₦airaland Forum

I vividly remember what Mr Akin, my Maths teacher in secondary school told us many years ago. It was a beautiful Monday morning in the month of March, 1999. I should be in SS 2 then. After our Maths class, Mr Akin was admonishing us, and he said something that we were not expecting to hear. In his words, anyone who cannot take care of a child, should not give birth. At first, I assumed he was too harsh and brutal on folks with such remarks, but when I starting growing from a boy to an adult, I realised that his words were paradoxical. They might be absurd or funny, but they could also be true.

Many Nigerians have this unexplainable mindset that children are already blessings to their parents, and as such, they can gabbage anything into these kids, and get their desired results. No, you won't get your desired result, but instead, your deserved result. Yes, because that is what you deserve.

Our society today is as complex as complexity can be. Gone are the days when communities raise children. Today, the burden of raising a child from just after birth to adulthood lies on the shoulders of the parents. You have to be intentional in every aspect of your child. You have to be intentional about their education, skills, vocations, association, relationships, etc. God will never raise your child for you. You will. It is what you sow in them that you will reap from them. If you are a nonchalant father or mother who doesn't care about the academic growth of your child, who he/she associates with, their passions, skills and vocations that can propel them into enviable paths, you will reap the rewards in time to come.

I had a neighbour back in Enugu who had 3 daughters. This man has a routine. He wakes up in the morning, goes to a nearby shop, sits there, drink all sort of mixed alcoholic drinks, smoke Indian hemp, argue loudly about useless issues like football or who is the richest man in Enugu, and all that. His kids would be looking at him through their sitting room window. His daughters were not attending school. In fact, they stayed at home for a whole year. Imagine kids that were in their formative stage. And such man would be expecting the kids to turn out successful and functional adults!

Many years ago, when communities were still raising children in Nigeria, we saw children of drunks, miserable fellows, helpless folks, nonchalant parents, etc get scholarships to obtain academic excellence and become successful adults. Today, communities do not do that. The society is now complex. If you are a misfit parent, you will bear the consequences.

I saw a video of a woman from one of the East African countries stating on a podcast that she is from a home where the father was absent. She stated that marriage is not for women who grew up in a home where the father is absent . This has a deep meaning even if many people would want to criticise her for her opinion. Again, it is a paradox, because there is truth in it. The number of women who have successfully built a home raised in single-mother homes are far fewer than those from homes where the two parents were present and supportive.

We should understand that giving kids quality life is more important than just bringing them into the world to become a menace to society. Be part of their growth. Be concerned about their education. Make it to school Open Days and discuss their problems and growth with their teachers. See which skills or vocations that can help them in life. Be concerned about the type of friends they keep and who they associate with. Check their results and school works, and see if they are progressing or not. Everything does not lie in running after one business venture or the other.

One last take. If today's Nigerian community helps you raise your kids, I bet you, you won't like the results in the coming years.

I am WarriParrot

planetx:
You are not saving any generation by relocating to the UK, make una stop deceiving yourselves. The streets of the UK are littered with wayward Nigerian young men born in the UK, in gangs, dying and going in and out of jail.

And the streets of Nigeria is filled with well-bred, fresh, educated and financially stable young men bubbling with life, abi?

Na our old school bouncing castle be this

Love800:
Is plaza roadside too?

So where can one buy new phones?

I have provided you with two places you can purchase new gadgets, and they are found in every Nigerian city.

Anything for social media engagement.

galantjoe:
I bought brand new Compaq laptop in 2008 for N150,000 it came with pre installed Windows Vista and 1GB RAM, 100GB HD.
Am still using the laptop, after upgrading it currently to window 7, 4GB RAM, 250 HD. It is working in perfect condition. Am intending to upd'grade it to 8GM with 500 HD.

Buy brand new gadget if you get money, that time I bought my laptop N150,000 was when US$1=N60
Meaning that I bought it for US$2,500

That is the gospel truth. Buying new gadgets will give you that inner peace of mind. Na small thing dey lead to depression these days.

SouthSouth1914:
Haha! Phone seller’s patronize these used phones, change their parts and rebrand and sell it as brand new. Very few people Know about this.

If you go to a phone plaza, there is a word for it- First user or so. There are many used phones branded as new and in cartons! You won’t know the different unless you check the phone records and IMEI, not may people know this!

That is when you buy from roadside people. Slots, 3CHub, and others do not do that type of stuff.

Due to the economic situation in Nigeria, many people go for fairly used phones popularly called 'UK-used phones' in Nigeria. The truth is that not all of these phones come from the UK. Apple controls about 50% of the phone market in the UK. Samsung controls about 30%, and the rest 20% is shared among Google, Xiaomi (Redmi and Poco), Huawei/Honor, Motorola/Sony, and Nothing (a London based phone manufacturer.

Some of these phones are from Asia, China to be precise. You should also know that some of these phones have been declared missing or stolen, and as such, their IMEI numbers have been blacklisted.

