there are reasons we bend sometimes when we shake hands

Mikester:
From my perspective, I will say it depends on the parents raising the child and not necessarily the environment, though the environment is also an undisputed factor in a child's upbringing, but the parental factor determines the outcome of the child more.

Speaking of environment, Nigeria was once a good ground for a child's moral upbringing as it unapologetically shunned deviant behaviours till it imitated the negative lifestyle of the west which I dare say is decadent (showing more interest in pleasure and enjoyment than moral standards).

This singular act brought about a proliferation of decadence and debauchery amongst the multitudes including the teenagers and children alike.

Children and teens alike learn more by imitation. Teens are dealing with a huge amount of social, emotional and cognitive flux and have underdeveloped abilities to cope. They need their parents, those people with the more stable adult brain to help them by staying calm, listening and being good role models but due to the decadence in the land and nonchalance of most parents, we have the defective children we have now.

These are things we know deep down within us.

BigDawsNet:
Well I didn't mention anything like "spoilt" but the only difference from those kids in Lagos and Abuja with the Northamerica is that they are discipline... They are not spoilt like the foreign kids and they don't abuse their parent...no kids in Nigeria will dial 911 ...

they're never disrespectful, they follow the lifestyle of Nigeria and their parents are very happy these kids are growing up in Nigeria because they can learn how to be respectful..

I'm not sure if people still send their kids to Nigeria this days to learn how to be a good kid

I only know of my cousin that sent his son to Nigeria for few months so he can drop in weight

WoundedLamb:
Thanks. Any reason for this take?

crackhaus:
Can you speak your indigenous language (that particular 1 out of the 543)?

theFilmtricsay

Jaqenhghar:
I believe so too. You wont be the first person to say this. Especially that Japan ... korea.... singapore

crackhaus:
This.

I believe that as Nigerians, we just love to have it both ways all the time. The same Nigerians who prefer to live a life of unbelief and would rather do away with religions that instill positive values, also turn around to complain that their children are not respectful and well-behaved.

I wonder where these children are supposed to learn good behaviour and morals from when they were not introduced to and made to adhere to any religion that espouses such.
The assumption that just the words and corrections from a parent would be enough to keep a 21st century child in line, is foolhardy.

The real questions should be;
What has a parent taught their child(ren) to believe in?
What higher power do they revere?
Do these children feel obligated to live according to the tenets of this higher power?

Klass99:
Okay.

@ Topic, I am undecided but something an Arab cabbie in the UK said to a friend has stuck with me.

He said, in all his time of being a cabbie conveying people/families around, he noticed that kids of indians and asians, held on to their cultural values, tend to be respectful and not easily influenced or carried away by the negative aspects of Western culture.

However, when it came to us Africans (he specifically mentioned Nigeria and other African countries) he noticed our kids tend to be disrespectful, eager to embrace the negative aspects of western culture and discard theirs, while the parents seem overwhelmed and at a loss on how best to handle their own kids.

He went on to narrate an interaction between a son and a mother in his cab of Nigerian origins that enraged him and broke his heart at the same time, but he stayed out if it. The boy was being extremely rude to his mother to a point where she became teary and all.

I truly don't know which climate is better for raising kids, but that cabbie's observations was or is food for thought. I like what the person above me (etrange) said particularly in her last sentence