₦airaland Forum

Kids Are Quick !!!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is,

TEACHER: No, Millie, Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right, 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

Indian Funeral
Deceased: Bala
Surviving Spouse : Radha
No Kids
Pet Dog : named Cookie.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS REALLY HAPPENED.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The wife while sitting next to the coffin, cried out aloud and said
"BALA WHY YOU LEFT ME, WHO IS GOING TO PLAY WITH MY COOKIE EVERY MORNING ? MY COOKIE ALWAYS LOOKED FOR U , WHEN IT SAW U BALA IT
JUMPED FOR U, AIYOO BALA MY COOKIE WILL JUST LIE ,WHO WILL IT JUMP FOR NOW , BALA WHO IS GOING TO BATH MY COOKIE AND TRIM MY COOKIES HAIR?"

thanks guys,I've got more,

A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down. The
owner walks up to him and hands him menu.
*"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just
bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and
Order from
there."*
*A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile
And picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table And hands
it to him.*
*The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep
breath.*
*Ah, yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."*
*Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen
and
tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened.*
*The blind man eats and leaves
*Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner
mistakenly
brings him a menu again.*
*Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."*
*I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork."*
*The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind
man.*
*After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells
great.*
*I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." *
*Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is
screwing
around with him and tells his wife Gladys that the Next time the
blind
man comes in he's going to test him
*He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him
coming
and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys, Rub this
fork on
your panties before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies
and
hands her husband the fork.*
*As the blind
man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and
waiting.*
*Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your
fork ready for you."*
*The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "I
didn't know Gladys worked here!*

Nathi : So, Sipho, last time I saw you, you were going to Caesar's PIZZA, how did you go?
Sipho : Very bad, my favourite PIZZA was not there that day.
Nathi : Mhhh, interesting, so what did you do then?
Sipho : Well, I decided to go to Big Daddy's restaurant for a BURGER. Eish, when I arrived there, the door was locked.
Nathi : Agh Shame my friend, that's bad.
Sipho : Ah well, I had to finally go to the café and got myself PAP and STEW
After a while when Nathi was gone, Sipho's wife wanted to know what was the whole conversation about.
Sipho: Well you see honey, that's what we sometimes do during lunch. We go out and eat at restaurants. Well the Lady was happy with the answer.

EXPLANATION:
PIZZAS (GIRLFRIENDS) = Taste good all the time.
BURGER (MISTRESS) = Eaten often now and then.
PAP and STEW (WIFE) = Eaten when there is absolutely nothing else on offer.

Your hair smells nice
 
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's BEN, the dwarf."

A man asked a prostitute: "How much?"
She replied: "R100 on the bed, R50 on a sofa and R20 on the grass"

The man gave her R100, She replied: "I see you are a man of class"

He replied: "Shitty class, five times on the grass"

How Did Xenophobia Start,

A Nigerian, a Mozambican and a South African are sitting in a South African pub having a pint of beer.

The Nigerian grabs his beer, downs it, throws his glass into the air, draws a handgun and shoots the glass in mid-air. He grins at the other two, puts the gun down on the bar andshouts: "In Nigeria we have so many glasses we never drink out of the same glass twice."

The Mozambican then downs his beer, throws his glass into the air, grabs the gun off the bar, shoots the glass, puts the gun back on the bar andsays: "Heela, in Mozambique we have so much sand which makes glass really cheap, so we too, never drink out of the same glass twice."

The South African finishes his beer, puts the glass down on the bar, picks up the gun, shoots both the Nigerian and Mozambican and says to thebarman:

"In South Africa we have so many Nigerians and Mozambicans that we never have to drink with the same ones twice."

So Mr Nigeria what do you think we should do?What is the solutions to all this problems?

