₦airaland Forum

TSHWANE/Pretoria - Loftus Versfeld (55,000) - 2010 FIFA WC

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Project Name Loftus Versfeld Stadium upgrades
Project Category Stadium Infrastructure
Spatial location of Project Corner of Kirkness Street and Lynwood Road, Hatfield, Tshwane
Project Timing Start Date: Oct 2007 End Date: Aug 2008 Duration: 11 months
Project Description Upgrades entail: north and south entries upgrade, ablution facilities, new lift, turnstiles,
upgrade concession stalls, extend VOC, new roof over eastern pavilion, replace seats, dug
outs, electrical and electronic upgrades, pull out shelter over tunnel
Project Value R 102.435 million

I think people's perseption and ignorance got crushed when they see modern buildings in Africa.people expect villiages everywhere in Africa.Nairobi,Harare,Windhoek,Gaborone,Abuja,Accra,Tripoli and many other African cities are modern and beautiful.Which is something that even African think is not true.My Advise to Africans is to visit Africa,go to any country in Africa you will see development.

Now we know why crime keep on increasing in South Africa.

Look South Africa is one of the most visited country in Africa,the reason you know about crime is because South Africa has the culture of reporting things,if you ask me now how many people died last month I will be able to tell you.Information is available.Other country in Africa(I don't know about Nigeria) don't make this infromation available to the public.

Crime,service delivery and health is a problem in any developing country including SA,most of the killings research shows that it happen between people who knows each other.

http://www.saps.gov.za/statistics/reports/crimestats/2007/april_sept2007/crime_report20062007.pdf

We have millions of visitors per year,tourism in SA is huge business.European,American and Africans who come to SA yearly are not stupid.Infact most of them bring back their family when they come for the second time.So Landis my offer still stand,if you decide to visit I will take a holiday break from work.

.

Nutty do you have any pick up line in Zulu? And please from your view as a Nigerian how is the place and people treating you?

And please don't forget to condomise.that goes also for you Nutty

Landis,

Stop this SA bashing,Cape Town is a city in south africa where majority is black.Look South African have nothing agaist your country we are happy with our country,visit our websites you will hardly read anything bad or good about Nigeria unless it is soccer.We have a very large numbers of Nigerians in our country and they are happy because they are building families here.From your respond I can tell that you have never been to South Africa,please visit once ,your out look on my country will change forever.

If you decide to visit,let me know me and my family can be your host,I will provide accomodation,transport and food if you dont mind.I am willing to go this far to show you the beauty of my country and a life of a black man in South Africa.

Pss, please dont believe everything you read,seeing is believing.

I know what you mean,most of the attack happened in the ghetto's of Joburg and Cape town,PE was never affected.And it is a thing of the past now.I think you will enjoy your stay there.Most spoken languages beside english are afrikaans(english,dutch,french,german and bantu mix) and Xhosa but everybody speak english as a second or third language.
Blacks in PE speak Xhosa(when you GREET some one you say SAWU'BONA).
And the woman there are off the hook.

Siyaku'amkela(we welcome you)

Middle East and Africa
Cape Town (80) in South Africa and Port Louis in Mauritius are the region’s cities with the best quality of living followed by Dubai (83) and Abu Dhabi (87). In contrast, Johannesburg slips from 90 in 2007 to 94 in 2008 and Harare in Zimbabwe slips from 168 in 2007 to 174. Out of the 25 lowest ranking cities, 19 are from Africa including Lagos (198), Port Harcourt (207) and Bangui (214). Two are from the Middle East including Sanaa (207) and Baghdad (215) – the city with the world’s lowest quality of living and lowest levels of personal safety. Cape Town scores 87.9 compared to Baghdad’s 13.5.

Asia Pacific
Auckland (5) is the city in Asia Pacific with the best quality of living, followed by Sydney (10) and Wellington (12). Elsewhere in Asia, Singapore (32) ranks two places higher than in 2007, slightly higher than Japanese cities such as Tokyo (35). Hong Kong and Beijing retain their 2007 rankings, respectively 70 and 116 in 2008. Bangalore (140) is India’s most highly ranked city followed closely by Mumbai (142). Both have seen a marked improvement in their rankings since 2007. Elsewhere in Asia, Kuala Lumpur ranks 75, followed by Taipei (84), Seoul (86), Bangkok (109) and Jakarta (146). According to the index, Auckland, the city with the best quality of living in Asia Pacific, scores 107.3 while Dhaka, the city with the region’s worst quality of living, scores 38.9.

Safety
The survey also identifies those cities with the highest personal safety ranking based on internal stability, crime, effectiveness of law enforcement and relationships with other countries. Luxembourg is top, followed by Bern, Geneva, Helsinki and Zurich, all equally placed at number 2. Chicago, Houston and San Francisco are amongst the safest cities in the US, all ranking at 53. Baghdad (215) is the world’s least safe city along with Kinshasa (214), Karachi (213), Nairobi (212) and Bangui (211). Luxembourg scores 131.4 on the index while Baghdad scores 3.8.

