₦airaland Forum

Moana:
wait so you are telling me that if you go and meet a colleague from work over lunch, automatically means that you are going to shag her right away abi? i already said your insecurity has over clouded your judgement. Why are you running away from the fact that you plan to cheat on your wife because she went out to a restaurant with another guy? To you it clearly is the same thing isnt it?

Moana:
Proxillin if you are truly a mature and wise adult why did you find it much easier to spend days sharing your problems with complete strangers online as opposed to just sitting with the woman and finding a solution to your problems?
Because clearly you have communicated your thoughts to everyone else but the person you are in a relationship with. Obviously anyone can just think they are ready for marriage these days

hotwax:
Guess you dont know the difference between

1. Asking someone out

2. Business meeting?

Business meeting, the husband will know about it, she will carry her husband along.

But asking a lady out is a secret thing.


The more you come for defense, the more stuewpid you sound.

My friend told her, he actually read their chats where they agreed to go out on a date.
That’s when she admitted that he actually asked her to meet him somewhere for a hangout.
She said she had nothing in mind for him. She is only going to meet him as friend at a restaurant. Nothing is going to happen. It’s just a harmless date.

hotwax:
Its annoying when people see the truth and still continue to behave like a zombie...

What point is she proving?

That a husband can secretly take one of her ladies on a date?

If she keeps arguing on this, then she is sick.

hotwax:
He is not confident abi?
He is jealous abi?

Those a the words of a chronic cheat. Stop being a bi**tch. We know a LovePeddler when we see one. But dont derail/corrupt other girls. This is a public forum. Dont let other girls think its normal to go and date their DJ on wedding day. A DJ is a business consultant not a date.

It seems someone has reasoning problem here. What is bad is bad.

He is jealous my foot.
So your husband to be can take one your best ladies out on a date and you will be happy about it. Or he can just go meet your make up artist in a secret location.


Please read the below again.

hotwax:
Why are you ignoring these?

I have read your post. You are just here to argue and defend.

Moana:
how is it not assumptions if you havent set down with both of them to discuss whats going on (and setting boundaries if you still plan on getting married)?
Are you not basing your decision on what you are thinking as opposed to what you have actually verified?



Of course lets blame everything on feminism, this is Nairaland after all. You clearly didn't bring your story to NL get advice, you just came to get a pity party. Now that you have achieved your purpose, go ahead with your already doomed marriage and see if it will affect the price of garri in Ibadan.

Why ask for advice if you are not willing to take it? You dont want to communicate and you dont want to break up, but your focus is on revenge abi? Will it be me paying child support for extra-marital children or taking ARVs 5-10yrs down the line? I highly doubt it.

Moana:
I insisted that you clear things up with the lady and the DJ because from what i read its clear that you have come up to a conclusion that she is cheating based on assumptions.

There is no point in getting married to someone you cannot communicate and be open with. You have no interests on sitting down with them, you have no interests in cancelling the wedding but you do have an interest in having extra-marital affairs. So what else do you want me to say?

1. A DJ that will play on your wedding for business, Can you chat eroti_ca and romantic with him? What has business got to do with Romance?

2. The DJ asking her out and she didnt tell him she is engaged and infact about to wed. Can you do that to your man?

3. She was denying having confidential chat with the DJ until my guy presented an evidence before she admitted she is going on a date, but she doesnt love the DJ. Must you love someone before you fck that person?

4. Why cant she pick the DJ calls in front of her husband to be. The same person who will pay for the DJ.

Based on the item above, If you keep mentioning the woord "Assumption" like a zombie, then you have a problem.

Moana:
Moana said sit down with both of them to really understand whats going on. You no go gree. So what else do you want from me? To just run all manner of insults on the woman to make you feel better about getting married with plans to subotage the union?

Moana says okay don't get married then. You come back to scream, "its not easy to call off a wedding". So should i kill myself now? Should i throw you a pity party?

What do you want exactly?

Moana:
I have already said what i have to say, if you are the husband-to-be in question, if you plan on cheating on your wife and brings children and diseases into your marriage it will not be Moana that will die or be destroyed.

A matured guy who has plans on having a successful marriage would make efforts to put everything in the open before he says i do on the alter. You however have no intentions of doing so and neither do you want to cancel the wedding.

