₦airaland Forum

Nonam:
You or your brother should not go anywhere. Stay and enjoy where God destine you to prosper. If you leave Nigeria for the UK, you will surely regret it. Mark my word.

thank you

Durabest:
If your broda tries it and things goes the wrong way,she wil stil divoce him he should stay back naija that woman want to turn your broda to wrag.

Thank you

shantti:
What if working in the banking sector is not what he wants to do. What if he feels fulfilled practising as a lawyer.

Of all the people I know who r in the UK. Non of them is rich yet or have bought a land or house in Nigeria. After tax deductions from their income, I don't think much is left.
Why can't the woman sacrifice her career for the kids? Why should it be the man. A young man was on his own, his wife come bring japa ideas, he opposed, they fought him, he allowed her, she left for uk, why should his life be disrupted by the decision the woman took on her own, a decision he was against. Make una leave that man alone abeg, wetin be this, which kind stress be this?

He has always said the only profession that gives him fulfillment is being a lawyer.

shantti:
The man was not in support of the relocating if u read very well, she was adamant, that was why he let her be. Now she wants to disrupt the life of this young man.

The lady is the stupid one here

Thank you..he didn’t want to let her go then..he was accused of being a bad person who did not want progress for the wife...amid pressure from so many people.

Ilekokonit:
A common experience for men who go back to naija to bring wives to the UK is that she will love him (or pretend to love him) for bringing her out of Africa because she wants him to get her to the UK first. When she lands in the UK and sees that she has to work in stressful jobs, she may not be able to cope with the stress and when she "discovers" single parent benefits (which she surely will discover) and the fact that the man gets kicked out of the house in case of marital troubles then that is when the marathon called marriage really starts and the man will start to see her true colours.

The UK is the single parent capital of Europe simply because of their anti family laws that handsomely rewards single mothers with regular payments PLUS a cut of the mans salary even though the same system has kicked him out of the house and away from his kids.

Raising children in single mother households is very common in the UK where the kids are used as pawns / weapons against their Dad who eventually has no choice but to move out of the house for his own sanity or to prevent himself from going to prison for disciplining his own child in a situation where wife and kids gang up against husband/father to get him out of the house any which way they can so that the woman can claim generous single parent cash from the government and the kids can do as they wish in the house with no correction.

A lot of times, the generous single parent cash benefits that is given to single mothers in the UK (which is the single parent capital of Europe) has blinded some of these so called single mothers to the long term dangers of raising children in a home where there is no father figure.

But some of these greedy single mothers are paying a grave price for seperating father and son and one such Nigerian boy aged 23 stabbed his mum to death in London in 2013 and is currently serving life in prison.

A similar case happened in Detroit USA in 2012 when a 14 year old boy shoots his mother dead as she slept after she tried to keep him away from joining a gang or hang with the 'big boys'.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-33204248

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2107504/Joshua-Smith-14-shoots-mother-Tamiko-Robinson-death-slept.html

Thank u sir.
I honestly feel this woman is trying to take advantage of my brother.

pocohantas:
She is not a nice person at all. A 34yrs old thriving lawyer should retrain as a nurse?

Anyway, going by your former threads, are you sure you are not your brother? Maybe it is a family of lawyers that have ties with the UK.

Nope was just helping him to make research then..that’s when the issue started cropping up

efficiencie:
Really? A lawyer should retrain as a nurse? She has carefully planned his destruction knowingly or unknowingly.

Thats one of the most bizarre thing I have ever heard in my life

heavensown:
Actually, not everyone in the UK does menial jobs. There are many Nigerians thriving careerwise. Speaking from experience as I live in the UK. We are not all cleaning s...t I never have since moving here over 12 years ago.

Whilst I do not support your brother's wife approach by threatening divorce, abortion and all that, I would encourage your brother to have an open mind. He has done well so far but unfortunately, with the current condition of Nigeria, it makes sense to explore opportunities which being in an advanced country can provide, especially for the sake of his children. 34 isn't too late to take a few steps back and go into something new. People with legal background can fit in well into Compliance for example and he can target the banking sector where opportunities abound in London. If he is a smart lad, hardworking, ambitious with a good work ethic which sounds like he is given his achievement till date, he can actually catch up and be successful. His wife being a nurse is no threat as nurses don't earn that much anyway compared to other professions. Yes, they never lack jobs but pay is not great compared to someone who is mid-level in a bank or in the IT sector for example. So in summary, it may be worth making the sacrifice for greater good of his family

Thanks very much sir..
His wife also suggests he can retrain as a Nurse

crackhaus:
Ahh, I see... No wonder she could have such guts to be making threats.

