sassysure:


I passed through worst situation by family member than u and I'm a lady. So terrible. Did it break me, yes. Did I want to end it all,yes but one day I decided to purge myself of all bitterness and move on. I forgave the person cos sometimes people that wrongs don't know better.

Was had showing love at first but I killed the person with love and generosity yet kept the person at arm's length even though I habour no grudge.
At first, it's easier to cloud oneself with self pity. Nobody cares. Self pity is an attention seeking agent.
Not different from what toto dike is doing out there.
Selfishness breeds self pity. It eats ONLY u away. The world will be better of losing one person that thinks the world revolves around him.
Ur write up wreck of righteous mentality not low self esteem,man.
We should clap for u that u will soon embark on a revenge mission.

Go and read about the life of some prominent people that made it after passing through toture. The toture became an avenue for them to shine and not go on revenge.
I'm not surprised u are not doing fine. U will never do with this mindset. So warped.

Let me chip in here sassy sure

I understand the point you're trying to drive home but I'd say this approach isn't the best to use on someone in his position.

We preach forgiveness so easily, but in reality, it's difficult to do, especially in a case like his. It's easy to let go and purge when there's remorse from the abusers, but this is clearly not so with him. His folks do not acknowledge they abused him and his feelings too are not validated. It's as if he's just out to make trouble while they go around, acting like nothing happened.

I've been there...the pain is indescribable. People who should be your allies, turn around and gang up against you because they are older. Making you feel like you're insane for saying they wronged you. Whatever wrong done to you is turned on its head is dumped on you.

What am I trying to say- while I agree it's best to forgive and let go, I also understand why he seems stuck where he is at the time and the struggles he's faced with. Seeking revenge is what makes him human, not because he's evil. It's totally normal to see people who hurt you being paid back in their own coin. Don't berate him for that. He can only step out of this situation better when he finds the love and support he craves for.

Judging and slamming him for being human isn't the way to go. The pain of betrayal by loved ones runs deep. All he needs is encouragement, love, support from people who won't judge him further but just for once; listen to the pains that lie in his heart.

Op, if you're reading this, i'd recommend therapy. You need to work through the stages of abuse you've gone through. You need to understand why they happened, possible see if in any way, you played a role in enabling it. You need to unburden and release the pent up pain. Only then will your healing start. I'm sure once you start to feel better, the thought of revenge will ebb gradually.

Stay strong and may light find its way to you

I kinda agree with few of the points raised by Restroom but I'd like to add this:

Being a parent goes way beyond providing food, shelter, clothing and material stuff. It is absolutely normal for a young child to seek validation from the parents. Parents are in most cases, the most trusted being a child knows. So it's paramount for parents to provide not just material stuff, but strong emotional support for their children.

Yes, it's always alluded that every parents' wants the best for their child, so even when they're being excessively controlling and damaging, people still manage to tie it to " wanting-the- best. Unfortunately, that's not always true. There's a level which claims of protecting a child comes to, that it becomes destructive and in this case, the damage caused by extreme lack of emotional connection between father and son, put-downs are already evident, hence the self esteem/complex issues. Judging by the op's narrative, he's also clearly a codependent child who cannot hold his own.

Op, it's good that you realise you have issues, as that's the 1st step to your healing. You've suffered abuse and neglect from someone who should be your closest ally and that can be quite damaging. Don't let anyone make you believe it's your fault you turned out this way, you're only a child whose emotional growth was stunted at an early age, cos of the abuse experienced. It's not your fault that you crave for a more loving relationship with your parents. Those things you feel you should have may not be best for you at the time, but it's left for your parents to make you understand why. You having business ideas is not bad too, if that's really what you want to do. All you need at this time is direction on how to channel those thoughts and ideas properly.
You're not selfish for not easily accepting your adopted sister, as I can totally relate with the reason you gave for that, but you should strive to let go and accept her as a part of you.

