₦airaland Forum

Foxy_Ultimate: When Larry... Efe and HBG dey form boss why e no go boring. If we wan catch fun, dem go carry dia head dey come form seriousness... Mtchw

oga, kul dat ya shaky body jorh

Uniquexty: This house is now boring.

me think so too, but i can always find sumfin interesting to giv...

flow1759: Foxy take am easy oh, make dem my Nairaland wives no divorce me oh.

where is my manilla rifle..?

.....na who send me come here o? I thought, but wait a minute o? Shey na this skinny, tiny, black Kolanut go beat me? Tufiakwa, I thought to myself and instantly burst to a loud laughter, I didn't know Kola had bowed and the game had begun. I laughed till I turned towards the wall and started beating it. "Chai! See me see wahala o, na me this one wan fight", I silently said to myself. As I finished laughing and turned to face my opponent, na so so TTWAAK TWAAK, kick from Kola's fragile to me leg hit hard on my precious cheek, GBUU GBUU GBAWW, I instantly vomited the stolen and devoured fish mixed with some other liquid, eerie sight it was. I was still seeing Sun, when another kick came again, this time to my stomach, sending me whirling round and falling flat with my face down, Chai! This was the 9ja version of David and Goliath, or so I thought{flow1759, no vex say I use ya slogan o, e sweet no be small for this}
.....It seems this Kola saw my weakness as opportunity to also feel like a bully, cos while on the floor, I had turned to look up to the see ceiling with my dazzling and dizzy sight, I was obstructed by the face of Skinny Kola. Just when he raised his leg up to finish me, I had already started praying to be admitted at a good physioteraphy hospital{atleast, they'll be able to fix my broken and shattered bone}.
...."Kola, Haaaalt", was what I heard last before I black out. Abi I don die ni? Chai, na so death be? I thought while in the darkness, wait o, abi I don vex ni, come enter Avatar state like Aang ni, My thoughts were wild and of expectations...

na so u think am? Chei, u neva see my muscle

......Through Agege motor road, challenge bus stop, I just kept on reciting the names of places we passed till I eventually got bored. What a boring life this guy is living, I thought. No music, no party{badt party}, no alcohol e.t.c, only two things, bible and bible.
....."Here we are", Pete's voice echoed through my thought,
"Okay", that was all I thought of to say, he parked in a vacant parking lot opposite the building that I was told serves as my 'kung fu' school. It was a bungalow building, the front was designed with 'see-through' glass, making those in, visible to those outside, a huge sign that says 'GET FIT' hunged on the wall. We strode in, at the front was a female receptionist, Pete greeted her with a smile which she replied,
"Herro Pete", she said with traces of Calabar tongue in her accent,
"Herro Ekaite, how is everything going?", Pete mimicked her 'hello', it was later I got to learn that she was only joking with that 'hello', she could speak english fluently,
"Here is my friend, he wants to register", Pete offered and signed something on the table which I later got to know was the register, I took a cautious look around, only the Desk and some Furnitures described the room as a reception room, 'art works', mostly on physical exercises designed the wall that already had a smooth cream colour adding to luxurity and comfortability of the green rug,
"Bros, fill this form", Ekaite cut in to my scanning and handed me a paper with a ball point pen.
"Oh, Okay", I said and filled the form, it was understandable, so like one dude said, "No cause for control, everything is under alarm"
..."Okay, you'll bring with you, a sport vest, this, that, Blah Blah", She said and chatted away unaware of my non-concentration, infact, Ekaite, was more into talkative than Christie, wait a minute, aren't we supposed to meet Christie here, I thought. It was like Pete read my mind,
"Thanks, Eka baby, Swagger, this way", Pete thanked Ekaite and pointed to a door for me to go through. The room was larger than the reception room, it was filled with physical exercise machines and the people using them, no noise from them except the 'HMM' of struggle from the exerciser{if I may call them that}, weight lifters{or power lifters}, moving carpet, strong slings, whatever the name. Noises could be heard from the next room, we walked in, that room was even larger than the previous ones, I saw peeps dressed in ordinary singlet and body hug, sport trousers,
"Commence", a short man, who with the amount of grey hair, showed that he was much older than every other person in the room, the man indicated to the two at his front to start fighting, Omo, see stunt, PWAK TWAK, kicks, kicks and kicks were displayed on each other. Pete went to the old man and spoke to him.
..."Halt. Y'all, we've got a new member, greet", The old man commanded, and everyone greeted with their head bent and hands clasped together, I had watched so many Kung fu films, so I knew what to do, I reciprocrated their gesture. Pete, moved closer to me and spoke to my ears,
"this will be your class, till you prove yourself to master Audu, then, you will go to the next class",.. Pete walked away towards the next door and away, out of my sight. I look in bewilderment at how he left me, this guy left me with these people, I thought.
..."Time for us to see what you can do", Master Audu's voice brought me back to the classroom,
"I'll let Kola, the easiest match , I'll tell him to go easy on you... Kola, come over here", Master Audu beckoned to one black, skinny boy, he was the tinniest among the rest, my analysation told me I would beat him die gaan,
"Commence", Master Audu's voice rang like a bell to my ear, Commence wetin? I thought.

