₦airaland Forum

skyfullofstars:
I think he may be suffering from depression, he needs help to get out of that state. When somebody is depressed, that person has no energy or desire to do anything... Depression and laziness go hand in hand.

You should support him, try to get him out of that emotional black hole he's in. When I say support him I mean, treat him well and try to solve whatever he's going through together, so that he will be able to "come back to life" again and be an active person.

Wish you the best of luck

thank u for ur understanding. I appreciate.

ayotoyin:
Ma, what is his discipline? and other interests or skills? Can you send number to my mail add so i can call you for a chat. Peace.

am trying to send u a mail ma.thank u.

Acidosis:
I'm not in anyway better mama, but I believe with concerted efforts, this phase will pass.

To be honest with you, I also need a good job, but while I'm searching on the one hand, I still run a viable biz on the other hand. There are jobs here in Lagos, but some are not worth the stress; hence your hubby would need a very good one before thinking of relocating. The few links I have do not pay 'well'; however we can talk about possible options, what do you think?

its OK sir, it is well.

ayotoyin:
Dear ma, divorce is not an option , let me share this with you, its a personal experience for you to know that you are not the only one going through such, no problems without solutions if we sit and talk. When the going was kind of rough like you stated, I woke up one morning and called my hubby, we discussed at length, what and what are your skills, interests apart from this white collar job, from our discussions, that very day, we formed the name of our company, that week, we sent the name to CAC for registration, I introduced him to a friend who happened to be one of our contractors on borehole, my hubby studied geophysics.

I developed the company's profile , dropped few cash to open company's account from the little we had o, not that it was rosy but we needed to move, i began sending and dropping the profiles at any opportunity to construction sites and contractors i came in contact with , and beloved, things are picking up, we are not there yet, but we are moving on, we have introduced water treatment plant to it now , and got jobs doing. It takes determination to breakthrough and prayer. Faith without works is dead.

Please, do have heart-to heart talk with your hubby, thank God he is your friend. God be with you ma.

am so delighted u shared this with me, tanks a bunch. we be talked n we will kick off d moment we can raise d capital, don't know how yet.so that he can engage himself while waiting for job offers. Thanks love.

Acidosis:
Oh okay ma

Has he considered job openings outside Port Harcourt?

yes sir, we are ready to relocate to anywhere if there will be any. pls sir, if there is anyway u can help us, pls do sir. I will really appreciate any help from you. Thank u

Acidosis:
You guys should chill; thinking about divorce doesn't mean she will.. At a point in our lives, we all have entertained negative thoughts, & shared weird thoughts.

thank u so much sir. this was d exact feeling I had yesterday, not that I can actually function well without him. its been him all my life. there are so many saints here that don't think negative at all.

vega84:
.the more u post the more I see ur foolishness, do u need anyone advice if u wana divorce ur lazy baboon husband? Did u ask fr anybody advice wen u were abt to marry a man that u nw tag lazy? What advice do u expect to get here? Must wash ur dirty panites outside? Mstchewwww foolish monkey. #vegatalks

I still prefer a lazy man to a mad man like u.

falseman:
You are absolutely brainless if you don't remember the oath you took that very day. Stick to your husband and stfu

am sticking already. no need to bother. thank u

Acidosis:
OP, where are you based?

am based in Port Harcourt sir.

KanwuliaJara:
Na wetin you come dey make shakara plus akara, wait and announce for NL for?
Abi, you nor get "customary court" for ya fillage?

So, when you don "DIE-VOZ" am, come back jor!
Abi you nor sabi say AFRICAN WOMAN na breadwinner and " head of the household" for AFRICA?

You nor senior MERCY JOHNSON OKOJIE?
You see her dey complain?

Why you nor marry ya "sugar-papa" instead?
Abegggggggi!!!! "SHIFT F-11 jooooooor!!!!!!!

hahahahahaha. my madam has spoken. thank u ma for d plenty laff. am relieved.

vega84:
U saw all that and yet married him? U must be a zombie #vegatalks

I thought u were chained inside, how did u manage to escape?? pls concentrate on your medication. u have been heard. thank u

falseman:
Funny enough you may be the one hindering his progress spiritually and the moment you divorce him he will likely find a good job and get married again.

did I also hinder your brain spiritually? that stops you from using it properly? notice me.

balogundayo:
i'm sorry to say this...buh i see no future with a man who prefers to live off other people's pockets and cant work to feed his family....


