The Independent National Electoral Commission INEC has issued an order that no English. Premier League match should be broadcast on Saturday, 11th April, 2015.

INEC Chairman, Prof Jega issued this directive with respect to the Gubernatorial elections coming up tomorrow saying Nigeria cannot afford to joke with the Gubernatorial elections and having EPL matches being aired on Nigerian TV would mean a lot of the Nigerian youths will not vote.



Jega in his statement said all youths should please go out en masse and exercise their rights to vote so as to void passing blame after the elections which he categorically described as “Medicine after Death”.

The youths of Nigeria however are not happy with this new development and have therefore decided to boycott tomorrow’s election if Jega still stands by his instruction,

http://fake9janews.com/2015/04/breaking-inec-order-dstv-not-to-broadcast-any-football-match-on-saturday/

Dame Patience Jonathan seems to be playing hardball with everyone concerned with a peaceful transition from one democratically elected government to another, as she has outrightly refused to move out of Aso Rock Villa, come May 29th.

In an Interview with FNN, she stated categorically that she was not going to pack her bags out of Aso Rock Until The Elections for First Lady are conducted. She seemed to believe that the Presidential Elections excluded First Ladies, and that she would run against Aisha Buhari in a different election.



FNN; Good day Ma
DAME PATIENCE: Good day my pikin
FNN: How have you been holding up since your husband conceded victory to General Buhari?
DAME PATIENCE: I am alright
FNN: Really?
DAME PATIENCE: Yes na. It’s Jona that lose, not me?
FNN: I…………don’t understand ma
DAME PATIENCE: Is Jona that lose. My own eleshun never happen yet
FNN: What election?
DAME PATIENCE: Furst Lady Eleshun
FNN: Wait, what??!
DAME PATIENCE: Yes o. Buhari can defeat Jona, but Aisha cannot defeat me. My Gid will not allow it
FNN: Ma there is no such thing as First Lady Ele…..
DAME PATIENCE: Wee You Keep Kwayet
FNN: Sorry Ma
DAME PATIENCE: I have already print poster finish.
FNN: Wow
DAME PATIENCE: Yess o. Tell your readers dem to vote me o. They should put hand on Umblerra
FNN: Uhm Yes Ma

At this point she showed us her posters and we realized she was serious.

http://fake9janews.com/2015/04/i-wont-park-out-of-aso-rock-dame-patience/

The Oba of Lagos, Chief Rilwan Akiolu, has finally issued a personal statement regarding his recent outburst where he threatened any Igbo who dared vote against his candidate with drowning in The Lagos Lagoon.

The Outburst, which made waves on the internet yesterday, where the Oba threatened that igbos saying “if you don’t vote Ambode that i picked, you will all drown in the water”, has not gone down well with a lot of people in the country.



But in a recent turn of events, the Oba has issued an apology to the Igbos and everyone offended by his tirade, blaming his actions on the popular Alcoholic drink, ORIJIN.’

In his statement, he said;
“I want to offer my unequivocal apologies to the Igbo people for the things I said. I am sorry. I was drunk. I was drinking some Orijin just before the meeting. It was my 1st time, it was so sweet, I did not know it would be so intoxicating. I have ordered that all Orijin Bottles and Cans should be thrown into the Lagoon Instead”.

Meanwhile, Boys in Lagos are planning to protest the Oba’s move to throw all the Orijin into the Lagoon. They have paid a Twitter Trender to trend the Hashtag #DontDrownOurOrijin.

http://fake9janews.com/2015/04/oba-of-lagos-confesses-i-was-high-on-orijin/

News bits filtering in from our Aso Rock correspondent do not bode well for members of staff at the Presidential villa, as the 1st Lady, Dame Patience is said to have thrown a fit at Otuoke after hearing that President Jonathan lost to Buhari at the Aso Rock Polling Unit.

She then proceeded to sack every member of the Kitchen staff via phone call.



The Kitchen Staff have since packed their bags and left the villa but they remained defiant and insist they “did the right thing”.

“I voted Buhari because I am tired of being told my cooking is not good enough” said Initimi George, the Chief Cook.
“Everytime you cook something they must complain. president will say Salt is too much. Dame will say Pepper is too small. Everyday.We are tired. We want Change”
“I have already started learning how to cook Masa and Fura de nono because Sai Buhari will win” said Akpan Effiong, a junior cook at the Presidential Villa.