abdulmaliq: Promise is a dept... Now you owe me.

debt

Ishilove: He's a pharmacist.

sewiously? GPM if i no hail am.. Brokoto, i hail thee

...As I stood at the junction, I was glancing back to see if my brother had follow me, I had the fish wrapped in a paper, I wouldn't want people looking at me while eating fried fish on the road{ah ah, I'm not that local nah}.
...PIM PIM PIM, "Enter jorh", Pete alerted me of his presence by pressing horn, I thought the guy was going to trek here o. We greeted and I sitted comfortably in the Prado,
"What about your dad, mum, Dorcas and Christie?" I asked and started tearing at the fried fish,
"I'm fine o, Dad had gone to his chamber, Mum and Dorcas are at home" he replied without moving his focus from the driving, the guy is still a learner to have OVER-concentrated on his driving,
"What about Christie na?", I asked, na that one important to me nah, I thought,
"She went to buy her Jamb form and must have been at the school by now", he answered,
"Which school?", I asked f00lishly, still devouring the delicious fried fish,
"Silly, shey you no know say Christie self dey go that 'kung fu' school too?", he replied and gave a loud laughter,
"Ehen? True?", I said, throwing the cleanly licked paper out of the car{Baba Fash, no vex o} and finally licking my fingers clean, see as hunger turn me to thief o, I thought,
"Swagger, you bad o, you no even call me to join you in eating that fish na, e no good o", Pete complained, See mumu, even if my dead great great gran father beg me to give him that fish, I go ignore am, I almost blurted that out. We talked and talked till I eventually got bored with his conversation, I decided to listen to music while we close up on our destination, none of his Compact Disc moved me, it was all 'praises and worship' songs. I just deleted the thought of even listening to better song, most especially of My Guy, Olamide, I settled for sight-seeing

And he did. What's next?

Chai! Can't we just type without curses

Ishilove: Let me at him! Just one minute

abeg, no let him run away at the sight of dat your frightening koboko

Back 2 business, wey frosti?

