₦airaland Forum

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dick heads, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, she had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ( about 20 years old ) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, “Well your honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are Coming” and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling” and I had to smile. The she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the trick,” and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved tthe fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident”, I just lost it.

“Case dismissed!”

i know it sucks, i will make it up later to u guys

cant u see the man is a PSYCHO

U know what? i think this building suppose to be converted to a museum where ENDANGERED SPECIES are kept cos i dont think any danger will come  them when they are there, the house alone is scary and horror.

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?”

The 60 year old responded, “Who said he was dead?”

The doctor was surprised and asked, “How old is he and is he very active?”

The 60 year old responded, “Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer.”

The doctor couldn’t believe it. “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?”
The 60 year old responded again, “Who said he was dead?”

The doctor was astonished. He said, “You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?”

The 60 year old said, “He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that,” said the patient, “my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again.”

The doctor said, “At 106 years old, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?”

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, “Who said he wanted to?”

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her…

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly… “Now take off my socks.”
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra, ” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

let theM be charged in INTERNATIONAL COURT

i think is cool, i like it but still so much work needs to be done on the site

i see nothing in ur link

so sad

ROSSIKE:
There could also be an Ivory Coast dimension to this.

Gbagbo, fearing a military invasion to topple him, may be looking to make Nigeria refocus on internal issues by causing this mayhem. For him as president of Ivory Coast, it's a cakewalk getting some goons to plant a few bombs here and there in Naija.

be careful the way you say things here man

Guys let us share our new year RESOLUTION here
Mine is that i will always try to be a good guy this year, avoid bad friends cos they put me into alot of troubles last year and to have focus in life

i thank god for the gift of life

guys u people should stop fighting over ****** issues

so pathetic

Hebrews 10:26

For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins

the BIBLE DISPROOF COURTSHIP WITH THIS VERSE:

1 COR 7:2
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

1 cor. 7:1-40
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ,

lagerwhenindoubt:
^^^ the famous UNILAG by-pass. If you fail to see it, I pity you.

Whenever I am in doubt, I turn on my hazard-warning lights and start jerking my car like it has problems. By which time I can scout for any hidden sign-posts

JUST COUNT UR SELF LUCKY? THEY NEVER GET TIME FOR U

noblezone:
Dora is not perfect! Dora is human!

Yet, among all her contemporaries, she did show courage and dedication.
She might not be the greatest and the best of character ever to live on the earth, but on the scale of dedication and courage, she is outstanding.
Great she is going to the senate.
We are sure she will do Anambra State great.

Like

JUO:
good luck

FOR,

texazzpete:
If you actually think Missy85's comment is Akunyili's actual speech, you need a brain transplant ASAP!

SORRY OOO! NO KILL ME, STATEMENT WITHDREW, I HAVE JUST READ DOWN FROM THE BEGINNING. i guess i dont need a transplant anymore

Kobojunkie:
Go back and try to read the letter/memo she read to the nation back in January/February of this year and you will be seriously entertained by that one as well. lol

Erm! ah! remember! drug companies spent 10 mil on my  rebranding project. Ah! Ori mi o!  I DONT TRHINK SHE CAN SPEAK YORUBA, that Yoruba Line Spoils Everything., i think the letter is framed by YORUBAS

texazzpete:
Do you really believe what you posted? This takes the crown for the greatest hyperbole ever heard in Nigeria  

Thank you! As i read her letter, i all but cringed! I only hope she had intended this letter only for the ears and eyes of the members of the FEC and not for the general public.

And if this letter is the actual one she read, why the hell is she referring to the members of the FEC as her 'immediate constituency'? Shouldn't that be the good people of Anambra State?

HOW CAN PEOPLE USE UR BRAIN LIKE THAT., HOW CAN SUCH WOMAN WRITE SUCH A LETTER, THE LETTER IS FAKE AND FRAMED

GREAT NEWS, 9ja full of surprises "REBRANDING NAIJA"

sorry for popping in, dora akunyili don resign from office (breaking news)

DORA AKUNYILI DON RESIGN NOT JOKE

dora akunyili don resign, im not joking

[color=#990000][/color] [size=20pt]DORA AKUNYILI DON RESIGN FROM OFFICE, TURN UR NTA NOW, 4:00 NEWS. SHE SAID SHE WON RUN FOR ANAMBRA STATE SENATORIAL DISTRICT [/size][/size]