run!!! before he starts venting his frustrated self at u.....

but...you can stay o...if u wanna be regretful all ur life and eventually become a punching bag....

choose wisely..my opinion!

noooo, he is not the violent type. he is gentle n cool and have never raise his hand on anyone since I know him no matter the frustration. tanks for ur concern

Thanks to all the brilliant ideas n advice. I really feel kinda light after these whole conversation. we have discussed extensively, n he will start up something d moment we can raise d capital. Am so sorry for using the" D" word. its just that I was really down and confused. I pray for strength to carry on. living without him will be another problem for me, as he is the only man I have known all my life. I can't just wait for him to be financially buoyant, as it has really affects his self esteem n self confidence. I have told him, u don't need money to be confident of yourself. all the same I trust God for his favour in our marriage . Thanks to you all.

Thanks to all d brilliant ideas and comments so far. I really feel good after this whole conversation. I am so sorry for using the "D" word. its just that I was feeling so down and confuse. I would have prefer we both see a marriage counsellor for words of advice to carry on but I have gotten it here . we have discussed extensively, he will start up something d moment we can raise the capital. I also pushed him to call an old friend concerning job, they scheduled to meet on Thursday. we will keep our fingers crossed until something positive happens. how can i even live without him, he's been d only man I ever know all my life n I love him like pieces. people see us as d best couple in naija cos of our closeness n bond. they call us ejime, but they will never know what we are passing through. i only open up to those who are ready to help n not those who will mock us .his brothers told him that he can't have it all, that God cannot give him a good marriage n money at d same time. but that is a lie from d pit of hell. Thanks a million to u all. More advice are welcome .

Thanks to all d brilliant ideas and comments so far. I really good after this whole conversation. I am so sorry for using the "D" word. its just that I was feeling so down and confuse. I would have prefer we both see a marriage counsellor for words of advice to carry on but I have gotten it here . we have discussed extensively, he will start up something d moment we can raise the capital. I also pushed him to call an old friend concerning job, they scheduled to meet on Thursday. we will keep our fingers crossed until something positive happens. how can i even live without him, he's been d only man I ever know all my life n I love him like pieces. people see us as d best couple in naija cos of our closeness n bond. they call us ejime, but they will never know what we are passing through. i only open up to those who are ready to help n not those who will mock us .his brothers told him that he can't have it all, that God cannot give him a good marriage n money at d same time. but that is a lie from d pit of hell. Thanks a million to u all. More advice are welcome .

limamintruth:
Thats not fair bro. Didnt she agree to marry him in his 'unemployed' state? How many ladies of today will agree to start from nothing with a man & attain the success together?

Every individual, be it male or female, has a breaking point as to how much burden they can bear from others. Or why do you think most men now abhor dating/marrying 'broke' ladies they term 'liabilities'.

Or how would you feel if your spouse places all her needs in addition to that of the kids & that of maintaining the home upon you (especially if you are not earning much sef as salary)?

Definitely one will feel over-burdened, depressed & subsequently somewhat disdain towards the source of his/her stress.

thanks for ur understanding.

Timbuktou:
Young men, be wise.

People say men change when they come into money. They begin to look at other women, they forget how their first loves stood by them when they had nothing. This topic gives you a glimpse into what may be the cause of such a "change". I don't know if OP and her husband have had any major fights, but I can guarantee that he must have thought that there are things would not do if he were rich, and that is the root of the afore-mentioned "change".

We see here that this wonderful, loving and hard-working woman is at the end of her rope and can no longer stand to be married to this man who she has described as angelic. If they were merely dating and had no kids, this man would be single by now.

Young men, pay heed. You're only as lovable as young bank balance. #peaceout

is that how u saw it? if my love for him was based on money, I won't even date him talk more of marrying him. am not boasting but I knew how my pocket money was for the both of us in school. we share my ATM n every other thing. That is to tell u how much I love him. he was driven out from his final exams, I had to borrow to pay for him to go back to the exam hall. so my dear, my only concern n fear is, for how long will these last? which I believe every human do have some fears at times. Am ready to stand by him. I just want him to put more effort n forget about past failures which are weighing him down. Even when I suggest he should hustle with our car in the evenings, he will not. if I can swallow my pride to sell food then why can't u do same. It takes two to tangle. NB we have not had any fight for almost a decade now, just normal minor disagreement here n there.

