₦airaland Forum

@Krystalxxx -
A very Happy New year to you. No, I haven't seen any emails form you; it may have automatically gone to my spam folder.
My email address again is - kbdavies@gmail.com, or you can try kbdavies@live.com.

Dear All,
I am a Life Transformation Coach and NLP Practitioner. Amongst other things, I specialize in Self Development, Personal Growth, Motivation & Inspiration, Negative Self Talk, and Relationship issues (for individuals), and would like to offer my knowledge, expertise and services free to this thread.

Depression is real; however, it does not have to be the life sentence it is for so many, and there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel.
If you are looking for someone to feel sorry for you and have a pity party, then I'm afraid i cannot help.
However, if you want your pain acknowledged, but determined to move forward, and build a better future for yourself, then i am here for you.

All depression stems from emotional pain; as do all addictions. This means depression is a symptom, and not the cause. Conventional medication simply treats the symptoms, often ineffectively and with side effects.
My philosophy is to resolve the underlying emotional issues. This will not be easy, and it can be painful; however, it is not how bad you want something, but how hard you are willing to work for it.

You can contact me here, or at kbdavies@gmail.com. Please use #Nairaland as a reference.
Confidentiality is assured.

Your calves do look in proportion to your thighs, but if you want to develop them further, a 2 pronged approach works best - bodyweight exercises, combined with calf stretches. These is the secret to developed calves. I used to do tons of calf exercises using weights; which gives you some definition, but no major growth. It wasn't until i started Muay Thai; which focuses on carrying your body weight on alternate legs, that i saw a massive increase in my calf development. Combined with stretching, my calves are far better than they used to be. Doing lots of Sqauts/Lunges will also speed up calf development.

Calf Exercise
Lift up your leg and get someone to hold it up, perpendicular to your body, or higher. Now hop on your standing leg nonstop for a min of 2-3mins. You should be hopping on your toes and your heel should NOT touch the ground. Getting the person holding your leg to move around; whilst you attempt to hop along with them also increases the work. Do 5 sets of this. This equates to only about 10mins of calf work. The longer you can do this for, the greater the burn, the more the growth.
If there is no one to help, simply put your leg on a kitchen work surface, a tall desk, shelf to or any other suitably high surface and perform the same exercise. It is not as effective, but better than nothing.

Calf Stretch
Stretch, stretch, stretch. A good calf stretch will take you nothing less than 20mins (10mins /leg). Get a large block of wood - at least H15cm x W15 x L20cm. If you can get it longer, even better. Put the block of wood against a solid object - wall, fence, pole, etc. I prefer to put it against 2 object so i can have access to the other side (i will explain why). Not incline your foot (wearing trainers) against the block and and move your other leg closer. Basically, you are attempting to stand with one foot against the block of work. This should give a good stretch along the calf and even your hamstring. Focus on tensing/relaxing the calf muscle and you should feel the muscle trying to accommodate the stretch.
Now bring your other foot to the other side of the wooden block (stepping over), with stretch leg still against the block of wood. Again this deepen the stretch. Hold stretch for min 1min, rest for 30 secs and repeat. Do this 5-10times /leg

Another good calf stretch is to kneel down on your toes - knees touching the floor, hands resting on your knees, and bottom of your feet in contact with the ground, toes bent facing forwards. Now sit back on your heels. You should feel a stretch in your Achilles tendon and calves. You can rock forwards and backwards to get a good stretch. Repeat for the same duration as above.. Do these exercises 3 times a week.

The best way to see if your calves are not tight is to going into a deep sqaut as if taking a dump.
With heels on the ground, now move your knees and feet closer together. See if you can bring your feet and knees to point directly forward (rather than splayed outwards). Your arms should be outside (not inside) your knees at this stage to help with balance.
Your feet should either be directly under your knees, with knees and feet facing an ideal straight line outwards. Your heels should never leave the floor.
This exercise/stretch requires the muscle antagonistic to the calf muscles to be used - (the shin muscle -Tibialis Anterior muscle). It is in front of your leg, running alongside your shin bone). Good development of the muscle is also necessary for good calf muscles.

This exercise stretches the calf muscle, whilst tensing the Tibialis muscle. A good stretch for Tibialis Anterior is to repeat the kneeling down stretch, but with the toes pointing backwars; instead of forwards, and bending your body backwards as well. This will stretch your thigh muscles along with the shin(Tibialis Anterior) muscle.

