₦airaland Forum

I welcome you new corp members to the ancient city of Ibadan.. And I can guarantee you would enjoy your stay here.... If any one is in need of an apartment anywhere in Ibadan ,please holla @ me via call or whatsapp on 08085994525.

AMERICAN POLICE
In America, A lady reported a rape case between her and her
boyfriend to the police...
.
Lady(crying) : good morning officer, my Boyfriend raped me seriously.
.
Policemen: oh, we are deeply sorry for that, we are gonna take this matter serious, its
against the law here.....
.
NIGERIAN POLICEMEN
A lady reported a rape case between her and her boyfriend...
.
Lady: officer my boyfriend rape
me ooo, i don die ooo
.
Policemen: chaiii, na serious matter oo, em.... Sargent
Okoro, abeg bring statement make she write everything
wey happen.
.....
.....
Ehen, wetin happen
.
Lady: i went to see this my boyfriend and he seriously raped me, and....
.
Policeman: calm down, calm down, write am down!
.
The lady writes it....
.
Policeman: around what time?
.
Lady: eh, we first went to the club, we drank, we ate, we danced, so after the club we now went to his place...
.
Policeman: around when?
.
Lady: 3am
.
Policeman (surprised): 3? 3am?
U go him house?
Oya write am.
.
The lady writes it down......
.
Lady: officer i was in his house and....
.
Policeman: you go your own house?
.
Lady: No
.
Policeman: oh, you go him house?
.
Lady: yes
.
Policeman: put am for paper.
.
The lady writes it.....
.
Policeman: so as you reach em house wetin come happen?
.
Lady: eh, as we went to his house, i removed my
clothes and went to shower....
.
Policeman: oh, u baf? You baf for man house? You remove your cloth for him bedroom?
.
Lady: yes!
.
Policeman: write am down!
.
Lady writes it.....
.
Policeman: ehen, wen you baf finish, wetin come happen?
.
Lady: eh, when i baf finish, i lie down for him bed.
.
Policeman: eh? Oh for him guest room?
.
Lady: no officer, in his room off course.
.
Policeman: oh, in his room?
Wetin u wear?
.
Lady: his t-shirt.
.
Policeman: oh, u wear him shirt?
U wear pant?
.
Lady: pant? Haba no na officer, just his shirt
.
Policeman: (shouts)
Oh, you no wear pant? For man house?
You wicked,
write am down!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
To be Continued...lol
*************************
As written by a Facebook pal of mine!!!