I just hope your brother will be able to resist her this time.

thank you sir

RightToReject:
The joke is on your brother for expecting a contentious wife (greedy/self-absorbing and conceited/sententious woman) he married with his eyes wide open to be behaving like a submissive wife (selfless and humble woman), especially now that she's outside the shores of Nigeria, worse still when he's neither an established aristocrat nor she has an altruistic interest in him.

Anyway, since he literally hasn't always seen anything wrong in being submissive to her from the inception of their relationship, his probable denial of the obvious notwithstanding, he can still jettison his fledgling law career in Nigeria for now, her crassness through a threat to abort notwithstanding, and relocate to meet her as she pleases without closing down his chamber outright.

On whether he will find something dignifing doing in the UK or U.S. within and outside the legal profession, before becoming qualified to practice especially in the latter country if he so wishes to, definitely he'll, depending on the depth of his versatility, perseverance, resilience.

The wife being a contentious woman doesn't automatically make her an evil person per se. So, he could still have both a successful marriage and career with her in his life outside Nigeria since he doesn't mind being a submissive man; the worst it'll get if she metamorphosed to a termagant will be for him to become subjugable, in addition to being all-around buoyant and resourceful, to maintain peace.

You’re right he is a bit submissive...never seen a man so scared of his wife

crackhaus:
Your brother is a real nigga...

He must call her bluff since she has chosen to communicate like an animal.

She is use to always using force to achieve what she want because brother is a really soft and easy going man.

seyenko:
UK to Nigeria is a 6-hour flight and they are in the same time zone most of the year. Your brother should employ capable hands for his law firm and he will provide oversight from the UK when needed.

The wife also raised this option...but how practicable is this in the long run?
And what will he be doing in the UK

emmanuelbrown26:
My dear, u are still new to women affairs, na we wey dun see dem finish go tell u d story about women. So u never see an angelic woman that would just wake up one morning and start carrying face for d husband?

Thank you sir.one of our brothers raise the same point.

Fahvvy:
sokeril

Pleeeeeease...
Advice your brother not to go abroad just yet...

The fact that his wife is already threatening him whilst in Nigeria goes to show the extent at which she is willing to go to get what she wants...

If now that your brother isn't dependent on her, she is acting like this, how do you think she will act when he is now dependent on her?

Personally I hate being threatened and i cannot be bullied into taking any action I'm against... If I was in your brother's shoes, I will just ignore her, let her do her worse...

That's because someone that can threaten you with your unborn child cannot be reasoned with, their mind is already made up, so there's no point trying...

If however your brother decides to go, let him write all the professional exams to enable him kick start his career immediately he goes there, if not ehhhhhhh, I pity him ....

Thank you.
So many scary and red flags already..it’s scary to me that a woman is willing to let her husband sacrifice his career with the future potential of what he can still achieved,to give all all these up for her selfish interest

NoToPile:
And since Oga doesn't want to relocate permanently God will help them nigbayen.

The problem is not even about relocating but more about what will he even be doing when he gets abroad?
Even his wife has no sufficient answer on that,she just believes when he get there he will get something to do,always citing her friends husband who has also relocate as examples.

NoToPile:
Two major issues here.

1.Her threats of divorce / abortion, the matter no reach that level

2. His profession law, will he go through law school again over there? Its not like he's an accountant or something.

His legal profession is an issue a very big issue, the man knows it even the wife knows so why the threats.

Not everybody is freaked with relocation, some are content where they are, I am also not a fan of couples living continents apart, especially young marriages like this but there should be ways around this.

She knew this was a possibility that they might end up living apart when she decided to travel especially when the husband was not in total support so why the threats, Since he's not the one pressuring her to come home, she should just calm down and have her baby, and the hubby comes to visit once a while, she too comes visit once a while. They are blessed with two children already, it has happened already she should make the most of it.

The reality is abroad is (or might be) good for her as a nurse but might not be the best for her husband with a nigerian law degree until he can practice abroad.