I hope this is all clear.

@Uzoo -

You are simply not doing enough resistance exercises. More than enough studies have shown that introducing resistance work to an exercise program delivers far more benefits that just simple cardio. These can be good old fashioned weights, or Plyometrics/ Calisthenics exercises.

Keep doing the ab work; as it will continue to maintain abdominal tone; however, it is unlikely to reduce your waist line any further than it has already done. Also, the abs are a relatively small muscle group, so you cannot really overwork them with too much exercise.
The ab roller is indeed great for your core, and if you can master it, delivers far more benefits than the simple plank.
Basically, your problem is not enough cardio, but not enough resistance. i.e; your muscles groups are not adding to your calorific expenditure.

Also look at your food plan; as your eating is currently not great. On the exercise program you posted, you should be eating about 4 medium meals a day - this should work out approx every 3hrs. This should be done consistently, with the meals being eaten at the same time every single day. This is important so you maintain a a specific level of blood glucose throughout the day. Skipping a meal is NOT an option; NO matter what.
These meals should consist of low glycemic carbs with a lot of raw or steamed vegetables, and lots of water (min 2-3 litres a day). Also less red meat and more fish, and preferably contain low salt, no sugar, soft drinks, sweets, chocolates or any confectioneries.

This is my suggestion to you-

- Run only 2 days week
- Formulate a weight training program for 2 days a week (light weights, high reps (15-20)
- Include a lot of leg work in your weights program - Squats, Lunges - do variations of these.
- Do a Plyometric exercise routine 2 days of the week. JM or Shaun T is ideal for this. Make sure to complete the levels.
These exercises recruits all muscles in the body; including your core muscles, whilst increasing your heart rate, thereby giving cardiovascular benefit. This is essential for any weight loss program.
- Make sure to do Burpees, Squats variations - Hack Squats, Mountain Climbers, Squat to Switch Jumps, Atlas Jumps, Jumping Squats, etc. Press-ups variation -Spiderman Press-ups, Hindu Press-ups, Scorpion Press-ups, Walking pushups, Monkey Push ups, etc
- Rest one day of the week.

You can certainly lose 3kg in a single week on this program. Do all this consistently in a consistent manner you will realise your goals.
All the best.

@ebsuguy -

All you have to do is eat 5 meals a day using the foods you have outlined for me - in no specific or particular oder. The choice is yours.
Also eat more fruits & vegetables. The key to weight gain in increased calories on a consistent basis. The problem is people don't eat often enough.
The secret in not in the size of the meals, but how often you eat. Make sure the meals are not too heavy (small to medium size), so that they digest relatively quickly in time for your next meal. This means that you WILL need to eat approx every 3hrs meals. This takes planning and determination. There is no "magic" formula or secret but this. Hope this helps.

If you can, add a weight gainer supplement as that will also help.


@RETROSHAWTY - Please see my replies to ciwi and ebesuguy.

Hey Modath...how u been? I'm good. Don't see you much here. What's up with that?

@PapaFejiro -

Your Waist to Height ratio is in the percentile that gives cause for concern. The absolute waist circumference is 40ins for men (>102 centimetres) and 35ins for women (>88 centimetres). The Waist-Hip ratio is >0.9 for men and >0.85 for women.
Extreme height can mitigate these figures, but not by much.
For people under 40, a WHtR of over 0.5 is critical - yours is 0.6 Basically, if your waist circumference is half your height or over, then you need to sit up and take notice.
Higher values of WHtR indicate higher risk of obesity-related cardiovascular diseases; beacsie it is correlated with abdominal obesity (fat around and inside the abdomen).

You need to formulate an exercise plan/eating asap. You also need to do a Blood Pressure check as soon as you can.
Forget the jogging; as you are not fit enough to do it properly at this stage, and it may may cause you knee/ ankle problems. Fast paced walking is good enough for now. It must be at least 45mins to have the desired effect, and must be fast enough to leave you out of breath, but not panting or gasping for air.
Also do a complete overhaul of your diet - Reduce red mean, salt, fatty foods and sugary drinks. Eat more vegetables, fruits and complex carborhydrates. Reduce meal portions and eat more frequently. Drink at lleat 1.5Ltrs of water/day.
All the best

@Hour Glass -

The waist-to-height ratio (WHtR) of a person is defined as the person's waist circumference, divided by the person's height, and is a measure of the distribution of body fat. Higher values of WHtR indicate higher risk of obesity-related cardiovascular diseases; it is correlated with abdominal obesity or central obesity. Remember this is not neccesarily about fat in other areas of the body, but fat predominantly in the abdominal area.