President Jonathan lost at the Aso Rock PU, scoring 595 votes to Buhari’s 613.

Vote collation is still ongoing across the country. Dame Patience is also expected back in Aso Rock today to fire everyone else who voted against her husband.

http://fake9janews.com/2015/03/dame-patience-sacks-aso-rock-kitchen-staff-for-voting-buhari/

There was confusion in Katsina state after the Wife of General Muhammadu Buhari mistakenly placed her thumb on the PDP slot instead of the APC slot, in the process voting Goodluck Jonathan for President.

All attempts to rectify it have fallen on deaf ears as INEC insist she will not get any extra ballot paper.

Mrs Buhari claims A PDP agent pushed her just as she was about to thumb print on her ballot paper, resulting in her voting PDP.

As at Press Time she is still weeping uncontrollably.

http://fake9janews.com/2015/03/revealed-aisha-buhari-mistakenly-voted-for-pdp-inec/

Just minutes ago rain started in Lagos and in not less than 15 minutes APC was quick to reply by sending a press release to all media blogs.



The statement read:



” Our fellow Nigerians that what change…dont leave your polling station cause of this rain..it is the hand work of PDP..they want those with only umbrellas to vote today…That is why they shared PDP branded umbrellas this week…We urge you to stay on the queue and vote for change…”

Information from the APC house are clamming that PDP spent around 10 million dollars to provoke a weather miracle..some said that Goodluck paid the Obas and Priest During his visit to lagos to make this happen…Others are claiming Goodluck Jonathan just did the rain dance naked round aso rock last nite

Olusegun Obasanjo is fed up.

After publicly disowning the PDP and tearing up his Membership card to shreds, the APC saw a wonderful opportunity to bring one of Nigeria’s biggest and most reverred Political Figures into the fold.

They saw the opportunity, but apparently, never took it.



The ex-General is neither a card carrying member of the PDP, APC or MP3 party at the moment, and has reiterated he will remain neutral during these elections, but has in a shocking move today, endorsed Prof Remi Sonaiya, Flagbearer of the KOWA Party, for President.

He made the statement at his Otta Farm this morning. According to the ex head of state:
“Since the PDP have rejected me, and the APC are not smart enough to realize how big a person I am, those disrespectful idiots, I am putting my weight behind Remi. COme March 28, myself and my entire household will vote KOWA party. I advise everyone to do so”.

Asked about Buhari’s chances he simply said “This is no country for Old Men”
On Jonathan he said “He never heeded my advice. he’s on his own now”
On Emeka Ike, he said “He’s an okay actor, but why am I being asked about him? Is he running for President too?”

LIKE IF YOU WOULD VOTE KOWA TOMORROW

Olusegun Obasanjo is fed up.

After publicly disowning the PDP and tearing up his Membership card to shreds, the APC saw a wonderful opportunity to bring one of Nigeria’s biggest and most reverred Political Figures into the fold.

They saw the opportunity, but apparently, never took it.



The ex-General is neither a card carrying member of the PDP, APC or MP3 party at the moment, and has reiterated he will remain neutral during these elections, but has in a shocking move today, endorsed Prof Remi Sonaiya, Flagbearer of the KOWA Party, for President.

He made the statement at his Otta Farm this morning. According to the ex head of state:
“Since the PDP have rejected me, and the APC are not smart enough to realize how big a person I am, those disrespectful idiots, I am putting my weight behind Remi. COme March 28, myself and my entire household will vote KOWA party. I advise everyone to do so”.

Asked about Buhari’s chances he simply said “This is no country for Old Men”
On Jonathan he said “He never heeded my advice. he’s on his own now”
On Emeka Ike, he said “He’s an okay actor, but why am I being asked about him? Is he running for President too?”

LIKE IF YOU WOULD VOTE KOWA TOMORROW

In their latest Video released online, Boko Haram have expressed anger at being left out of the Country’s Electoral Process.

Their Leader, Abubakar Shekau, spent the better part of the 30 minute long video ranting bitterly and angrily about still not getting his Permanent Voters Card (PVC) yet, therefore making him ineligible to vote.

