She probably doesn't enjoy whatever it is you're doing.

If you worship her body and she clim axes strongly each time you have sex,why would she be refusing?

What woman will let tiredness come between her and a mind bending org asm filled sex session?

I know you'll say now that you can sex for Africa so I'll counter immediately by saying may be she is really really really exhausted from looking after the baby.

Sorry sah

babythug:



You’re quite open minded and “liberal” in your approach to this thing. I am happy that more and more people are coming to terms with the fact that life doesn’t have to end because a spouse (male ot female) has cheated. It is worthy to note though that the African society is hardly forgiving of adultery or straying in a relationship. Even a widow many times is expected to remain chaste in memory of her dead husband “shudders”

I'm not that nice, neither am i that charitable, l am open minded only because i realise that it could be me planted heavily on this table you're shaking.

Before marriage and in the first few years, i was certain i would leave.Ordinary mention of cheating and i would literally fly off a handle, lol.

As time passed, i started to grow a deeper fondness and love for my husband.We share so much in common ,enjoy the same things, share children together, have common goals and generally the same outlook in life.

I am not implying he is perfect, neither am i, our relationship isn't either but know for certain that if he does something and i understand his reasons and am able to work through them, why should i throw him away after many years of consistently being a good man?

My deal breaker would sound very flimsy to a lot of people but it is unhappiness with each other which just cannot be resolved.Unhappiness will affect the ambience in the home and also affect the emotional state of the children.I would rather have happy separate parenting than unhappy toxic but together parenting. This is just my personal preference..

African society likes to pretend like women are supposed to be beyond reproach, lol . I'm certain a lot of spouses manage the unmanageable 'C' word just between themselves after heavy consideration of what could be lost. People work through things.

As for the widows, many get serviced frequently, they're just more discrete but i see how people expect them to mourn forever in comparison to their male counterparts.

I suspect a lot of the financially stable ones swerve marriage.
Why remarry when there are many many men that offer themselves for free without being bound by marriage especially if it's companionship and bed shaking the woman wants?

Everything varies person to person and i think we just tend to judge people based on our own views of what is right and wrong.

This is my personal opinion. I could be very wrong.

cococandy:
Mrs cardiology I like your username .

I also like your post. Food for the goose as they say.

Cheers!!! Nice to meet someone who actually understands the meaning of the name.

@ food for the goose..let's just say I am open to all possibilities and very easily bored.

@babythug

I think a lot of emphasis is placed on male cheating , lol.

Tooo many variables:

Length of marriage.

Religious affiliation and attitude towards religion.

Financially dependent or independent wife

Children involved and their ages

Wife's interest or lack of in sexual intercourse

Social security ,stigma or lack of stigma

Wife's redlines: for some, cheating is nothing compared to poverty.

Social status of couple

Lifestyle of wife

One off episode or length of affair plus result of the affair: baby on the way etc

Attitude of spouse pre and post cheating

Openness of both spouses

Results of STD testing and willingness not accept no sex or sex with condom

Ability to move on or not..could take years etc


Personally, my attitude towards cheating has changed over the years mainly because I have a very good relationship with my spouse,he is a good guy, our children are very happy,home life is stable.I think he's a great father who would generally avoid anything that could hurt me and he has a very good income too which in combination within mine means a decent lifestyle for all of us.

1. I may or may not leave ,I have the financial power to care of my kids alone,society I live in doesn't have issues with divorce so this is not a problem at all.

2.The impact would be devastating for the children, because we all have a very close relationship.

3. I could cheat as well,I cannot promise 100% fidelity because the longer you are married,the more bored you become especially over 10 years...

I love my spouse like kilode but I'm quite open minded about expecting someone to have sex with one person forever. Maybe I'm this lenient because I know I can fall into this particular sin out of plain boredom.

No I did not have sex with anyone's husband in the past,I don't have a shady sexual history either.

I just don't see why I should end all our years together just for sex especially when I could be guilty of such too( I still would draw lines on are,new child ,length of affair etc) . It depends on the context and also if I'm innocent of same at the time of the offence


My spouse so far has not cheated or he's abnormally smart about it( we've passed the 10 year mark).Either ways,if he does,that just opens my mind further to the options available to me.

Yes,my spouse knows I can leave or stay dependent on my interpretation of the situation.

Yes yes I know about the pain and betrayal ,I'm just not overly emotional about things in general.


There's just too many variables,no one really ever knows.


People should just act based on their convictions.

rockstarB:

You have gotten me more confused. Lol

Lol,I believe the issue of multiple partners should be free and open for all.

If people are truthful about their expectations,they will pair or multipair with those with whom their lifestyles suit.

Some women already manage multiple men steadily and smoothly without any issues.In an ideal world,they would be open about this and the men who choose to stay will stay,those that can't manage will.leave.

