Takotsubo:
@babythug

I think a lot of emphasis is placed on male cheating , lol.

Tooo many variables:

Length of marriage.

Religious affiliation and attitude towards religion.

Financially dependent or independent wife

Children involved and their ages

Wife's interest or lack of in sexual intercourse

Social security ,stigma or lack of stigma

Wife's redlines: for some, cheating is nothing compared to poverty.

Social status of couple

Lifestyle of wife

One off episode or length of affair plus result of the affair: baby on the way etc

Attitude of spouse pre and post cheating

Openness of both spouses

Results of STD testing and willingness not accept no sex or sex with condom

Ability to move on or not..could take years etc


Personally, my attitude towards cheating has changed over the years mainly because I have a very good relationship with my spouse,he is a good guy, our children are very happy,home life is stable.I think he's a great father who would generally avoid anything that could hurt me and he has a very good income too which in combination within mine means a decent lifestyle for all of us.

1. I may or may not leave ,I have the financial power to care of my kids alone,society I live in doesn't have issues with divorce so this is not a problem at all.

2.The impact would be devastating for the children, because we all have a very close relationship.

3. I could cheat as well,I cannot promise 100% fidelity because the longer you are married,the more bored you become especially over 10 years...

I love my spouse like kilode but I'm quite open minded about expecting someone to have sex with one person forever. Maybe I'm this lenient because I know I can fall into this particular sin out of plain boredom.

No I did not have sex with anyone's husband in the past,I don't have a shady sexual history either.

I just don't see why I should end all our years together just for sex especially when I could be guilty of such too( I still would draw lines on are,new child ,length of affair etc) . It depends on the context and also if I'm innocent of same at the time of the offence


My spouse so far has not cheated or he's abnormally smart about it( we've passed the 10 year mark).Either ways,if he does,that just opens my mind further to the options available to me.

Yes,my spouse knows I can leave or stay dependent on my interpretation of the situation.

Yes yes I know about the pain and betrayal ,I'm just not overly emotional about things in general.


There's just too many variables,no one really ever knows.


People should just act based on their convictions.

You’re quite open minded and “liberal” in your approach to this thing. I am happy that more and more people are coming to terms with the fact that life doesn’t have to end because a spouse (male ot female) has cheated. It is worthy to note though that the African society is hardly forgiving of female adultery or straying in a relationship. Even a widow many times is expected to remain chaste in memory of her dead husband “shudders”

babythug:



You’re quite open minded and “liberal” in your approach to this thing. I am happy that more and more people are coming to terms with the fact that life doesn’t have to end because a spouse (male ot female) has cheated. It is worthy to note though that the African society is hardly forgiving of adultery or straying in a relationship. Even a widow many times is expected to remain chaste in memory of her dead husband “shudders”

Adultery in general or adultery from the wife?

bukatyne:


Adultery in general or adultery from the wife?

I meant from a wife or girlfriend. Just realised that I missed that out!

Well my own perspective is quite different because I don't vouch for anybody and my trust is in my creator not a man. But the decision to forgive, forget or leave will depend on the situation on ground and the circumstance surrounding it.

If he's remorseful and repented of course we'll sort it out but it might take a while to get myself back and to live like we used to before the incident happened.
Talking about the children being considered, i think we should remember that only a living and sane mind will have the ability to care for their children.

So whether you are there or not the children will survive. Whatever works best for your sanity and peace of mind is of utmost importance.

This are just assumptions. I believe we'll cross the bridge when we get there but i hope such faith never befall me.

cococandy:
Mrs cardiology I like your username .

I also like your post. Food for the goose as they say.

Cheers!!! Nice to meet someone who actually understands the meaning of the name.

@ food for the goose..let's just say I am open to all possibilities and very easily bored.

babythug:



You’re quite open minded and “liberal” in your approach to this thing. I am happy that more and more people are coming to terms with the fact that life doesn’t have to end because a spouse (male ot female) has cheated. It is worthy to note though that the African society is hardly forgiving of adultery or straying in a relationship. Even a widow many times is expected to remain chaste in memory of her dead husband “shudders”

I'm not that nice, neither am i that charitable, l am open minded only because i realise that it could be me planted heavily on this table you're shaking.

Before marriage and in the first few years, i was certain i would leave.Ordinary mention of cheating and i would literally fly off a handle, lol.