There is also the Waist–hip ratio (WHR), which has also been used to measure body fat distribution. Both ratios have been found to be better predictors of cardiovascular diseases than BMI.

@ebsuguy -

Please list all the foods you have available to you; as there is no point giving you a food plan that contains food you don't have available to you, or that may be difficult to come by. A food plan has to be sustainable and viable for it to work.

Can someone confirm if drinking lemon juice reduces weight. I heard it and checked online saw it does but I need someone who it has worked for here.
I am a 33 years old guy and weighs 130kg, thats outrageous I know. before you insult me please know, its not food because I practically eat very little a day, then I am not fat, just huge with big bones. I am healthy but not very healthy only because I am too heavy. I really need to come down.

The myth surrounding drinking lemon juice with cold or hot water as a means to weight loss is a long standing one, but it has no basis in nutritional science.
Lemon juice is a good source of antioxidants and Vitamin C. Lemons also contain small amounts of iron, calcium and vitamin B6. Lemon juice stimulates the flow of saliva and gastric secretions, thereby aiding digestion and balancing PH levels.
Pure Lemon juice can help reduce cravings for sugary substances, and drinking Lemon juice helps hydration and makes you feel fuller; however, it can also have a diuretic effect – making you lose water through urination. All these factors may explain the supposed “weight loss” properties of Lemon juice.

Al in all, whilst Lemon juice does have a lot of health benefits, it cannot take the place of a healthy diet and exercise.

Whilst you may not consider yourself "fat" on the outside, there is a chance you may be carrying a lot of intra abdominal fat. This can be determined by measuring your Waist to Height ratio - which is a stronger predictor of obesity and other health issues, and is considered more reliable than BMI measurements. This is irrespective of how "little" you think you eat.

How tall are you?
What is your waist measurement (skin measurement)?

Either way, you need to formulate an exercise program that has both resistance and cardiovascular exercises and combine this with a healthy eating plan in an consistent manner. This is the key to maintaining a healthy weight.

@ciwi -

Your reply is on the other thread.

@ebsuguy -

Your diet is what you need to work on the most. Afterall, if you are not eating right, how will you find the strenght to train in the gym.
You need to increase your calorific intake significantly. Do this by eating at least 5 times a day. This MUST be consistent, day in, day out. Eat foods containg complex carborhydrates, protein and fat. I assure you the weight will come on. Also check that you are not suffering from a worm infection. It may sound disgusting, mut it could be the cause of a lack of weight gain.

You can use Whey Protein to supplement your protein intake, so if you can, get it and use it. Whey on its own will not be enough. You should use it to supplement your calorific intake. Hope this helps.

@ciwi -

It may be that there is an underlying physiological reason for your inability to put weight on like Hyperthyroidism, or just a naturally overactive metabolism; eithey way, it would be pertinent for you to check your iodine levels. Also check that you are not suffering from a worm infestation/ infection, as it can be the cause of a lack of weight gain.
If you simply have a very fast metabolism, then the simple ingestion if more calories may give you the weight gain - However, you have to eat the right kind of foods in the right manner; otherwise you can end up with other health problems such as atherosclerosis, diabetes or hypertension.

- Focus on eating normal carbs - Yams, Poatoes, Rice, or any or carbs
- Eats lots of vegetables; steamed or raw
- Eat more Fish, Chicken
- Eat les Red Meat
- Reduce Salt intake

- And finally, the most important - Eat more frequently. Make sure you eat at 5 times a day. This will take advance planning; meaning that you know what you will eat, before the time to eat. The meals will be medium sized (they CANNOT be heavy or large). The reason for this is that you need your stomach to be emptied before the next meal. The larger the meal, the longer this will take. The suplement shakes can caount as a meal, or you can take them with a meal if you want.
5 meals a day will work out to be is around every 3-3.5hr intervals. Consistence and structure is the key here. If you do this consistently, in a structured manner, you will surely put on weight.