He Said angrily:



“Why?! What is this Injustice??! Ya Allah, I am disgusted. I might bomb and kill every now and then but I am a Citizen! I tried establishing my own Caliphate, but did you agree?? No! You said One Nigeria. And you won’t let me vote? Unfair! I will kill you all! Didn’t I register like every other normal Nigerian?! I did! Why would you treat me like this?! MUSA! *sir* Pass me that AK47 *Musa passed the gun* BANG BANG!

Do you see that?! I just shot that gun for NO REASON but to show that I am angry!!! Whaaaaat! Somebody tell Jega and INEC and Jonathan and Buhari that they better bring my PVC here.

They cannot tell me not to vote. Obama cannot tell me not to Vote. Nobody cannot tell me not to not attempt to not not vote! I don’t even understand what I am saying ANYMORE! I CANNOT! OBAMA CANNOT! JEGA CANNOT! ALLAHU AKBARRRR! YA ALLAH WE M………”

At this point the video cut, probably because they ran out of internet, not because he was done talking.

In the wake of a spate of election related violence all across the Nation, the flag bearer of the All Progressives Congress (APC), General Muhammadu Buhari, may be about to shock the entire populace and his teeming supporters, by announcing that he is pulling out of the presidential race.

The bit of information was gathered from a reliable source close to the people’s general, who said the general told him in confidence that he was weary of all the shenanigans of modern Nigerian Politics.

In an attempt to hear from the horses mouth, we contacted General Buhari on the phone. Surprisingly, this is what he had to say:

http://fake9janews.com/2015/03/breaking-gen-buhari-steps-down-from-presidential-election-see-shocking-reason/

The young Mavin recording artiste and females’ delight has come out to inform his numerous fans that he has changed his name to Godwin

His name is Korede Bello and he has risen from nothing to everything. One good thing to note and depict his stardom is his instagram fans that grew from 10k to 100k in d space of 2 months. (No artiste has ever recorded this)

His latest single titled ‘Godwin’ has not just taken over airplay on radio and TV stations but is fast taking over the youths and the female gender as everyone keeps claiming Godwin irrespective of what their circumstance is.



When asked, Korede Bello gave the following as reasons for his name change
-The name Korede Bello is my full name and since I started singing commercially, I haven’t adopted a stage name hence the need

– Godwin has grown from being just a single to almost a platinum song as it enjoys airplay in and out of this country

– Many of my female fans have approached me and when they don’t remember my name, they just refer to me as Godwin

– finally, God has actually won in my story because trust me if you know where I’m coming from, you would understand the name change.

Korede Bello has also encouraged all and sundry to effect this name change on all documents in their possession.

In the early hours of today, we intercepted a mail sent from Aso Rock to INEC HQ. We presumed this was just spam as it was a coded message and took hours to decipher.
On decoding the message however, we were absolutely stunned by it’s content. The Mail was a letter informing the INEC Chairman on the Results of the Elections BEFORE the elections.
The contents of the letter below:

[url]READ MAIL HERE[http://fake9janews.com/2014/03/leaked-mail-plans-to-rig-election/]

The First Lady, Dame Patience has been on the campaign trail for her husband's re-election for some months now, making speeches in packed Stadiums and appearances at special campaign functions.
However, she stunned the entire political landscape yesterday when she was heard saying "Am Better 1st Lady than Obama wife now. Did she campaign for her husband like this when his own eleshun time come?"
On further prodding, she further revealed "Yes now. Am better Furs Lady than Michelle Obama. And By The Grace of God I will become Furs Lady again when everybody vote for Umbrella in the eleshun. Don't answer anybody that is talking change. They are lying".
APC Stalwarts have condemned the statement by The First Lady, claiming it will damage diplomatic relations between Nigeria and the USA

After Femi Fani Kayode’s utterances during the past week about an alleged agreement between Prof. Yemi Osinbajo and Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, where, in the event of an APC victory at the polls, the VP candidate would have to step down for Asiwaju after 6 months, Social and Print Media have been aflame with accusations and counter accusations.

However, FNN has gotten hold of exclusive screen shots, sent from anonymous number, of mesages exchanged between Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu and Prof. Osinbajo, purpotedly the ‘Genesis’ of the ‘agreement’.