In all honesty, I think your father has "Narcissisitic Personality Disorder" and your mum is sort of an enabler. You may want to research on this topic and see if it explains somethings about you and your family dynamics that plaques your mind.

Like some people already advised, you need to start to develop a sense of self and purpose for you. You have a voice; find it and use it rightly. No one has the right to put you down and make you feel miserable, not even your parents. Take decisions on your own and pursue your goals too, not your parents. You may stumble and fail at first, but never stop believing in yourself. You are all you need to lead a fulfilled life. You need to take on challenges and break down those barriers you've set up in your mind, and when the light comes through, you'd start to feel better about yourself.

Parents should learn to treat their wards as separate humans not as objects or extensions of themselves. Kids are like blank slates, whatever we put in there, sticks. The need to build up our children cannot be overemphasised as they tend to see themselves through our eyes.

Stay blessed and strong.

Going by some assertions here, a child has no rights of his/her own in dealing with the parents.

Well, that's a lie cos every human, adult or child deserves respect. Even the bible that states about honoring ones' parents, also went to admonish parents not to provoke their children to wrath.

Poster, your mum cursing you over some monthly contribution and heated argument speaks more of your mothers' personality, not yours. She has deep issues which she needs to address, but won't, hence the transference of anger. Like a nairalander already said; you didn't put her in that situation but try to be more empathic. That's all.

Do the much you can for her, but never mortgage your life and happiness for anyone. You have a whole life ahead of you to live, so don't let anyone walk all over you and steal your peace. Not even your parents have that right.

Cheers!

@Blowback

Part of the info you put out there is erroneous and I thought to point it out, so you can correct that.

The recommended sleeping position for infants below 6months is, lying on the back or at most, by the side. Putting infants on their tummies is a no no, as the position narrows their airways and makes it difficult to expel regurgitated food, while asleep.

Here's a link for more info. You can also check online to garner enough information https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-death-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20352800 on this.

BlowBack:
So sad.

This was an avoidable death.

Just looking at her you will know she was a healthy baby.

I know what killed her and it is usually when after breastfeeding, mother's lie their babies on their backs just as she is pictured.

I know of one case like this.

Babies younger than 3 or 4mths should never be laid on their backs especially after feeding.

The baby must be made to belch by simply holding the baby on one's shoulder and tapping her back gently before lying her on bed.

The baby must have belched and the milk regurgitated and from there went into her lungs.

If she was on her side or on her belly, she would have been able to cough out the regurgitated milk.

Always check on your baby every 2mins when they are this young

Let me but in at this point for clarification sake. The recommended sleeping position, is, lying the baby on his/her back. Babies, especially below 6months shouldn't be put on their tummies, please.

You can refer to this link for more information. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-death-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20352800

AuroraB:
People, don't lay your baby to sleep on his or her back!!!
You either lay the baby on his or her side with a baby pillow, propping him or her or, you lay him or her on his or her tummy.
Don't say you were not warned

ventilation:
If I get a copy of the bc I got about the sickness i'll post it here ,there's nowhere it's written that Luth refered her abroad.

Is this the same broadcast message you got too. I never even read it, until you mentioned of a broadcast and I checked to see if it about this and sure, it is.

yomz1e:
what is it that you dont get, country leaders travel to build and forge better relationships with other countries, a good relationship yields result and brings opportunities, look at Obama going to Cuba, now the Cubans will enjoy influx of Americans which brings $$$$$ and advancement to the country, in the case of Nigeria where our image has been tainted long before PMB, he has to convince the world that we are ready for business and not 'Business as usual' of course we wont see the benefits in one go, it will come gradually and this one is part of them. We can now start exporting things which will bring forex to the country. you get!

Maybe you should have read the comment i quoted to fully grasp where I'm coming from.

A ban was placed cause our produce didn't meet export standards. It's a punitive measure that helps put us in check and naturally, the agencies in charge would have gone back to the drawing board to see what can be done to lift such ban, so why hinge it on Buharis trips.

