₦airaland Forum

One of the foremost controversial and daring speakers in Nigeria has once again resorted to airing his views concerning the recent happenings in Nigeria concerning the up and coming elections in February.

He has purportedly claimed that APC buys crowds for their rallies and guess who said so?… yes you are correct – Doyin Okupe has once again spoken.

In a recent interview he granted news men (as usual), Doyin Okupe has reacted to the crowd surge at APC rallies and has attributed it to the fact that the crowd is being paid to attend their rallies.

In his statement, he justifies his position by saying that even the APC rallies that are conducted on a week day (working day) has so many attendants and so-called supporters.

He also went further to say if you count the number of people present at the Kano rally for instance; they were more than the population of Kano itself in the records of the National Population Census.

While giving his talk, Doyin Okupe seized the opportunity to also campaign for PDP and encouraged all Nigerians to vote in continuity claiming that a better Nigeria awaits us all especially considering the recent happenings in the oil sector: fuel is now 87naira per liter.

When FNN asked what that has got to do with anything, he replied and said “It has everything to do with it because with the heat of the elections coming, we still have a President that is holding official meetings and attending to the problems of the masses instead of moving up and down the country claiming to be campaigning. The 2015 elections are yet to be conducted but we all already know the winner”

Gov. Ayo Fayose of Ekiti has been talking tough ever since the campaign rally of APC Presidential Aspirant, General Muhammadu Buhari, in Ado Ekiti. Despite projections by his advisors that the turnout for the APC Rally would be poor, Gov. Fayose was stunned when throngs of people flooded to streets of Ekiti to Welcome the General.

In a bid to buck this trend, Gov. Fayose has threatened to withhold the usual Rice gifts he offers during Elections from anyone seen supporting The APC.

In a statement released by his spokesperson yesterday the Governor said

“This is a PDP state, not an APC state. We shall not tolerate anyone threatening the peace and unity of this state by waving Brooms on our streets or shouting Sai Buhari or Sai anything. On this note, I declare that every citizen of Ekiti state over 18 years of age is entitled to 24 cups of Rice, which can be collected from today till Febuary 14 at any LG office.”

“However, your rice will only be made available to you after showing your PDP registration form or ID Card. If you are identified as a supporter of APC, or as one of the people who trooped out so disgracefully in Ado-Ekiti to support General Buhari, you will be denied Rice, as well as anything entitled to the people”

“A Word is enough for the wise”.

Reactions to the development have been mixed, some calling it a brilliant idea and others calling it inhuman and a violation of Human Rights, but nonetheless, Lorries filled with bags of rice were seen entering Ekiti by our correspondent, late last night.

More on this in subsequent bulletins.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

APC presidential flagbearer General Muhammadu Buhari is making frantic plans to step down from the February 14 elections after receiviing news of Bishop David Oyedepo’s threat.

President Goodluck Jonathan was received by the General Overseer of Faith Tabernacle at their headquters in Otta, where Bishop Oyedepo spiritually pledged support to GEJ’s re-election bid.

Unconfirmed sources within PDP campaign team reveal to us that Goodluck Jonathan is currently not pleased with Pastor Adeboye of the Redeemed Christian Church of God for aligning towards General Buhari’s candidacy, hence GEJ sought to woo approval from Bishop Oyedepo.

Bishop Oyedepo in his sermon and prayers aggresively threatened to “open the gates of hell” on whoever that opposes Goodluck Jonathan in his reelection bid.

News coming from APC camp reveals that General Buhari is running scared by the threats, and is making plans to step down. However, Chief Bola Ahmed Tinubu has been egging him to ignore the threat as they are so close to victory.

The top APC chieftains are currently in a closed door prayer session, where they are being led by Pastor Osibanjo in a series of vehement prayers to neutralize Oyedepo’s threats.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

The Presidency has released a statement concerning Pastor David Oyedepo’s statement earlier today about “opening the gates of hell”.

