mrjojo:


See, most insecure ladies always have the tendency to become violent and this she has shown. Breaking up was very hard for me, she is the only lady I ever introduced to my family, my social life revolves 100% around her, I'm practically bored to death this days (work and sleep). But the fact remains with all her good traits and characteristics, can you cope with all her imperfections for the long haul? I cherish my peace of mind more than any other thing.

You wouldn't find a perfect lady, you aren't either, but there is always a deal breaker for individuals, and our tolerant level defers. So it always better to find the imperfection and flaws you can manage, don't ever bet on people changing, they often times don't.

And it normal to feel pity and indebted to her, but the worse thing a relationship can be built on is pity, talk more of marriage.

So much sense and wisdom in this comment bro. Over the years I have realized that even though I love her, the reason I’m still tolerant of her excesses is simply out of pity. And she’s very good at emotional blackmail. Imagine her telling me “ do I deserve all this?” “ what is my crime”, “ is loving you a crime” and so many others. I really didn’t put in much details in my narration because it’s too much to say. Honestly you are the only person that said it exactly how it is. And we can always relate if we happen to be in same shoes. I know I have my bad sides too but I don’t think I stress her this much. Back in school my social life was close to zero because everything revolves around her. I know the kind of person she is. She has a good heart. I only feel sorry for her because I know she will go frustrated and might end up marrying someone she doesn’t even love or her type because of family pressure. She’s just a lonely girl that can’t withstand life and easily gets frustrated when things don’t go smoothly for her.

[quote author=mrjojo post=83107874]

See, most insecure ladies always have the tendency to become violent and this she has shown. Breaking up was very hard for me, she is the only lady I ever introduced to my family, my social life revolves 100% around her, I'm practically bored to death this days (work and sleep). But the fact remains with all her good traits and characteristics, can you cope with all her imperfections for the long haul? I cherish my peace of mind more than any other thing.

You wouldn't find a perfect lady, you aren't either, but there is always a deal breaker for individuals, and our tolerant level defers. So it always better to find the imperfection and flaws you can manage, don't ever bet on people changing, they often times don't.

And it normal to feel pity and indebted to her, but the worse thing a relationship can be built on is pity, talk more of marriage.

mrjojo:
Ok, I hardly comment in this part of the forum, but this hit straight in the heart because it feels like we are dating the same girl, so many similarities.

- She is 24, I'm 27
- We've dated since 100level, broke up once for a year and we came back, so approximately 5years of dating
- She is an introvert, I'm the only friend she got
- not demanding, She was there all through
- She stays with her married sister, and marriage is the only way she thinks she can escape her controlling sister grasp
- She is very insecure, Always thinks I'm up to something.
- She is not as abusive as yours, but she can get violent (broke my phone twice, scattered the whole house in the presence of my brother)
- I love her to bits but three weeks ago I had to tell myself the honest truth and break up, She felt it was a joke at first. She always believes I can't

I had to be honest with myself, I can't deal insecurities and violent tendencies, (Yours would have been if y'all stay in the same city), I wanted her to not see marriage as an escape route, and have a thing of her own, I tried to contribute severally to make a start doing stuff, but at the end, she obviously doesn't want to do anything(she picked this from her sister, she is a full housewife to a rich man)So I guess she wants same life. I was patient enough for 2years, hoping she would change, She never did. People don't change! I would have broken up earlier, but I do pity her and I felt I owe her.

It not been easy without her, she called me some days ago and told me she was depressed, I really want her but I can't deal with all these above.