In terms of personal safety, Canadian cities perform best with Calgary, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto and Vancouver all ranked jointly at 22. In the US, Chicago, Honolulu, Houston, Lexington, San Francisco and Winston-Salem all share rank 53. Elsewhere in the region, Santo Domingo has the highest ranking at 92 followed by Panama City (96) and Monterrey (99). Bogota (207) in Colombia has the lowest levels of personal safety. The Canadian cities score 115.8 compared to Bogota’s 30.4.

Slagin Parakatil, senior researcher at Mercer, said that personal safety within Canadian cities ranked among the highest in the region. This was due to a relatively low crime rate and a stable political environment. In contrast, many of the Latin American cities such as Caracas, Bogotá or Port au Prince continued to be undermined by crime and political and economic turmoil. Traffic congestion and pollution have also had an impact.

The rankings of Bern, Geneva and Zurich, all at 2, confirm Switzerland’s position as one of the safest countries in Europe. According to the index, Luxembourg, the European city with the highest level of personal safety, scores 131.4. This is in stark contrast with Moscow, the European city scoring the lowest at 37.7 (196). In the UK, Glasgow (43) and Birmingham (53) rank safer than London (69).

For personal safety, apart from Baghdad, Kinshasa is the worst location, ranked 214, and Nairobi (212). Lagos and Port Harcourt rank equally at 209. Jerusalem and Beirut both rank 199 and Harare, 184. Abu Dhabi (33) is the region’s best city for personal safety, followed by Dubai (47), Port Louis (60). Lusaka and Manama rank equally at (118). According to the personal safety index, Abu Dhabi scores 112 against Baghdad’s 3.8.

For personal safety, Pakistan is one of the lowest-scoring destinations with Karachi, Islamabad and Lahore ranked 213, 203 and 192 respectively. Colombo in Sri Lanka appears at 204 while Dhaka (201), Jakarta (189) and Manila (178) are amongst the region’s cities scoring lowest on personal safety. Singapore is the region’s best location for personal safety, scoring 120.2 compared to Karachi’s 25.3.


http://www.citymayors.com/features/quality_survey.html

Debouy,Port Elizabeth is one of the most laid back cities in South Africa,it is nicknamed friendly city because people there are very friendly or windy cities for obvious reason.although the City is called PE the official name is Nelson Mandela bay.And comparing it to Cape Town or Joburg,PE is cheaper.

Please check the city website.

http://www.mandelametro.gov.za/fifaworldcup/Content.aspx?objID=72

Former South Africa national team coach and Manchester United's assistant-manager Carlos Queiroz has hinted he may be about to leave the club to become Portugal's new manager.

The 'Red Devils' visit South Africa from July 19 to participate in the annual Vodacom Challenge, and then proceed to Nigeria - where they will play in a friendly match against their English Premiership opponents Portsmouth.

The Mozambique-born Queiroz reportedly met Portugal's Football Federation (PFF) last week over its offer of a £1.5m four-year deal to replace Luiz Felipe Scolari.

Queiroz is now waiting for a decision from both United and the PFF.

"From my part, there is not much to say, it needs to be resolved between the federation and Man Utd," he said to the BBC.

"I can say little more than you know at this time. Currently, the matter is out of my hands.

"We must wait calmly. I have spoken with the two parties and now I wait for movement."

Queiroz has previously managed at Real Madrid, South Africa and the United Arab Emirates as well as Portugal's under-20 side.

The Portuguese coach has had two spells with United, first coming to Old Trafford in the summer of 2002.

Sir Alex Ferguson's number two rejoined United in 2004 having left for a brief spell to manage Spanish giants Real Madrid before being sacked after just one season in charge.

United are thought to be desperate to keep Queiroz who has often spoken of his desire to succeed current manager Ferguson, but refused to comment on his possible departure when contacted.

http://www.psl.co.za/news/1015381.htm

Apology to my naija friend,salute to my naija friend,he!he!heh to my naija friend.(I apologise with a song)

Talking about love

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacis t's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

Yeah with all crime and murders.

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=180&art_id=vn20080630054727583C766147

This test has only one question, but it's a very important one.
Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought.
By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand
morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you
will have to make a decision one way or the other.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

You're in Zimbabwe, near Kariba, to be exact. There is great chaos
going on around you, caused by an unpredicted hurricane and severe floods.

There are huge masses of water all about you. You are a Daily News
photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The
situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive
photos.

There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the
Zambezi River as it roars through the gorge.

Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away
with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water - he is fighting for his life, trying
not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud.

