aisha2:

Remember that she was reported to the Pastor by her uncle for being sturbor, if she goes back to the uncle, guess who they will believe? A Amn of God the hold in high estem or her a sturborn Girl? Plus at that age, there is a lot going on in her mind. He was 40, at that age he should be having intimacy with another adult and it should be consensual not based on unfair advantage. He was supposed to mentor her back to good behavoir

No, Aisha. I was not reported to my uncle, or sent to my uncle as punishment, or reported for being stubborn. My mother was perfectly capable of disciplining me if she wanted to. I had a summer job in Lagos. I had just turned 18 and finished my first year of uni. My uncle lived close to where the summer job was so I stayed there. This pastor lived near my uncle. So when my uncle had to go abroad for his honeymoon, this guy took me in as a favour. Prior to that, I'd been to their house for Fellowship, and been invited there and spent time with them during the day and been taken back home again. And I did spend at least one night before then, sleeping in the same room as his son and house-girl. All without mishap. The stuff started while I was staying with them when my uncle had to travel.

But this guy was respected, and successful and everything every one aspired to be. If 'd had a mind to report him, which I didn't, I would have needed proof, or to have him caught red-handed. His wife was heavily pregnant with a difficult pregancy and had miscarried before. I really would have liked to have the blame for her miscarrying in the middle of an arguement to be added to my other shopping trolley of wrongs!

Of course I knew what was happening was wrong. I'm not even sure if at the time I knew the difference between adultery and fornication. But I knew we shouldn't be doing what we were doing. I was not comfortable with it. I wanted it to stop and to be able to still retain the friendship and interest he had shown me that lulled me into a false sense of security. So I needed him to agree with me that it should not be going on. When I went back the following summer and went by to say hello and he tried to re-initiate things in the car and I said no firmly, that was when he turned verbally nasty, clearly cheesed off that I'd made a stand. By then, I was strong enough to brush his insults aside as I knew I was in the right and he could not make me feel guilty. Contrary to what the wonderful Tpiah suggests, ending it then was not because I knew I was not the only one.

A minor correction, that is really not so relevant. I said it progressed to the whole shebang. But this thread has made me go over it in a lot of detail. There was no penetration. I'm not even sure I remember being kissed by him! I had always assumed we went all the way. That we did not have full intercourse does not make what happened right.

I get on well with my uncle. I try to imagine what telling him this would have done to our friendship. I guess I am glad that I never got to find out. I do not say that is right. But exposure and raising merry hell, that kind of drama is not my scene.

The only victim in this is the wife. She is doing well now, when I googled her. So I am glad I was not a factor in their breaking up. Although most Nigerian women would not break up over something like that.

Sojuicy

tpiah:


"To me he was just another Nigerian man having his cake and eating it"

This speaks volumes. So that "pastor" wasnt the first married man to have an affair with you?

I recall your father being particularly sumptious when he banged me on his cocoa farm under the hot African sun!    I kept on returning for more!  De bobo "ting" too dey sweet-o, kilode!     No wonder he produced a genius like you that can't read.

Stop reading more into a statement than is actually there.    You are getting particularly embroiled in this. I have moved on from this event. I posted to say, yes, it happens. Never assume a man of the cloth is above sexual misbehaviour. I see myself as neither innocent, nor guilty. I am not seeking your approval. It would actually bother me if you approved of me in any way, as your view on life is so blinkered and ignorant and one sided. You generate so little interest in me that I cannot even recall whether you are male or female. But I would hazard a guess that you are female and you feel you must voice your unsolicited opinion on this because you are afraid that one day, it may be your husband with his hand up another lady's skirt. You are nothing but a self-righteous hypocrite.

So, you've been trawling through my contributions at the Sexuality forum, so you can remind yourself how perfect you are? (stealing your employer's time and resources to surf on the internet? I am self-employed and can do as I please). Are you green with envy that I dare to have a voice, and am not one of those fast girls that shoves allum up in her hole in order to fool some poor trusting guy that she is a virgin after she's bedded every man that's come her way?  If my experiences in life upsets anybody, too bad.  My friends come to me and discuss things with me that they would not discuss with any one else, because they know I am not going to judge, even if I don't like what they've done.  Why don't I judge?  Because life is not black and white.

Because sometimes when you're at the naming ceremony for that beautiful bouncing baby boy and the beaming parents, what you may not know is that the man is firing blanks and to keep up appearances, Boniface, the recently sacked house-boy, was seconded to provide the seed.  (I knew a born again christian couple where they'd been married for years with no kids.  I knew her and thought butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.  Then she had a baby.  Then I became friends with a local boy on her estate who always went strangely quiet when she drove past although she would look straight ahead.  The first time she saw me talking to him, she did a double take as she knew me well.  When he began to talk about a friend of his who felt he had been used by a married woman just to get her pregnant.  One day I asked him directly and he admitted it was him and he was sure the baby was his).