So ask yourself, Can you manage? be brutally honest with yourself, note, marriage magnifies everything, any happening during a relationship will most likely double during the marriage . Make your decision after, it wouldn't be easy, trust me! but in the end, a broken relationship is always better than a broken marriage.

wow bro. There’s so much similarities btw what you just said and my gf. She also sees marriage as an excape route which I was very angry at her. Told her with such mentality she would be led to end up with anyone. Mine is introverted too. She got no female friends. No one to advice her even. Sometimes I have pity for her considering the stress she goes through with basically no life. Honestly this is just my case. This is it!!! We have had series of fights in school before because at a point we where living together. It’s not in my nature to lay hands on a girl but she brought out the worse in me and we had a serious fight which made her destroy many of my properties, my TV set, home theater, microwave and center table.She almost destroy my laptop if not for timely intervention. I really don’t know if it’s genuine love I have for her or just out of pity. I have this soft spot for her and the strsss she’s going through now is too much. Not gotten a job yet and back to her parents house working in there restaurants where she basically work from morning till night with no time for herself plus shouts and insults from mother. The girl was there for me back in school so Walking away is just so hard honestly

Ezkid:
Well, I rarely quote folks on here, but seems to me you need to start listening more than you counters, you've been given a ton and half advices but it appears you already have answers to em all, why then throw shits at peeps here faking you need their intellectual efforts when in reality you aren't the type who listens? Look here dude, the girl knows you more than we do, but you seem to me a crook who's excellently excellent in making black stuff looks like white. Even in your replies you sounded manipulative, I've got a hard time figuring the kind of advice you really need, you're being offensive and defensive at the same time, I mean who does that? If you're really faithful then do wtf you've gotta do bruh but just like the OTs been dished out from the intelligent folks here, I'll like to stress further... to keep a relationship you need to preserve the self respect, grow some ego and make her realise those shitty talks are intolerable forthwith! Cut convos if necessary , sometimes the ideal antidote to sour relationship is walking away .

thanks for your advice

Simplep:
E don pass o,the guy has cheated over and over again not just once,i wonder why she's punishing herself emotionally.

how fast you are to conclude. Not that she has caught be red handed cheating or so. I even hardly cheat. This has been her attitude from day one. Always suspicious, insecure, nags. I really don’t want to go deep but there are more things to this.

Biglittlelois:



It's a long distance relationship so what do you expect? How often do you both see? who put in more effort? Cos all I see here is that you don't give her reason to trust you, work on that and you both will be fine, she didn't mean the break up bla bla bla she said, she's just venting, don't loose her, she is faithful and loyal, you might end up with someone that will pretend to be faithful or worse.

dated for long time in school before we graduated and went back to various base. There have been breakups after that and coming bCk too. We saw about two months ago. I know distance sometimes sucks but this is what I have been dealing with ever since with her. Didn’t start today even when I was faithful to a call. Always felt she would outgrow all this but it gets even worse

sinceraconcept:
you're very rude to generalise that Nigerian Girls are very promiscuous. Are your mother and sisters promiscuous too? Stereotype is very bad and also destroys the image of good girls out there. As for your girl,long years of courtship sucks so bad and if you've slept with her before and she's a non-virgin, she is a fornicator and has a tendency of fornicating and cheating on you and being promiscuous too and if so, she isn't different from those girls she's calling hoes. If she's really a good girl like you said, she must be chaste and those types of girls are the only types one can consider to be good girls. The only category of girls you may be gentle with if she's nagging this much are the good girls cos they're special, if she's anything asides this, you should dump her ass for a good beautiful girl. Only good girls are indispensable. If you've had sex with her before and/or she's a non virgin, don't dull yourself, keep fucking her and look for a good girl to marry when it's time. Don't keep a girl for that long next time, you Bleep bad girls and when it's time to get married, you look for a good girl and marry her, courtship isn't anything. Long term courtship today always lead to break up, short time courtship is the best with a good girl. That's how to ball bro

it’s not like we dated 6 years straight. She was an ex at some points but we always see ourselves coming back. I really don’t know man.