My night was crazy. It was as if mosquitoes were on rampage. They spoiled the joy I had after eating beans and indomie.
.
The mosquitoes were so plenty that their combined sounds were like that of a Cherubim and Seraphim choristers. They bit me like something else. They made me beat myself almost to redness. As if that was not enough, with the rate at which they sucked my
blood, by now i must be having low sperm count, ehhmm, I mean low blood count!
.
The clapping was so much that i simply started singing, turned the whole experience to worship time.
.
In the morning, hunger dealt with me next. Before long, the worms in my stomach began their own World Cup opening ceremony.
.
I decided to visit one of my girlfriends during the day. At least, i know that a meal will surface and truly, the sweet girl served me a delicious meal of Amala and Vegetable bombarded with
egusi and meat.
.
After the meal, we were relaxing with her family members when a strange odour of mess started diluting the conditioned air in the room. Imagine
me, the stranger, in the midst of her parents, two sisters, and two other relatives.
.
Everyone started throwing speculative glances at each other but none talked.
After some minutes of watching a comedian on tv, another odour began sifting through the air.
.
I was so surprised that i didn't know when i said: 'Haba!!!'
.
All attention was on me. My girlfriend threw me a questioning glance to which i shook my head. The question
on my mind was, "who is that wicked person polluting the air?"
.
Just as power supply was interrupted, in the ensuing silence, we heard a 'piiihuuun' sound and another 'shiiiiii' coming from my girlfriend's father and one of the daughters. I was shocked!
.
These people don't know me. I kept quiet and the air was so "barbaricaly" smelly. They started the generator and the A.C resumed work. My girlfriend asked me to her room, i told her not to
worry. I had a mission.
.
I adjusted my sitting position, and on cue, the beans and indomie i ate last night started working. I raised half of my bumbum and i let out an airy 'weeeeee' gaseous concortion.
.
In ten seconds, the father sneezed 12times, the mother blew her nose 24 times, the two relatives started arguing. I noticed that the little fishes in the aquarium by the wall had stopped swimming.
.
I did not rest, i raised the other half of my bumbum and let out a silent fart. In five seconds, the air changed to the smell of dead rats. The family started arguing. "Darling, stop polluting the air. We have visitors. " the mother said.
"Its not me. Its Bose" (the second daughter), the father replied.
"Daaa-aaady! I don't like it o. I farted by mistake once and you are blaming me for your actions." Bose retorted.
.
I kept my eyes glued to the TV, and just then my girlfriend came back. As she was making the leather chair make loud noise, I released another deadly quiet and unseen fart. Before long, the two relatives excused themselves. The mother said: "I think i will need to rest." And she left.
.
Shaperly, me sef stood up and said: "Thank you sir. Thank you ladies. Goodnight sir." The father said, "Thank you CBJ Please, come again. And sorry for the mess."
.
Outside, my girlfriend was apologising seriously. I looked at her, smiled and i told her not to worry.
.
I walked home with the smile plastered
on my face.
Tomorrow is another day.
Thank God its ‪#‎Friday‬

This ain't no hyena ,though the fur looks similar to that of an hyena... To me it looks more like a raccoon.

semasir:
I've got one for #15,000 with 2 million database in total and classified by business owners, mail section, etc

Please how do I get in touch with you?

For 6 years our own occupied the offices of Deputy Senate President, Deputy Speaker, SGF, Minister of Finance /Coordinating Minister of the Nigerian Economy, Ministers of Health, Aviation, Labour, Petroleum&Gas (by Marriage), Chief of Army Staff etc yet nobody complained that the Igbos got too much of the Federal Power rations neither did your highly placed brethren improve your lot in terms of development!
Other ethnic groups watched carefully and played their politics towards national relevance while we the Igbos got carried away and played politics of the pocket where semi-illiterate money bags charted the cause for us!
Those who have access to Aso Rock and got fat contracts sustained the lies to hoodwink both Aso Rock gods and the Igbos. In blind response devoid of any logical reasonings the Igbos put all their fragile eggs in one basket that had lost form and shape to protect them.
As the results of those fatal errors set in the same money miss roads are now fanning the ambers of secession as their next meal ticket bargaining chip while the teaming youth they lure with money and lies risk losing everything including their lives for nothing in the end.
Compare the Igbo TAN money bags / failed politicians to the likes of Aliko Dangote, Mike Adenuga, Femi Otedola who are hardly seen or heard playing partisan talk less of ethno-religious politics!
Imagine Dangote gathering the leaders of Northerners in Lagos and imposing political party or candidate in Lagos State politics on them. Such is near impossible!
The Igbos have allowed derogatory pocket politics to puncture their natural nobility as a people!
With men of honour and class like Ebitu Ukaiwe, Emeka Anyaoku, Ndubisi Kanu, Ben Nwabueze and others the Igbos should have no business listening to the likes if Ifeanyi Uba (Capital Oil), Chris Uba etc any time they talk politics!
Foolish is not IGBO!!!
As written on Facebook by chibueze iheukwumere.c. ihejirika

Please I am in need of email address database of companies and hotels most especially in Ibadan and the southwest region . anybody who can help with that on this forum?