In the statement, President GEJ subtly confirmed that Pastor Oyedepo, The General Overseer of the famous Winners Chapel and Chancellor Of Covenant University, indeed held the keys to the gates of hell, but that a huge amount of money had to be paid for its use.

The statement read:
“…… We had to influence the opening of the gates of hell with a huge sum of money, and the sum was paid in dollars. This is part of the reason why dollar has risen to N208 but we plan to stabilize that immediately after the elections. Please bear with us.”

In related news, the APC presidential candidate, Gen. Buhari, seems to have been shaken by Pastor Oyedepo’s threat of opening hell, and is considering stepping down from the presidential race.

More of this in subsequent bulletins.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

With the Presidential elections on the Horizon, many Nigerians have been clamoring for a Presidential Debate where the candidates of all the contesting parties would come to the fore to reveal their agenda for Nigeria. However, many see it as merely the best platform for the 2 front runners, President Goodluck Jonathan and General Muhammadu Buhari of the APC to lock horns on an intellectual level.

In preparation for this eventuality, sources in Aso Rock revealed that The President and his Aides have been having clandestine meetings to fine-tune him in readiness for the debate.

FNN today received a mail from an anonymous source containing an audio clip of the most recent Debate Practice session, which we have carefully and painstakingly typed out, word for word, innuendo for innuendo, for your viewing.

GET THE NEWS CLOSER TO YOU …. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR BBM Channel “FNN” today! C004A8561 http://pin.bbm.com/C004A8561 FOR HILARIOUS NEWS UPDATE
GEJ: *taps microphone hung on his shoulder* Reno, is this thing working?

RENO: Yes Mr. President Sir, we can hear you loud and clear

GEJ: Good. Ehen Reuben, remember what I said. No unnecessarily difficult question please. It’s just debate, not WAEC Further Maths

ABATI: Yes Mr. President.

RENO: And we begin….

ABATI: Presidential Debate Simulation Take 1. Reno, you can start now.

RENO OMOKRI: Good Morning Mr. President and welcome to this Presidential Debate

GEJ: Good Morning Reno how is family?

RENO: *whispers* Sir, you’re supposed to call me Mr. Moderator. This is a simulation.

GEJ: Oh, I’m so sorry. Good Morning Mr. Moderator.

RENO OMOKRI: So Mr. President, Our 1st Question to you is this; how many credits did you get in your WASC?

GEJ: Ah. That’s an easy one; I got 3 Distinctions and 6 Credits from 7 subjects.

RENO: Wonderful. My next que…..

ABATI: Wait a minute, Mr President. 3 Distinctions and 6 Credits adds up to 9 Subjects, not 7.

GEJ: Eh? Oh……….uhm……..hmm………that’s correct. Might need to set up a committee to look into that……

RENO: Reuben please, we do not have time for Arithmetic. Next Question Mr. President; What do you have to say about Asari Dokubo’s recent rants in the media about breaking up Nigeria if you lose the election?

GEJ: Yes. You see, I have said this before. Just like Boko Haram, Asari is also our brother. You cannot send SSS to go and arrest your brother. Unless of course your brother is in the opposition party and is trying to make you lose election. This is not what Asari is doing. Boko Haram have been making video talking rubbish, have you seen me order a drone strike at Sambisa? It’s not like we don’t have drones. Have you heard of the Made In Nigeria AMEBO III drone? But he is our brother. We cannot just kill our brother. Same applies to Asari, he is our brother. I’ll have to call him on the phone and tell him to shut up some times *brings out phone and starts dialing*

ABATI: Not now Sir, Not Now. After the debate.

GEJ: Ehn? Okay then. Next Question Reno……I mean……….Mr. Moderator

RENO: Speaking about Boko Haram Sir, what are your plans to defeat them if elected for 4 more years? Nigerians have been wondering if your inability to end the menace in your current tenure is enough reason to vote in Gen. Buhari of the APC to see if he has a better plan of action, especially based on his Military background.