@ciwi -

Yes, you can take protein/weight gain supplements as part of your normal diet. However, do be aware that if you are taking these supplements without any exercise regimen, you are simply going to put on body fat, rather than lean muscle (toned flesh). It is effective if used regularly and consistently as the aim is that you take a serving as an extra meal (up to you how many times/day you do that).
GNC is a good brand, and i have used it in the past. My only personal concern is the artificial sweetener used in both the Amplified Mass and Serious Mass (Sucralose).
Personally i don't use any supplement containing artificial sweeteners, as they have been proven to cause a host of health problems, and my system also dislikes it a lot! It is now very difficult to buy supplements without these sweeteners added as people like the sweet taste they offer without the calories of sugar.

If you still want to go ahead, the GNC Serious Mass gives you more calories (which is better if you want to gain weight) - 1250 calories/serving, whilst the Amplified Mass only gives you 750 calories/serving.

Hope that helped.

@romeo4real thanks so much i appreciate it, i dont really know what bicycle crunches, are please explain them to me, you also said i can eat small portions like 3 to 4 times a day, please can you shed more light on how i can do that. Thanks

@Afunkybaby - Please look up "bicycle crunches" on you tube, as the videos will show you, rather than i confuse you by trying to explain it. Eating 3 -4 times just means eating small portions at regular intervals. This means you HAVE to plan the meals in advance; so you eat them at the pre-planned time everyday. Every 3-4 hours is a good guide to use.

@ireneidiva -

There is no specific foods to cut out for abs. Any food that contain unnecessary fat, oil, salt and sugars can increase your bodyfat and affect your abs negatively. Keep up the leg raises. Yo can increase the number or also introduce situps, crunches etc. They key to success of weight loss is CONSISTENCE.

1.Cut out ALL fizzy/soft drinks, biscuits, cakes, salad cream etc.
2. Cut out ALL sugar and unnecessary fat from your diet
3. Reduce salt drastically, or cut it out completely
4. Reduce your red meat consumption
5. Make sure to eat 3-4 times a day - Consistently.
6 .Eeat more fruit and vegetables (NOT vegetable stew). This can be one of your meals

@ciwi - Your reply is on the other thread.

Let me clear the confusion on this issue. The basic arithmetic of weight loss is - Calories in vs Calories out. Yes, it is slightly more complex than this, but the formula is always a useful guide.
Simply put, the amount of exercise you do (calories burned) should be determined by the amount of calories you are ingesting (if you want to lose or maintain a specific weight).
Pro cyclists and triathletes comsume up to 5000 calories a day, but are not overweight nor fat, and can have a bodyfat percentage as low as 6%; this is because the intensity of their sport compensates for this intake of calories, and the calories are needed as fuel.
A pro cyclist can burn 6000 calories on a single hard mountain stage. In one day, they can burn up to 10,000 calories. Yes, not everyone can train like trathletes or pro cyclists, which is why a sensible eating plan is in order.

@Sammiejo - if you need help creating one, do let me know.

@Nobody/ Greyfog -

weight lifters eat so much because they want to increase their body mass be it muscle mass or healthy fat. Because the stronger they are the more weight they will lift. A weight lifter who weighs in at 70kg has little chance of any serious heavy lifting so he or she has to bulk up and they achieve that by eating more than their daily calorie requirements

There is a distinction between "weight lifters" and body builders, and between Size and Strength. Weightlifting and Bodybuilding are two totally different disciplines; hence the training is different, and so are the deitary needs. Whilst both are incredibly strong, a 70kg weighlifter will lift far more (in specific exercises)than a bodybuilder of the same weight. They also both compete based on their weight categories. Pound for pound, gymnasts are even stronger than both weightlifters and bodybuilders; yet are far smaller in size.

The sport of bodybuilding is inextricably linked to fat loss; as bodybuilders have to maintain a low bodyfat percentage whilst comsuming a lot of calories to fuel their exercise regime and build muscle. They can get to an incredible bodyfat percentage as low as 2-4%.
Note that calories from protein (which is what builds the musucle mass) is only about 25-40% of their intake, with the rest coming from Carbs and Fat. So why are they not fat? Because of the training intensity/ exercise regimen; Steroids (for those who use them) also help maintain this intesity and recovery, enabling them to train longer, harder and faster; thereby burning more fat. If you have ever trained with a bodybuilder who uses steroids, you will understand exactly what i'm saying here.

Hope this helps.