Uhuru kenyatta(president of kenya)
October 27
*Stephen el-sharawwy(italian footballer)
*Kumar sanghakkara(world renowned cricket player)
*Kurt zouma(chelsea player)
October 28th
*Bill Gates(IT entreprenuer/american billionaire)
*Caitlyn or Bruce jenner(Transgender celeb/gold winning american athlete)
*Julia Roberts(award winning hollywood actress)
*Obafemi Martins(ex-super eagles player )
October 29
*Gabrielle Union(hollywood actress)
*Edwin Van der saar(ex netherland and manchester united keeper)
*Robert Pires(ex france and arsenal player)
October 30th
*Diego armando Maradona(Legendary argentine footballer)
*Edge(american wrestler)
October 31st
*Willow smith(american teenage musician)
*Christopher Columbus(world renowned explorer)
*Rob schneider(hollywood comic actor)
*Iyanya(award winning Nigerian musician)

*Dj exclusive(Nigerian celebrity Dj)
*Mo'cheddah(Nigerian musician)
October 17th
*Eminem(award winning american rap artiste)
*Ziggy marley(reggae musician/son of legendary Bob marley)
*Kimi Raikonnen(F1 driver)
*Wyclef jean(award winning american musician)
*Nnamdi oduamadi(super eagles footballer)
October 18th
*Neyo(award winning american producer/musician)
*Jean claude van damme(Hollywood action actor)
*Dante(Brazil and wolfsburg player)
*Robbie savage(ex-blackburn player)
*Efe ambrose(super eagles player)
*Wande coal(award winning nigerian musician)
October 19th
*Gen.Yakubu jack Gowon(former nigerian military head of state)
*Floyd mayweather snr(father of boxing title holder mayweather jr )
*Evander Holyfield(american boxer)
*Big sam allardyce(premiership coach)
October 20th
*Snoop Dogg(award winning american rap artiste)
*Abbey George(ex-super eagles player)
*Jonathan akpoborie(ex-super eagles footballer)
October 21st
*Kim kardashian(reality show american celeb)
*Amber Rose(Model/celeb)
*Benjamin Netanyahu(isreali prime-minister/arab countries nightmare)
*Nemanja vidic(serbian and inter milan footballer)
*Da-Grin(Nigerian rap artiste)
*Alex ekwueme(former nigerian vice president)
October 22nd
*Arsene Wenger(arsenals coach)
*Shaggy(american-jamaican musician)
October 23rd
*Pele(legendary brazilian ex footballer)
*Ryan Reynolds(Hollywood award winning actor)
*Alvaro Morata(spain and juventus footballer)
*Rashidi Yekini(ex-super eagles footballer)
October 24th
*Drake(award winning american rap artiste)
*Wayne Rooney(england and manchester united captain )
*Roman Abrahomovich(Russian Billionaire/chelsea owner)
*Sir kessington Adebukola Adebutu(baba ijebu) (Business mogul and entrepreneur)
October 25th
*Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti(human right activist/1st woman to drive a car in nigeria)
*Katy perry(award winning american musician)
*Ciara(american musician)
October 26th
*CM punk(american wrestler)
*Keith Urban(award winning american musician)
*Hillary clinton(american politician/presidential aspirant)