GEJ: This Boko Haram issue is not Child’s play as we all know. We also know America keeps doing us bad belle. Sell Arms to us, they say No. Okay send Marines to train our boys, they say no. Honestly I am tired. Chad and Niger aren’t helping matters either. Maybe every now and then Cameroon helps out but we are more or less in this on our own. I don’t think that will change if Buhari becomes President. Why would anyone refuse to help me but willingly want to help Buhari? Come on. I’m Younger, Friendlier, speak better English, Passed more subjects in WAEC, Have more swag, do more exercise…………..I mean, have you people not seen the video of me online doing exercise? Come on….

RENO: But General Buhari has a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter…

GEJ: Reno leave that thing. Is it by beauty? Was JFK’s wife not a beauty queen that year? Did it stop Assassins from putting a bullet in his head? No it didn’t! Was Maryam Abacha not the most beautiful light skin ever in Aso Rock? Did it stop her husband from eating Indian Apple? See, beauty is nothing here. Faka is my sweetheart, she has the curves a man wants, she is my spec. As for my daughter, did you not see her wedding pictures? She may not be a beauty queen but we will still share Gold IPhone on her wedding.

ABATI: Wow……..Mr President you really know about history. We must add this to our campaign posters

GEJ: Yes Reuben, you do that.

RENO: Sir………..about the Youth on Twitter trying to get you re-elected….

GEJ: But Reno what kind of questions did you even bring here?

RENO: Sir…

GEJ: My friend don’t sir me. You think this is the kind of questions they will ask that day? Do you even know who they hired to set the debate questions? AMANPOUR! And that wicked panel on Channel that were asking about the website of the NSCDC. You think these are the kain queshions they will ask that day? You disappoint me Reno. Get back to your tweets

ABATI: Very sorry see. I’ll personally see to it that the questions are revised

GEJ: Good. Has anyone seen Doyin of late? That fat man has been dodging my calls. I know he’s the one starting these stupid twitter hashtags. What is #GEJMyVal for God sake? When I said find a response to Febuhari I meant merge my own name with a month too! Like JonaMarch or Juneluck…….not that nonsense…..

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

The hustle and tussle for power concerning the upcoming elections on love’s day (Feb. 14) has really been a fight for the strong and not just the intelligent. With statements and press releases flying all over the media platforms, we have concluded the above statement and trust that as usual, FNN will keep putting ears to the ground to bring you up-to-date news as we get them.

In recent statements made by the current president of Nigeria, he has claimed that Buhari, his major contender of the opposing party popularly known for the word “CHANGE”, doesn’t even have a permanent voters card (PVC) so he should not even be gunning for presidency let alone campaign.

GEJ made this statement at the recent meeting organized by the senate to address the current status of voter’s registration and how to go about voting come Feb. 14, 2015. GEJ claimed he was just unnecessarily restless when he asked JEGA to produce voter’s registration list and on proper perusal, he found that GMB’s name was missing meaning he (GMB) is not a registered voter.

While the meeting was still on-going, he also advised all Nigerians to desist from every form of criticism of his government as he is still the best president Nigeria has ever had and come Feb 14, he will continue to rule this country effortlessly considering his intelligence surpasses that of GMB.

FNN tried to get through to GMB but all avenues we employed seemed futile but we have reason to believe that this is as a result of the busy-schedule for him.

The ministry of Information has compiled and released a comprehensive list of the top ten most influential Nigerians in the year 2014. The list was compiled after a survey carried out on a cross section of the Nigerian populace and an assessment of the impact of the actors involved on the Nigerian economy and political stratosphere.

Surprisingly, our dear President Goodluck Jonathan was not even the first on the list, and there are also some other mouth opening inclusions and exclusions which makes the entirety of the staff of FNN to collectively exclaim “There is God ooo”

This is the list.