Because sometimes, when you watch that commanding, dignified articulate woman with beautifully applied make-up, delivering a keynote lecture and standing tall amongst her peers, what she cannot tell you, or anybody, not even her mother, is that she dreads going home that night, because every time her husband touches her, he gives her an STD.  And if she refuses his advances, she will need even more make up to be able to venture out at night.

Because that stuck up girl you knew at University who always looked at any man that spoke to her as if he'd been excreted from a dog's rear end, is bottling up the knowledge that from the age of ten, her father paid regular visits to her at night to "tuck her in". And by the time she knew that what he was doing was not natural, the shame of looking her mother and every one else in the face. Because even if they don't blame her for allowing it to happen, she will always be damaged goods. And the stigma would follow her and her children and her children's children.  So silence is best.


Progress will always stare people like you in the face and be just out of your reach.

I'm not, and was not, one of those village girls that has to "report" to any relative. I was staying, voluntarily, with my uncle in Lagos because I had a summer job there.

honeric01:

what i need to know is, was it that she had no other relative to report to or what? i mean, things like this should be looked into thoroughly, she should have other people to report to apart from the uncle so i still won't excuse her.

If you can completely conjure up things I did not say, then it is little wonder that your brain cells cannot compute what I actually did say.  What is the point in responding to some of these threads?    The story has holes because you are trying to fit it into one of these Nollywood Film Templates. Life is not as black and white as you would like it to appear.

The man's wife had gone upstairs to bed.

If someone that disgusts you makes a move like that, then it's easy to shout and wish him all the embarrasement and disgrace possible for a human being.  

No, I was never forced.  And he did not make his moves suddenly.  It was gradual.  Paying attention and showing what appeared to be a non-sexual interest in me.  Making me feel important.  He made sure he earned my trust and respect.  If he said jump, I'd ask, how high.  He came across as kind, intelligent and thoughtful.  He would ring me from his office to ask how I was and what I was doing.  I look back on it now and even as a grown woman, I can see how many ladies could be drawn in.  I was not forced.

tpia.:

married pastor isnt the same thing as unmarried priest.


The lady said the man's wife was right there in the living room. Even an ordinary shout would have frozen the fellow in his tracks.

And the adultery happened more than once too. Was she forced all the time? Not trying to blame the "victim" here but the story has some holes.

@ honeric01  - If any other guy had asked me to put my head in his lap, I'd have scoffed and refused, so sure of what he was hoping for.   I DID NOT  expect a "man of God" to have such ideas.  It embarrassed me to object, lest I be the one with a dirty mind.  Then when it was clear what he wanted, how on earth does a girl with my level of inexperience match his persuasive cunning?  That guy gets what he wants.   He did then.  And I am sure he still does now.

Sojuicy

@Tpiah

I was 17 (maybe 18) when this happened. He was in his 40's. It's sick of any one to assume that the lady, in this type of situation, is the instigator. To me he was just another Nigerian man having his cake and eating it. I didn't feel any more compelled to report him than I would any one else. I wouldn't have wanted to be the one to rip his wife's world apart. Nor be the subject of idle church gossip. I was a guest in their midst - he was the long standing member. Who do you think they would have believed, if he turned round and said I was lying?

At the end of the day, I believe God has a much better way of dealing with hypnocrites in his flock than any self appointed evangelical linch mob could.

A couple of years later, I did tell another person about it. What he did with that information I have no idea. He may have approached the guy quietly - that is the mature way to deal with that kind of situation. Although, as the Yoruba saying goes, Aja t'o fe so nu, ko ni gbo fere olode - The hunter's dog that is destined to get lost in the bush, is deaf to the hunter's whistle.

I do not trust any church pastor to be stronger in resolve not to fall than any other person. I could tell stories of things I've witnessed, been told about, but there is an air of judement and condemnations that the self appointed moral guardians here take upon themselves. I'm not in the mood to fuel their ignorant retorts.

If anything, pastors, elders, any man who does more in church than be a church usher, they are like politicians, with a drive for success that seems to also be mirrored by a high sex drive. Only they are their own watchman. The smart ones treat themselves with distrust - and avoid temptation, avoid being alone with members of the opposite sex, etc.

Sojuicy

When I was about 17, and had just finished my first year of University, my uncle introduced me to his pastor hoping that being close to the man's family would lead me to Christ.

I was quite surprised, and yes, naive, when I realised that his kind smiles and reasssuring touches, were deliberate.  No one thought anything of me staying the night to sleep in their house.  He was the first to suggest it to my uncle, who agreed with no problem.  Then he'd get me to wait behind until every one had gone to sleep.  His wife was heavily pregnant at the time.   I remember the first time he invited me to lay my head down on his lap.

And me, mumu, was sure that as a pastor, there couldn't be any sexual motive behind the suggestion.

Did I mention that at this point, he would be wearing just a "wrappa" around his waist?

Before long, his "solja" was emerging from a gap in the wrappa and he was urging me to get orally acquainted.