Bigjoe,Since you know so much about SA more than us the locals,tell me was there killings before the one you saw on CNN in which immigrants and locals died,or is it something that has just started?
Let me tell you,it is well known fact that Mozambique and Zimbabwean organised criminals jump the border with a planned missions to rob,steals car and do cashheist in south Africa,locals knows this but authorities do nothing.Since this people are illegally in the country they go and hide in the squatter camps(poorest places in the country).The very same poor people are the one who revolted,they felt that the government has failed them.In 2004 one group of Zimbabwean robbers killed six south African police when they where tracked down,there are many stories which don't reach international media and generations.South Africans are tolerant people but they have their limits as-well.
The name makwerekwere came about in the 80ties,South African Unions where trying to put pressure on the apaartheid government,they down tool in all mines in south Africa,but the government went and recruited people from Mozambique,Zimbabwe,Malawi and other countries,locals started to have resentment for this foreigners,because they where undermining their efforts.Today in south Africa we have labour laws which protect unskilled labours,there is a minimum wage, that is above a living standard.But you know what is happening for the second time in our history,companies hire people from Zimbabwe,Mozambique and other countries so that they can pay them as little as possible not because they are hard workers.With 2010 lot of companies tried doing that and there where strikes country wide.We know the roots of crime in south africa and locals and police will root it out.And Iwill assure you that the world cup will be very safe in south africa,unless you go to Hillbrow(little lagos)

Bigjoe,if South Africa is that dangerous,why are more and more people risking their lives to come here including Nigerians?Now you sound ignorant,I bet you think there are gunshots everywhere you go and you pass dead body everywhere.Fifa must be stupid,two of the most violent countries will be hosting the world cup in succession,RSA-2010 AND Brasil-2014.

Take that o lerete!

Olowe,I can confirm that i am not Mpele.ask Mukina.

Jairzinho:
The word is 'barred' NOT 'banned'?
Cheers

Typical!

Malaza,we must defend our own,batho ba tletse ka makaka.Ke kgatetse ke rogiwa ke le 1.Welcome Mkhaya.

This are the figures from Stastic South Africa of visitors to our country.

http://www.statssa.gov.za/PublicationsHTML/Report-03-51-022003/html/Report-03-51-022003_7.html?gInitialPosX=10px&gInitialPosY=10px&gZoomValue=100

Or open the attachement,l THINK the different between our two nation is we report every evil no matter how small that is happening in our society.Our papers are fully independent.

ayusman16:
@RSA, i can see that u woke up drunk with foolishness again. What do u guys av? When your stupid economy is dependent on our money gotten by your coys based in Ngr? Do u think u guys would be anywhere without the help of the whites? So u better hush before we send your coys packing so that your stupid economy could crash!

Our economy depend on your economy? I think you should get your facts right.go do a research on RSA economy and tell me how we as South African depend on your money.Yes white South African control the economy in my country but that is the deal we had with them,currently skills are transfer in south africa at a normal/realistic pace(we are thinking ahead), goverment has legislations that will make that possible.Like I said you people have no influence at all,you've got oil but who is drilling it? white(worse americans and europeans)or is petrol cheaper in Nigeria?.I think the question that you should be asking is who is controling Nigerians economy? because you are not.RSA companies started investing in your coutry only 10 years ago and what was happing prior to that?

Like I said in my previous posting that you people have no influence in anything,please Nigeria boycott we might win world cup just like in 96 when you where banned from coming here,I simply say we dont really care if you boycoot or not.who need Nigeria when Brasil,argentina,germany,cameroon,egypt,ghana and ect, are coming.Please stop acting like civilised people.

"Posted by: Blatant
Insert Quote
RSA, I just read that and I find it hard to believe what I read"


Unfortunatly my brotha it is true.I dont wanna give excuse for our people irresponsibilies but AIDS in South Africa was accelerated to stop population growht among black people.

This speech was state of the nation address in 1985.






Botha speech 1985: Still saying you won't vote


THE FOLLOWING is a speech made by former South African President P.W.
Botha to his Cabinet. This reprint was written by David G. Mailu for the Sunday Times, dated August 18, 1985.