Better for water to find it's own level and people to know and understand their own limitations.

Monogamy for those who want,polyamory for another set,polyandry /polygamy for yet another,then the asexuals in their own lane.

Simple,isn't it.

I think multiple partners can be managed properly if everyone is aware of their place and function.

Personally,my choice would be polyamory and then polyandry and polygamy for those that want to make it more formal.

Then those who believe in monogamy also can choose people like them.

Everyone stays happy.

Jman06:
Your problem is that you think we look for virgins because we want to hide sexual inadequacies! That is not the case! I personally prefer virgins because virginity in this spoilt generation is a great indicator of moral soundness and self control!

I bet if the madam you quoted married as a wh0re, she would have resorted to cheating on her man with some numerous exes. But she is taking things easy and looking at other great qualities in the man instead of defiling her matrimonial bed. That's the self control I'm talking about!!

Hello Mr Jman06,

Unfortunately,my lack of sexual experience doesn't mean I am a better person. I have had thoughts to cheat and have seriously considered it.These thoughts wax and wane depending on how frustrated I feel.

The ONLY THING holding me back isn't really self control but the fact that my husband is a fantastic human being in my opinion. I'm not being virtuous at all,I'm just striking a balance and appreciating a good man.

I believe that if I didn't have his type of personality as a spouse,I may have done a lot of things by now.


Remember everyone has their own definition of 'who re'. Some want to know how many sexual partners in the past,others do not.

Some choose a number and that is their own defining line.

It is very important to bear in mind that people are very very unpredictable especially sexually and there's loads of men offering free sex,doesn't have to be an ex.

Put someone in the right place at the right time ,and you will be very shocked.

In my view,sex is a normal basic instinct,to.indulge or not to indulge is left to whomever and I respect that.

I just don't believe virginity had any impact on my marriage,maybe because it wasn't a factor for my husband and his personality is very laid back or because he's all shades of awesome..not perfect but awesome.

Everything I've written is my personal opinion,my own personal experience,not a manual for others to follow.

Good luck.

yeyeosoronga:


Women want sex, and rightly so.

What better time could I have done these things na, if not when I was single?
I wouldn't touch my ex escapades with a barge pole now btw, just saying. Simply because I loved on. I also moved on too.
I have no single regrets. None whatsoever.
As a young person, remember to live life.
If you're down with premarital sex, stay protected. Insist you're both tested for diseases before getting down, insist on condoms, and use contraceptives.
Many nasties out there.

I loved loved reading this,haha especially protection and running from nasties.
I think once you pass 10 years of marriage,you just start to reflect.

I do not think that acquiring sexual experience would have changed my quality of partner anyways.

Testing or no testing a person should just align with another with similar values .

Peacefullove:

This topic lacks basis as far as am concerned ... Most ladies shouting Testing testing are scam. Take this scene

Raymond is a jerk , broke guy with Good sex to give .

Desmond is a responsible Guy, Good Job .. But he is always busy , even when he has time for sex , he can't stress himself.

Who will Stella pick among the two for Marriage ? DESMOND. Despite she saw Raymond give her good sex/testing

I thought this ladies say Good sex is important, why not marry Raymond like that ? Scammers everywhere. If you want to have sex, Just do it , don't heap blame on the written laws of the holy book. Its never the cause of your predicament
after all the testing , testing , Adultery is still everywhere .

Doesn't have to be extreme,there are good , wonderful men out there who can finish you in bed and turn you out who are non Christian and don't believe in anything sef.

Adultery ,fornication will always exist,religion or no. Non testers and tester get stung daily.

Everyone should just live their best life and define their own happiness.

I'm doing the exact thing I said I wouldn't,

Namaste

sisisioge:


Hmmm...well done maami. You are truly a good woman. But you know you could get that man of yours some serious education through movies and books, since talking hasn't really helped.

Believe me,good is the last word i'd use to describe myself. I have considered truly evil things.
My man has tried jare,one person can't know how.to do everything.

Peacefullove:


Point . but then in this part of the world most women marry for Money , So forget the testing before marriage , as long as their Ned Nwoko is around .. They dont care . So testing is just another excuse to be wayward as far as am concerned. Most girls even with the testing will still Marry that One minute man as long as he has Money . its after marriage they start crying

Ahhhhh!! Are you saying I married for money?
I am actually an accomplished professional making my own coins.
Husband was not even financially stable when we married

Peacefullove:

Not blaming you .. Sorry if I come across that way.
My point is even if you test and he wasn't into it ... You might still marry him considering his other qualities that endear you to him with the mantra of " He will change " . and besides if your husband was a Good Christian he should know the Bible says a man should Please his wife Sexually . its a command.



" The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs , and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. " 1 Cor 7:3

I apologise if I sounded defensive.

