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Elparaiso:
Nice. Real nice... But I think you should work on the drama a little bit... All the same, nice!

owka no gbaqx...

"Kutty how tommorow sunday go be now?" Kenny asked me one sartuday evening.
"Normal normal na, i go even go church tommorow sef." i responded.
"E be like say me too go follow you go, u no say e don tey small wey i go church."Kenny said.
Talking about Kenny, he hardly goes church, he only goes church whenever there was a feast.
Talking about feast my friend Kenny is a food pervet, he can be trapped in a pit of death with a food as a bait.
"No problem we go go, i dey bored sef make we stroll small" i suggested.
"Okay na, make we go me too dey bored where we go go sef?"Kenny asked.
"Make we go Tony them side" I responded.
Tony was one of our friend from the same neighborhood, he was living with his family.
"Okay na make i collect my shirt" he said as he sets off to bring his shirt, as he brought it we left out to Tony's house.
When we reached, Tony and other guys were playing gambling with WHOT.
"aaah! Tony Tony...! Tony The bilionair Tony" We yelled as we approach them.
"Kutty and Kenny the two twins from ddiffrent parents, una welcome."
We shaked hand with the other guys who are high on the gambling game and sitted down.
"How far na? Una dey game...?" one of them asked.
"Nooo we no dey, we just dey watch" I responded.
" I go play, How much una dey set?" Kenny blurted out.
I have to comfirm wether he is actually the one who speaked.
"Kenny wetin u say? U get money to gamble?" I asked him.
"Yes na. Nkasi gave me 30,000 say make i hol am for say im be her school fees." He responded.
"Kenny u don dey mad abi? Na person shcool fees u wan use gamble? What of if u lost it there? What of if she called and request for it?" I fired numerous question to him.
"Aaaah ah... Kutty relax, she is paying next week, morever am good in gambling, i won't loose as a sharp guy that i am, i have to use this opportunitu and make cool caaaash." He said stressing the word "Cash."
After numerous attempt from me to discourage him against gambling turned out abortive, i have no option than to watch as he make his cool cash, or rather dig his cool grave.
Ofcourse he have digged himself a very cool grave, because th Nkasi i know won't take it easy if Kenny tell her any story concerning her school fees, no matter that she loves him.
The game began and Kenny was playing with one dark muscular tall guy called Chika.
Chika was an accurate black version of Bigshow of wwe, they setted 5k, like play , like play, Kenny beated Chika on the game and won the bet total of 1k, 5k addition to the 30k he was holding making it 35k.
I was overjoyed at his success, i immediately picked intrest on the game, i begin yelling his name giving him high morale.
This time around, Chika suggested the bet 20k each, which my friend gladly obliged.
The game begun, and befor i could say "Osama bin Laden" Chika have outsmartem my dear kenny and won the 40k the setted , shitup! Thats a big loose.
After much jubilation from Chika and his fans, He and Kenny reached an agreement to set 10k each, which i warned Kenny against but he paid deaf ear to my advice.
The game kick-started and things started going Kenny's side, i was happy and eager to celebrate, when all of a sudden thing starts going wrong on my side.
Before i could say "Santa claus" Piaaaah! Chika have outsmarted Kenny and won the 20k leaving him with 5k.
I was dumbfounded, all of a sudden, i heard a loud sound from my back sounding like worn out old wagon.
Guess! What? My friend kenny is on great agony, he was crying out his eyes.
Oooow! Am so sorry for him because i know what he is going to surpass in the hand of his muscular girlfriend "Chika."
"Biko nu, mere mu ebere, owu kwa ego enyim nwanyi" My friend kenny yelled as he was crying, interpreting in Ibo as thou " Please, have mercy on me, the money is not mine but my girl's."
Ooow...! I really pitied him, how i wish something can be done.