Please go marry your woman and cheat on her based on what you have not fully uncovered, see if i will lose an eye or grow a pimple because of it. Haba will the world end because you have decided to turn your marriage into a play ground? Oya, do it and see if the Rapture will not occur because of it.

Moana:
Pick which one you want, didnt you already say " deep down you cannot advise him to cancel the wedding" ?

By going on a date im assuming you mean meeting the guy for a meal and probably discussing the wedding right? Why not clear up the issue on why they met outside without him and why they still communicate regularly before deciding to revenge on something he is not even 100% sure of?

If there is any truth at all to what he is assuming is happening, why is he not making any effort to clear things up with his wife-to-be and the DJ in question, instead of just running off to say i will cheat and bring girls into our home?

Moana:
you want to keep using examples where people actually had the truth staring them right in the face to justify an assumption your have no interest in verfying? Oya continue with your marriage, you think my life will be affected when you openly bring STIs and extra-marital children into your home, all because of something you assumed was happening? Its your life, how you decide to shorten it will not affect mine. Clearly thats what you want to hear.

Moana:
You decided to close your eyes when i posted this, so you can't blame me for what you decide to ignore.



The fact that your friend (its probably you so who knows) decided to just cheat after marriage without finding out whats really going on proves that he has plans of using it to his own advantage at some point.

Its much easier to call of a wedding than live a lifetime of a broken marriage. We all know thats much more costly.

Moana:
my thoughts as well

Moana:
P im sorry your friend just sounds like someone who is or has been cheating before and the thought of having the same game played on him is unbearable. If he is definitely sure this is what is happening why is he still planning on marrying the woman (whom if she is really cheating might even bring extra-martial children into the house). Let's be logical here, this just sounds like a juvinile excuse a guy would want to use to get away with murder everytime.

He doesnt need to catch a guy on top of her but you know very well that is he had something more solid to verify that the lady is indeed flirting with the guy he would not be continuing with the marriage at all.

My friend told her, he actually read their chats where they agreed to go out on a date.
That’s when she admitted that he actually asked her to meet him somewhere for a hangout.
She said she had nothing in mind for him. She is only going to meet him as friend at a restaurant. Nothing is going to happen. It’s just a harmless date.

Moana:
difference between your case is you had solid evidence and the OP's basing his decision on an assumption.

Moana:
to be honest this story just sounds like an excuse for him to cheat on her during the marriage, if there really was a sound reason for him to leave he would have left her already no questions asked. You go for lunch with a guy =i sleep with 100women while married to you

bashsani:
The husband to b has already made up his mind he knw he had made a mistake eever dating her but he has forgone a lot tym money trust.. he must hv bin heart broken he sees the only is to make her feel the way he is feeling right now nd that is goin way ward after the marriage. Instead of the quitting advice which he already has in mind, find him a way to let go of his pains is for bettr. Had a similar experience with my girl I reaaly fell in love with even though she knw I was the best for she still chose to flirt with a less privileged person after I got to knw I too went along nd gv her all the fck she desired nd dump her but it did not really help in anywhr I still feel bad for my actions

dapsonlou:
The yeye husband will not divorce her, he will make up excuse for her. He will tell the Guest she only Did it, so hmWiz kid can come and Play for Free at their 1 year anniversary

dapsonlou:
If them Wiz lik or Davido come to Perform at your Wedding na in side Toilet them go foooock am on her wedding day

itoski:
Your guy fck up...If I was d one I wnt av confronted her since my mind is made up she wnt on a date behind my bck...I go just lock up then prep for the wedding..then d day of the wedding I dne jand go vacation away from my future troubles

toksbisola:
@OP; from my point of view, the answer to your question is NO; IT’S NOT NORMAL FOR HER TO DO THAT.

I really can’t understand why she told the DJ that his service was for her friends wedding. Also, what exactly did she think she would achieve by going on a date with the DJ or any other man for that matter; OWING TO THE FACT THAT HER WEDDING DATE HAS BEEN FIXED AND IT’S NOT AS IF THEY ARE STILL WAITING TO PICK A DATE. Some people do have cold-feet to the period leading up to their wedding day but going on a date with another man SHOULD BE A NO NO; as it is not what would calm her cold-feet; it’ll only make it worse.