I once had an older cousin who had a friend whose husband lived in the UK, he used to come home every now and then to see his wife, she was a top banker then( that was when Nigeria was very good anyway)as young as I was I always wondered how they cope.

Lots of families are being separated by the relocation frenzy going up and down.

That’s exactly what the husband is proposing, for him to come and visit in a while and for her to come over too during her leave.
But madam is saying no,he must relocate permanently

McDuncan:
Those friends and family advising your brother to relocate, especially the males among them have no self dignity. I'm afraid your brother's wife is taboo.

Relocating abroad away from your marriage when finance is fairly OK points to greed as the driving factor. First sign of a bad spouse. No self respecting man follows his wife around. It's the other way round. But a situation where he has a life going on for him and the spouse is suggesting he throws it all away and engage in a wild goose chase is devilish.

A wife from hell!

Thank you...those friends are telling him to come,but whenever he asked them what they themselves are doing in the UK non of them have been really forthcoming..maybe they are not that proud of what they are doing there.

jeromestarks:
Brother told her to do her worst already. So what do you want us to say again?

Anyways, don't let a woman direct you. They're created to advice not to instruct.
Once a woman begin to give you conditions, send her outta your life else, you will fall to the ground. This was what killed Samson (that bible character).

Thank you.

sapoyoro:
honestly the risk isn't Worth it...even the age issue you raised,its not like if its immediately he gets there that he will find his feet,it can take years too...
and he may be under the mercy of the wife during those periods as she Will certainly be earning more than him.....
me sha no fit take such risk exchanging certainty for the uncertain untop marriage

Thank you

Acidosis:
Your elder brother is 34? It's not too late to take some risks. Relocation is a good option but the choice of words (divorce and abortion) for a newbie migrant is a big red flag already. But then, this woman is pregnant; her choice of words may have been influenced by her condition and frustration. Your brother should know better.

For me, his age is the ultimate factor. If he was anything close to 40-45 under the same scenario, then it would be very f00lish of him to abandon a thriving law career/firm.

To be honest some of his friends who are abroad advised him to take the risk but none of these friends also have the legal career he has had...and none has also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he ask them of what job is available that will replace his career back here....infact when he asked these friends what they themselves are doing to survive there they are usually non forthcoming...all they just tell him is to come and he will find something to do.
One of those friends even advised him to consider going back for a nursing degree..lol
At least one told him there are menial jobs for the mean time for him..
The reality on ground is that It’s hard and even almost impossible as a Nigerian lawyer to practice the profession outside even in UK and US...
And the age factor too, how many years will he take him before he can find his feet,if he ever does at all...
There so many uncertainties he is wary of.

rickleye:
Hmm, thanks for spacing and making it readable.
My 2 cents !
Let them separate. Both of them have concrete reasons as to why each should be where they are.
If the wife relocated to Nigeria ( which I would never ever recommend) she would be frustrated and terrible state of mind.
If the husband relocates to UK or US, he would be driving a taxi or doing IT jobs.
Let each go their different ways. The kids could visit each parent during the summer 4 weeks here and there.
No need for them to be mad at each other.

A personal story - My cousins mother ( Aunt) ( cuz was born in London) his parents left London to Canada. They bought a house and had 2 other siblings. In the 80’s the dad said I am going back home. The mother said - nope. She said you go and when you are settled call for us. She no gree go back. The man remarried , she stayed single till this day( I don’t know how women do it , no sexual intercourse for that long !!!!!)
My cousin sends home money for the dads upkeep. Everyone is happy and kids are fine.


In summary - don’t let this turn ugly. Let each other separate and consider what’s best for the kids. The woman doesn’t have to threaten with aborting.

Thank you sir..
These are his fears as well.

jesmond3945:
thats not even the problem. The major challenge is your brother's career. It would go up in smoke. Like someone advised let him apply for a job from naija and test the legal job matket

Thank you sir

Richy4:
I like your brother already...
He is indeed a lawyer....How I wish he doesn't listen to those telling him to go over there...

Assuming he's in a different profession, it would have been a different ballgame.... Assuming Nigerian law and the law practised there were the same, it would have been easy for him to continue without stress

When he gets there, The next thing will be to remind him who brought him over on any slight misunderstanding.. who is earning more.. eventually she will provoke him to anger.. call UK police and finally divorce him..Law firm he 'no hold', lecturer job, 'he no hold', even the marriage, 'he no hold'...