"Eeeehen Kenny see that girl i was telling you about" I said to Kenny, A day after the house rent incident, we sits at Nne Ajima's shop munching bread and mineral coke.
We have settled the landlord from the money Kenny borrowed from his girlfriend Nkasi.
"Which girl wey am?" Kenny asked mouthfully.
That chick wey we see for call center the other day, her name na Oge" I responded.
"Whaaaaati noooo! Na now wey i see wetin u dey yarn ooo" He exlaimed.
Kenny always like to use this expression "Whaaaaati no" Interpreted as what?.
"Eeeehen, dull brain na now u find out, Wetin we go do now? E be like say she dey return from church sef" i said.
"Make i come, i dey go chyke am" Kenny said as he stuffed his mouth with the remaining bread.
"Make i follow you? Maybe i go fit help?" I quired.
"Eeeehe na, make we go"He responded.
I immidiately followed like a dog that i am.
"Sssss...! Sssss!" Kenny hissed at the girl.
The girl looked back, and kenny gives her a stop sign.
"Eeeeerm... Good morning to you" My friend greeted at Evening sunset.
Oooh my gush! This dude is disgracing me, i just tries to hold my self from laughing.
"Eeehen, how can i help you" The girl responded with fluent phonetic english.
"Eeeeeerm... Oge abeg no vex, i fit know your name...? My dear Kenny blurted out.
Chisos! I can't hold my self again but laugh out loud.

Wow...! Datz shows dat am on riqht part... Tnx buddy...

GeneralQuamdeen:
That's truly a qhetto life..

"Eeeehn so u na there u dey since wey i dey ask of u? Abi? Comes the voice of our landlord.
"Eeermmm... No sir i no dey there i just apperared" I glibberishly responded.
"Eeehn... U don turn to ghost abi? U don dey appear and disappear abi? God d deliver una to me today na today una go pay me my money." Our landlord said advancing towards me.
Shitup, i have to think fast, before this man vent his anger on me, all of a sudden i heard "Pheeew...!" Gues what? Kenny my good friend have flee from the room leaving me and landlord to my fate.
" Hei...! Hei...! You are running abi? Okay na i will catch u!!" Our landlord shouted at the fleeing Kenny.
I could'nt help but laugh at Kenny's K-LEG as he was running, it seems as if he is performing a kinda Korean dance step called Gagnam style.
Our landlord was still shouting at the fleeing Kenny and i used that opportunity to tear my own race,
"Heeee! Heeeh! Una don die don't run! I don kill u!" Was what our landlord is yelling but i don't give a shot.
Just like usain bolt i passed my friend Kenny with his Oba Gagnam style running style.
"Kutty wait na" My friend Kenny yelled.
"U dey mad, ur papa" I cursed as i continued racing.

GeneralQuamdeen:
One can tell.. do you write it down somewhere before postinq or you're doinq it directly from your head.

Well am writinq it direct frm my head nw, but i av started writinq d script nw.

GeneralQuamdeen:
Boss, in addition to what my friends up there says.. you have to worry about the way you spell your words.. funny tho

digitsolution:
Nice one. Don't rush it, try and correct some of your tenses. The humor is cool, but let me use your word don't over GARNISH it. Nice one bro.

smsshola:
Nice work but please in an attempt to make it funny don't exaggerate by prolonging some of the lines.

digitsolution:
Nice one. Don't rush it, try and correct some of your tenses. The humor is cool, but let me use your word don't over GARNISH it. Nice one bro.

tnx... Buddies i promise to be better... Dis is my first ever story.

Tnx dearie... I will try my best!

GeneralQuamdeen:
I'm followinq.. just make sure i don't qet tired of readinq it.