As time passed, i started to grow a deeper fondness and love for my husband.We share so much in common ,enjoy the same things, share children together, have common goals and generally the same outlook in life.

I am not implying he is perfect, neither am i, our relationship isn't either but know for certain that if he does something and i understand his reasons and am able to work through them, why should i throw him away after many years of consistently being a good man?

My deal breaker would sound very flimsy to a lot of people but it is unhappiness with each other which just cannot be resolved.Unhappiness will affect the ambience in the home and also affect the emotional state of the children.I would rather have happy separate parenting than unhappy toxic but together parenting. This is just my personal preference..

African society likes to pretend like women are supposed to be beyond reproach, lol . I'm certain a lot of spouses manage the unmanageable 'C' word just between themselves after heavy consideration of what could be lost. People work through things.

As for the widows, many get serviced frequently, they're just more discrete but i see how people expect them to mourn forever in comparison to their male counterparts.

I suspect a lot of the financially stable ones swerve marriage.
Why remarry when there are many many men that offer themselves for free without being bound by marriage especially if it's companionship and bed shaking the woman wants?

Everything varies person to person and i think we just tend to judge people based on our own views of what is right and wrong.

This is my personal opinion. I could be very wrong.

People do not change if you ask them to. They change only if they want to. The response you get when you confront a cheat is all that matters because only a cheat can help him-/herself.

God won't change a womaniser without his consent.

To solve 50% of issues related to cheating, talk about it before marriage and ensure you and your partner agree on the definition of cheating. Social media has made it somewhat impossible to correctly define the word faithfulness.

ICU/telemetry will do that to you

Takotsubo:


Cheers!!! Nice to meet someone who actually understands the meaning of the name.

@ food for the goose..let's just say I am open to all possibilities and very easily bored.

Infidelity is wrong and should not be condoned. The bible says that And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Daniel 8:25 ESV / 1. Please do read What is the brutal truth about extramarital affairs? on www.hightaughts.com.

Takotsubo:
@babythug

I think a lot of emphasis is placed on male cheating , lol.

Tooo many variables:

Length of marriage.

Religious affiliation and attitude towards religion.

Financially dependent or independent wife

Children involved and their ages

Wife's interest or lack of in sexual intercourse

Social security ,stigma or lack of stigma

Wife's redlines: for some, cheating is nothing compared to poverty.

Social status of couple

Lifestyle of wife

One off episode or length of affair plus result of the affair: baby on the way etc

Attitude of spouse pre and post cheating

Openness of both spouses

Results of STD testing and willingness not accept no sex or sex with condom

Ability to move on or not..could take years etc


Personally, my attitude towards cheating has changed over the years mainly because I have a very good relationship with my spouse,he is a good guy, our children are very happy,home life is stable.I think he's a great father who would generally avoid anything that could hurt me and he has a very good income too which in combination within mine means a decent lifestyle for all of us.

1. I may or may not leave ,I have the financial power to care of my kids alone,society I live in doesn't have issues with divorce so this is not a problem at all.

2.The impact would be devastating for the children, because we all have a very close relationship.

3. I could cheat as well,I cannot promise 100% fidelity because the longer you are married,the more bored you become especially over 10 years...

I love my spouse like kilode but I'm quite open minded about expecting someone to have sex with one person forever. Maybe I'm this lenient because I know I can fall into this particular sin out of plain boredom.

No I did not have sex with anyone's husband in the past,I don't have a shady sexual history either.

I just don't see why I should end all our years together just for sex especially when I could be guilty of such too( I still would draw lines on are,new child ,length of affair etc) . It depends on the context and also if I'm innocent of same at the time of the offence


My spouse so far has not cheated or he's abnormally smart about it( we've passed the 10 year mark).Either ways,if he does,that just opens my mind further to the options available to me.

Yes,my spouse knows I can leave or stay dependent on my interpretation of the situation.

Yes yes I know about the pain and betrayal ,I'm just not overly emotional about things in general.


There's just too many variables,no one really ever knows.


People should just act based on their convictions.

You really seem very knowledgeable and I like your openness and somewhat honesty. Nice write up. I will like to know the meaning of this your moniker if it truly has a meaning though, lol.

cococandy:
ICU/telemetry will do that to you

on point sis.