It is, to say the least, Shocking

click below to see the rest

http://fake9janews.com/2014/03/leaked-messages-between-osinbajo-and-tinubu/

After the recent resurgence of activities against Boko Haram by the Nigerian Armed Forces and an onslaught on Sambisa Forest, for the first time in a very long while, Boko haram are on the defensive.

According to secret reports reaching our desk, the latest attack on Boko Haram positions left many terrorists dead, among them suspected men who were in line to be the next Shekau in the event of the death of the current Shekau.



As many Nigerians have rightfully speculated, Shekau is not just a person, but a title. The current holder of the title of Abubakar Shekau cried out to his fellow terrorists brothers in secret emails sent to Al Shabbab, Al Qaeda and ISIS, asking for help as his men were being decimated by Nigerian Armed Forces incursions.

In the leaked email, which was intercepted by wikileaks, the current Shekau said:
“Please my brothers in arms, we need help urgently. The Army are not playing anymore! They raided my forest strong hold. I am running very low of arms, as they seized the small arsenal we had at Monguno. Worse, their latest attack resulted in the death of Ali ibn Hassan, Issiaq Abdulraheem, Ibrahim Daura and Audu Rano, who were all next in line to be the new Shekau in case i died in battle. Now we have only 2 extra Shekaus left. Please accord your brother succor!”

So far, the other terrorist groups have ignored Shekaus email. Al Shabab had previously decided to send all his mails to spam. They don’t exactly like Shekau.

Military intelligence agencies are currently trying to trace the origin of the email.
More of this in subsequent bulletins.
#MarchForOurTroops

In the aftermath of the Presidential Media chat last night, two things were obvious to Nigerians:
First, that the journalists asking the questions were Jonathan apologists probably on his payroll, and Second, that Ace Journalist, Adesuwa Oyenokwe, was particularly particular about pleasing the President during the interview.
Tongues have been wagging since the end of the media chat about a possible romantic liaison between Adesuwa and the president, so much that the First Lady Dame Patience was forced to take action to secure her marital home.
In a text conversation leaked to FNN, Same Patience confronted Adesuwa Oyenokwe on her alleged affair with her husband.

PATIENCE: Hello, is this Adesuwa

ADESUWA: Yes it is. Who is this please?

PATIENCE: Na me, your first Lady, Patience Faka Jonathan

ADESUWA: OMG, Mrs First Lady! What an honour



PATIENCE: I am not here for greeting. I wan ask you as kweshun

ADESUWA: Yes Ma, go right ahead

PATIENCE: You are doing anything with my ozzban?

ADESUWA: Ma?

PATIENCE: You are doing anything with Ebele?

ADESUWA: That’s Preposterous ma.

PATIENCE: Pre-wetin? You wan to scatter my head with big big English? It will not work for you o Adesuwa

ADESUWA: Ma I really don’t understand

PATIENCE: Ah. You will understand. Why you’re not asking my ozzban hard question yesterday? You think I no watch it? You think you can cone and enter like Dieziani? If you like, ask him easy question, if you like don ask, this is lass time you will ever ask my ozzban question. I have tell Abati, you no go dey ask any question again

ADESUWA: that is very unfair and untrue ma

PATIENCE: Das your business. There can be only one first lady. I don go, I have to cook morrin food for my ozzban. Bye bye

We do not know what this implies for Adesuwa’s career as a journalist, but we will keep you posted in subsequent bulletins.

Ever since the advent of Democracy in 1999, Nigerians have come to terms with the fact that unusual things will always happen during election season – from the farcical, to the comical, to the downright horrific.

However, a mail which leaked online and was quickly deleted in the wee hours of this morning is bound to send shock waves racing the length and breadth of the Nation.

ACCORDING TO A RECENT EMAIL, BOKO HARAM IS GOING TO REVEAL IT’ SPONSORS BEFORE THE 28TH OF MARCH.

The threat was made by Boko Haram Leader, Abubakar Shekau, in an email to a certain Ahmad Salkida, a reporter based in Dubai, which happened to find its way to the internet and was quickly intercepted by Wikileaks before it was could be deleted.