"If una no open this door i will break it and you people will be the one to repair it ooo" Comes the landlord's voice.
If i hear make he break am na, i was hiding under our poor contsruced wardrope wich is decaying every seconds as the result of the termite tormenting it, while my big headed friend kenny was hiding behind the entrance door.
Was just trying to imaging the kind of scene which is likely to occur when all of a sudden.
"Gboooa" The door slams Kenny as a result of hard push the landlord gives the door, he gave out a loud cry blowing out his hiding place.
Just like an animal that he is, he started given Kenny so wonderful good slaps, i think he is actually doing a good job, because i know some born-again wonderful slap can do the job of reducing some fats from his cheek.
Kenny have this kind of cheeks that can make a stranger been convinced that he is a governor son, who is only but enjoying his father's wealth without labour.
"His cheeks have gave his a maximum punishment, like oneday that we are returning back after watching night match Chelsea- Man U.
Kenny was a die hard Chelsea fan and me on the other hand was a staunch Man Utd fan.
On that unfateful day Chelse trashed us 3-1 on champions leauge roundoff.
My guy Kenny was busy making all kinda noise trying to make me more angry.
He was still jubilating all of a sudden some boys like Undertaker of Wrestling appeared in our front from non-completed building beside the road, They were all in black except one who one red shirt and white shot with Adam's Oshiomoles's looks. (apology to Edo folks).
"Idiats, where una dy come from" The man on red asked.
"Which kind of question be that? Una be vigilante?" i asked.
I can't tell wether am the actual person that speaked or the two bottles of Origin i tooked earlier.
"Oboi Cp, this dude get mind ooo" One of the said touching my head.
"Guy you no go remove your hand from my head?" i raged and beat off his hand.
He responds with a brain-formatting slap "kpua!"
I instantly go crazy i started speaking in frenchs and Italy,
"Si wan tun ranza bua tazzin"
"Puaaaaah...! Puauuuu!" Come another oozing slaps, this time around it rearrange my brain from crazyness to real madness.
I started talking rubish.
"Officers... Ah mean soldiers... We go Ashawo joint, this my friend na Kenny be im name, Na him be son of The former Governor of Abia... Im uncle na minister of finance from France, and na me be their maid.
"waoh big boy" I see their supposed capon talked touching kenny's cheek.
"No sir he was lieng, i swear i be bastard... I no even get papa and mama... I was picked from dustbing." Kenny my good friend started yabbing nonsense.
The touts never believe him saying that they have comfirm his financial status through his cheek, what they did for him that day, was a story for another day!
"Wai! Wai! Wai!!!" Comes the sounds as our old soldier landlord continue garnishing Kenny's cheek with some delicious slaps.
"Wey ur roomate? Wia im dey" was the landlord's chorus as he continues his slaping feast.
I was enjoying the show how i wish i can be opportuned to join in the slapping feast.
I will surely enjoy doing it on that foam-like cheeks of kenny not like mine which is as dry as kpomo fish.
I was still enjoying the show all of a sudden.
"Krrraaar gwadaaaa.... gwaddda...."
shitup! Our wardrope have falled and blow my cover, not that only it landed on my Okro head!!!

"Gbum... Gbumm... Gbum...!" Comes a knock on our room door.
"ooow... Who must be knocking on our door this early morning?" i asked no one particulary.
As i rise up from our old rumpled mat, i looked down only to laugh at my roomate or rather my close friend kenny, he was sleeping with his large mouth wide open while the ants are busy building ibadan highway express on his opened large mouth.
Kenny my friend can swallow up a big apple without chewing it.
We onced did a betting of who can swallow up a large ball of akpu which is as big as baby's head which he gladly did and win the bet.
"Gbum... Gbum... Gbum..." comes the knock again i grumbled on anger with a promise to shout at whoever tha must been knocking on our door with such a loud thud this early morning.
I peeped through our key hole and behold is our worst nightmare! Our landlord!
We have been owing the man for some months now but kept on dodging him, now he was on our door step, No way out!
I rushed back to wake my poor friend who is enjoying his sleep.
"kenny kenny! , landlord is here oooo!" i wispered.
"where!" he shouted like a mad man that he is.
"he is right there at our doorstep" i answered back.
"Chisos! Na die be this wetin we go do now?" he asked a stupid question.
"Idiot make we kidnapp your papa give am as house rent na" i thundered back.
"Kutty may Amadioha strike you dumb if u call my papa name again" He cursed back.
"Eeeeh... I agree, make we go hid abeg"I concluded as the knock becomes worst.
Where do we hid? I think na wardrope sure pass!

NOTE : NONE OF THIS PART OF STORY SHOULD PUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED INTO A CD NOR SHOULD IT BE POSTED ON BLOGG OR ANY FORUM WITHOUT THE COPYRIGHT LICENCE FROM THE OWNERSHIP OF THE STORY (GEORGE PRESLEY) ANY ONE FOUND DOING THIS WILL BE CHARGED FOR PIRACY... SO BEWARE!!!
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DISCLAIMER!!!
PLEASE THIS STORY IS FULLY WORK OF FICTION ANY NAME OR PLACE OR FEATURES USED ON IT WICH APPEARS TO RELATE WITH ANY LIVING OR DEAD PERSON OR EVEN A PLACE SHOULD JUST BE CONSIDERED AS THE CRAZY IMAGINATION OF THE AUTHOR, NOW SIT DOWN AND RELAX WHY THE STORY UNFOLDS...
YOU WILL LAUGH OUT YOUR INTESTINE...
"KUTTY AND THE GHETTO" THE COMIC PACKED STORY OF THE IMAGINARY AUTHOR...! LEGGO!