Some people cannot get it right and it's okayy.
For sex to.sync between two people,I think they have to be mostly on the same page in terms of preferences.

Some people like things a bit freaky others prefer to point and kill instantly.

Some people like sensuous sex,others like it straight to the point.

I'm not one of those who believes premarital sex makes a person wayward but I understand and respect people who do.

My own lack of sex wasn't religious,one of the reasons is because I just didn't have time or meet someone interesting enough to bother with.

Husband is more religious,I will never blame him for not having sexual skills.I know he tries as much as he can but it just doesn't work.

It's not his fault.

bukatyne:


What are his concerns with what you like?

A bit too out there for his tastes..it's not his fault at all and I have accepted it. He is still wonderful.

sisisioge:


Thanks for sharing maami...I guess as expected, the guys hunting virgins aren't taking into full account her true self/feeling. They mostly think virgins won't really have desires cos what do they know! A man cant honestly understand the feelings in a woman's body no matter how much they pretend to.

Anyways, may God's mercy continue to flow in your family. Last last, while sex is highly important, a wonderful spouse is second to none! Cheers.

Nobody really knows what they want from sex till they actually start doing it.I even used to think of myself as well informed, I read everything readable ,watched some watchables but actually engaging in intercourse shows you the female body is crazily mysterious.

I believe problems set in when one of the partners thinks of sex in a particular way or has been sexually active before you.They usually come with pre conceived notions of how it's done.

Imagine if the person's experience is from ladies who have been faking it and calling him skilful,it becomes difficult for the person to believe he's not doing it right.

Throw in a lady that does not know her left from right into this mix and then there's confusion, complaints destroy the fragile ego,more attempts to rectify the situation leads to more frustration etc then a pattern is formed.

Effects of a mismatch can be devastating.If you wil not test to make sure,just ready your mind for anything.

A very large number of women in their prime go off sex with their spouses,how is that possible if the sex is mind blowing and earth shattering?What does that tell you?

My consolation has just been how wonderful he is,that's the only reason I've been managing to contain myself.

A good spouse really covers a multitude of sins.. I'd rather have bad sex with an excellent personality husband than good sex with jerk.

Abi this is what I tell.myself to prevent mental breakdown

Back to stealth mode abeg.

Cheers

Peacefullove:


The problem with people like you is You shy away from sex talks before marriage or probably Marry a man you are not attracted to. That two people decide not to have sex before marriage doesn't mean they won't discuss some intimate things from which they gonna get loads of ideas about their partner.

And again Testing before Marriage Guarantees nothing as it can also be FAKED

Madam,you know nothing about me or a person like me.

I never knew I would fancy using restraints on my partner (DH)during sex - he's not into this.

I didn't ever know my libido would be raging.

No amount of discussions would have revealed this to me. So many examples sef.

Some people will never be sexually compatible, and unfortunately I'm one of them.

Others don't test and end up with amazing sexual vibes and that's fine.

End result of sex should be both partners clim axing ,there's no in-between,it's either you do or don't.

In my next life,I shall be testing to make sure I cli max every damn time,no time for fruitless theory.

No sex before marriage is over rated as far as I'm concerned.

Virginity till marriage didn't do anything for me at all,13 years down the line and sex is still blehhh.

We just do not sync sexually at least from my own end ,but this issue is small in comparison to the fact that he's an amazing human being.

Fact is sexual compatibility is extremely important,if sex is necessary to your well being,better test and know what you can or cannot manage because a good number of men believe it's all about thrusting like someone performing an exorcism for 1 hour.

There's a host of other sexual.problems outside erectile dysfunction or impotence.

The difficulty in virginity is that you do not even know what you like ,add that to a partner whos idea of sex is fixed,you get into a pattern that's difficult to correct to the point where even showing what you like becomes an exercise frought with torture.

You carry hand to put here,the hand is not really doing well,Oya carry mouth put here,disaster.


Some men will be great at a load of things not just Sex,same as some women,that doesn't take away their awesomeness.

There's also the element that the things that interest me are things that cause the husband to shout God forbid,

It can be frustrating ,I won't lie and may cause a person to dabble into a few things but it is what it is.

Thanks to the universe for toys and well timed mas turbation otherwise someone's daughter would have turned into a graven image.

If I could turn back time,I would test and test and teeeesssstttt till I receive the correct result.

Would.i choose another spouse?Never but I would have done things a bit differently.

Just here to drop comments not to engage in Q&A or counselling

funmiodun:


Thank you very much. I really do appreciate it.

You're welcome,I wish you all the best!

funmiodun:


Thanks but I need to be accountable so I don't look like a cheat and use it to affect others in future.

Just mark it as anonymous and then write the amount.
Cheers!

@funmiodun please kindly take out the information in the last post
Cheers!