"Pretoria has been made by the
White mind for the White man. We are not obliged even the least to try
to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We
have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways. The
Republic of South Africa that we know of today has not been created by
wishful thinking. We have created it at the expense of intelligence,
sweat and blood. Were they Afrikaners(whites in SA created a language called afrikaans which is the mixture of french,german,english,bantu and dutch they refers themself as Afrikaners) who tried to eliminate the
Australian Aborigines? Are they Afrikaners who discriminate against
Blacks and call them Nigge*rs in the States? Were they Afrikaners who
started the slave trade? Where is the Black man appreciated? England
discriminates against its Black and their "Sus" law is out to discipline the Blacks. Canada, France, Russia, and Japan all play their
discrimination too. Why in the hell then is so much noise made about us? Why are they biased against us? I am simply trying to prove to you all that there is nothing unusual we are doing that the so called civilized worlds are not doing. We are simply an honest people who have come out aloud with a clear philosophy of how we want to live our own White life. We do not pretend like other Whites that we like Blacks. The fact that, Blacks look like human beings and act like human beings do not necessarily make them sensible human beings. Hedgehogs are not
porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles simply because they look
alike. If God wanted us to be equal to the Blacks, he would have created us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us differently: Whites, Blacks, Yellow, Rulers and the ruled. Intellectually, we are superior to the Blacks; that has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt over the years. I believe that the Afrikaner is an honest, God fearing person, who has demonstrated practically the right way of being. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that behind the scenes, Europe, America, Canada, Australia-and all others are behind us in spite of what they say. For diplomatic relations, we all know what language should be used and where. To prove my point, Comrades, does anyone of you know a White country without an investment or interest in South Africa? Who buys our gold? Who buys our diamonds? Who trades with us? Who is helping us develop other nuclear weapon? The very truth is that we are their people and they are our people. It's a big secret. The strength of our economy is backed by America, Britain, Germany. It is our strong conviction, therefore, that the Black is the raw material for the White man. So Brothers and Sisters, let us join hands together to fight against this Black devil. I appeal to all Afrikaners to come out with any creative means of fighting this war. Surely God cannot forsake his own people whom we are. By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence. Isn't it plausible? therefore that the White man is created to rule the Black man? Come to think of what would happen one day if you woke up and on the throne sat a Kaff*ir! Can you imagine what would happen to our women? Does anyone of you believe that the Blacks can rule this country? Hence, we have good reasons to let them all-the Mandelas-rot in prison, and I think we should be
commended for having kept them alive in spite of what we have at hand
with which to finish them off. I wish to announce a number of new
strategies that should be put to use to destroy this Black bug. We
should now make use of the chemical weapon. Priority number one, we
should not by all means allow any more increases of the Black population lest we be choked very soon. I have exciting news that our scientists have come with an efficient stuff. I am sending out more researchers to the field to identify as many venues as possible where the chemical weapons could be employed to combat any further population increases. The hospital is a very strategic opening, for example and should be fully utilized. The food supply channel should be used. We have developed excellent slow killing poisons and fertility destroyers. Our only fear is in case such stuff came in! ! to their hands as they are bound to start using it against us if you care to think of the many
Blacks working for us in our domestic quarters. However, we are doing
the best we can to make sure that the stuff remains strictly in our
hands. Secondly, most Blacks are vulnerable to money inducements. I have set aside a special fund to exploit this venue. The old trick of divide and rule is still very valid today. Our experts should work day and night to set the Black man against his fellowman. His inferior sense of morals can be exploited beautifully. And here is a creature that lacks foresight. There is a need for us to combat him in long term projections that he cannot suspect. The average Black does not plan his life beyond a year: that stance, for example, should be exploited. My special department is already working round the clock to come out with a long-term operation blueprint. I am also sending a special request to
all Afrikaner mothers to double their birth rate. It may be necessary
too to set up a population boom industry by putting up centres where we
employ and support fully White young men and women to produce children
for the nation. We are also investigating the merit of uterus rentals as a possible means of speeding up the growth of our population through
surrogate mothers. For the time being, we should also engage a higher
gear to make sure that Black men are separated from their women and
fines imposed upon married wives who bear illegitimate children. I have
a committee working on finding better methods of inciting Blacks against each other and encouraging murders among themselves. Murder cases among Blacks should bear very little punishment in order to encourage them. My scientists have come up with a drug that could be smuggled into their brews to effect slow poisoning results and fertility destruction. Working through drinks and manufacturing of soft drinks geared to the Blacks, could promote the channels of reducing their population. Ours is not a war that we can use the atomic bomb to destroy the Blacks, so we must use our intelligence to effect this. The person-to-person encounter can be very effective. As the records show that the Black man is dying to go to bed with the White woman, here is our unique opportunity. Our Sex Mercenary Squad should go out and camouflage with Apartheid Fighters while doing their operations quietly administering slow killing poison and fertility destroyers to those Blacks they thus befriend. We are modifying the Sex Mercenary Squad by introducing White men who should go for the militant Black woman and any other vulnerable Black woman. We have received a new supply of prostitutes from Europe and America who are desperate and too keen to take up the appointments. My latest appeal is that the maternity hospital operations should be intensified. We are not paying those people to help bring Black babies to this world but to eliminate them on the very delivery moment. If this department worked very efficiently, a great deal could be achieved. My Government has set aside a special fund for erecting more covert hospitals and clinics to
promote this programme. Money can do anything for you. So while we have
it, we should make the best use of it. In the meantime my beloved White
citizens, do not take to heart what the world says, and don't be ashamed of being called racists. I do not mind being called the architect and King of Apartheid. I shall not become a monkey simply because someone has called me a monkey. I will still remain your bright star, His Excellency Botha. " THAT CLEARLY SHOWS WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY SO WE SHOULD APPRECIATE OUR NEWFOUND FREEDOM