There are also others that have had their IP reported due to one fraudulent or illegal activity or the other initiated by the owners. That is why you might find it difficult to use certain used phones to access Google services and some other platforms.

Others could have hardware issues that make the batteries overheat and runs down quickly. These are the type of phones that make you talk to yourself on the road while walking like an insane person. The phone could be 100% charged, and within few minutes, it is already at 10%.

From my personal experience, buying new gadgets, be it phone or laptop is the best. It makes you enjoy the product peacefully the way you should. I bought my HP laptop brand-new in 2020. It is almost 6 years now, and I have never taken it to anywhere for repair, but I know people who bought so-called UK used laptops. Everyday, na one issue or the other. Today, na RAM, tomorrow na screen or flex.

If you must buy a fairly used gadget, be it phone or laptop, make sure that you do a proper background check before buying. Do not just rush to pay. Make you nor go cry nwii for Nnewi.

Lanretoye:
But if them deport you there ,you will know that home sweet home.
People like this one and his family will be begging Abike dabiri and foreign affairs ministry to come to their aid or evacuate them when problem start abroad….see the slowpoke that is talking about $10m,he may not even have money for return ticket as he is.useless people without brain

Why are you angry at him for making his choice clearly? He does not owe you anything, he has made his choice to remain in the UK. Why you dey vex for another man choice? Don't be bitter about other people's personal life choices. If you decide to stay and die in Nigeria, that is your business.

I will pick 6. It's good for all Nigerian schools.

pocohantas:
I love as NL ladies be moving these days.

See Poco sef involve for the matter. Kai!

There are some bitter truths that you must realize as a man, and the earlier you acknowledge them, the better it is for you.

1. The only man who wants you to be more successful than him is your father.

2. The only women who love you unconditionally are your mother and grandmother.

3. Whenever you see a random girl on the road or elsewhere, and she gives you greenlight, it is out of need and not attraction.

4. Never make either short-term or long-term plans with any woman that you are not married to. She probably has her plans that you do not know of.

5. The same society that tells you to stay away from romantic affairs when you are broke, will still tell you to abstain from cheating when you achieve financial success.

6. You cannot help the poor if you are one of them. Your circle can quickly sell out where you are heading to.

7. Your decisions are very important. They create the future. You already know where poor ones will lead you to.

8. When you start becoming successful in that struggling environment you grew up in, leave immediately for your own safety. A hungry man has no dignity.

9. When you meet a girl's father for the first time, the first thing he wants to know is what you do for a living. Dey play.

10. Don't accept help from people who want to carry you on their back, but your legs are still on the ground.

Oyindamolah:
In Taraba a man has 16 wives and 65 children as he doesn't even know them all as at the time I was leaving he was planning on marrying the 17th wife guess her age 17yrs

Na wah for them. Why give birth to kids you cannot cater for?

Folks give birth like rabbits in the north.

Content deleted for personal reasons.

There is a particular Igbo culture which allows a woman to marry her fellow woman into a family for procreation. It is mostly done if the family is in a situation where:

1. There is no male child to continue the family's name.
2. There are no children in the family, because the only male child is dead.
3. The only child in the family is a female, and she is not allowed to get married in order to keep the family name alive.

With the situations above (particularly No.3), a woman in such family, if allowed to get married, will erase the family name and that could mark the end of such family. The only child who happens to be a female marries another woman who will begin to give birth to children that will bear her father's name.

You may want to ask who is going to impregnate the woman that has been married into the family. Well, she will be impregnated by random men. That is where the main problem with this cultural practice lies. The married wife can meet with different men and give birth to as many children as possible as possible. This means that she can have 5 children with 5 different men.

THE PROBLEM: The children begin to live and grow without anyone to call father. Their father is the woman who married their mother, and not the men who impregnated their biological mother. Whether we like it or not, a balanced family is one where the child/children get support from both father and mother. A woman cannot walk in the shoes of a man. A woman cannot play the role of a man to the extent to which a man can go. Most times, the kids grow with little or no discipline, because we all know that mothers are usually soft with children even when they misbehave, unlike how a man would handle a misbehaving child.

In such situation, you will see the struggling woman trying to cater for her children all by herself without the help of the men who impregnated her. This is so, because it is not allowed in Igbo culture for those men to be seen or called the fathers of the children. This practice has produced many miscreants and social misfits in the society - children living without a father figure. If the family of the woman who married their mother is not financially buoyant, those children will have to struggle on their own to become someone. If life becomes too hard, they may embrace crime or get exposed early to the tough life on the streets which is ever ready to mar than to make.

Cc: Seun, Mynd44, Lalasticlala, Nlfpmod, OAM4J, Dominique, odumchi, Fulaman198, bigfrancis21

Cc: Seun, Mynd44, Lalasticlala, Nlfpmod, OAM4J, Dominique

Cutehector:
Modern men should also be brutal in their choices too. Like this now i cannot date a girl who is not productive!

Old cutehector, you still dey here?