Biglittlelois:



Well I don't know for others, but it works for me, if I'm too angry and want to vent, I just say that word continuously to the extent that I laugh at myself, I calms me down, I'd rather use that word than insult people.

she has said worse things than that. Regretted meeting me, I don’t add any value to her life. So many things when she’s angry. Trust me the naggings are silly sometimes. Make me look like I’m dating a teenager and most of the reasons are flimsy. Maybe because I didn’t pick up her call or ignored her chat or I didn’t tell her I love you too when she says it. I can’t even list them all. Too plenty

Tallesty1:
She was hurting ma'am. Those words were not said in good faith. It's like beating someone because they deserve to be beaten and crying at same time because you feel bad doing it.

trust me the girl says worse things than this. I’m really confused. The comments self is making me confused the more lol

quisera:
Op if this girl didn't cheat during the period of your breakup then I'd advice you wife her. Girls like this are hard to come by.

well after we broke up she had other relationships but non worked out. I don’t know the reason. I sometimes feel she’s back to me because she haven’t found a better option and no one coming forth. She has a lot of good traits no doubt but trust me she’s sick sometimes. For wifing her no doubt she’s a good girl. She won’t cheat on you. Faithful to a call but can you cope with a nagging, abusive and repulsive wife? Even when she’s accusing you falsely? That’s the question I keep asking myself

stanvesco:

Let me tell u a story...

I had a male turkey so huge that he could barely mate the female turkeys. It made Dem hate him and always attack him. They extended d hate to me,but I had to pet Dem...
My question is; Have u made her a woman? If u haven't den shes just acting out her homes on u. U mustn't have sex before marriage,but u must make ur woman orgasm frequently even though u don't penetrate her. Do u give her frequent orgasms?

your story is quite funny too lol. There’s no amount of things we haven’t done o. Virtually everything!

MissOffpoint:
You are a cheat....

I really hope she dumps you...

wow that’s your conclusion? Pathetic

martolux:
This really confirmed you have been cheating on her, she's pained because you r just too smart to be caught. ...You are at fault for her ruddy attitude.The only way you can win her heart is for you to be completely faithful to her, she really loves you but she's very insecure about you.

trust me bro even when I’m faithful to the call she still acts stupid. Her problem is assumptions. She always assume I do things. If I don’t pick her calls maybe for a few hours, then I’m obviously with a woman, I can’t go out on my own. It must be with a girl. I can’t chat with any girl. There must be something. Like I’m literally isolated from everyone when I’m with her. All this things are thins I can’t tolerate and that’s what is bringing the problem

Privatepart00:
. I am totally disappointed in you after reading this . Just like she said , you are not man enough a bit . You swallowed a lot of shit from the beginning to the end . A girl you should have treated her shit since . You sounded more like a wilted vegetable . The height of it was you picking your calls just to prove to her that you are not cheating or with any girl . Wish I can unread what I just read . You are just shitty dude . Stand firm and be the man in your relationship. Rubbish

lol bro you have no idea o. I’m just laughing to this your comment. If there’s any girl I want to be with trust me it’s her. I may seem silly to you but you have no idea. Girls nowadays are something else trust me. I have my reasons tho but thanks for your advice

DOMINO001:
You are actually stupid like you rightly opined (apologies for reminding you). It could be because you want to compensate her for feeding you while you were broke.
You don't need an advice. I won't be surprised if you have already paid her bride Price. Go on and do what you want, but remember to come here and show us the hot water that was poured on you for calling your mum.

trust me you have no idea. I might seem stupid to you or not man enough but I’m very sensible. That girl has done things for me. I have dated girls in the past and non can be compared to her. Her excessive love for me is driving her crazy when I don’t dance to her beats. The girl is caring, honest, not demanding and willing to listen to me and give advice.

Omar09:





First, I want to commend your written English. It shows your school fees wasn't paid in vain.

Secondly, I like your girl. I like the way she uses the 'F' word like it's nothing. Believe me such girls are rare.

It's good thing you know she's the nagging type.
She does love you n don't say she has never cheated on you, you just haven't caught her. What you should know is this, y'all have to sit down n bare you differences so you two can understand each other.

N for the part of walking out of the relationship n not meeting someone as good as her, that's a lie. In fact the beauty of this taking your pride n leaving is you don't know whom you are gonna meet next, n if she doesn't fit your standard, one thing is sure, you will still walk out of the relationship n meet another. Till you get your type. Don't be delusional about not meeting someone as good as she, you know why?