Even in nairaland, people are banned when they fail to conform to rules guiding the forum and in most cases, bans are lifted after sometime.

Izontubo:
How does this add up to anything... £ The reasons for the an on our bean exportation was glaringly because our bean was not meeting up with health and safety standards.. Meaning the moment our nafdac ensures quality checks we can get back into exportation.. Whats so special about this....

I wan give you a million likes for this. I'm stil wondering how this translates to our presidents' trips yielding result. Did Buhari go begging or what?. Please poster, get your facts right and stop looking to score cheap points.

For those that got the "Wrong/invalid number" response, please ensure there's no spacing in between the numbers.eg: ABC 12 DF.

I tried at first with the numbers spaced out like the eg above and got the invalid response. I then tried the 2nd time removing the spaces(ABC12DF) and it checked save for the incomplete registration jargon.

Hope this helps.

Oh No...This is so sad. Take heart dearie!

Happy new year house.

Hello House. Still on the matter still.

Please do the needful. Link remains: https://cussonsbabymoments.com/details/503

Good day people. I don come again. Please keep the votes coming. Tanx

I'm back again.... . Please help a sister out here.

Thanks always.

How the going dey go? Keep it coming still. Just click on the link: http://cussonsbabymoments.com/details/503. It takes just a few seconds or a minute, max. Thank you guys!

Happy Sunday house.

Still on the matter... .

Keep it coming, please.

Good afternoon house. Keep it coming!

Thank you for the votes so far. Every single one counts and we appreciate.

Please keep voting for this lil angel.

Cheers!

New day with new opportunities. Keep it coming!

Morning people,

Trust we are good today. Still on the matter oh and the link remains https://cussonsbabymoments.com/details/503.

Tank u guys and a great day to us all

Still on the matter...Please make your votes count for us.

Simply click on the link: http://cussonsbabymoments.com/details/503.

Tanx people

#singing.....I will never let you go, unless you vote for me .
Hi people, I'm back again and voting just got easier. You don't have to go through the hassle of looking through pictures of other babies to find this sweet dude. Just click on this link: https://cussonsbabymoments.com/details/503 and you'll be directed to my cuties page. Click on the button and voilà....ur vote adds up!

Cheers people.

Keep the votes coming please. Tanx

Oya shake body . Keep them coming and happy viewing my people (una go soon pay for all d viewing sha)

Tanx people...i see d votes are coming up. Please we need more people to vote. Keep it coming guys!

Dalu nu so (Weldone)

Chibaby87:
Cute baby, see the way he pose

Tanx Chibaby87. Please click on the link and vote for him. We need to secure his spot so he can be moved to the next stage.

Nairalanders, where una nah?. Come make your sister/member proud nah....LOL

jabojafa:
lalasticala abeg do d needful n take dis to fp so dt dis bby can win.

Awwh...Thank you my brother oh. Una morning oh. Nairalanders, make una help una sister now and vote for my baby.

Lalastical...Help us here, abeg.

Please oh my people...na beg i dey beg una. Don't just view and go away. Help and do the needful. Tanx and blessed night to us all.

Brandnew2:
Your baby already know the peace sign ....cool..

Na so I see am oh. Biko, click on the link and vote for us.
Tanx a lot.

LOL...i can totally relate with this. My 3 year old won't brush no matter the tactics you apply. So na by force tinz oh.

talktonase:
Ur baby is cute but he has a bad baby boy look.innocent as it may seem. He is even making the peace sign with his fingers...

LOL...Please go vote for him. Tanx

Hello nairaland family... Please vote for my lil man, DILICHUKWU JAYDEN KEN-AGUNOBI to win Cussons Baby Moment Competition.
Simply click
http://cussonsbabymoments.com. Then Click "View Gallery" to reveal all contesting babies. Scroll down to his name (DILICHUKWU JAYDEN KEN-AGUNOBI). To vote, you have to be logged on your Facebook account, then click "LIKE BUTTON" under his name/picture to add your vote.

Ain't I cute...Thanks a bunch!