In the mail, Shekau expresses his willingness to continue to battle the combined Armed Forces of Nigeria, Chad, Niger and Cameroon, but will not stand idly by while his sponsors try to exonerate themselves from the Violence. He expresses anger over the way his sponsors have abandoned him after the Africa Union announced a combined 8,700 strong Force to battle his Sect.

The mail reads:





“Ahmad, can you see how these people have treated me? They have deserted me at a time I need them the most. I am no fool. These infidels, yes they are infidels, they cannot be my brothers if they choose to forsake me at such a critical time in our battle to establish the Caliphate and entrench Sharia. In almost 2 weeks, we have not received a single bullet from our so called ‘Sponsors’. Now they are kowtowing with Jonathan. No, their plan will not work. Ahmad, you will let the world know. You will let these infidels know, by Allah, of me and my men do not hear from them in the next THREE weeks, THEN ALL THEIR NAMES WILL BE BROUGHT OUT IN THE OPEN. WE WILL ALL GO DOWN TOGETHER. Ahmad, tell them I am not bluffing, My Word is My Word. I WILL LIST ALL WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED EVEN ONE KOBO TO MY ARSENAL. I WILL SEND IT TO ALL JAZEERA, I WILL SEND IT TO CNN, I WILL SEND IT TO THE CIA, TO INTERPOL, TO THE HAGUE, TO EVERYBODY. The World will know”

“Tell them I said this. Tell them Abubakar Shekau is a Man of His Word.”



More on this in subsequent bulletins.

The APC Presidential Candidate revealed in an exclusive media chat with FNN that he would single-handedly take the pains to make sure that the monthly allowance paid to serving youth corpers are increased from 19,800 Naira too 39,800 Naira if he is given the mandate of the people to steer the nation.

According to the retired General, Jonathan’s government is an insensitive government that is not concerned about the welfare of the common man on the street.

There is no doubt that the monthly stipend paid to Youth Corpers is barely sufficient to sustain them through the month, and a number of them engage in sharp practises and shady behaviours in order to keep body and soul together when the 19,500 Naira gets exhausted.

General Buhari promised that if the Youths of the nation give him their votes on February 14 *probably forgotten the date has been changed*, he is going to vehemently ensure that the monthly stipend paid to corpers is increased to 39,800 Naira, in a bid to allievate the economic hardships of the youths.


When we asked him whether he has any economic blueprint to effect this increase in NYSC allowance, he replied that the APC government is a government of change which is going to come with their brooms to sweep away corruption in the public service, and in doing so, there would be excess funds realised from the battle against corruption which could be siphoned into productive ventures such as the increase in NYSC allowances.

FNN promises to keep you updated as the election unfolds.

The following whatsapp conversation ensued yesterday between the INEC Chairman Attahiru Jega and President Good luck Jonathan during the closed door meeting with INEC officials over the election postponement. It is, to say the least, SHOCKING.

CLICK below to see rest

http://fake9janews.com/2014/02/leaked-chat-between-gej-and-jega/

The incumbent President, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has ordered the immediate and urgent arrest of Governor Ayo Fayose and Senator Musiliu Obanikoro.

He said this in an emergency meeting he had with his aides after an Audio file was released online containing voices that alledgely belong to these two politicians and some other people.

The President has given the Inspector general of Police the express go ahead to mobilize his men, find them and arrest them immediately.

The President has also ordered that all military and non-military (civilian) officers be on the look-out and work hand-in-hand with the IG of Police to arrest Fayose and Obanikoro as soon as possible.

GET THE NEWS CLOSER TO YOU …. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR BBM Channel “FNN” today! C004A8561 http://pin.bbm.com/C004A8561 FOR HILARIOUS NEWS UPDATE
Goodluck has also warned that he will not approach his room let alone sleep till these people are confirmed to be behind bars and also warned that he wasn’t involved in the plan to rig ekiti election.

FNN has tried effortlessly to confirm from the President as to why only these two people have to be arrested, confirm why they were being arrested and to find out if they stand a chance to be jailed since he – Goodluck Jonathan – has vowed to jail anyone found to be corrupt irrespective of their political stand/positions.