You'd meet someone better.

thanks for your observations. Using the f word for her it’s nothing. She has said worse things than that but i try not to take those things serious because I know people say a lot of things day don’t mean when angry. If my mom could tel me she regret paying my fees becos she had a bad dream about me and told me to go to church and fast and I refused lol. I know she never meant that but people say things when angry.

And for meeting new person better or not. I really don’t know. I just hate starting things afresh. This is like a girl that knows everything about me same with her. We have been together for 6 years. The love is there. Sometimes she’s just obsessed about me and when I don’t play to her beats she nags and say things. I’m really going to miss her to be honest if we break up because i know it’s hard getting a girl like that. But the same time how long can I cope with such behavior. I always feel she would change with time but how wrong or right can I be

Simplep:
Well,this is how I see it

First,she's truly very rude,on NO account should your spouse insult you,all these Bleep you,i regret the day i met you,you are stupid and all other insult when you are angry is not nice at all.

Secondly op is a cheat,he has cheated on her before or still cheating,you can't deny it.


Finally, i think you guys should break up,it's obviously not working,she's losing her sanity,you are losing your patience so best you could do and save yourselves heartache is break up..

RESPECT matters alot in a relationship,stay away from a man who doesn't respect you,same goes to men.

you are not wrong saying she’s rude and lack respect sometimes but saying I cheat lol. Yes I might have but never in anyway has she ever caught me or seen me or have I rubbed it on her face. I’m too smart for that. All she does is suspect and assumes even when I’m doing nothing. You may feel she has caught me in the past but noo she has never. I have remained faithful to an extent. She’s just naturally jealous and insecured

carzola:
Nobody is perfect...look beyond her flaws
And be with her...

Sometimes distance can drive somebody crazy
I can say fr sure she loves u..
But if u guys continue like this she will cheat
Cause she has trust issues...

All the best. .
Try and make her trust u more.

theres nothing I I haven’t done or say to make her trust me. Even considering the distance I still give her attention but she’s never satisfied. Her life is just so lonely, she absolutely got no friends. I’m like her best friend and bf she tells everything. She’s quiet and don’t even like to seek for advice. She’s not someone that can discuss things like this to seek for advice. She believes in her own judgment and think she’s right. No elder sister to advice her no good friend. I really feel sorry for her to be frank becos I try as much as i can to be a loving bf. She have had bfs in the past but non worked and I think it’s this same salty attitude. Sometimes I neglect somethings out of pity because trust me her life is somehow. Sometimes when she explains to me I just feel sorry for her. To the point she wants to rush me into marriage cos she’s tired lol. A girl of 23 tired of staying in parents house. Tired already she hasn’t gotten a job. Wants to use marriage as an escape route. It’s sad

AstroG1:
That girl is control you,she's using your emotions and love for her to blackmail you. All I see is a Guy,trying to be a Man but couldn't. Use your head and deal with the facts that the girl is abusive,repulsive,has a bad character and highly volatile. Control yourself first b4 u try to control her.


You need to be Miseducated on women matters for Sense to locate you


Peace

honestly you are so right. I’m just sick but confused. Will I get a better girl that’s the question that keep popping on my brain. I have had quite some girls in the past but non can be compared to her. Talking about control. She tries hard to but I don’t give her that chance. I’m the hardest person you can deal with when it comes to women things because I don’t take shit from girls. But when she flames up like this. She says a lot of things that just make me sick and reconsider my plans for marriage. Is this what I will go through in marriage? It’s really a lot man I just wish I could type all. I love her so much but I hardly show it cos it not my nature to be acting al lovey lovey. But she always thinks I take her as an option. I really don’t know mern. I don’t pick call problem, I off phone problem, it’s either I’m with a woman or something

drips8:
You should quit the relationship.

You have a side chick and you obviously can't expect your girlfriend to stay mute.

lol you can’t conclude I have a side chick. Trust me there’s more to this. Even when I’m honest she nags. Always feel I’m with someone

DOMINO001:
You are actually stupid like you rightly opined (apologies for reminding you). It could be because you want to compensate her for feeding you while you were broke.
You don't need an advice. I won't be surprised if you have already paid her bride Price. Go on and do what you want, but remember to come here and show us the hot water that was poured on you for calling your mum.