Goldenboy007:
Now you are talking, his father will work in Chevron and I say a big amen to that. Be more patient madam, no man is happy if he can't play his role in an household. For better for worse..Shikena ! Oya I apologize for using harsh words on you.

no prob, its one of those things. thank u

Acidosis:
There are 101 businesses/jobs your husband can do to raise at least N80,000 per month.



He should stop the hopeless hope on office or government jobs. The money is not in those fine buildings you see around. The money is in the streets.


He should also not despise the days of little beginnings. Most of the school owners out there started as private school teachers (some earn as little as N10k).

Lastly, tell your hubby to stop depending on relatives; 99% of promises from relatives always end in failure. They don't care about you (lol).

thank u sir. exactly what I want him to know. he should stop depending on them n stand on his feet.

MarvellousGod:
Divorce can't change your situation or can it??

I think you should encourage him, he's clearly depressed from many life disappointments. . He needs support from you to be able to try again...

If you guys can raise a lil capital, he can at least start something and stop waiting for jobs to come.. or he doesn't want to just do something?

All the best dear, this will pass.. I know how you feel..

Thanks so much dear. God bless

Goldenboy007:
I used same mentality you used to ask the question to reply you. You want to divorce your husband because he doesn't have a job. Oh you want people to praise you ? The truth is bitter young lady ! Our lives are consequences of our decisions ! I am only sorry for the innocent child !

my child doesn't need ur sympathy cos he is living a far better life than u can imagine. he looks like one whose father works in chevron lol.

Goldenboy007:
If he is lazy and finding work is that easy, how come you are jobless too? Una no get job una born pikin? People and their mentality !

will I blame you?,NO. even if I can't get a job, but at least am doing something to put food on the table. hope I have never begged my son's fees from you before? who says my child is a burden to me pls read through before posting. thank u

limamintruth:
Please dont ooo.
He needs your words of encouragement more now than ever cos of the serious challenge he is presently in.

thank u. am trying my best. But d question is for how long?, that is my fear.

yorubadelta:
Since 2008 no job, no one should fault you for being frustrated.. however there are other things he can do for a living.. have u suggested any business ideas to him?

He stood by you in your worst, therefore you should also support him .. never lose faith in him.. build him up with kind words

standingby me, was just like finding him when I needed someone who will show me love and care , as my family was frustrating me then. I was homeless n lack love. it was at this crucial time, I met him and he gave me all d love that I lack from my family. I have suggested by no capital to start. thank u my dear.

jaybee3:
Have you asked him what interests him or you are trying to project your ideal man on him?

A man should not be lazy and that's a no no for me but he might genuinely need all the help he can get.

If it helps, divide your responsibilities and ensure you take care of your portion so you can at least force him to sit tight

thanks jaybee. like your suggestion. I will try my best

Beremx:
....And your life would be better if you divorce him? Please remain in the marriage and build it.
May the lord see you through

amen. thank u

NifemiOlu:
If you divorce him, it won't change your status. You'd still be there for the children except that he will be left out.
Some men take things for granted when they have wives who do it all but in your case, talk to people he can listen to. If he now fails to yield, you may not necessarily divorce him by law, you can divorce materially and physically. Your status remains at it is.

thank u sir. I appreciate

ArchEnemy:
that is okay
Don't give up then.. just encourage him with the job application stuff. You could even make contacts for him.God uphold your home

Thank u sir.

thorpido:
Thelish,what of his family?Do they know about his predicament and is he getting any support from them?

they are aware but none seems to help. my mum is still trying her best to secure him one, but not through yet. she has been a mother to him and stood by us as well .

ArchEnemy:
that is okay
Don't give up then.. just encourage him with the job application stuff. You could even make contacts for him.God uphold your home

Thank u sir.

ArchEnemy:
that is okay
Don't give up then.. just encourage him with the job application stuff. You could even make contacts for him.God uphold your home

Thank u sir.

cococandy:
Pls stop listening to those friends. And what neighbors are you even giving face to say such about your husband to your face?

Your problems should be between both of you. Sadly he's not here as he's the person who needs the most advising and encouragement.

He needs to sit up at least for your child's sake.

they never talked about him, they only laugh at me for selling food.

NifemiOlu:
On a scale of 1-10, how can you rate his hustling for jobs?

he was so serious initially but as the yes go by without positive result he got totally discouraged. That it is man know man.