You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is, it's Robert Mugabe!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him
away, forever.

You have two options and no time to lose. You can save him or you can take
the best photo of your life. You can't do both.

So you can save the life of Robert Mugabe, or you can shoot a prize
winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's
most notorious leaders. And here's the question (please give an honest
answer):


Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic
black and white?

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it 'Robert Mugabe'.

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your PC will ask you. 'Do you really want to get rid of
'Robert Mugabe ?'

6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'

7. Feel better?

Responsibility mate!

I have been there several times and it is lot of fun watching thousands of virgin dancing is like heaven.

;d

More pics,

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know

About it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh, I was getting laid!

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get

a new attorney?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent

To your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh, are you qualified to ask that question?

_________________________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Thanks guys for liking my jokes,Here are some of the interview on national tv in south africa after local football games.You might not know this players but i am sure you'll catch the joke.

English is not our first language we shouldn't be ashamed.
 
 
1)  Bashin Mahlangu
   Interviewer: Bashin how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful goal?        
   Mahlangu: I feel immediately!!!
 
2) Lesley Manyathela.
  This was an interview to get to know more about the player after an extended period of rich form:
  Interviewer: So Lesley tell us about your family
  Manyathela: I have one KIDS. I also have two brothers: There is
  one in front of me and one behind me,
 
3) Bhele Nomvete:
  This interview took place after a game that took place on Bhele's birthday.        
  Interviewer: Firstly, Bhele we would just like to wish you a happy birthday.
  Nomvete: Thank you, thank you, same to you
 
4) Steve Lekeolea
  (a whole book can be written using amusing quotes from this player alone)
  Interviewer: Steve you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form you also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret?
  Lekoelea: In the morning I get up and I run away.
 
5) Steve Lekeolea        
  Interviewer: Steve you have just played an amazing game to help Pirates win, where to from here.
  Lekoelea: I am going home.
 
6) Jabu Pule
  Interviewer: Jabu, who do you think will host the 2010 soccer bid?
  Jabu: Marks Maponyane
 
7) Peter Ndlovu
  Interviewer:  Peter those were three beautiful babies you put away behind the net.  How do you feel?
  Peter:  Aah I am so ashamed, I just don't like it when these woman tell the whole world.

THE FACTS

The Xenophobic Attacks are Clearly Result of Jealousy, The Comparison Below Confirms this Observation.

NIGERIAN




SOUTH AFRICAN








Disclaimer

NEW JOB TITLES IN THE NEW SOUTH AFRICA in preparation for 2010!!!

Murderer : Population Stabilizer

Orphan : Independent Youngster

Beggar : Financial Gatherer

Cleaner : Hygiene Specialist

Rapist : Senior Practitioner in Sexual Practices

Gardener : Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

House Maid : Family Environs Upkeep Manager

Receptionist :Front Office Manager/Office Access Control Specialist

Messenger : Business Communications Conveyer

Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician

Temporary Teacher :Associate Tutor

Tealady : Refreshment Overseer

Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Technician

Watchman/security : Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or

Wealth Distribution Prevention Officer

Prostitute : Practical Sexual Relations Officer

Thief : Wealth Distribution Officer

Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist

Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist

Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager

Cook : Food Preparation Officer

Do Not Forget:

Unemployed :Township Management

Gossiping :Research Management

Meaning of cars names.



BMW = BRINGS ME WOMEN



FIAT = Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

FORD = Fast Only Rolling Downhill or For Only Rough Drivers

HYUNDAI = Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And
Inexpensive,

VOLVO = Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object


PORSCHE = Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
KIA = Kills In Accidents
OPEL = Old People Ending Lives

GOLF/GTI = Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside

HONDA = Hanged Over, Now Driving Away
POLO | Panties Off, Legs Open

THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY



Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.



Good : Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.



Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.



Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

Good : You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections.

Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.



Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a table dancer.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.

Fathersday in Soweto!

7 QUICKIES!!!!!
1) What is a KISS?

It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further
PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build the next GENERATION.

2) Latest Statistics:
What men do after sex?
- 2% eat.
- 3% smoke cigarettes.
- 4% take shower.
- 5% go to sleep.
- 86% get up and go back home to their wives.

3) Why is your d ! ck better than a credit card?
- Once spent it recharges itself. - It is accepted worldwide.
- You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

4) A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.

The lady sitting next to him asked:
Are they your babies?
MAN: No, I work in a Condom Factory and these are customers COMPLAINTS.

5) Women top 5 lies:
I am a virgin.
It is so big.
I can't do that to my best friend.
I won't gain weight after marriage
I am coming! I am coming!!!

6) A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says:
You want to play magic?
She says: What is that?
He says: We go Home, F*ck, and then you disappear.

7) What is the closest thing to a woman's period?
Your SALARY, It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and
If it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!