I get your point but trust me this girl has her good sides I have known Naija girls to be very promiscuous, and do a lot of things. This girl is contented, honest, she’s not even demanding, she’s just so reserved. Aside her attitude trust me she’s a girl I want to wife that’s why I said I’m confused as hell.

The rest of it

Good morning everyone. I had to create a new account just to post this to stay anonymous. Forgive any grammatical error pls.


I have this gf of over 6 years.(note: there has been breakups between this period and even one that lasted for two years but we always come back) We started dating since my 200 level in school and there has been ups and downs between us. Quarrels, fights over all little things. She’s 24while I’m 28. Well towards final year we broke up because of a lot of things that happened. I want to be brief as possible.

I must say she’s a loving, supportive gf through out my university days but threw in the towel towards final year and started dating someone else because she couldn’t cope with my brokenness anymore. Well a lot contributed to that too. I was hurt and bitter for weeks but I didn’t blame her because she tried staying up to that moment. Even my friends where surprised becos she’s a beautiful girl. Al those period she never cheated. But to be frank, I have never seen an insecured, controlling, immature, obsessive, nagging gf all my life. I know I also had my shortcomings but this girl is worse. All our fights we had was not because I cheated but because she always assume I do. She always suspect. She’s too fast to conclude even when I’m so pure to the heart.

Fast forward to months later when things became well for me, for the fact she never cheated on me, and she really helped me during school days tho never stayed still the end. Well she was still young and immature. Being so kind and grateful, I rekindled the love we had becos we actually do love our selves. I don’t know if I was stupid doing that or just being grateful for all what we went through but one thing I know is I never regretted my decision.

Time has come and gone and we are still dating and also dealing with her nagging attitude and sometimes very rude when she’s angry. ( after school she went back to Lagos where she is based while I’m based in Warri) so I fell distance contributes too. But honestly I do ask my self if this is the girl I really want to wife because I actually love her and wants to wife her because she’s a good girl. But she nags a lot, too rude, verbally abusive, wants to be controlling. Because of this girl I never had any female friends in school because we where living together after some point. Well mostly because I couldn’t afford my own rent in full so we had to team up and rent a house. I was also isolated from my male friends.

I’m really in a big dilemma to be frank. Sometimes I’m scared if I can’t get a good girl that can be faithful and loyal as her because girls of nowadays are something else. Or I’m just stucked with her. I have actually not tried having a real gf durin our breakups because I wasn’t just ready for something new so I really don’t know. I’m confused as hell. . This girl don’t give me peace of mind sometimes. This moment she’s cool then next minute she’s something else. One incident that happened. I was on a video cal with her and an urgent call came in. I told her baby give me a few Sec to pick the call. After picking that call this girl flamed up and started giving me attitude. That I was supposed to finish that video cal with her before picking any call without even asking me who was calling. Well I’m just stating that to give you guys the kind of silly attitudes she exhibits.

The one that happened just of recent. Just last night. We didn’t speak the whole of Friday because we where avoiding each other so Saturday I called her but she gave me attitude. I left her. Later in the evening I said let me hangout with my friend. A female friend tho Out of the blues her calls came in and I picked. She asked me where I was I told her I went out. She said with who. I said must I go with someone if I want to go out like I can’t I go out alone. She started nagging and requested for a video call. I picked the call and showed her around to tell her I was alone but she never believed anything. She kept on nagging. Kept calling me repeatedly oo. See me case. Someone that didn’t have my time earlier. Well it got to a point I never picked her calls nor video calls anymore partly because the place was very noisy and because it’s embarrassing shouting on the phone and explaining to a gf in present of people. Well I have said enough.

Guys I need advice. I feel like breaking up with this girl. I don’t know if I’m just being selfish or making the right decision. I might look stupid to some people right now but all critics is allowed. I will share screenshots of the messages she sent me when I wasn’t picking her calls