And this became the norm.  Blossoming from oral to the full shebang there on their living room floor.  Then I'd have to face his wife in the morning who was oblivious to his treachery.  We'd go out and there in the back seat, his hand would make it's way under my dress, or he'd guide my hand towards his open zip to give him a hand job.

There were often pretty young girls surrouding him and visiting his house. This was what he told me when I first got nervous about his wife suspecting. He said she would never think of such a thing because there were always ladies around him.

At the time I figured that he'd targetted me because I was not a believer.  But when I came back to Lagos a year later, stronger in my own faith, and determined that what we'd been doing was really wrong and if he couldn't stop it, I would, he turned on me and gave me a serious verbal lashing when I rejected his moves.  He was so sure I'd come back for more.  He asked me who I thought I was, to think I was above such. He said I was fooling myself.

I ceased all contact with him and his family after that. He is the most callous of all the "men of God" that I have known that messed about like that.

I think he is in politics now. I googled him. Still very handsome. Now, if he played games with me, he would meet his match.

Sojuicy - Older, Wiser,

And that surprises you? LMAO!

brooklyn99:

Geez they keep modifyn my words

Your girlfriend has a problem and it isn't going to help your relationship.  No one wants to be cheated on, and she has probably had her share of cheating, lying Nigerian men (sorry guys, but the majority of you know what you are but just hate it when a woman points it out to you).  But you shouldn't have to put up with rules and regulations such as she has put you under.  They don't help you, and they don't help her as they show she is insecure and she is making her insecurity your problem.  She drove you to strike her and that isn't good (and you are man enough to realise that).  But she should be woman enough to realise that when you corner a goat, it will bite.

Do not mistake her obssession and distrust as a blessing.  What kind of warped advice is that?  She is putting you under stress over something that may or may not be true. Worst case scenario, if she did catch you cheating, she should just walk away with dignity to a man that appreciates her. If she expects you to cheat on her, it is either because you have history of it or because she has low self-esteem.

Have you tried to sit her down and talk to her about her jealousy?  The origins? Has she been cheated on before?  Wouldn't she feel better just learning to trust so she can enjoy the best in you?

And to the ignorant f*a*r*t*s here born of a man's anus (that was a cute one Michelin89, gonna use that a lot!), one does not have to be in a relationship or have a boy/girl friend, husband/wife to comment on a relationship issue!  

Sojuicy

My concern is that it's taken five years and he's been having the milk without buying the cow. How are you sure he is not going to dump you once he's got his schooling done?

When I clicked on this thread, I hoped it was a typo with the 2-5. Surely, I thought, he meant to say 25, so why the whinge. I miss the innocense I nursed an hour ago before starting this thread. Yet I'm glad my eyes have been opened to this prevalent threat.

This thread saddens me on many levels. I don't think any of the guys are making it up, I thought female
child molesters were the exception, but I'm realising it is far more wide-spread than we dare think.

There's a tacit school of thought that thinks that molestation that does not involve the penetration of a child's body is not in the same category as the violent sexual assaults suffered by children of all ages. But the emotional scars ae there and because there are no visible signs, left unaddressed.

The women that do this are as sick as they are complicated. Do they target a child that will do exactly what they want the way they want it because they've despaired trying to get "real" men to listen and understand between the sheets? So they target a child primed to obey and easily bribed or threatened into keeping a secret. Or is it the desire for pleasure without risk of pregnancy, rejection, or the complications of a relationship?

I wonder how many of these guys would not be here spending so much time on this forum, especially the more sexually explicit if they hadn't had the experienced they had.

The guy that loves pussy and yet hates to have the back of his head touched during cunninlingus is a prime example of the walking wounded who don't realise how much they're hurting. He and fellow victims deserve an apology and acknowledgement of the theft of their childhood, both by the perpetrators and their guardians who failed them in their naivety and allowed their precious children to serve the perverted needs of those they assumed they could trust.

I know a young man who can't date women his age. He goes for women his mother's age, after being "introduced" to the pleasures of sex by a so-called friend of his mother whome we always jokingly refer to as "aunty". He'd rather be celibate than indulge with any one younger. After reading this thread, I don't see how I can share the joke with him any longer. Memories of what male friends have told me about early sexual encounters with older women are suddenly taking on a new light and I'm wondering how they might have been different or made different choices with their lives.

And as for those expressing envy or regret that this passed them by, you can be forgiven for thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. Many women that fantasise about rape have never experienced the reality of its horrors. They think it's a good hard banging they can secretly enjoy because their
virtue wasn't compromised by "giving it up".

Sex should leave pleasant memories and be consensual between two (or more) people of equal and sound mind. A lot of society's woes are the results of the sexual predators and the crumbs of destruction and decay they leave in their wake.

Firstly, what is an Osu cast?

Most importantly, if a person rejects you, for any reason that is beyond your ability or will power to change, pick yourself up with dignity and move on. Some one else out there is going to love every hair on your head. If someone doesn't want you, it's best to accept or become classified as a stalker.

Sojuicy