ermain Defoe(ex-england and sunderland footballer)
*Bishop Desmond Tutu(apartheid freedom fighter/human rights activist)
October 8th
*Bella thorne(hollywood teenage n disneychannel actress)
*Bruno Mars(award winning american musician)
*Nick Cannon(american actor n american idol host)
*Rasak Omotoyossi(nigerian-beninois footballer)
*Matt Damon(award winning hollywood actor )
*Cece winnans(american gospel singer)
*Jesse Jackson(american politician)
October 9th
*John Lennon(British award winning musician)
*Tyler james williams(everbody hates chris star actor)
*David Cameron(British prime minister)
*Blessing okagbare(Nigerian medal winning athlete)
October 10th
*Xherdan shaqiri(swiss and stoke city footballer)
*Ken saro wiwa(human right activist)
*Brow ideye(super eagles player)
*Ade akinbiyi(ex-super eagles player)
*Danjuma Goje(Nigerian politician/Northern aristocrat)
October 11th
*Amitabh Bachan(Legendary award winning Bollywood actor)
*Sir Bobby Charlton(ex england and manchester united legend)
*Seamus Coleman(irish and everton player)
October 12th
*Hugh jackman(hollywood award winning actor/wolverine)
*Lucciano Pavarotti(legendary italian opera singer)
*Marion Jones(american athlete)
*Shola Ameobi(ex-super eagles player)
October 13th
*Ashanti(american musician)
*Magaret Thatcher(1st British female prime minister/ironlady)
*Paul pierce(NBA all star player)
*Tisha campbell matin(Hollywood actress)
*Gabriel agbonlahor(ex england and aston villa player)
October 14th
*Ralph Lauren(world renowned designer)
*Usher Raymonds(american award winning musician)
*Roger moore(former bond man and British actor)
*Ahmed Musa(super eagles and Cska moscow player)
*Ibrahim chatta(Nollywood Yoruba actor)
October 15th
* Fela anikulapo-Kuti(afrobeat musician/world renowned music legend)
*Mesut mustapha Ozil(germany and arsenal footballer)
*Tito jackson(american musician/jackson5)
*Keyshia cole(american musician)
October 16th
Oscar Wilde(world renowned philospher and poet)
*Ike shorunmu(ex-super eagles keeper)

The month of october is the 10th month of the georgian year,october is also a month of numerous national and international holiday like halloween in the USA,breast cancer awareness day internationally etc.
There are 2 horoscope zodiac signs attached to the month which is Libra(1st-22nd) and scorpio(23rd-31st). Most October born people are great achievers and movers of the world in every sphere of life.
Me,myself and i also is a proud ambassador of this special and exceptional month of the year,proudly repping october 14th of the month. Without wasting much of your precious time,below is the list of the great minds,achievers,famous,talented and industrious october born people both in Nigeria and internationally.
October 1st ( Nigeria's day of independence)
* Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa( 1st prime minister of Nigeria)
*Jimmy carter( former president of America)
*George weah(Liberian footballer/1st african world best footballer)
*Hakeem kae-kazeem(Nigerian hollywood actor)
*Bartholomew ogbeche(ex-super eagles int'l)
October 2nd
*Mahatma Gandhi(1st indian prime minister and spiritual leader of hinduism)
0ctober 3rd
*Zlatan Ibrahimovic(enigmatic swedish and PSG footballer)
*Gwen Stefani(american musician)
*Rev Al Sharpton(american human right activist)
*Jackson martinez(colombian and ATM footballer)
October 4th
*Derick Rose(chicago bulls NBA star)
*Tomas Rosicky(czech n arsenal footballer)
*Russell simons(american music executive)
October 5th
*Bernie mac(american comic actor)
*Kelvin olushola(Nigerian american musician)
*kevin mirallas(Belgium and everton footballer)
*Kate winslet(award winning hollywood actress)
*Efetobore sodje(ex-super eagles int'l)
October 6th
* Lebron james(cleveland cavaliers NBA all star)
*Ricky Hatton(British boxer)
*King osanga(ex-golden eaglets player)
October 7
*Simon cowell(stone cold american idol judge and entertainment mogul)
*Vlamir Puttin(American nightmare Russian president)
*Diego Costa(strong-headed spain and chelsea footballer)
*Toni Braxton(award winning american musician)

The lady's simple narration without exaggeration makes it seem so true.... Guess now that u are thru with school and would start fending for urself u can at least detach urself from the incestuos act between u and ur oldman .

Any October 14th in d house

Please add me 08085994525

Please add me to ur whatsapp group 08085994525

Is this pool or sportsbet

Field martial Anthony boldly matching the red army to victory after victory.... (GGMU)

To the guys what would you do if you found out a lady friend of yours has such a dastardly intention towards you?