1) Abubakar Shekau

2) Dame Patience Jonathan

3) Don Jazzy

4) Aliko Dangote

5) Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala

6) Chief Olusegun Obasanjo

7) Sanusi Lamido Sanusi

Patoranking

9) Wizkid Ayo Balogun

10) President GoodLuck Jonathan

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

Do you agree with this list ?..leave a comment below

Governor Ayo Fayose of Ekiti State has made a formal apology to General Buhari for predicting his purported death in office in his infamous Newspaper advert of January 19 which made the front page of almost all the national dailies in the country.

The reaction of the intellectual bulk of the Nigerian society to the damaging was so swift, that many termed it a premeditated attack on the entire peoples of the North West Region, and also an insult on the memories of the Past heads of state whom he (Fayose) represented to have died in office.

Many Nigerians were particularly angry at the way the image of Gen. Murtala Mohammed and Umaru Musa Yar’Adua were juxtaposed alongside that of General Sanni Abacha.

Following the wake of rejection which trailed the release of the advert and its’ attendant consequences, Governor Fayose was forced to make a public apology via his Twitter handle, where he apologised to Buhari and the NorthWest, confessing that he only wanted to trend on behalf of GEJ (See tweet below).

Screenshot_2015-01-19-16-46-20

FNN immediately contacted Fayose after he tweeted that via telephone, and he confirmed that he was sorry for what he did. According to him, I don’t know what came over me, I am truly sorry. I had to do something to take away attention from Zahra Buhari’s trend last week and focus attention on GEJ and myself. Now I see that I made a dangerous mistake, and I hope Papa Buhari and the rest of the NorthWest will forgive me.”

Hello readers, the controversial first lady of Nigeria, Dame Patience Jonathan has challenged the soon-to-be/wanna-be First Lady and wife of General Mohammed Buhari to a debate session.

This was brought to our notice by the press secretary attached to the office of the First Lady yesterday at a general meeting of the press.

The currently seating First Lady, has insisted on having a one-on-one debate with the opposing party’s first lady claiming what that what a man can do, a woman can do better (in this case, women).

In the press release, the first lady also claims that since she was honored with a degree at a foreign university recently, she is very much capable of handling a debate session with GMB’s wife.

“Aisha is not educated and is not be willing to face me at a public debate that will be aired live from all over Nigeria.” She said.

While speaking with the wanna-be first lady at one of the campaign rallies recently, she reacted to the invitation rumor by denying ever receiving any invitation from the incumbent first lady.

Aisha also claims that she would be very delighted to accept the challenge if she actually gets one owning to the fact that Dame Patience cannot even construct a complete sentence in English let alone write-up a whole invitation letter.

She (Aisha Buhari), also admits that what a man can do, a woman can do better but categorically denied that the current first lady is a woman. She said and FNN quotes: “Dame Patience Jonathan is not a woman per say because, looking at this issue, if she were a woman as it were, she would be mature enough to know what to do and how to do it. How can she be gunning for a debate? In what capacity?

*laughs hysterically*.”

#SatireSeason #ShareAjoke
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Days after she was introduced to the Nigerian Public on Social Media, causing Mass Hysteria because of exquisite beauty, the daughter of the APC Presidential Flag Bearer in the forthcoming Presidential Elections, Miss Zahra Buhari, has given her beauty secret to the teeming number of female ‘fans’ who have been dying to know what make her tick.

“It’s simple really” she said to our FNN correspondent during a recent phone chat, “I don’t wear heavy amounts of makeup, I have never had any type of cosmetic surgery. My Beauty boils down to one thing and one thing only”. After further prodding she revealed to us “No man has ever seen me naked”

“It’s really no big deal. My father warned me vehemently before I left Nigeria to school in the UK to maintain my chastity until I graduate, else he would stop paying my fees, and you know how hard paying fees is for a man who always has only ONE MILLION NAIRA in his bank account at any given time”

“So in the process of obeying my father, my beauty grew in leaps and bounds. I am grateful to him”. When asked to advise Nigerian ladies who aspire towards her beauty, her response was simple and straight forward.