She wanted to better her own career by choosing to travel, so she shouldn't rope someone who doesn't want to travel...The man have a flourishing career in Nigeria...and he can't give that up as well to go pick a peanut job over there..

If she can't stand the long distant relationship, she should forget about the marriage.. Both of them should find a way to take care of the kid(s)

Thank you

Ilekokonit:
I get one neighbour who is a lawyer but na care work she dey do and she is stuck as she can not bear to leave that care work (cleaning another humans shit) to work as a junior in a law firm for experience because she needs the steady flow of money coming in hence she is stuck if she can not stop the care work for her legal training in a law firm which will pay peanuts to start with but is worth the financial sacrifice. but not everyone thinks straight when it comes to money or delaye gratification an IF your brother comes to join his wife in the UK, she and her family will pressure him into working as a crarer (shit cleaner) to bring some money to the marital table. all your wife and her family need tell him is that he is lazy and not contributing to the family financially and he will be opushed into going to do menial jobs thus derailing any chances he has of restarting his legal career in the UK.

Also, there is a reason a lot of Nigerians who did their law degree in the UK come to Nigria for lkaw school. Racism 'cos a lot of Nigerian law graduates I know in the UK are not given a chance to do their tutelage in a law firm hence they resort to odd jobs or at best legal jobs with the councils or mostly Non legal jobs, admin, mini cab drivers, care workers etc although you do get the few lucky ones but they are few especially if you did not grow up in the UK or were not born in the UK.

It would be a fatal mistake for your brother to relocate to the UK and a travesty for someone who is 1 year from becoming a judge in his own country to go to a foreign land (UK) and start cleaning other peoples shit just to earn a living.

I was a Medical student at UI many years ago (although i did not finish) and some years ago, I was working as a Database Programmer at University College London and I saw the name of my classmate at UI Medical School in the database working as a kitchen porter washing plates in the UK. A qualified medical doctor o. He has now passed his conversion exams and is a respected member of the UK Health system but then it shook me to the core to see that he had to work as a kitchen porter in his initial days in the UK.

My friend managed to find a job in the UK Health system because the UK is a sick society and so Doctors and Nurses will always be in demand but the same can not be said of lawyers and accountants (I am one) and I had to retrain in ICT to get better pay than accounting.

Tell your brother that IF he is even thinking twice about relocating to the UK, he should cut up his passport so as to create a stumbling block that will tie him down in Naija where his career is flourishing.

This is nothing but the truth sir and I will encourage him to read this because he is presently under enormous pressure right now.

ednut1:
The guy will probably have to do menial jobs in that UK. Then this woman will turn him to houseboy and mock him. She should abort the belle and divorce. While your brother remarries

Thank you for this sir.
A lot of people have also raise these points.

Ilekokonit:
My Ex was also not a bad person before I took her from Naija with her having no degree and took her to London, educated her, gave her UK pali and after 10 years she changed and became uncontrollable to the point that she has turned my 2 kids against me including the one we had in Naija and brought over as a baby.

These women hide and never show their bad demonic sides when they are still in Naija but the UK na the playground of demonic wives so your brothers wife WILL change sooner or later. My own Ex waited 10 years after I took her to the UK to fully change into someone I could no longer live in the same house with and by 10 years I don give am UK pali which was by then non revocable. Checkmate.

Our dad is also a lawyer and has told my brother that considering the steady strides he has made within the profession, it will be the biggest mistake he did ever made in his life to leave and dump a career he has worked hard to build to the stage he is....from next year he is even eligible to become a judge and it’s something he is seriously working on.
And in the UK unlike your own case sir where your wife is even your dependent, he is going to be the dependent, he will be in the disadvantage from his first day in the UK.

Ilekokonit:
He should not leave certainty for uncertainty.


So, her stubbornness don start from Naija.


She is lying she just wants him to come and alleviate the huge bills she is facing in the UK as she nor expect the bills to be that high.


Your brother has a working brain.


She wants to move to Yankee where nurses earn higher wages than the UK so that the husband will become more of a boy boy. Do you know how many Naija guys for Yankee don kill their wives who are nurses they imported from Naija because once they start earning so high, the wives become monsters to the same men who took them to Yankee.


Tell your brother to call her bluff and let her go ahead and kill her own unborn child. Very manipulative woman.