It irks me that she refers to the date as a harmless date. In all, she has no business meeting with the DJ in that restaurant and claiming that nothing is going to happen. It’s starts from somewhere and before you can say JACK ROBINSON; SHE IS ON A NO RETURN. At this stage in her relationship, she’s still sampling other guys on a date. I really shake my head for such a woman. It is not only when a woman is caught
red-handed before it becomes an avenue for cheating.

You listed a few things in your write-up as below;

DJ started calling her repeatedly.

They engage in confidential phone calls.

She will be laughing…all Yes No Yes No Ok.. Ok hmmmm conversation, so that someone nearby will not understand what they are saying.

At times she excuses my guy to go and pick the DJ’s call.


Some ladies really do have guts and she is rubbing it in her fiancés' face. She really has no RESPECT FOR HER FIANCE; what a pity/shame.

She says her fiancé is jealous; right, okay let me reverse the role (Please ask your friend's fiancee this question when you meet her) and say if her fiancé does some of the things she is doing with this DJ with one of her brides-maid or her wedding planner what would she do? I can guarantee that she would raise the house down; fight him, quarrel with him, nag him etc. But in her case, she concludes that he is jealous and wrongly suspecting her; yeah right. The saying; DO ON TO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT DONE TO YOU comes to mind.

There would have been nothing wrong if when she contacted the DJ initially to discuss business she then hands the DJ’S contact to her fiancé for him to finish the deal. Then she would not have gotten so attached to this DJ who is also taking advantage of her.

Your friend is not married yet and he is regretting his choice and also alluding to the fact that his fiancee is arrogant. It is better for him to count his financial loss and shame before the wedding takes place; than when the wedding occurs, he starts misbehaving by sleeping around. TELL YOUR FRIEND THAT HIV AND AIDS IS REAL. Also note that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Aside that, what makes him think that she would not sleep around as well just to punish your friend since he is doing it as well. He better be aware that she can also make his live miserable just as he plans to do same to her; I term it a disaster waiting to happen.

In all, you as his friend can only advice him about the pros and cons about going ahead with this marriage as you can’t decide for him. Be there to support him in whatever decision he takes as it’s him who would live with whatever situation that arises whether he goes ahead with the marriage or not.

Lastly, remind your friend that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

I rest my case.

sevule:
@poster
There is a Chinese proverb that says that it is only a friend that would tell you that you have spit on your face. Bro you need to be that friend now. Since you have acknowledged the fact that you think he should cancel the wedding but you do not want to tell him, why not advise him to at lesast postpone the wedding? His happiness is much more important than any money he has spent thus far on the wedding.

The honest truth is that there are just too many red flags

1. She told the DJ her friend is getting married. I honestly don't buy the argument that she said it to get a better deal from the DJ. Ask any DJ or wedding caterer and they would always tell you that the bride makes it clear that it is her wedding! Please how would you get a better deal by saying that it is your friend's wedding? In fact the DJ WOULD even CHARGE MORE because you are a third party!

2. She excuses herself from her fiance to answer calls from the DJ. We all agree that there is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for this. How can my wife to be, excuse herself from my presence to answer a call? I would call of the wedding right away

Finally your friend said that he would get married and cheat. Does he think that he is the only one with the ability to cheat? What makes him think that his wife wouldn't cheat as well? Why go through ALL THIS STRESS

It is obvious that she is not ready to get married so your friend should put postpone the wedding(or better still cancel it). You are obviously a good friend but you have to tell your friend the hard truth.

Let us know how it goes during the reconciliation meeting you organized

makavel7:
Its obvious the DJ has already eaten the apple and collected receipt. all we're all doing commenting is just POST-MORTEM!

Timbuktou:
Yes, the DJ and the girl would admit to having plans to fvck if they did! Oh, nairaland.

Oyind17:
Lolzz, you're not ready to help them out

Oyind17:
Thank you for admitting she has not cheated on the guy. Don't blast her, let her know she's wrong by not telling the DJ she is about to marr. It may be a harmless date but we no longer have trust in our relationships these days. Please don't take side when you hold your meeting. Good luck!

Oyind17:
I want to know the outcome of this story, I don't mind dropping my number. Lolzz, I want to know if she actually cheated on your guy few days to their wedding. I find it hard to believe.

DrGroove:
Better know we exist! the same way you cheat without self respect or dignity is the same way your wife cheat/will cheat! what business does he have snoopping around her phone?? Can he allow a woman go through his phone? Rabbish!