“Reset your body counts”

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

http://fake9janews.com/2015/01/my-beauty-secret-no-man-has-seen-my-unclothedness-zahra-buhari/

Hilarious the headline might seem but wait till you hear the full gist.

FNN has gathered that owning to recent news that Buhari and Osinbajo now have their wives with them on the campaign train, First Lady of Nigeri – Dame Patience Jonathan and resorted to conducting her own campaign for her husband.

She claims if all the women and children in Nigeria vote for her husband, then it is a sure bet that her hubby is winning the elections.

We spoke to the First lady at the maiden campaign rally that took place at the Federal Capital territory yesterday and this was her submission:

“My dear FNN people, I wanted to appreciate you for this ability you have given me to say something on this matter.

Yesterday of some day ago, I heard that the Buhari team are now recruiting their wives for campaign train hence me too have decide to start campaign for my husband.

I have instructed all first lady of all states to also start their husband campaign so that we can all have a voice as woman of the country.

I know that since my husband has become president, I have not cook for him at once but I know I am a best cook when you bring Buhari’s wife to cook too (I cook better than Buhari’s wife).

Therefore, I promise all the Nigeria that if they vote us back, I will cook everybody every month for 4 years.

I hope that you people understand me very well before they say I am speak grammar again *laughs hysterically*

Thank you FNN people”

She made the above statement when FNN asked her why she was running a campaign train especially in the absence of President GEJ.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

Reliable reports reaching FNN states that the All Progressive Congress(APC) Presidential candidate, General Muhammadu Buhari had been diagnosed of Amnesia and partial Memory loss since 1981.

This is coming on the wake of APC presidential campaign in Owerri, where to the surprise of thousands of supporters, spectators and millions of viewers across the Nation, the presidential candidate introduced his running mate and vice-president hopeful as “His Excellency Prof. Yemi Osunbade” as opposed to Prof. Yemi Osibanjo.

According to the reports from the Military, which was dragged to go through Gen. Buhari’s records as a result of his Certificate saga, This medical condition could explain why Buhari do not know the whereabout of his Original academic documents, as they are not in procession of any of his Original documents

We cannot categorically state the current level of Buhari’s memory loss condition, but with the number of years this diagnosis have been made and with no evidence of proper medical attention, we cannot help but say this is probably the reason why the General haven’t been able to give a personal account of the coup that brought him to power, his administration or the Coup that took power from him, in form of autobiography or memoirs has done by some other leaders in the country.

This could also be the reason why The people’s General haven’t tried to further his education like some of his colleagues and former Generals did.

It is also worthy of note that Gen. Buhari seem to have also forgotten his utterances, statements and promises in recent past presidential elections he had contested.

At this juncture, it is not out of place to assume that President Goodluck Jonathan, the Commander in chief of the armed forces was very much informed on Gen. Buhari’s memory loss condition, when he stated that Buhari cannot remember his phone number.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

As February 14th Elections draw nearer, The ruling People’s democratic party(PDP) and the main opposition party APC has continued to remind the citizens on why not to vote the candidate for the Presidential elections.

In addition to the stabilizing of Oil price if they win, the APC and General Muhammadu Buhari has given us another reason not to vote Incumbent president Goodluck Jonathan. In a statement by the party chairman, John Oyegun who highlighted that Nigeria is a sport loving country, especially football, where they were once referred to as the Giants of African Football.

In a reaction to the just awarded African player of the year accolade, which once again a Nigerian footballer (Vincent Enyeama) lost to Yaya Toure of Cote d’voire the chairman in a press conference with FNN correspondents and other media outlets stated that “No Nigerian player ever won the African player of the year award under President Goodluck Jonathan despite the award been given out four consecutive times” he went further to remind the nation that No Nigerian player ever won the award from 1999 to date, with PDP as the ruling party. “When Kanu Nwankwo, Victor Ikpeba, Emmanuel Amunike and Rashidi Yekini all won, it was a notherner with Military background that was at the helm” he added.

