₦airaland Forum

though i would 'nt like to have a thing with them (hausas)

rhymz:
OMG, I ve been laughing my butts off at the hausa curses and dagger threats. . .hausa ppl are just funny in a way mehn! As in. . .wetin Yorubas and Igbos go come talk na if my hausa brother's dey at dagger's draw over this lil tribal insult?
Another thing, I did not know there are hausas here until this thread, see how everyone just dey swear for hausa and it is kinda kool. . Reading it makes it sound like the person was going to draw out his dagger any time, when the ismaela guy threatened annawhite with "be careful" i kinda went into an uncontrollable fit of lafta, that's an old Aboki classic. On how U still dey yarn d opkata, Aboki don already cut suya for your body with im hidden dagger, no too much talk. I remember one incident like that in sch, I was buying suya with my then galfriend, I pointed one of the suya meat and told the aboki to cut it, as im dey cut am, na im I ask am for thirstin, e cut gimme, i chop dat wan com still dey drag one small meat wey dey for im suya stand, the aboki just warn me for hausa but i been no register, i just continue. If U see d way wey dis aboki lift in dagger like im wan slice my hand just to take scare me. . Lol. . The babe wen I carry just shout. . .hahaha. . O boy I use my head quick quick!  
anyway, I am learning a lot about not just hausa/fulani gals but the whole of the tribe. Imagine, I only ve one Hausa guy as friend and he is not even a real hausa per say coz the mum is igbo.
I got a secret, I used to admire their gals, especially, the fair skinned pointed nose fulanis. The only thing I dont like about them is that repulsive perfume they wear, it makes me sick to my stomach. . I really will like more topics about hausa/fulani people, I mean their social lives, romance, culture, sex and so on. . . but not their politics abeg. . .anyway, welcome my Hausa/Fulani brothers and sisters,  .lol

u na bad guy bro.

How to ask your Boss for a salary
increase
One day an employee sends a
letter to Her boss asking for an
increase in her salary !!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome
thing mo$t de$perately. I think
you $hould be under $tanding of
the need$ of u$ worker$ who
have given $o much $upport
including $weat and $ervice to
your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I
mean and re$pond $oon .
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
The next day, the employee
recieved this letter of reply :
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working
very hard. NOwadays, NOthing
much has changed. You must
have NOticed that our company
is NOt doing NOticeably well as
yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying
the world`s leading ecoNOmists
are NOt sure if this country
may go into aNOther recession.
After the April presidential
elections things may turn bad .
I have NOthing more to add
NOw. You kNOw what I mean .
Yours truly,
Manager

Irk:
Only the guru knows. We dont av any idea of what caused this. If Emma really rigged his election then why will it be now before our Obsolescent judiciary could detect it. Delay in justice is injustice so dont think this is justice rather it is hypocrisy

UDU will still win the race, i sensed danger deputy speaker is his man, he still got the influence & cash

This guy must be crassssy

I mean a sh***t

I HEARD SOMETHING LIKE ICE CREAM, I NO NEED AM BUT IF U NA BUY I GO TAKE.

the woman dosent give a shit

Studio CFR:
Call police

Oga, im sorry (doo)

Studio CFR:
Hehehehe

See me as your brother Talknafree

As your hypertek nigge*r

NA WETIN, WETIN CONCERN THIS JOKE WITH HYPERTEK NIGGA

Efemena_xy:
Lol!!

you really got me there

Nice 1 @poster - me likey!!

really

tanx guys 4 reading

dont laugh aloud

I got this in my email from a
friend today, and decided I
needed to share it with everyone
here!
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from
Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband
1.0 and
noticed a distinct slow
down in overall system
performance,
particularly in the flower and
jewelry applications, which
operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0
uninstalled many other
valuable
programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5, and
then installed undesirable
programs such as
· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer
runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply
crashes the system.
· Please note that I have
tried running Nagging 5.3 to
fix these problems, but to no
avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an
Entertainment Package,
while
· Husband 1.0 is an
operating system.
Please enter command:
ithoughtyoulovedme.html
and try to
download Tears 6.2 and do
not forget to install the Guilt
3.0
update.
· If that application works as
designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically
run the applications Jewelry
2.0 and
Flowers 3.5.
However, remember,
overuse of the above
application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to
Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy
Hour 7.0
or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is
a very bad program that
will download the Farting
and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT
under any circumstances
install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a
virus in the background that
will
eventually seize control of all
your system resources.)
In addition, please do not
attempt to reinstall the
Boyfriend
5.0-program These are
unsupported applications
and will crash
Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is
a great program, but it does
have
limited memory and cannot
learn new applications
quickly. You
might consider buying
additional software to
improve memory and
performance. We
recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

Old people have problems that
you haven ’t even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was
requested by his doctor for a
sperm count as
part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar
and said, “Take this jar
home and bring back a semen
sample tomorrow. ”
The next day the 85-year-old
man reappeared at the doctor’s
office
and gave him the jar, which was
as clean and empty as on the
previous
day …
The doctor asked what
happened and the man
explained,
“ Well, doc, it’s like this—first I
tried with my right hand, but
nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right
hand, then with her left, still
nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still
nothing …
We even called up Arleen, the lady
next door and she
tried too, first with both hands,
then an armpit, and she even
tried squeezin ’ it between her
knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You
asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, “Yep, and
none of us could get the jar
open. ”

axml

Volcanic eruptions are always accompanied with earthquakes

afam4eva:
I think we'll see it first on CNN.

after the local feeds then comes CNN

ElRazur:
Do we not have photographers in naija or something? I am sceptical.

you need photos, dont worry when it will hit your village, i dont think you will need photographs again

afam4eva:
Volcanic eruption in Nigeria? This should be the first time it's happening in Nigeria. I think God is getting impatient with us(Nigerians).

I dont think is the first time it has happened b4 at an unknown location

I DONT GET THIS POSTER, BUT I THINK THE MAIN REASON IS COS WE ARE NIGERIANS

this tenant is a bad one

Congrat ma man

u guys always like sexxyyy stuffs ;d ;d ;d

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”

The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about ‘courting’ from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining this to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.


The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother.


“Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started hugging and kissing her I figured ‘Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he’s not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time ‘Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. this is when her fever started.


I knew it was a fever, because ‘Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick—a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it she got really scared—her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she’d ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down by the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis was brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel’s head to keep it from biting again.


Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.


Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn’t dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats—they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis’s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

jango77:
hey KABUKABU, U RE A NOBODY, U AINT GAT poo, SO STOP BRAGGIN,,LOOKS LIKE U RE HERE TO SHOWCASE your LEVEL OF poo,, WE DON C UNA TYPE BF BF, NO BE TODAY,,,U THINK SAY NA ONLY U USE SHIP TRAVEL BF? ABEG MAKE WE HEAR WORD JARE,,SLEEP WHEN REAL GEEZZ ARE SLEEPING AND TALKIN WHEN U RE ASKED TO TALK,AND RIGHT NOW THE BIG BOYS RE NOT TALKIN SO SHUT THE bleep UP

oh boy takam easy with dis guy now!!

Nice speech