₦airaland Forum

'BADLY BUT HAD TO SUPPRESS IT.

EVEN WHEN HE STAGED A 'COME-BACK', I HAD TO FORCE OUT A 'NO'

AN APPETIZER ACTUALLY BEFORE THE MAIN COURSE.

BUT IT'S GOT TO BE WITH MY MAN

[b]It's your first time.

As you lie back, your muscles tighten.

You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.

You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you.

You lay panting, glad to have it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your DENTIST.

After all, it was your first time to have a TOOTH PULLED OUT.


WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? [/b]

Dated one,
Never knew he was until he confessed when i was neck-deep into the relationship.
It was a swell relationship.
5 years no be beans!

THIS IS NOT FROM ME, OH!
ENJOY!

[b]
Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING, !!!!!!!!

========================================

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because I was trying to breathe!

Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.[/b]

Well, for all we care, they will still be Presenters, even with their walking sticks.
Imagine ID on the street, with his walking stick.

A sizzling hot Sagie here. I'm Dec.19th.

Would you rather know the number of states Cosmo covers than have your music played there?

_{YOU DON'T SEEM SERIOUS}

A Nairalander, of course.

I need a serious minded man for a relationship.

Please this is no joke.
Interested person(s) must be tall, decent, working, God-fearing and caring.
Between the ages of 30-35.
Do reach me via evanorah@yahoo.com
Thanks.

[b]When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and don't let go ]

When she starts cursing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her crying
[Just hold her and don't say a word ]

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she's scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal's your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesn't talk for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]

When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ don't look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad at you, hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok, don't believe it, talk to her; because 10 years later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world if you can

- Let her wear your clothes, tell her she looks good in them

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"you know i'll always be here for you"[/b]

wait until you see this.

STEPHANIE, OF COURSE.

OMOTOLA IS NOTHING WITHOUT MAKE-UP.

May God bless you for the help you've given Nairalanders.

I developed a kind of allergy sometime last year.
When i'm cold, slight inflammation erupt from my skin and it itches like mad.
It emerges like rashes on a line, sometimes, a line, sometimes the mark of a cane.
The more i scratch it, the more the swelling extends to other areas of my skin.
The swell looks like mosquito bite.
It is worse at night.
I was told by a trado-herbalist that it is a symptom of impending fatness.
Please help!