Our reporters are hanging around the Government to hear/see firsthand anything that comes up as we are committed to bring you the NEWS before the NEWS.

#SatireSeason #ShareAjoke

A few friends of GMB have gathered together to release a few faults of the current President of Nigeria Goodluck Ebele Jonathan and they also claim that this should deter the good Nigerians from voting for him.

One of FNN journalists asked a few favors and got a hold of the list before its general release (find below).

“Our President has failed us – See some of the few things that has happened and he has not been able to handle or control:

Number of fish in sardine is now 2
Agbalumo seed has reduced to 2
Gala with no beef in it
Egg roll containing garden egg
Man U signs David Moyes
Blackberry battery doesn’t last
Star inside Harp bottle
Bournvita inside peak milk tin
Size of Nkwobi pot is too small
Some people can’t find their names on Coke bottle
Food doesn’t go round at wedding receptions
My dentist doesn’t know anything about Bluetooth
iPhone can’t send pictures to blackberry
Basket Mouth won’t vote come February 14
Conductors don’t have complete change anymore
Tonto Dikeh is now a musician
Many people were denied visa to Ghana
Dubai age restriction
Tuface had too many children..sharia law would have stopped him
Donjazzy and dbanj split, wizkid and EME split, Psquare almost split
Skales did not get Grammy nomination
With the above list, we are sure that we have been able to confuse you and not to convince you that come February 14; a vote for GMB is a vote for positive change.

Signed

Friends of GMB

FNN is always here to give you the News before the News

#SatireSeason #ShareAjoke

In the aftermath of Don Jazzy’s Twitter Give away last night, we just received some disturbing leaked DMs between Don Jazzy and D’banj in which D’banj was apparently asking Don Jazzy for an alert too.

see the rest below

http://fake9janews.com/2014/02/donjazzy-and-dbanj-dm-leak/

These are definitely not the best of times for the All Progressive Congress (APC) and its Presidential Flag bearer, General Muhammadu Buhari

After a tumultuous week – which began with filing a lawsuit against several Local News Outlets for airing a libelous Documentary about his past stint as Head of State, and culminated in nationwide outcry over his refusal to debate on another platform yet again – it seems General Buhari will now have to contend with problems from outside Nigeria’s shores.

This is because, according to information reaching our desk this morning, Korean Megastar Musician, PSY, famous for his hit song GANGNAM STYLE (which was the first song to reach 1 billion views on YouTube), has allegedly dragged the APC Presidential Flag Bearer and his campaign team to the Hague for apparent Copyright infringement.

In the suite filed at the International Court of Justice at about 1330hrs GMT yesterday, Korean Megastar PSY alleged that the APC’s usage of the Campaign Slogan #SaiBuhari was illegal, as he alone owned the copyrights to the word PSY and any homonyms of the word, no matter the spelling, including PSAI, S-HIGH, and most notably, SAI.

We were able to reach the Asian Superstar on the phone for comments, and this is what he had to say

“After Gangnam Style brew up, I tell rawyer, rawyer, this song is so popurar, and my name now so popurar, what we do? Rawyer say, we trademark name, we copyright name and all name that sound like name. So I go Patent Office in Seoul and copyright own name of PSY and also all word that sound like PSY, like PSAI and SAI too. I have pape to prove this. The Patent number is 766K-12. So I so shock when I put on terevision and I see Old man wear toga and cap, carry broom and make crowd shout my name SAI BUHARI! SAI BUHARI! SAI BUHARI! I no believe own ear of Psy”

“I like, who this man? Why he use PSY name no take permission! This disprease Psy! I call rawyer and he say we go to court. I like, which court we go? He say we no go rocal Korea court, we go International Court. Now we court. ICJ say Mr Buhari must come court or erse he go prison for rong rong time. This what PSY do”.

We have tried to reach the APC for comments, but so far ou efforts hasve been fruitless. In the meantime, General Buhari, APC Chairman Chief John Oyegun, and all the APC Big Wigs on twitter have been issued Writ of Summons to appear before the ICJ on or before the 11th of February, or risk Grave sanctions.