Lwkmd

....."KPA KPA KPA, A.Y wake up your phone dey ring", My younger brother said, while tapping me from my far-away dreamland,
"Chai, what is the time self?", I asked my f00lish brother, I shouldn't have asked him cos he answered with, "Ask my yansh na, shey, no time on your ringing phone ni?", "Oh! Sshit, who's calling me again na?", I said to no one in particular, extending my hand to the head rest where I left my phone, "AMA BACHELOR MAK.." I quickly look at the caller, "Peter, my guy", I said, pressing the green key, "Hello, Pete, how far nah?"
"Shebi, na that your house for Honey lane wey you dey live when we were in school you still dey?" Pete asked from the other end,
"Yes", I replied, if I had known what would befall me that evening, I would have lied to him,
"Okay, I dey come now" he responded,
"For what? I no get money to treat you wella o", I asked f00lishly, forgetting totally about the 'Kung fu' class,
"For what? What do you mean? Have you forgotten about the martial art class? Its done only on monday, wednesday, friday and saturday four 0 clock to seven 0 clock", Pete explained, the time war three thirty-five 3:35 P.m already
"Oh! Okay, I'll get ready, when you reach street, holla at me na", I replied, that was the end of that conversation. After hanging up, I had quickly inserted one jet li's film{can't remember the title}, trying to copy moves from him, my brother was just watching me throw invincible fist and invincible kicks to air, I was sure while drinking that his soaked garri and 'Iya Saki's' fried fish, his mind was thinking, "shey this guy never mad sha". Wait a minute o, 'Fried fish', to hell with garri, I must taste from that fish, that pepper-coated fish.
"Guy, where you buy that fish nah?", I asked, putting my plans to work,
"Why? You no know Iya Saki again?", he replied, eyeing me like " 'wtf' is wrong with this bro",
"Ha! Okay sorry jawe, I don forget, dat fish go sweet o", I asked, I was not going to beg him to give me, cos I know he won't{that boy sha},
"Guy, please, help me bring my palm slippers wey I put for sun to dry", I commanded as a big bro na, which he did obliged but not without his eyes telling me 'not to take his fish o', he ran with the speed of lightening, but as a very sharp 'Omo mushine' boy, I had disappeared before he came, I had lied to him about palm slippers, before he came back, I had smuggled 70 percent of his fish and picked race towards the bus stop which no doubt Pete was going to come through. If I had known, I wouldn't have even try to copy moves from Jet Li at the first place and I wouldn't have eaten or stolen fish, Kai you need to see beating, I didn't even know I was soon going to take excess of painkiller to wade off pains from beatings.

-Now I know,
~know what?
-That I can do it too...
~Ok, that's gud that you now know na, mumu, so you no know before
>
>
Frosti oya if you are less busy, come continue.

Ms_Pweshy: their ws a time i askd requestd 2 c ur pix, buh u snubed me..anyway r u on fbk?

yes, i am, Lolz

Me nko? Flow ehn{na joke o, me no be g.ay o}

temhab: oh what am i doing?I'm still 12 yrs old. Pls dont tell my mum

what if i had gone to full detail? Well, i won't want my readers reading adult stuff on a romantic story... Enjoy dey go, Temmy

Thief òlé carry am go or so i to

mistaswag: no sshit den.. dhat wot ddopehead do!.. no slackinq!!!

no sh?t

mistaswag: A. Bro so u don disvirgin? i swear i go tell daddy!.. na today u dey go yah momma house!!!

abeg, no be my fault o, na Iya Chinyere o

.....My pre-ccum had dented my boxer, Chai! So fast, I thought. Iya Chinyere's mouth was wide open,
"A.Y", she unknowingly muttered, hands in air trying to hold but afraid I might do something,
"A.Y, I swear baba Chinyere's 'p, no big like thi...is, chai" she silently muttered with remorse,
"Say God, kai, how you come dey enjoy am?" I asked almost laughing at the thought of baba Chinyere's small 'p',
"No mind me jawe, I go just lie down, he go come ontop me, chuku chuku, he don finish" She responded, eyes still fixed on my 'p',
"kai, sorry", I jokingly apologized,
"Ok, let's get you a wrapper", I pretended to care,
"No, let us first finish what's before us", she replied and moved forward, her hands leading the way,
"GGWWAM" my boxer is down quickly and her hand is firmly on my 'john woo', kai, the feeling was heavenly, before I knew it, her mouth was bobbling on my 'p', she was forcing herself to take my 'p' in her mouth,
"mmhmm hmmm", was the noise that escaped from my mouth, I didn't even know how my finger searched and found Iya Chinyere's bbreast, her e.rect n.ipple at the mercy of my twirling fingers. Using my fingers, I circled the entire map of her bbreast, I brought my hand to her hair and forced her to take me all,
"take it.. Take it.. Hmmhm",
....The rest was history, we had two rounds of s.ex and she left, not wanting neighbours to know. "Chai, so I don chop the 'guguru and epa' of Iya Chinyere, kai, walahi, I be bad boy", I said to myself while lying on the bed, my papa's bed.
....The rest of the morning was just boring, nothing special, same old story, have my bathe, go to Game Centre, win and come to take a rest towards mid-afternoon. I took pain reliever to help in relieving my body ache. Not knowing, I was still going to have to take later in the night