Odoggs1:
lolz... Let me remind you. My wife to be is a very faithful girl. She is a 200 level med. & surg.student in UNN. She doesn't have time for any damn person apart from me. And she is just 19yrs old, and also prayerful and deeply religious, despite her unique intelligence and beauty.

My family knows hers very well. She visits my home whenever she likes. I love her deeply though, but I can't help but bleep others, due to she is a virgin.

She prays for me every morning and night, but sometimes I feel guilt. Because I do cheat on her.

I don't usually comment on peoples post but i just had to make urs an exception.... guy ur lies makes the devil feel like a green horned novice in lying affairs.
Aren't u d same guy that posted this and said this contradictory things about your gf in that post
https://www.nairaland.com/2604630/tramadol-kills

mizle:
Am in lag bro....how do we go about it?

Call or whatsapp me on 08085994525

Nairalandar:
Yeah....@ What rate..? how much

30k flat

Nairalandar:
@ what rate? Any diff in Lag n Ogun price

No difference ,its just that this two states is were my jurisdiction ends... Are u interested??

ucde:
please did u down load it and fill. after that what next. the application form is it going to be scanned? and also how can one get passport within five days.. if you have any sugestion on any of this, pls do

If u reside around Lagos and Ogun state I can help u process ur passport and u would get it that same day.

mizle:
Please who will help me get a passport asap, am in lagos.

I can help u process ur passport if u are in lagos.... And u would get it that same day.

An Arab hooker is raking in cash by marrying randy British Muslims for hour-long sex sessions then divorcing them straight afterwards so they can “avoid sinning”.

The 25-year-old belly dancer known as Fairuza, according to TheSunUK. reportedly performs the quickie service by reading a religious text in Arabic and takes the money as a "dowry". Then once the deed is done, she divorces the two of them from their temporary marriage – “nikah mut’ah” – arrangement.

She told an undercover reporter that once the marriage is up the client must wait three months to request the service again.

In a secret video filmed by the newspaper, she revealed:
"I married myself to you for one hour and agreed upon the money you’ve given me. It’s £300 and £50 for the marriage. If you want to renew it we can do it within three months.
“Even though we do mut’ah, you must still use a condom. I don’t do it without condom. Some people think that if you do mut’ah you don’t have to use a condom.”
She is believed to be one of many Muslim women now offering the guilt-free service.

On a hidden escort advertising website, Fairuza boasts to have "very beautiful natural 34DD breasts" and a "very pretty face with juicy lips". Her Twitter account, which is thought to have recently been deleted, had more than 85,000 followers – all of which could see her raunchy topless posts.
In the video she explains that some men are converting to Shia Islam to take advantage of the sin-free sex. She explains:
“I did it with one Saudi who converted to Shia Islam only so he could do mut’ah. He was in London for two months. I was his wife for the two months. I lived with him and I wasn’t allowed to be with any other man. He paid very good money.
He is coming back next year and we’ll do it again."

Sunnypar:
Sowl....don't go below 40k. Do the maths (transportation, feeding and housing).

Thanks boss for the info... I think this would help in a very good way in terms of getting a very favourable bargain.

Sunnypar:

what information do you want?

fweshyboi:
Hello house
Have been A follower of this group for some time now but i don't comment just came here to read through in order for me to gain more knowledge
Thanks to you guys have learnt a lot from this forum

Please i need your help with A school in Ibadan oasis international school
Am scheduled for an interview there on Monday as a technical Drawing teacher
Please someone should help me with info about this school and what to expect from the Interview and there payment
range

Thanks all

Same info with fweshboi boss.

fweshyboi:
Hello house
Have been A follower of this group for some time now but i don't comment just came here to read through in order for me to gain more knowledge
Thanks to you guys have learnt a lot from this forum

Please i need your help with A school in Ibadan oasis international school
Am scheduled for an interview there on Monday as a technical Drawing teacher
Please someone should help me with info about this school and what to expect from the Interview and there payment
range

Thanks all

I also have a scheduled interview in the same school on Monday... Here is my number call or add me up on whatsapp:08085994525