“A vote for Buhari on February 14th, is a vote for the love of football, it is a vote for next African Player of the year award!!” The APC chieftain exclaimed.

We at FNN cannot categorically state how Gen. Buhari winning the forth coming elections will lead to a Nigerian player winning the African Player of the year 2015 award, especially as Nigeria is not even partaking in the on going African Cup of Nations mudial, which is usually one of the factors in predicting the front runners, but we will just assume that APC’s Gen. Buhari have some kind of magical wand to give Nigeria everything they desire as soon as he becomes President of Nigeria.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

In the words and voice of Nigerian popular Comedian Bovi “We don Catch ahm” but this is certainly not about Johnny and Yemi alade, nene or uche. However it is about Difference Ent. pop singer, Sean Tizzle who has been in the news lately for allegedly using skin whitening products to bleach his skin and be lighter.
Below is a twitter DM leak between Sean Tizzle and popular songstress and CEO of whitenicous Dencia. see for yourself!! and tell us what you think...

see second DM below



http://fake9janews.com/2015/01/proof-that-sean-tizzle-is-bleaching-see-leaked-dm-with-dencia/

Happy New Year everyone from FNN once again as we are still in the season.

BIG news from the stables of FNN is here and it states that “President Goodluck Jonanthan aka GEJ is set to meet with the boko haram leader one-on-one on or before the coming elections.

Our reporters gathered this at a press conference organized by the Federal Government on behalf of the incumbent president as a means of campaign for a 2nd term for GEJ.

At the conference, the committee in charge of investigating the insurgencies in the states unrest emphatically stated that they have been able to relate directly with the leader of the Boko haram sect and he has specifically requested that GEJ and himself seats at a round table to discuss and make decisions as to how the affairs of Nigeria would be run if he wins.

Following up after the press conference, our reporters approached the head of the committee (names withheld) and asked him how the meeting came about.

He replied in the statement below:

“We have been on this insurgency issue for too long and so many innocent people including great men and women have gone to the world beyond (died) so we decided that the only way to end thi is to leave the grassroots and grab the bull by the horn so we tried to penetrate them and got a link to their leader.

We communicated with him and explained to him that two wrongs can never make a right. He reasoned with us and decided to negotiate but only with the president himself and physically at that because we even suggested that we can get a dedicated line through to the president.

We have fixed a date and a time for them to meet but we are definitely not going to let that out now for security reasons.

We hope that the meeting and agreements will spur Nigerians to vote us back into power so we can finish what we didn’t start (OBJ did).”

FNN also tried to reach the president after the press conference but he was too tied up.

While speaking with other people present at the conference, we gathered from a few people that this development is a good one and might just as well have a positive effect on the coming elections.

Some of our readers were also at the conference and they also claimed to vote for good leadership and not the party.

FNN has therefore concluded that the forthcoming elections will be a fight between who is the best and not the best or bigger party.

We borrow the saying from OBJ that goes “VOTE GOOD GOVERNMENT NOT GOOD LUCK”

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

http://fake9janews.com/2015/01/goodluck-jonathan-agrees-to-meet-boko-haram-leader-one-on-one/

A member of the Redeemed Christian Church of God who is currently engaged in the 21 days fasting and prayer organised by the church has taken his faith to the next level.

In a bid to remain steadfast in his faith and not yield to the temptations of the world which might steer him of the track of his fasting, the 27 year old man reportedly cut off his penis from the rest of his body with a machete.

According to him, the 21 day fasting and prayer session should be taken very seriously, and it is a period when one must give up on everything which gives him pleasure.

He was attacked by neighbors after they taught he was attempting to perform a ritual till he was able to example to them and a church friend could vouch for him

fnn bday3

He had been doing well without food and water, but his penis had been giving him trouble since he started fasting with its frequent little erections each day.