More on this in Subsequent Bulletins.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

KOREDE BELLO WILL RECORD MY OFFICIAL CAMPAIGN JINGLE – GEJ

Don Jazzy to Produce, Dr. Sid not allowed near Studios

President Goodluck Jonathan today announced in an official statement that he has selected MAVIN Records rising star, Korede Bello, to record the official GEJ Presidential Campaign Jingle to be used during the rest of the Campaign, as the February 14 Elections draw even closer.

This is coming on the heels of the APC’s own announcement that Rapper Olamide has recorded a track which will be used on their campaign trails. Not wanting to be left behind, President Jonathan assembled a committee to select an artiste with enough appeal to record the PDP’s own campaign Jingle.

After a long and tedious selection process, the Mavin star was selected from a list of notable artistes including D’banj, M.I, May D, P-Square, Waje, Ara the talking drum woman and Obesere.

Asked why Korede Bello was chosen The President said “As you can see, he is a young man who is good at what he does, and he also does that winking thing that the Girls love. I hear that the Girls love it. We need the votes of the Young Girls. My Wife Patience saw him winking on the TV one time and was just blushing anyhow. That is the kind of Reaction I want AND also the song he just released #Godwin..why didnt he just call it GoodLuckWin to save us all the stress but you all th..”

“The title of the Jingle will be GOODLUCK WILL WIN, and it will be produced by Don Jazzy. However I have warned that Dr. Sid should not be allowed near the studio during production, I don’t wanthim putting sand in my Political Garri”, the president added.

“We will be shooting a video too, so that it will be on TV and all the Girls will see the young man winking”.

We tried to reach Korede Bello and Don Jazzy for comments, to no avail.

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

According to various media outlets, the impending debate between the Presidential Candidates contesting the forthcoming elections has received a spanner in the works, after APC Flag bearer, General Muhammadu Buhari, announced today that he would not be participating in the debate.

He revealed this exclusively during a phone chat with our political correspondent. Here are excerpts from the conversation (pardon our spelling the General’s words exactly how we heard them, sometimes he was very difficult to understand)



FNN: Good day Your Excellency

BUHARI: Gwud ebening my gwud man

FNN: Sir, is there any truth to the rumours making the rounds that you are boycotting the Presidential debate?

BUHARI: sadly, this is the truth. But I am not boykwatting the debate because of any malicious intention. I boycotted because the organisers refused my request to bring my bice-president, Frafessar Osinbade, along with me

FNN: Sir, his name is Osibanjo

BUHARI: That’s what I said. Frafessr Osinbade

FNN: Never mind…………..but if you don’t mind my saying Sir, it is supposed to be a Presidential Debate, not Vice Presidentia…..

BUHARI: Look young man, he is my bice-fresident por a reason….he is suffused to help me out in dippicult times. What is more dippicult than a debate? You exfect me to trust these people to not be partial? You sink they won’t ask Ebele simful simful questions and ask me the dippicult ones? I don’t trust zem……so ip they won’t allow me attend the debate with my bice fresident, then they can porget it

FNN: So Sir, your decision is final?

BUHARI: Yes, it is pinal

The Other candidates are yet to comment on the General’s decision to withdraw from the debate, but we shall keep you posted in subsequent bulletins

#ShareAjoke #SatireSeason

visit www.fake9janews.com for more satire stories

The Koko Master, who is set to celebrate his 10th year in the music industry with a concert at Ocean View this Saturday, has created chaos on social media platforms after price for tickets were revealed.



Fans have come after Banga Lee claiming that he wants to use their money to pay off his recent debts.

D’banj who was sued towards the end of last year for unpaid debt of about 60M Naira by MindHub Technologies and also evicted from his Lekki mansion is probably hoping this concert can cover his debt.



Fans took to Twitter to air their minds;

“I am a big fan of koko master..but 20k for regular ? .. Will i kiss amber rose’s head ?” – @suckmykicks

“20k for regular?.. I dont mind paying that for d’banj ..but will there be charging ports?” – @ihateblogs

“Meehnnn!! can’t spend my whole allawee just to watch D’banj on stage ooo … It’s ridiculous.. I’d rather watch paint dry” – @mrbanji

” LOL ..Who go buy titus for 20k ?” – @DONJAZZY

” Are we going to trek this time ?.. He cant use our money to pay his debts jare” – @datguykofo

#SatireSeason #ShareAjoke

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