Love800:
Am very organise when with a woman. All my speech, point, summary, wish and objective of my attending to ladies are ironed out straight according to my account. Once i tell you no, take it like dat, and yes, take it also like dat. No bending. I can choose not to even communicate with you for a month. If you see anything wrong with it, i don't see any.

Just be precisely with your thoughts towards women. Don't ever bend your wish for dem cos they don't send you.

That is my point.

budaatum:
There must be reasons most modern women who "hold on to their choices tenaciously like the grip of a 20-foot python on a helpless goat" refuse to hold on to some.

If there are choices she does not hold on to tightly, she is probably on a cruise, and knows what she is doing. There is always a grand plan.

LordIsaac:
Until they clock 50 ...Then the realization!

Bro, leave karma alone. This is the reality. A woman can leave you and still get someone who is better than you. It is more about protecting your interest to succeed.

Have you noticed something in most modern women? They are very brutal when it comes to making choices, and they hold on to their choices tenaciously like the grip of a 20-foot python on a helpless goat. Modern women do not involve emotions, past acts of kindness, sympathy, empathy, etc, when they make choices. That is why a woman can easily switch lanes; she can easily throw you under the bus, no matter what you have done for her, if she sees another man that can take her to the next level.

As a man, you need to be brutal in your choices of life. You need to choose you first. You need to be at least 85% selfish. This is not some redpiller talk. Neither is it just another advice. It is a prerequisite for survival and success in a complex society filled with hypergamous women.

Whenever there is conflict between what a woman wants and a course that can upgrade your life, always go for the latter, because if you don't, she would do the exact opposite without remorse if placed in your shoe.

As a man, always put yourself first. No let anybody whine you. Poor man house dey always dey far. If house fall, goat go climb the roof. Do not let them meet you at the same spot they left you.

Leilanjleeane:
Hmm.from 2001 till 2008 or so that period. Make I no talk

I think from 2001 to about 2006 was a common era for overnight browsing.

Do you still remember how people slept in cyber café in the early 2000s? When there was nothing like romance scam aka internet fraud (yahoo yahoo) among young people. When young people went for overnight browsing which cost about N200 to N250 then. You would definitely find the various categories of people in cyber cafés then:

1. The very serious and studious young lads who have come to learn more about admission process in foreign universities. These were the admission seekers.

2. Those that have come to innocently chat with international friends on Yahoo Messenger or MSN Messenger. No scam intention back then.

3. Those that have come to send virtual greeting cards to their crush living in another state or town.

4. Those that were trying to get familiar with internet usage, and needed more time such as overnight browsing to explore.

5. There were also some spoilt boys that were coming to overnight browsing to watch porn movies and view photos of naked women. I remember one guy in my area back then. We usually met at the cyber café, and each time I peeped into his computer screen, what greeted me was always the naked photos of women. I kept wondering why someone would sacrifice his sleep just to view naked women.

Did you also attend overnight browsing at cyber cafés? Share your views.

These guys are serious. No be lie.

Originalsly:
You are still employed by the school .... maintaining the practice ... continuing to normalize it ... with no plans nor intentions to change the system .... just hoping the administration will do the right thing. What I suggested is for you to break out of that system ...start your own school ...in which you will break away from the "normal" practice and have a school that runs like a school . I don't see how you figure this will be normalizing the current practice.

Most of you do not read to understand. You just blindly jump into threads to make irrelevant comments. Point out any part of my post where I told you that I am still working in a school. I do not even reside in Nigeria anymore. Read and think before you type, and not the other way round.

DoctorAyukebot:
You should be ashamed of yourself for doctoring unto others what path to tow. What better alternatives have you created for them. I know a lot of successful private school teachers. Every profession has its ups and downs, successful practitioners and failures. That you were a failure as a private school teacher shouldn't be a yardstick for the profession.

You must not comment on every thread you see on Nairaland. When you see a post that you know nothing about, just read quietly and move to other thread. You must not disgrace yourself all in the name of contributing to discussions. I have seen how many people here responded to your comment. It shows that you lack total knowledge of what you decided to blindly jump into. Responding to your ignorance does not worth it.

Ayobeck:
I realized about this post, The OP was just sacked or be insulted by the school owner.. all i read is not true

I worked in private schools years ago, and i left on my own when i saw that teaching in private schools is slavery. Most of you jump into threads to make comments before thinking. Oga, I can conveniently place you on a salary for a whole year, and I would still have enough to invest in my projects.

Esthered:
Do you mean they earn more than core staffs or contract staff?

Please Llst 5 schools that pays their staff better than an ET (the least grade in banking) in Access bank.

Leave those people. They keep talking about what they do not know. Ask him to tell you the name of the school where teachers earn more than bankers, he will run away.

Ashirioluwa:
In my view, @Rapmoney does not appear to be discouraging graduates from teaching in private schools. Instead, he is suggesting that anyone who is teaching in a private school should not remain there for an extended period if they wish to advance in their careers and improve their financial situation.

Thank you. Simply what my post is all about.