₦airaland Forum

Why would someone want to tame a human being in the first place? If a man is an ideal, the girl will tame herself. Everyone is always looking out for what is best for them. Taming means one is scared of the competition out there, while also being insecure about oneself. Taming is not the solution, but undergoing an internal restructuring.

The way you tabled it made it seems like the heart is bad, and the head is good. That's wrong. Both are good, and compliments each other. One should not go without the other, otherwise it there will be a lack of balance. There are places the heart leads, and the brain follows and vice versa.

Having a plan B if no one marries you is like asking if one have a plan B if no one gives them a million dollars. The answer is to live. Have a prosperous, purposeful and a fulfilled life. Giving me a million usd is nice, but without it, I'm good. Marriage should enhance your life, not the goal.

Tell your mum and girlfriend to marry themselves, since they want it so much than you. Only get married when you're emotionally, financially and mentally ready. Marriage is not a sprinting event, it's a marathon. Its not how soon, but how well.

I winder why it is strange for lots of people to understand that marriage is not for everyone. It's why so many homes are miserable. You have to know yourself well to be sure if the institution of marriage is your thing. And it's okay if its not.

@poster, you seems more scared of the man in person, not the marriage. Marriage is not slavery, its freedom. Marriage doesn't reduce, but actually increases your quality of life. Marriage even though subjected to much bastardization in modern times, had been the building block for a healthy society. A good man will heal these fears, where the job is, is to find such man.

I'm happy when I see young boys doing well for themselves. To start small, and just grow. It shall be well with you.

The response from the ladies makes me question their sense of justice and morality. If the opposite was the case, that they caught brother's wife with another man in his matrimonial home, will they ignore and mind their business?

You are not only obligated to, but is responsible to tell your brother. And whatever you fear will happen regardless if you tell him or not. Also you'll feel guilty all your life if you don't, and such woman can frame you badly. If you don't tell your brother, then you don't love him.

Blunttruth:
Op you are right,but most of the couples now don't discuss all this, I wonder what they do with their time. I guess that's why divorce is on the increase.

Its because lots of people see marriage as a place of romance, entitlement and for social pride, not also as a place for work, obligations and duty. A change in that mindset will reduce the upsurge of dysfunctional homes out there.

Also, people don't asked these questions because its a grey area that demands personal responsibility and accountability, traits that are not an hallmark for lots of people. Basically, marriage is an institution that reveals you to yourself, it's an epiphany where you get to find out about what you're made off. It could be painful, and liberating at the same time.

Hell does exist, but it's right here on earth. If you die, that's the end of you. You'll go back to where you was become you were born. To a state of everlasting nothingness. When you're deeply asleep, it's a rehearsal of death, just that its not permanent. To oversimplify, poverty is hell, and wealth is heaven.

DonroxyII:
Invoke Almighty God to take over the Journey and sire all for You. You will be OK.

God is the Only Good.

True, but to supplement the above, not as a stand alone. The point of our ability to think is to use it, and not leave all decisions for God to handle.

Love is stress free, doesn't hurt, betray and does not puts you in doubt. Also, you dont sacrifice yourself when you're in love with someone. Always choose yourself first. The love you described is a one-way love, hence its a burden to the one that is doing the loving.

You can love someone without feeling hurt, only if you accept that loving them doesn't translate to possessing them. Your beloved must feel free, and not be burdened by your need to privatise him/her. Let them choose you in their own volition, and its okay if they don't. Be guided.

pansophist:
Make sense.

But this can hardly be the case when one is in the union with an ulterior motive. There was a thread few weeks back, where a lady dumped her fiancé after he brought out a finance arrangement for the family.

If both partners genuinely loves each other, the absence of such arrangement wont lead to the termination of the union. But if there is no love, even when an arrangement is drawn without prejudice, it would not be followed. It's about the intent thereof.

Brilliant �

Discuss bills, parenting styles, credits, debt, religion, how to deal with family, what beliefs will be instill in your children, childhood trauma, sexual expectations, partner expectations, financial expectations, family and mental health history, bucket list, dream home, careers and education, political views and whatever else comes to mind.

Love alone is not enough. Feelings are not enough. Being married is not the goal, but staying happily married is.

Going back to you ex is an emotional decision, which is nothing more than being with someone due to pity, or to appease your guilty conscience. I know how messy that place can be, but going forward is the only way, not backwards. The work of your hands from today henceforth redeems your past shortcomings, and that's the true meaning of forgiveness. Forgive yourself, and be true to your new relationship, and let time heal you.

1. Proposal-on-first-date is desperation. You don't do that. That was your first mistake. You don't propose to a lady without testing her virtue. You followed your feelings without having a strong control of the self. It's a disastrous traits for a man. If you had controlled yourself and just give her time, she would have exposed herself and you won't go this far emotionally.

2. I know you must have minimised everything you've done for her, from spending and tolerating her excesses and she has gone too far this time hence your post, but you'll make it even worse if you accept her back, go back to her, or continue having her in your life. If you think you're pain, a greater pain would be to send her abroad while you stay here in Nigeria. It would be hell on earth. Don't try it. A girl disliking all your friends and need 6M from you is a really bad omen.

3. Learn to live for yourself, follow your inner conviction and be less influenced by the external. Its a recipe for evalasting peace. Who cares what the world think? A lady that reigns insult on you, undermining your masculinity, and have planned out her life while you bear the liability is not someone you fight for, or miss, or love. Let the people that will criticise you marry her. It's as simple as that.