@Sammiejo - Hope you are well. Let me give it to you straight, what you need is to get your eating in order; as you are simply prolonging the whole process this way. Breastfeeding is NOT about eating a lot, but eating the right things; Quality over Quantity. This is what your baby will benefit from. The math is very simple reallly - if you want to eat a lot, you also have to exercise a LOT; and you are not doing that, so i advise you to devise a structured meal plan asap and start exercising consistently.

@Zuluchuckwu -

If you have tried all i mentioned, there should be an improvement in his condition - Sebamed and Aveeno still contan chemicals, though they are milder than other cleansers. Even if there is no total cure, you should continue. ALL pharmaceutical product designed to combat skin allergies still contain chemicals.
I will repeat my advice for you again -

- Change ALL his bedding
- Do NOT wash his clothes with any detergent. You can wash his clothes with his bath/body wash.
- Use only natural products on his skin lotion - Coconut Oil, Almond Oil, Shea Butter or Pure Aloe Vera lotion (all organic and must contain no other chemicals))
- Put a capful of Glycerin into his bath water every day.

Just observing these 4 things consistently would result in a marked improvement in his condition.

Zuluchukwu: Hi pls my baby have been having a red itchy rashes since he was 3months & doc's have been givn him steriods lik epidem, funbact a. Endex G etc and once we stop applyn it d rashes comes back. I ve stopd using all his baby cosmetics on him&@9months he is still suffering dis rashes. Do we use dis steriod 4 eva?? When will he out grow it & pls what elsw can we use dat is steriod free. I hate seeing his chick, jaws, back of his ears,neck and all over his body red &itchy. D worst is that. Consultants pediaticians I ve seen didn't even give it a name. Wether its eczema cos I &my husband heve alergies in our families. Pls help my little boy. Thnks

If it is something he has had for a while, it is most likely being caused by an allergen - so it may be Eczema; though it is difficult to tell. It is best to see a dermatologist (skin doctor) for precise diagnosis. Skin complaints in infants is best dealt with through a process of elimination. Eliminate ANYTHING that contain chemical being used on his skin. Do NOT use any lotion, ointment or cream. Use Almond Oil or Coconut Oil (organic of course). If there is no improvement, it may be a fungal issue, so you can then try fungal/ steroid creams.
Try washing his clothes, bedding, etc only with a very mild soap/ detergent; nothing harsh. Are there any dogs, cats, pets the house? If so avoid him coming into contact with them. Change ALL his bedding/ blankets, etc, as there may be dust mites in them.
Get some Glycerin liquid. Put a capful into his bath water every day. Do all these things and look for improvements. Notice what causes a change and what doesn't. Hope this helps.

@hochanya -

Nothing wrong with bananas. Yes, they contain calories; but so does everything you eat. It's all about structure and moderation. A banana can have anything from 75-150 calories; it all depends on the size. Use it as part of a healthy eating plan.

@Modath - I'm good....yes, been a while! Hows you?

@ssultana -
I meant come back to the thread with the food diary after 1 week so it can be assessed.

The meal plan above is unsustainable, and i assure you it cannot be made permanent. It certainly would not benefit you in the long term.You need to eat at least 3 main meals a day. Starving yourself or not eating enough would only lead to regular "cheating" and binge episodes, thereby undermining all your efforts.
I suggest you create a food diary. Write down EVERYTHING you eat for 1week; including the exact times. This has to be quite detailed and MUST include anything that goes in your mouth - no matter how small or insignificant you think it is. Also record any exercises you do, and the duration. All this would give you a better idea of your calorific consumption and the consistency of your exercising. Do come back to the thread with the info.

I assure you, the scales will move; but you must have a clear structure to your program, and be consistent in your efforts. Trying to lose weight in a haphazard manner simply prolongs the whole endeavour.

@Sultana -
Vegetables and fiber do NOT help you lose weight; unless they are part of a reduced calorie diet. You say you have been on a "vegetable laden" diet. I assume this to mean that you have included a lot of vegetables and fiber into your diet in addition to eating other stuff. Question is: How much of your meals are made up of vegetables? And how much is other stuff? Note that fiber laden foods also contain calories; sometimes a lot (as they are caborhydrates). The fiber (soluble or insoluble) is supposed to aid digestion and lower the rate of insulin release into your blood, by lowering the release of glucose into your bloodstream (This is the glycemic index of the food). Eating a lot will simply negate the benefits.
The main key to weight loss is to eat small to medium meals regularly, and exercise consistently.
Also, whilst lime + water in a good hydration drink, aiding digestion and balancing PH level, it adds nothing significant to a weight loss programm.
And yes, a week is too soon to expect results. Afterall, it took more than a week to gain the weight you are trying to lose.