Azania
Posts: 1

Offline

  Re: Boycott South Africa! Boycott Dstv, Mtn Etc! See What They Did To Your Brothers!
« #893 on: May 30, 2008, 02:09 PM » 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Guys

I'm a South African living in Joburg-SA.  After reading the lead story on this thread I felt the need to correct some untruths being told by This Day.  Yes xenophobic attacks did take place which makes me and others feel ashamed to be associated with South African.  For that do accept my humble apologies.
The point I want to clarify is that about Nigerians living in Hillbrow, Yeoville and other JHB surrounding places.  The truth of the matter is that this senseless violence affected those living in squator camps/shacks and some other informal settlements.  You might be aware that these places are dominated by the poorest of the poor and most Nigerians are found in cities where little or no violence was experienced at all.
This violence was as a result of the frustrations of the poor South Africans who are seeing their lives going down the drain each and every day.  They then resorted to seek for scape goats and fellow poor Africans were attacked.  You must bear in mind that all middle to upper class Africans never experience this treatment.  It is not that we don't know them but we don't see them as a threat to our well being,  we see them as brothers and sisters to an extent that  we share beers, sports as well as women together.  We are still using their services(skills) whenever the need arises.
   
By this I mean not everything you see on the newspapers is the truth.  They tend to sensetionalise things a bit to capture more readership.[/color][color=#990000]

Azania,
Mkhaya apologies don't work in  Nigeria,I guess its got something to do with God's great law law they are having.If your family member kill a member of their family they will kill all your family members.South Africans have tried,we are not only apologising to Nigerians,we've apologised to most african in their websites and newspapers esspecially zimbabwean and mozambiqeans since they are the one who most affected.

I think a question that everyone should be asking is why this  is happening,what led this perpetrators to do this so that it does not happen again.South Africa has about more than five million legal  immigrents from all over africa and +-two million illegal immigrants and prior to this fightings people have been living together peacefully. But some Nigerians are not interested in finding out the cause,if south africans where xenophobic then how come they've leaved with so many immigarants for so long?We have more immigrants in our country than anyother country in africa.If there is going to be clashes over nationalities within a country it is going to be in south africa.Look I am not explaining anything and not apologising to anyone(i did nothing wrong)

And beside visiting this website has made me realise that nigeria has her own evils aswell.

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

Doyin,I am glad to hear that you where rooting for the Boks,yeah we all dissapointed with our super 14 teams this year ,especially the Bulls(I am a Pretoria boy).We had an oppotunity of having two teams in the semis and we blew it.Crusaders where super this season and deserve the title.

There is a lot talks about Peter De Villiers since he's a first black coach for the Boks,but I think he will do well,we won the under 20 world cup with him in charge,he's a brialliant coach.This weekend we are playing Wales in Bloemfontein,our first match as world champs.I wont go to Bloem but I will watch the game on telly.

Savanaha,I love Soccer but Rugby is on the other level in terns of entertainment.You know in Rugby every minute is entertaining unlike soccer where you can sit for 90 min and no goal is scored,its a good sport where you need to be mentaly and phisically fit it is no siesie sport,I know one guy who broke a hand and still continue playing till the end of a game thats rugby for you.
Do you know that RSA is the current world champion?

Look I don't think that Nigerians have any influence in anything SA matters(except crime),look you people can talk,spin on your heads but you wont affect my Rand in any way,We won the right to host the world cup based on our influence,I am sorry that you've only realised how influential our country is.We are by far the biggest economy in Africa(with no oil ofcource),we are one of the biggest investors in Africa not just Nigeria,We are the USA of Africa.And there is no other country in Africa that CAN host the world cup other than RSA,THE world cup will be hosted in RSA in 2010 whether Nigeria boycott it(if you qualify) or not.