Sharp guy.


Again, he should not leave certainty for uncertainty. UK na concrete jungle o.



Those friends don't mean well for your brother and they want to just lure him into the UK to come and start doing menial jobs like them while he finds his feet perhaps out of jealousy that he is practicing the Law he read in Naija whilst they have to settle for not so prestigious jobs even menial care jobs (a.k.a cleaning another humans shit) just to survive in the UK.

My brother in law warned my sister many years ago that, listen madam, although you have a British Passport, I will never relocate with you to the UK 'cos I nor fit do menial work and I can not be a bank manager in the UK. The guy became a bank manager in Naija and is now a Commissioner in one of the states. So his stubborn refusal to relocate to the UK with my sister paid off for him big time. My sister no dey even think of relocating to the UK now.

Thank you very much sir..
What you said here are his fears too..once he leave Nigeria his legal career will suffer, no certain pathway to get something better in the UK, and once he leave all the clients he has spent years to gather will disappear and leave as well...to get a single client as a lawyer is hard, talk more of loosing the few that will leave for another lawyer once they get wind of his traveling...
Although the wife has been saying that he will eventually find his feet in the Uk infact,it’s not going to take time...and she is willing to further relocate to the USA cos things are better there.

Ilekokonit:
Of course she will not want to come back to Nigeria. Which woman will want to leave a country that is the single parent capital of Europe (where Govt gives single mothers handsome amounts of cash ever month IF they are single mothers) and return to a country like Naija where the man is still the KING.

The wife na nurse sef. The guy will become a slave and/or end up in prison if he makes the fatal mistake of relocating to join her in the UK. As a Nurse, she will never be out of work but if the husband does not work in the health care field he will at first struggle to get a job and he will suffer periods of unemployment now and again as that's how economies work and his periods of unemployment especially the first long spell of him not having a job when he just lands in the UK is when his wife will ensure she fully enslaves him.

There is a reason a lot of UK men are happily single. Reason am. No be say we nor like to nack or live with woman but most Naija women in the UK are worse than demons and its suicidal living with them as IF you decide to be a real man and you live with them, you will either end up in prison or unemployed or dead or all of the above.

Make bros nor try relocate to join his wife o as na suicide be dat o.

This is exactly what he is trying to avoid.
She is not a bad person though..at least from our personal interactions but the unpredictability of women especially as there is the potentiality of earning more than the husband and thing may suddenly change.
And the scary aspect of putting his career on the line.

saintneo:
Your bro is a wise man.

Thank you

Helpout12345:
Long distance marriage is not always easy to manage.

I see compatibility issue here. The wife wants to practice and live in western world and the man believes in building career in Nigeria.

The truth is that your brother should not be pressured to just abandon his career in Nigeria to join the wife without proper plans. And there was nothing he could have done to stop the wife from moving to the UK since that is what she wanted.

If he decides to move to the U.S. or UK, he should complete all professional examination required of him to practice in the new country while he is still in Nigeria. So that when he arrived the new country, he can begin his professional career immediately. He should never relocate only based on a woman's promise. Otherwise, he will regret it. Like some people are already saying, the woman might already be tired of the marriage, going by all her threat.

If he decides to stay back in Nigeria, he should just let the woman go. 99pct chance the woman will not want to come back to Nigeria.

Although I don’t think the woman is a bad person o and personally our relationship is very good...but her threat is already a huge red flag.

Kobojunkie:
Look, the man was not wrong to allow her to leave when she did. There is nothing naive about what he did. Marriage is not meant to be used as some sort of shackle on persons in some power game. She wanted to leave to develop herself and he accepted. simple!

Now, the situation is such that he either stays in Nigeria or joins her abroad. Simple! If she decides divorce is the only option, there isn't much that can be done about that as not every couple will survive this thing called marriage.

Hopefully they will not divorce sha

Kobojunkie:
So he should have disregarded the fact that the woman wanted to go? She probably made the decision to advance what is her own life and career, but that should have been ignored by your brother because his own career mattered more.

But she is now the one threatening divorce and abortive of pregnancy and want to make her own husband dump his career.
The husband considered what you said that’s why he let her leave but she is not considering her husband career now but just what she want..
Though I don’t think she is a bad person oo.she ha never been bad to me or any member of our family..but I feel she is being a bit selfish on this issue sha