Hello Trim, well done for the work you are doing. I'm here to help if needed.

@ireneidiva -

You can do sit-ups, crunches, leg raises and plank exercises. There are many variations of these exrcises, so find the one easiest to start with. Also, be consistent.
Best of luck.

@Afunkybaby -

I have read your posts on the other thread, and you seem determined to make a change. I can assure you that if you can keep your motivation and determination, you can do it.
Understand that you will have to make major sacrifices and change your eating habits. This is about having a new lifestyle which you will have to maintain forever.

1.Cut out ALL fizzy/soft drinks, biscuits, cakes, salad cream etc.
2. Cut out ALL sugar from your diest
3. Reduce salt drastically, or cut it out completely
5. Golden Morn is full of sugar. Reduce your portions or cut it out
6. Reduce your intake of evaporated/ full milk, or cut it out completely
7. Reduce butter or cut it out
8. Make sure you regularly (at the same times) every day
9. Make sure to eat 3-4 times a day - Consistently. Apart from these times, nothing else should go into your mouth. No "snacks"
10.Make sure to eat more fruit and vegetables (NOT vegetable stew). This can be one of your meals
11. NEVER eat anything in a large quantity
12. Never eat more than medium portions (fistfull) of food. E.g, 1 packet of Indomie is a medium portion. 2 packets is not.
13 Rice, bread, garri, yam, potatoes, pasta, noodles, groundnut are all ok, as long as you only eat medium portions.
14. If you can, do your treks on a daily basis - please supply information as to how long this trek is.

For your stomach, do bicycle crunches and normal crunches until you are stong enough to do normal sit-ups or plank excercise. Do 100 crunches every day. This does not have to be done at once.
If you can, get a skipping rope. Skip for 30mins at least 3 times a week. This must be done NOT less than 30 mins.

Remember, the key to your success is doing everything in a consistent manner (portion control & exercising). That means you stick to the plan no matter what, day in, day out! This is the part most people do not get. If you don't you will simply be wasting your time.

Hope this helps and feel free to contact me for any help or motivation

I am Life Coach, an NLP practitioner, and a Health & Nutrition expert. I focus primarily on Self-development, Motivation, Health & Fitness, Weight Loss and Relationship/ Marital issues.
You can contact me at kbdavies@gmail.com or kbdavies@transformational-power.com. Please use #Nairaland as a reference.
Unless otherwise specified, advice, especially in the area of relationship and marital issues will be given from a Christian perspective. Confidentiality is assured.

@Ms Steph -

my dear I am not starving o. On monday I ate like 1800 calories nd burnt like 500calories on tuesday morning or more 4 yesterday I ate 3slice of boiled yam with egg sause nd I ate boiled groundnut dats all

Try and understand that whilst weight gain is about calories in vs calories out, it really is not that simple.

1. A calorie is simply a unit of measurement. It is not anything physical
2. The human body does not "burn" calories for energy
3. Whilst a calorie of fat is equal to a calorie of carb or protein thermodynamically, in that they strictly produce the same amount of heat when burned, they are NOT equal in the way your body processes them.
4. Your body processes calories from different foods differently
5. The energy cost to metabolize fat, carbs (complex & simple) and protein is different
6. Calorie restriction slows metabolism
7. Fiber reduces calorie absorption
8. Quantity and Timing of eating affects calorie processing and insulin production

So, stop calorie counting. It is misleading and will only serve to confuse you more. No machine can realistically tell you how much calories have been "burnt" for any given exercise; it is simply making an assumption. Simply eat right, responsibly, regularly, and exercise consistently.

Well done CC. A very important toipc, and quite precient too, as i have just been putting the finishing touches to a parenting seminar aimed at Nigerian parents. If i may, i would like to add something to the thread.

As Nigerians, we generally think we are good parents, but the truth is often difficult to accept. We subconsciously repeat the things our parents did without stopping to analyse the value, or indeed, the detriment inherent in them.