In his words, ” the penis has a mind of its own and it is capable of doing things which are totally out of my control. It usually gets erect every now and then, and konji sets in.

And you know that konji is one of the things that leads people into sin. The erections were making me weaker spiritually and in the fast. That is why I cut it off.

Even Jesus Christ said that we should cut off anything which will make us sin.” When FNN asked him whether he considered the long tern implications of his actions before embarking on the, he replied that he had taken all the necessary measures, and was sure that the penis would grow back on his body after the 21 day fasting period.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

THIS POST IS A SATIRICAL PIECE FROM FNN...ENJOY

We have cause to believe that the First Lady of Nigeria – Dame Patience Jonathan has taken in and is 3 moths gone.

This news filtered into the thin air when we started making findings on why the First Lady has suddenly become passive i.e. Not making any public appearances, hosting people or even issuing press statements in recent times.

FNN got a direct line to her and asked her about the rumors and here is what she said in her own words:

“Thank you FNN for ask this august question. I would say that I am a old person and I am matured enough to get pregnant at any time I wished.I have not reached menopause so is between me and my husband, the president if I like, I can have pregnancy and if not, what is their business? I also want to tell people to face their works and mind your business. My husband is already a Father and if I added one more to it, I will be happy on behalf of my husband. FNN is a good people and I am happy that you have come to see for the way it really is.”

FNN also went around the capital city to gather more news about the rumor and a few people granted us audience and below is their opinion:

Funke: I don’t care if the First lady is pregnant na. What is my own? I have my own problems

TJ: The first lady is a woman and can decide how she wants to run her life. If she get belle, correct and if not, all join.

Funke: I pray that she decides to send the new born baby to school oh. That’s all I’m going to say

The first lady has also been rumored to have registered for maternity at the hospital where the royal baby of England was born pending her delivery date.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

Wanna see more satire news ?...visit www.fake9janews.com

This is not just breaking news, it is also breath-taking but it is always our pleasure at FNN to bring you firsthand information so as to keep you abreast of happenings in and out of Nigeria.

Research has it that the former President of Nigeria, Olusegun Obasanjo aka OBJ, has finally defected to the GMB-Driven party – APC.

This is a shocker but speaking with the former President OBJ himself at his farm in Ota, he has given a few reasons why his defecting should not just be accepted by Nigerians but should also be applauded.

Find his statement below:

“I have reason to believe that most or should I say all of you are wondering why I have chosen to defect to the defunct APC and I must say that if I had been told that I would have to switch party some 5 years ago, I myself would have argued it.

I believe in transparency and integrity but unfortunately, PDP is an opposite of such attributes.

They dwell in deception and in the lowest form of debase if I may say.

I believe change is what Nigeria needs and regardless of whether GMB can deliver or not, it is still change in a way. Nigeria needs to be delivered from a useless government that has taken over since I left presidency.

If you have read my book, you will see that Jonathan is nothing different from my VP when I was president. Atiku was just a big time backbiter unknown to him that when you have people behind you, your back actually becomes visible to you.

I want to use this medium to say a very big thank you to the leaders of the APC for accepting me as I am and I am proud to say that come 2015, APC is taking over Nigeria for good of us all.

I am a civilian like you all now so I understand what it means to live in the suburbs as you are all aware that I stay nowhere else apart from my village here in Ota.

Finally, I would like to implore all Nigerians that come 2015 Elections, VOTE GOOD GOVERNMENT NOT GOOD LUCK”

FNN was treated to a glamorous dinner by the former president where he kept cracking us up at intervals with his deep and inspiring jokes

VISIT www.fake9janews.com FOR MORE SATIRE NEWS

THIS POST IS A SATIRE NEWS FROM FNN..ONLY TO BE READ FOR ENTERTAINMENT

President Goodluck Jonathan popularly referred 2 as GEJ has shown his level of agitation concerning the upcoming 2015 elections by approaching the famous Prophet TB. Joshua.

GEJ secretly left the Aso-Rock Villa and proceeded to the Synagogue church located in a popular part of Lagos to enquire of the prophet concerning the winner of the presidential elections in 2015

Prophet TB Joshua is known to have previously made quite a number of predictions that has been found to be true. Some of which include football match scores, football match stands, plane crashes and hijacks, deaths of prominent people, just to mention a few.

TB Joshua was also reported to have received the President of Nigeria well but refused to reveal what he knows about the results of the 2015 elections claiming that since he supports APC and the President is of an opposing party, his church and congregation might be affected negatively especially owning to the fact that he hadnt recovered from the building collapse last year.

fnn bday3

Speaking with GEJ himself on phone, he accepts he was at the SCOAN parish but he has denied all allegations that he inquired about 2015 elections saying “I don’t need to confirm when I know I will win”.

Also, when we approached FNN readers to air their views, a few of them says TB Joshua should be proactive and mind his own business. Some people even went as far as saying he should have seen the collapse of his church building coming, then they woulda believed his prophecies.

So far, all efforts to reach TB Joshua himself as proved abortive as we hope to get an affirmation of this story from him and also to get the predictions for the 2015 elections and bring it to you firsthand as usual.

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Upcoming musical guru Patoranking has revealed that he has a major role to play in Tiwa Savage’s pregnancy. This does not come as a surprise to us, given the huge role that Tiwa played in making his hit video Girlie O a success.

Many Nigerians were suspicious of the role Tiwa played in the remix version of the video, especially given the fact that the original version of the song was a classical hit, with no need for the introduction of the female soprano, because Patoranking’s high pitched alto tone covered it all and also their performance at the headies which raised more eyebrows.

FNN was able to corner Patoranking while he was driving out of a show at Surulere in Lagos clearly drunk, and he confessed that he had interests in the pregnancy, as he contributed to it.

When asked whether he would take any steps to claim custody of the child when it is delivered, he replied that he already has a son born out of wedlock, and he is not in a hurry to add to his burdens. Besides, Tiwa and Tee Bilz seem to be such a nice and sharing couple that he wouldn’t want to come between them.

However, he revealed that if the baby is a girl, he would reconsider possessing her, so she could be a play mate for his son.

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This post is a satirical article from FNN ..enjoy

What an old man sees while seated, a young boy will not see even if he climbs the highest mountain; this saying is a very popular and true one which is why we tend to take words from former President OBJ serious (he is an agba).

Recently, he granted an interview where he professes that the present president Goodluck Jonathan is not worthy of leading a nation rather, he should be working in a zoo where he rightly belongs.

Furthermore, he went ahead to say that GEJ might even need to pass a series of tests and examinations before he is allowed to work with even animals.

OBJ also kept hammering on the point that GEJ would be president in the year 2015 over his dead body.

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Nollywood Veteran Genevieve Nnaji in an exclusive interview with FNN correspondent revealed that she must get married to her husband this year by force.

Our correspondent ran into the actress at a library in Ikeja and was surprised to see her there. She revealed that she would start frequenting such public places like Libraries and Churches in the hopes of getting a good man with wonderful qualities.

According to her, she was tired of living as a perpetual spinster, and most of her mates were getting married.

She claimed that she had given so much to the Nigerian industry, but she will be taking a break this year so she can devote her energies to settling down this year.

When our correspondent asked her whether she there was any potential guy that she was already going out with, she revealed that there was none, as none of her relationships seems to last beyond 5 months. She cited the case of Koko Master D’Banj who dated her back then in 2010.

Our correspondent suggested that she attends a deliverance session to discover the reason behind her perpetual lack of suitors.

FNN uses this medium to inform all eligible bachelors that have been secretly crushing on the Nollywood diva that the coast is clear, and they can start taking steps to get her.

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