I currently spend a lot of my time dealing with people (men & women), adults with their own children, in their 40's, still suffering from the effects of issues from their childhood. These people are dealing with insecurities, chronic lack of esteem (covered up with bravado or arrogance), caused by unkind and abusive words used by their parents when they were children.
I remember my childhood very well, and though i now know that my parents loved me, it was difficult to see that at the time; due to the way i was discipined. I see members of my own family,and my friends, repeating the same patterns with their families. Lesson 1: If your child has any doubts that you love them, then you need to re-asses your parenting.
Also, though loving your child is one of the components of good parenting, it is simply not enough. The love has to be expressed, and it has to be vocalised.

Most parenting is reactive; that is, we see kids doing what we don't like, then apply discipline so it's not repeated. Good parenting SHOULD be proactive. A child needs to be loved, mentored, tutored, and guided; not just disciplined.
The main issue however, is that parents often have unresolved issues themselve, which ironically has come from the way they were parented (certain posts on these threads also confirm this); Issues with communication, affection, anger management, and low self confidence and insecurities are often at the root of bad parenting. Lesson 2: To be a good parent, your MUST develop yourself and resolve your issues. Do not let your issues affect the way you parent your children. Break the cycle.

On the issues of fathers, the presence of a strong male figure in the lives of children, especially girls really cannot be underestimated. This is not to diminish anything that mothers do, however, a strong male figure, who is EMOTIONALLY PRESENT, is neccessary for the viable emotional development of a female child. Note, this is not about a male figure being in the home, but a male figure who provides strength of leadership, mentorship, tutorship and emotional stability to the child.
Unfortunately, whilst most men are physically present, they are emotionally absent. This often results in a lack of confidence and insecurities for the female child (i would love why this happens, but it would simply take to long).

Boys also need strong emotionally present male figures, though for different reasons. For boys, it is about providing an example of integrity, leadership, self respect, love and acceptance (boys need love too).
It is travesty that most Nigerian males leave child raising to the woman, and believe their responsibility ends when they provide the means and material things. Nothing could be further from the truth.

- Remember, your child is a reflection of you. No child is born difficult. A difficult child is ALWAYS the result of bad parenting. Find out where you have gone wrong, acknowledge it and start again
- ALWAYS discipline your children firmly, without drama or shouting. Explain why and tell them you love them afterwards.
- NEVER use bad or abusive words/language with your children - no matter how angry you are
- NEVER beat your children with ANY implement or tool
- ALWAYS make time for your children - no matter how inconvenient it is
- ALWAYS show your children love and affection
- ALWAYS speak posivity into your childrens lives
- ALWAYS tell your children how much they are loved, and how amazing they are
- Mentor your children. Teach them values and self respect. A child is like a train, without being put on tracks to guide it, it can/will end up anywhere.

Hope this adds to the debate in a positive way.

@Yinx007 -

Being an endomorph realy makes no difference to the issue here. What you need to do is to formulate an exercise/eating plan that wil get you the results you want. If what you are currently doing is not getting you what you want, then it means it is simply not good enough and needs to be re-evaluated.

Remember, it took you a lot more than 2mths to put all the weight on, so you should be realistic and understand that you will need to lead your new lifestyle for a whole lot longer before you start seeing consistent results. 2mths is NOT enough!

Here is a plan -
- 30 mins jogging is NOT enough.It should be min 45mins. You need to do ths at least 3 times a week - CONSISTENTLY

- For indoor exercises, have a look at Julian Michaels or Shawn T dvd's, pick 2-3 exercises, and do them indoors. Make sure you have a structure when you do them, rather tha haphazardly. So something like, 30 squats, 1 min rest, then continue the cycke again till finished. Pick 2-3 exercise that will take about 1hr to do, no more.

Focus on squats, lunges, hack sqauts, mountain climbers, burpees, etc. These are called Plyometric exercises as they use your muscles whilst providing a cardio benefit. They are much better than doing just cardio like a treadmill or running.
- Skippping is good, but try to have a consistent programe for it. "Sometimes" is not good enough. Decide how many times, and stick to it.

- Do kneeling down press-up, till you build up enough strength in your core and arms - Go for at least 20-30/day to begin with.

All these MUST be done consistently. Decide on a programme, and stick to it, no matter what. If you don't, it'll be a case of taking 2 steps forwards, 2 backwards, and you will end up in the same place despite all the effort.

And lastly, do NOT take any fat burners. They are dangerous, don't really work, and only offer a short term benefit. Also you will be wasting your money.